topic Re: Military parent advice please in Community Chat

Military parent advice please

graceupongrace_1 — Sat, 03 Jan 2015 12:53:44 GMT

Hi,

My son joined the military and is leaving for boot camp shortly. I am finding myself very frightened. He graduated from college and has a great job. I am always supportive but this is more than I can handle. He only got one wrong on that test. If anyone had any advice or knowledge feel free to impart....thanks.

Re: Military parent advice please

151949 — Sat, 03 Jan 2015 13:02:26 GMT

The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are essentially over now. We have advisers over there to help their own military but it doesn't seem that a right out of boot camp newby would be used as an advisor - seems more like a job for a professional soldier, IMO. The military helps young people to grow and mature. Best of luck to your son. What branch of the military did he join?

Re: Military parent advice please

graceupongrace_1 — Sat, 03 Jan 2015 13:19:30 GMT

Well that makes me feel a lot better. He joined the army. Thanks.

Re: Military parent advice please

qualitygal — Sat, 03 Jan 2015 13:49:56 GMT

My husband is retired A.F. So I wish everyone well in this. Try not to worry. No one knows the future for any of us. Just be supportive and he'll probably have lots to tell you. Good for him!

Re: Military parent advice please

Mom2Dogs — Sat, 03 Jan 2015 15:21:54 GMT

My neighbors son joined the military about 15+ years ago, mom was not happy but did support his decision. He is now an officer and has had a great career. He is married and has several children, they have moved many times over the years, a great opportunity for his children. His next move will be to Europe. He has been thru all the latest wars, which was very scary when he was deployed, her son flies helicopters.

Mom still does not like it, especially when he is deployed, which he is now, but remains supportive of him...this is the career her son wanted and he has been very successful.

Try not to worry but give your son the support he needs, I wish him well

Re: Military parent advice please

Marienkaefer2 — Sat, 03 Jan 2015 16:04:32 GMT

You said he graduated from college and has a great job...is he in the reserves? Is he going in as an officer? My brother is career military. He is in his 40s now, and a lieutenant colonel in the Marine Corps. He's been a pilot and flight commander most of his career. Now he works at NATO in Belgium. The military can be a great career, and it does not necessarily mean that your son will end up on a battlefield somewhere.. However, that is the risk, or should I say the possibility that everyone volunteers for, regardless of rank.or job, when they join. I don't think.you should stress about things that have not happened or may never happen. It's an admirable choice that he made.

Re: Military parent advice please

ByTheBay — Sat, 03 Jan 2015 16:18:46 GMT

Grace...I feel your angst over your DS going military. My youngest graduated college & is now a 1st Lt. in the Army (promoted a yr. ago July). He is currently serving in Kuwait, home for Christmas, but leaves to go back tomorrow for 5 more mos. He plans on this being his career. While the separation is the hardest thing for us, as parents, all I can say is, sign up for Skype. It's so good to be able to speak & see your child at the same time. Makes the missing a tad bit easier. God Bless your young man & thank him for his service!

Re: Military parent advice please

CardinalGirl — Sat, 03 Jan 2015 16:21:45 GMT

It's hard, but you need to focus on the benefits and not on the negative. You are going to be surprised at how he changes. You are going to see him mature and become so much more confident and self-assured. He is going to make good, life-long friends and he'll have the opportunity to see parts of the world that most people only dream about. He will also have the opportunity to learn about and experience other cultures. The education he gets from the military is all-encompassing and unequaled. Congratulations and best wishes to your son!

Re: Military parent advice please

graceupongrace_1 — Sat, 03 Jan 2015 16:45:05 GMT

You're all so right. I am happy for him. He is an electrical engineer and has a great job. He's on his own journey, I am always supportive. I do worry but I will give that it's due...and not one second more. Thanks for that.

Re: Military parent advice please

sgraham30 — Sat, 03 Jan 2015 16:48:11 GMT

On 1/3/2015 CardinalGirl said: It's hard, but you need to focus on the benefits and not on the negative. You are going to be surprised at how he changes. You are going to see him mature and become so much more confident and self-assured. He is going to make good, life-long friends and he'll have the opportunity to see parts of the world that most people only dream about. He will also have the opportunity to learn about and experience other cultures. The education he gets from the military is all-encompassing and unequaled. Congratulations and best wishes to your son!

Very well said!

My older son has been in the Navy for 6 years this coming May. He initially enlisted for 6 years but he's decided that he's going to make a career out of the military. He wants to get his college degree, become an officer, & retire after 20 years.

When a service person retires from the military after 20 years, they collect a pension. They get 50% of whatever their monthly base pay is at the time for the rest of their lives. The longer they stay in, the higher the % of what they receive. My son will be 41 when he retires from the Navy. He'll be young enough to get a "real" job & he'll be collecting the Naval pension as well. He's already decided that he wants to keep doing what he's doing,but as a contractor because the pay is better that way.

He's an intelligence specialist, stationed in Japan since 03/13, he returns to the U.S. 04/15. He's been deployed several times but he's never seen any action because of the nature of his job.

I wasn't happy when he told me that he'd enlisted but I told him that if that's what he wanted, I was behind him 100%.

This son was a screw-up when he was younger. The military life has matured him immensely, made him responsible. I am so proud of him.

The only thing I've really heard him complain about is being separated from his wife & daughter, which is hard on him. He's missing his baby girl growing up. She'll be 2 in July & he's never seen her in person, only pictures or videos of her.

He actually complains a lot about the idiots that he works with, he has the same complaints that you hear in the civilian world: he's working with idiots who don't know what they're doing, his bosses, who have no clue of what his job entails are telling him how to do his job, etc.

In closing, it's a good lifestyle IF the person is willing commit to it & give it their all. The military is a very demanding job but the rewards are immense. There used to be a saying in the Navy: "your family wasn't issued with your seabag", which basically means that the job has to come first, before even your family.

Re: Military parent advice please

Nancy Drew — Sat, 03 Jan 2015 18:27:08 GMT

You have to let adult children make their own lives. Time to focus on your own life and not be a burden to theirs. You got to do what you wanted when you were young now it is their turn. You have been in charge for 18 years so it is natural to be so involved, try getting busy with some project or hobby to take your mind off and get excited about doing something you enjoy.

Re: Military parent advice please

YorkieonmyPillow — Sat, 03 Jan 2015 18:46:46 GMT

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Military-Families/support-group

Military family support group..I can't vouch for it personally as I don't belong, but perhaps you can find understanding and support there.

My son wanted to join the Marines, but he cannot because he has epilepsy.

Re: Military parent advice please

RedTop — Sat, 03 Jan 2015 19:34:47 GMT

My husband has a nephew in the Army right now, who is part of the prestigious Honor Guard. When he visits, he talks of how the military is changing; cutting back on the number of recruits, how many of the older servicemen are being retired much sooner, and how his plans have changed after just one year of service. As a college graduate with a specialized degree in electrical engineering, the Army will help your son expand and enhance his career beyond his greatest expectations. Yes, your son may have graduated college to find many job opportunities available, but his military experience will open the doors for federal job opportunities at the highest levels of pay in his field. Your son is obviously aware of what he can do for the U. S. Army, but more importantly what the Army can do for him as well. Relax and enjoy this ride.

Re: Military parent advice please

Nancy Drew — Sat, 03 Jan 2015 21:54:10 GMT

On 1/3/2015 Bluegrassbaby said:
On 1/3/2015 sgraham30 said:
He actually complains a lot about the idiots that he works with, he has the same complaints that you hear in the civilian world: he's working with idiots who don't know what they're doing, his bosses, who have no clue of what his job entails are telling him how to do his job, etc.

In closing, it's a good lifestyle IF the person is willing commit to it & give it their all. The military is a very demanding job but the rewards are immense. There used to be a saying in the Navy: "your family wasn't issued with your seabag", which basically means that the job has to come first, before even your family.

While I know you have your own opinion, I think referring to our military as "idiots" is unjust. Also, a few other things you have stated are incorrect.....but I'm not responding further to my post.

My husband did 25 years starting at E-1 retiring as a CW03. I did 5 and my son is still in after 13 years. Idiots can mean many different things to different people. Are there people you don't like and do things in a different manner than you? Of course. BTW now than husband is in civilian job there are just as many people that are hard to like. I am so proud of the bulk of our military even tho we have our bad apples.

Re: Military parent advice please

raven-blackbird — Sat, 03 Jan 2015 22:59:55 GMT

I don't have a son in the military........but I do have one that is a police officer, and now a days, it's like going to war, you just don't have to leave home to fight it, you just walk out your front door.

There isn't a day I don't secretly wish he had picked something else.......and that's selfish of me.......because IF he did, he would be living my life, the one I choose for him not his life, and doing what brings him contentment, accomplishment, self worth.

I'm proud of my son, I support his choice, I'm his biggest cheerleader............and inside I worry, I just keep it well hidden...........................................................raven

Re: Military parent advice please

sophiamarie — Sat, 03 Jan 2015 23:06:52 GMT

Bluegrassbaby: I'm quite sure that sgraham wasn't saying that people in the military are idiots (although some, undoubtedly, are). She was saying that even in the military, as in civilian life, he had the same complaints about work, eg., his fellow workers were idiots, his bosses were idiots, etc. We've all pretty much done that at one time or another, thinking we're the only ones who REALLY know how things work. I haven't been appointed to speak for sgraham, so this is JMO.

sgraham30: I've stated before, my husband was career USAF and his brother, my BIL, was career USNavy. As coincidence would have it, my BIL was also Naval intelligence and also stationed in Japan. There, the differences begin. I asked them both about your post and they were surprised at the circumstances.

1. Why was your son's family not with him in Japan? That's not what is referred to as an "isolated tour."

2. Even if they chose that the wife remain in CONUS, why didn't he elect to take leave in all that time to see his new child and to spend some time with his wife? I believe the Navy would have flown him to Hawaii and she could have met him there where they could have been put up in guest housing for a week or two.

This information comes from my BIL but their circumstances being so similar, I'm guessing that the aforementioned would have been possible and your son and his family had their extended separation by "choice" and not because of his military duties. Today's military does almost everything to keep their troops and their families happy and well taken care of. The old adage of "The military didn't issue you a family," no longer applies.

Sorry for questioning your son's perspective but it's very curious and not the norm.

Re: Military parent advice please

ROMARY — Sat, 03 Jan 2015 23:08:24 GMT

Maybe he will be/can request to be stationed in the electrical engineering department of the military! A win-win!

Re: Military parent advice please

sophiamarie — Sat, 03 Jan 2015 23:11:24 GMT

Nancy Drew: I started typing then got interrupted for awhile. By the time I got back to finish, you had already posted and I didn't see it. I see we are both on the same track. What is the expression???? GMTA????

Re: Military parent advice please

Marienkaefer2 — Sat, 03 Jan 2015 23:11:53 GMT

On 1/3/2015 Bluegrassbaby said:
On 1/3/2015 sgraham30 said:
He actually complains a lot about the idiots that he works with, he has the same complaints that you hear in the civilian world: he's working with idiots who don't know what they're doing, his bosses, who have no clue of what his job entails are telling him how to do his job, etc.

In closing, it's a good lifestyle IF the person is willing commit to it & give it their all. The military is a very demanding job but the rewards are immense. There used to be a saying in the Navy: "your family wasn't issued with your seabag", which basically means that the job has to come first, before even your family.

While I know you have your own opinion, I think referring to our military as "idiots" is unjust. Also, a few other things you have stated are incorrect.....but I'm not responding further to my post.

The military is a comprised of people from many different backgrounds and experiences, with many different personalities, outlooks, etc, just as any organization is. Not everyone is a saint, not everyone is supremely smart or has good common sense. Not everyone has the highest motives, either. When you are doing a job in the military, you are working with others, and so naturally these differences among people come up. I don't take this as an insult to anyone. I think the poster was simply stating a fact of her son's experience.

Re: Military parent advice please

sophiamarie — Sat, 03 Jan 2015 23:12:32 GMT

raven: