topic Re: A Mother's Instincts in Community Chat

A Mother's Instincts

jewelfool — Thu, 04 Dec 2014 19:18:40 GMT

I don't remember who or on what board it was posted, but there was a mother that posted that she had some rather bad instincts regarding the man her daughter was involved with and possibly going to marry. I remember thinking or I might have even posted...I know the feeling. The first time we met our daughter's new boyfriend, we disliked him. I think a lot of people on here kind of bashed her for not minding her own business as did some of my friends and family regarding our daughter. She did marry him, we did go to the wedding although neither one of us wanted to and we did TRY to get along with him. However, in 3 months she has been beaten and abused and is pregnant. The day she called us to come get her one was one I will never forget because I knew it was coming. So mothers....I believe God gives us the "knowledge" that no one else has when it comes to our children and even though I know there was nothing we could have done to keep her from marrying him, I'm glad I didn't "just mind my own business" or she might be dead today.

Sorry, I just realized I should have posted this in Mom to Mom....

Re: A Mother's Instincts

Financialgrl — Thu, 04 Dec 2014 19:37:48 GMT

For it to apply here, just rename it - because maybe it's a "female intuition" versus a mother's instinct. I have no children but I often use my "gut" feel to do or not do something.

Re: A Mother's Instincts

chrystaltree — Thu, 04 Dec 2014 20:05:20 GMT

No, I don't believe in magic mother's intuition. We don't Crystal balls, we have no way of knowing what the future would bring. We are older and we have life experience and somtimes that helps us see things that our kids don't see. you had regular old human intuition. Something about him just didn't sit right with you. It's that gut reaction that so many of us, man or woman, have. Sometimes we are right, sometimes we are wrong. In this case, sorry, you did not KNOW what was going to happen. You just knew you didn't like the man and you had a "feeling" there would be problems. You say she called you for help; so, obviously you didn't know about the abuse until she told you. You didn't just jump in the car based soley on your intuition. The good thing here is that your daughter had the sense and strength to call you and extricate herself from that man.

Re: A Mother's Instincts

151949 — Thu, 04 Dec 2014 20:05:23 GMT

My best friend was living with a guy who gave me the willys every time I was around him. He was very handsome and sexy and she was so in love with him that there was no reasoning with her. However, they lived like the poorest of the poor - hardly any food in the house and her clothes were actually ragged. Their furniture was from a thrift store and in bad bad bad condition. It didn't make any sense. Then one night he left her and disappeared. He turned up dead a few days later. Turns out he was doing drugs , dealing and both of them were spending all their money on drugs.He was also beating her and had stolen every valuable thing she owned.He even stole a string of pearls she had gotten from her parents when she graduated from college. Her family sent her to rehab but when she got out she could not cope between jonesing for drugs and being crazy lonely for him - she committed suicide. He was evil and my instincts were correct.

I also think he had something to do with the robbery and murder of my first husband.I think he put the guys who did it up to it. he knew that Peter went to the night deposit bank with every days deposits at 7PM every night. And that was where my husband was beaten to death and robbed.

Re: A Mother's Instincts

jewelfool — Thu, 04 Dec 2014 20:16:34 GMT

On 12/4/2014 chrystaltree said:
No, I don't believe in magic mother's intuition. We don't Crystal balls, we have no way of knowing what the future would bring. We are older and we have life experience and somtimes that helps us see things that our kids don't see. you had regular old human intuition. Something about him just didn't sit right with you. It's that gut reaction that so many of us, man or woman, have. Sometimes we are right, sometimes we are wrong. In this case, sorry, you did not KNOW what was going to happen. You just knew you didn't like the man and you had a "feeling" there would be problems. You say she called you for help; so, obviously you didn't know about the abuse until she told you. You didn't just jump in the car based soley on your intuition. The good thing here is that your daughter had the sense and strength to call you and extricate herself from that man.

No, I didn't jump in my car based solely on my intuition but my intuition kept us both questioning her constantly and watching our granddaughter very carefully for signs of something she might be witnessing. Although we had no idea the extent of the abuse, we did know he was at least mentally abusive. He hated us and tried to isolate her from us. She and I work for the same employer so I was able to have conversations with her every day and when I saw that blank look in her eyes I knew, but I couldn't force a 34 year old to come home to her mother and father...she had to have had enough to call. I am just making the point, however, whether it's a mother, or a woman or a man, your gut instincts are almost always right...do not ignore it.

Re: A Mother's Instincts

ROMARY — Fri, 05 Dec 2014 00:37:37 GMT

OMGosh, Happy Housewife. Feeling sick right now.

Re: A Mother's Instincts

ID2 — Fri, 05 Dec 2014 12:29:04 GMT

OP Oh I totally agree with you! A mothers instinct is very, very powerful! I totally go with my gut and motherly instincts when it comes to my kids! Sorry to hear about your daughter. Sometimes our children just need to learn things for themselves. Glad shes ok.

Re: A Mother's Instincts

Vivian — Fri, 05 Dec 2014 14:34:49 GMT

I'm so sorry for what your daughter...and you...are suffering through. Having two grown daughters, I can only imagine the heartache. I think we know our girls so well that when something or someone doesn't seem right, our antennae go up. Call it mother's or female intuition, or just astute observation based on intimate knowledge, it does exist. On the other hand, the night before my daughter's wedding, she told me she was making a mistake, that her fiancé had problems that worried her. I thought it was just premarital jitters. She went through with the wedding because she said all the guests were there and everything was ready to go. I was a fool...no mother's intuition in operation. All I said was that if she wanted to call it off she could, knowing she wouldn't do so. Well, it turned out that her husband had serious mental problems and within a year they were divorced. He seemed like such a nice young man. I brought my antennae in for repair after that!

Re: A Mother's Instincts

violann — Fri, 05 Dec 2014 16:10:10 GMT

I know of two wonderful, loving mothers who loved the men their daughters married, and both men turned out to be horrible people, so maybe "yes" maybe "no".

Re: A Mother's Instincts

dobiesrule — Fri, 05 Dec 2014 18:14:06 GMT

Jewelfool, so glad you have your daughter back.

Re: A Mother's Instincts

dobiesrule — Fri, 05 Dec 2014 18:15:58 GMT

HH, two horrendous things for you to live through. You must be an incredibly strong woman.

Re: A Mother's Instincts

jewelfool — Fri, 05 Dec 2014 19:20:30 GMT

HH, I am so sorry for what you have been through.

Re: A Mother's Instincts

TaxyLady — Fri, 05 Dec 2014 21:39:21 GMT

I hope she doesn't go back to him. So many women do.

Re: A Mother's Instincts

YorkieonmyPillow — Fri, 05 Dec 2014 21:51:19 GMT

A mother's nightmare.

Re: A Mother's Instincts

mousiegirl — Sun, 07 Dec 2014 01:11:12 GMT

On 12/4/2014 jewelfool said:
I don't remember who or on what board it was posted, but there was a mother that posted that she had some rather bad instincts regarding the man her daughter was involved with and possibly going to marry. I remember thinking or I might have even posted...I know the feeling. The first time we met our daughter's new boyfriend, we disliked him. I think a lot of people on here kind of bashed her for not minding her own business as did some of my friends and family regarding our daughter. She did marry him, we did go to the wedding although neither one of us wanted to and we did TRY to get along with him. However, in 3 months she has been beaten and abused and is pregnant. The day she called us to come get her one was one I will never forget because I knew it was coming. So mothers....I believe God gives us the "knowledge" that no one else has when it comes to our children and even though I know there was nothing we could have done to keep her from marrying him, I'm glad I didn't "just mind my own business" or she might be dead today.

Sorry, I just realized I should have posted this in Mom to Mom....

First, I am sorry about your daughter's situation, there will be a difficult road ahead, hopefully, she will not go back to her husband, as it will only get worse, but if she decides to leave, she must never go back, as these demented type of men will consider it as her teasing or leading them on, which only infuriates them further. I agree that Mother's have instincts regarding their children and knowing when something is not right, but unfortunately, kids don't always, or hardly ever, follow their parent's advice. I always voice my opinion to DD, relate any knowledge I may have regarding relationships, etc., and then it is up to her to take it or leave it.

Re: A Mother's Instincts

Lindsays Grandma — Sun, 07 Dec 2014 08:40:35 GMT

When my daughter brought her male friend to meet me for the first time I couldn't wait for him to leave my house. I told my daughter that all I could see in him was evil and to please rethink continuing a relationship with him. Of course she didn't and eventually married him. Long story short, she got pregnant and when the baby was eight months old she divorced him. He made our lives miserable with his drinking and doing drugs.