topic Re: Signed Mom Up for Assisted Living at Last!!! in Community Chat

Signed Mom Up for Assisted Living at Last!!!

Madisson — Sat, 10 Jan 2015 01:12:40 GMT

Woo! What an ordeal this has been. I wrote a few weeks ago that my 90 year old mother was living with us in a mother-in-law apartment which we had built just for her. She is extremely controlling, drives us crazy, is cantankerous, and whines and complains about everything. We had tried talking to her about going into assisted living, but she refused. She has plenty of money. We told her she was in control within her apartment, but once she entered the main part of our house, we had control. She took all her meals with us.

We had certain boundaries that she knew she could not cross if she wanted to live in our house. She used to live with another sister who refused to take her hogwash. My sister and her husband treated her so well. They gave her a beautiful room, but my sister would talk back to my mother when my mother would act up...so my mother called social services and reported elder abuse!!

We had told my mother that if she ever tried that with us, she would be in assisted living before she could spin around. Long story short, she complained to her doctor's nurse about us when questioned about elder abuse. My husband was a doctor also (retired) and got the scoop from his former colleague. That was it for us! We found her a beautiful assisted living apartment, and she goes into it on January 15.

Now, she thinks we are horrible. She threatened to disinherit us. DH told her to feel free to leave her money to charity or whoever. I feel so much better, but a little guilty too. She has always been difficult, but I think dementia is probably making her worse. OMG...I hope none of you ever have to go through this with your parents.

Re: Signed Mom Up for Assisted Living at Last!!!

adelle38 — Sat, 10 Jan 2015 01:16:53 GMT

If she doesn't want to go, how did you sign her up? Do you have conservatorship? It sounds like such a difficult situation and I hope neither I or my child ever has to deal with it.

Re: Signed Mom Up for Assisted Living at Last!!!

terrier3 — Sat, 10 Jan 2015 01:29:52 GMT

How sad.

My mom was a handful too and took great glee in insulting me to tears.

But she was my mother and I cared for her out of respect and didn't regret doing so. She had NO money - I supported her.

If your mom has dementia - how are her actions HER fault?

Re: Signed Mom Up for Assisted Living at Last!!!

brii — Sat, 10 Jan 2015 01:31:59 GMT

I'm sure it was a difficult decision.

It's not easy...

Re: Signed Mom Up for Assisted Living at Last!!!

croemer — Sat, 10 Jan 2015 01:34:00 GMT

Been there done that. Be careful with billing Madisson...you have to watch every bill that comes thru. We were quoted and signed a price per month...it took us about 8 months to get that straight and threatening to remove our mother before they found it imperative to find out why they repeatedly over charged my mother. Then I can not tell you how many times they tried to charge us for meals for special occasions they brought in and my mother did not participate. Then there is the medication...which they charged for and she never received. Best of luck...just be watchful.

Re: Signed Mom Up for Assisted Living at Last!!!

game-on — Sat, 10 Jan 2015 01:49:06 GMT

Maddison.... it can be so mentally and physically wearing on people to have this kind of a situation.... I am glad you have been able to resolve it.... I agree that you have to watch the billing.... however, next to what you have been going thru, that should be much easier....

Remember.... don't let anyone put guilt on you because you made this choice.... everyone has to make the choice that is right for them.

Re: Signed Mom Up for Assisted Living at Last!!!

Teacups — Sat, 10 Jan 2015 01:51:09 GMT

On 1/9/2015 terrier3 said:
How sad.

My mom was a handful too and took great glee in insulting me to tears.

But she was my mother and I cared for her out of respect and didn't regret doing so. She had NO money - I supported her.

If your mom has dementia - how are her actions HER fault?

right on Terrier...I took care of my Mom and Step dad too. I am glad I did!

Re: Signed Mom Up for Assisted Living at Last!!!

Pippy_1 — Sat, 10 Jan 2015 01:52:17 GMT

How awful. You'll regret it one day.

Re: Signed Mom Up for Assisted Living at Last!!!

muttmom — Sat, 10 Jan 2015 01:52:21 GMT

When it comes to caring for our elderly parents, we must do what we think is best for all involved.

OP, I remember your post. I know this is not an easy decision.

Re: Signed Mom Up for Assisted Living at Last!!!

YorkieonmyPillow — Sat, 10 Jan 2015 01:56:19 GMT

I wouldn't worry about her calling in elder abuse; especially since she already accused your sister. This is common with elderly people.....

If she has been diagnosed with dementia, she won't be allowed to change her will anyway, as one has to be "of sound mind."

Re: Signed Mom Up for Assisted Living at Last!!!

momma3gs — Sat, 10 Jan 2015 02:03:23 GMT

On 1/9/2015 Teacups said:
On 1/9/2015 terrier3 said:
How sad.

My mom was a handful too and took great glee in insulting me to tears.

But she was my mother and I cared for her out of respect and didn't regret doing so. She had NO money - I supported her.

If your mom has dementia - how are her actions HER fault?

right on Terrier...I took care of my Mom and Step dad too. I am glad I did!

Right on to both of you ... I'm sure you're glad you did what you did. We only get one mother.

OP, I'm surprised at the tone of your post. It's really not a good idea to share everything on a shopping channel forum. Especially something as heart-wrenching and personal as this story.

Re: Signed Mom Up for Assisted Living at Last!!!

KathyPet — Sat, 10 Jan 2015 02:05:51 GMT

What horrid comments. None of us know what the particulars are of another's situation. I remember the OP's original thread and she did everything she could for her mother who just kept making her life miserable. We put both my mother in law and my father in assisted living facilities and guess what?? After a initial adjustment period they both loved living there. There were activities for them to participate in, people their own age to interact with, musical events etc. The staff took good care of them and took a huge burden off my DH and I while we were both working full time and trying to raise two children under 12.

Re: Signed Mom Up for Assisted Living at Last!!!

YorkieonmyPillow — Sat, 10 Jan 2015 02:16:23 GMT

On 1/9/2015 momma3gs said:
On 1/9/2015 Teacups said:
On 1/9/2015 terrier3 said:
How sad.

My mom was a handful too and took great glee in insulting me to tears.

But she was my mother and I cared for her out of respect and didn't regret doing so. She had NO money - I supported her.

If your mom has dementia - how are her actions HER fault?

right on Terrier...I took care of my Mom and Step dad too. I am glad I did!

Right on to both of you ... I'm sure you're glad you did what you did. We only get one mother.

OP, I'm surprised at the tone of your post. It's really not a good idea to share everything on a shopping channel forum. Especially something as heart-wrenching and personal as this story.

She can post anything she wants on this forum.....heart-wrenching and personal??? Have you read the Bill Cosby thread????

Re: Signed Mom Up for Assisted Living at Last!!!

Justina rae — Sat, 10 Jan 2015 02:20:15 GMT

OP, I am so sorry for your situation and support your decision. It's the judgment on this thread that is so incredibly sad. To those posters, remember, you have to first walk in someone else's shoes and these are not cookie cutter situations.

Re: Signed Mom Up for Assisted Living at Last!!!

nunya — Sat, 10 Jan 2015 02:21:14 GMT

On 1/9/2015 muttmom said:
When it comes to caring for our elderly parents, we must do what we think is best for all involved.

OP, I remember your post. I know this is not an easy decision.

Well said.

Re: Signed Mom Up for Assisted Living at Last!!!

Peaches McPhee — Sat, 10 Jan 2015 02:26:52 GMT

How did you do this without your mom's agreement? Curious.

Also, OP, don't let the negative replies get to you. No one knows what you know, and you have made the best choice for you and your Mom. No one makes such a decision lightly.

Re: Signed Mom Up for Assisted Living at Last!!!

D Oro — Sat, 10 Jan 2015 02:28:13 GMT

Taking care of an elderly parent is difficult when they are cooperative. When they can't or won't work with you, it is extremely exhausting. Only you know within yourself if you've made the right choice for your family. I know that it could not have been an easy decision. I wish you and your mother and the rest of your family well.

Re: Signed Mom Up for Assisted Living at Last!!!

momma3gs — Sat, 10 Jan 2015 02:30:28 GMT

On 1/9/2015 Justina rae said:
OP, I am so sorry for your situation and support your decision. It's the judgment on this thread that is so incredibly sad. To those posters, remember, you have to first walk in someone else's shoes and these are not cookie cutter situations.

I don't know the OP or her mother and I'm not judging what she did with her mother. And I have walked in her shoes.

I do, however, question the somewhat gleeful tone (replete with animated graphics) of her post. It's a very sad situation for everyone involved, I'm sure.

And what, pray tell, does the Bill Cosby thread - which I didn't read - have to do with this?

Re: Signed Mom Up for Assisted Living at Last!!!

Say Nay — Sat, 10 Jan 2015 02:30:37 GMT

Don't worry. She may end up loving it there. And like croemer said, watch the billing carefully.

Re: Signed Mom Up for Assisted Living at Last!!!

pommom — Sat, 10 Jan 2015 02:32:31 GMT

I think children of elderly parents do what they believe is best for their family.

In my culture, we take in our elderly. It's just a given. My mom & dad lived with my DH, DD and me until my dad died. My mom lived with me until she passed 4 years later. My grandparents lived with us while I was growing up until they, too, passed.

My DD and SIL informed me that when the time comes, they will have a place for me. That gives me peace of mind.