topic Re: Question. in Community Chat

Question.

polar — Sun, 21 Dec 2014 00:18:57 GMT

I'm retired as is my husband. He has 3 grandchildren. Two adults and one who is 13. The adults still live at home and do not work. They prefer money for birthdays and Christmas. I give the kids $100 each for their birthdays. Do to health issues we can't always make it to their place and occasionally mail the gift. We never hear from them. They don't let us know that they rec'd it or say thank you. The parents have never given us a gift or brought anything including food to any of our get-togethers. This year (Christmas) I think I will give the money I would give them for Christmas to those children in need and without. What do you think. Thank you very much.

Re: Question.

Mom2Dogs — Sun, 21 Dec 2014 00:26:51 GMT

I feel your pain. We have a granddaughter that is 13, once her parents split we rarely see her...only when her mother comes home for a visit, and at Christmas (long story)....we send birthday money but never get a response...we are seriously thinking of quitting the birthday gift, but when the time comes I will probably cave but it is irritating not to get a thank you, she is old enough to know better. I will be interested to read the responses to your question!

Re: Question.

dobiesrule — Sun, 21 Dec 2014 00:38:30 GMT

I like your idea of giving it to the needy. When people are so rude and ungrateful that they can't say "thank you" then I don't think you should continue the gift giving. Of course, it is terribly painful when it is family. A tough decision I know.

Re: Question.

chickenbutt — Sun, 21 Dec 2014 00:42:32 GMT

I think it's a VERY good idea! Clearly they are ungrateful, without manners, and apparently lazy. I'd send a card with one of those 'a gift in the amount of $100 has been given in your name to xyz charity'.

I could be wrong, as I don't have kids, but it's impossible for me to imagine rewarding that kind of behavior. You don't deserve to be treated that way and the more others pay their way through life the more they will stay firmly planted on their butts, living off of others.

Re: Question.

KYToby — Sun, 21 Dec 2014 01:57:14 GMT

What does your husband think? If he is not in total agreement, you might be starting a family war you cannot win.

Re: Question.

polar — Sun, 21 Dec 2014 03:04:58 GMT

Good question but I don't ever see him do anything at all for Christmas. Some of us are doers and some not. I am going to take your advise. Thank you one and all and have a Merry Christmas.

Re: Question.

hckynut — Sun, 21 Dec 2014 03:24:49 GMT

You asked, "what do you think"? I think you waited waytoo many years to give your money to those that appreciate it. That is what this old man thinks!

Re: Question.

game-on — Sun, 21 Dec 2014 03:49:26 GMT

polar.... I had the same problem with my husband's grandchildren.... and didn't send any birthday gifts last year.... then their father started living with someone who has some manners and she sent me a thank you card for something I sent her.... I had a nice conversation with her about thank you cards and texts and how it was nice to receive her card.... I also explained that I had not received anything from the grandkids previously.... we sent some gift cards to the grandkids via the son this xmas and one of the kids texted a thank you.... the other two haven't received the cards yet.... we know that the girl friend was behind the thank you text and I was glad I had talked to her.... I have had several conversations over the last few months.... I like this girl.... so don't give up.... things can change...

Re: Question.

GCR18 — Sun, 21 Dec 2014 04:31:19 GMT

My niece and nephew are the same way. I don't live near them. I'd ask my sister how they liked my present and she didn't know. I still send them gifts, but I spend half as much as I used to.

Re: Question.

Marienkaefer2 — Sun, 21 Dec 2014 09:38:06 GMT

Wow this is sad. My mother dinned into us from the time we could hold a pencil that we must write thank you notes. I can't imagine ever receiving a gift and not acknowledging it, especially from grandparents!

Re: Question.

Anglophilly — Sun, 21 Dec 2014 15:48:27 GMT

I think a gift has to be given with an open heart and hand. No strings or expectations.

Withholding to teach a lesson probably will do nothing except to engender further alienation.

The ball is in your husband's court. He most assuredly doesn't need reminders of his kids' shortcomings.

Don't poke the bear, especially in this season of peace. A discussion at another time, perhaps.

Re: Question.

TaxyLady — Sun, 21 Dec 2014 15:50:43 GMT

If someone does not give me a thank you, they would not get another present. In this case I blame the parents, not the kids. The parents should instruct the kids to at least call to show their appreciation. As a child I was taught how to acknowledge a gift by my mother. Nowadays, it seems parents are raising very self centered kids.

Re: Question.

Snowpuppy — Sun, 21 Dec 2014 18:46:25 GMT

If this is your husband's grandchildren then I'd speak with him first. If he insists on sending a gift then cut the amount in 1/2 and send that.

If a gift isn't acknowledged then my belief is that it wasn't wanted nor appreciated.

Re: Question.

qualitygal — Sun, 21 Dec 2014 20:07:06 GMT

Right spot on! Your money, your decision, and if they can't take the time to say thank you, nutz to them! There is such a thing as good manners, and most are taught at an early age how to say, "thank you".

Re: Question.

polar — Sun, 21 Dec 2014 23:09:30 GMT

Thank you all who responded. I appreciate it.

Re: Question.

Kachina624 — Mon, 22 Dec 2014 10:10:36 GMT

The latest thing in this electronic era is for mom to send a thank you email and sign the kid's name. I want to laugh when I read them because it's her use of the language, not theirs that I read. I bet your husband's kids all have computer access; why not ask them for their email addresses so you can verify receipt of the gifts? If you fail to receive an acknowledgement, send a msg that since they don't seem to be receiving the gifts, you think it's best to quit sending them. How much effort would an email be for them?

Re: Question.

stevieb — Mon, 22 Dec 2014 17:45:13 GMT

My choice would be to send them the gifts this year with a little note, nicely worded, that it would be sincerely appreciated for them to simply let you both know they were received. If no such confirmation was forthcoming, I'd discuss with their grandfather earlier next year whether it might be nice to donate their 'gifts', ensuring they received notification of their 'donations' to whatever charity you choose... Believe me, they'll get the point and you won't have jumped the shark at the last minute... Preserve the peace this year and make your point next year when there's time to do so in advance of the holidays.

Re: Question.

AnikaBrodie — Mon, 22 Dec 2014 17:57:47 GMT

I think it's time for a wakeup call.

You should give your money to charity and send the adults and kids a card saying you donated X amount of $$$ to (name of charity) in honor of them. There are so many reputable charities out there; I am sure you will find some that you can support, and you will know you are helping someone in need. It's a rewarding feeling.

Merry Christmas.

Re: Question.

reiki604 — Mon, 22 Dec 2014 19:16:28 GMT

On 12/22/2014 AnikaBrodie said:
I think it's time for a wakeup call.

You should give your money to charity and send the adults and kids a card saying you donated X amount of $$$ to (name of charity) in honor of them. There are so many reputable charities out there; I am sure you will find some that you can support, and you will know you are helping someone in need. It's a rewarding feeling.

Merry Christmas.

Terrific idea!!