topic Re: Do you think it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? in Community Chat

Do you think it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

minkbunny — Mon, 01 Dec 2014 23:53:25 GMT

Thinking about the Susan Boyle

thread and like many others, hoping that she can find a love in her life if that is what she wants. Also hoping she doesn't get her heart broken.

But then, would knowing love - even if it is a failed love - be better than going one's entire life never knowing that euphoria?

I have never had my heart broken by unrequited love but have known the incredible joy of falling in love, being in love and staying in love.

My heart was broken when my first husband died but 34 years of joy made the price of that pain worth the cost.

I wish that joy for her and all who are searching.

Re: Do you think it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

Colonel Meow — Tue, 02 Dec 2014 01:02:42 GMT

Definitely better to have loved and lost. I was a late bloomer, myself, although not nearly as late as Susan. My first real relationship didn't end on my terms, and I've always somewhat mourned that loss.

But as the saying goes, everything happens for a reason. I've moved on and am happy with my current significant other. However, I don't for one minute regret the time I spent with my first love, or in subsequent relationships since then (even when I've been hurt).

Anytime you are hurt or lose someone precious to you, that experience leaves an impression on your soul and allows you to better appreciate all the other wonderful things in your life that are still available to you.

Re: Do you think it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

Mama Mia — Tue, 02 Dec 2014 01:42:49 GMT

Better to have loved and lost. My late husband died after nearly five years of a truly wonderful loving marriage. It was shorter than I would've liked, but he is always in my heart and I would never ever forget him, even though I have again been married to a wonderful man now for thirty four years. I have been blessed and I know it.

Re: Do you think it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

blackhole99 — Tue, 02 Dec 2014 01:46:23 GMT

Loved and lost, everyone should get to experience head over heels love at least once in this life.

Re: Do you think it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

Gooday — Tue, 02 Dec 2014 02:05:51 GMT

What a timely post.

I have a wonderful friend who was in a relationship for 14 years. That ended 20 years ago. She has had about 3 dates since then. She is smart and the most loyal hard working person you would ever meet. Over the years she has packed on the lbs. and does not keep up with the most current fashion trends. Many times, my friends and I say how wonderful she is and wouldn't it be nice if she could meet someone.

Then....I think of how I and a few friends have experienced illness with our spouses. Just the thought of what I have experienced and the thought of losing him, makes me think.....maybe it's not so bad to be single.

I guess I'm just feeling a little melancholy. Tomorrow is the 9th anniversary of my mom's death. But....on the bright side....I have great memories and so much to be thankful for!

Re: Do you think it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

hckynut — Tue, 02 Dec 2014 02:26:33 GMT

Hi minky, Huh?

Re: Do you think it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

tansy — Tue, 02 Dec 2014 02:28:21 GMT

I imagine it would all depend on how you lost the love:/

Re: Do you think it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

Irshgrl31201 — Tue, 02 Dec 2014 02:35:01 GMT

Yes, I do believe it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. My first love was my daughters father and despite the relationship turning very abusive I would never go back and erase that not because it gave me my daughter either. It gave me strength and let me learn and understand what I would never accept in a relationship. I think every bad thing that happens to you, helps you appreciate the good things even more.

Re: Do you think it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

insomniac — Tue, 02 Dec 2014 02:52:28 GMT

Yes.

Re: Do you think it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

minkbunny — Tue, 02 Dec 2014 02:54:41 GMT

Thanks for the thoughtful replies,

John, it is just the age old question - is the pain of losing a love better than never having known love at all. Just thought about it when I read about Susan Boyle and her finding her first love at the age of 53.

From Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem In Memoriam:27, 1850:

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

Re: Do you think it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

Helen Erth — Tue, 02 Dec 2014 03:27:09 GMT

I do, even though a love lost, especially to death, forever changes you. No matter how long you were together it was never long enough and you will always ask yourself "what if..."

Re: Do you think it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

Lucky Charm — Tue, 02 Dec 2014 03:35:02 GMT

Well, it's painful for some I imagine to have 'lost at love' or lost their love. (Think Queen Victoria).

They do say however you are extremely lucky to have found true love a second time.

I used to always think that being madly in love was a 'young thing' and that by the time I was older it wouldn't mean as much to me.

But now that I'm older, I see it's an even deeper love.

Re: Do you think it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

151949 — Tue, 02 Dec 2014 03:39:59 GMT

To quote Garth Brooks -- I could have done without the pain but then I would have missed the dance.

When my wonderful parents died this song (The Dance) came to my mind often. I missed them so badly. But I knew in my heart that if I had not had such wonderful parents it would not hurt so bad. I am so glad that they were my parents. They helped me through the mourning when my first husband died and taught me then that I should celebrate the life of the loved one I lost not spend the rest of my life mourning his loss.

Re: Do you think it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

151949 — Tue, 02 Dec 2014 03:41:27 GMT

On 12/1/2014 Lucky Charm said:
Well, it's painful for some I imagine to have 'lost at love' or lost their love. (Think Queen Victoria).

They do say however you are extremely lucky to have found true love a second time.

I used to always think that being madly in love was a 'young thing' and that by the time I was older it wouldn't mean as much to me.

But now that I'm older, I see it's an even deeper love.

I don't think you will find a new love in your life if you are deeply mourning a lost love. You have to be ready to move on.

Re: Do you think it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

Lindsays Grandma — Tue, 02 Dec 2014 03:48:58 GMT

Re: Do you think it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

Marienkaefer2 — Tue, 02 Dec 2014 03:51:28 GMT

I disagree with that saying. Heartbreak like that can devastate and ruin a life. I think it's better to have lots of happy supportive love. There's lots of love in this life, and romantic love is not the only kind, nor is it necessary to be a happy fulfilled person. When you depend too much on.that for "real happiness" you can end up being codependent, not independent. I think society creates unreal expectations and then people are let down. Better to find happiness within yourself first. Everything else is extra.

Re: Do you think it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

Colonel Meow — Tue, 02 Dec 2014 03:55:34 GMT

On 12/1/2014 Marienkaefer2 said: I disagree with that saying. Heartbreak like that can devastate and ruin a life. I think it's better to have lots of happy supportive love.

Well, of course that would be the ideal.

But I don't think that was the point of Mink's question.

Re: Do you think it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

Marienkaefer2 — Tue, 02 Dec 2014 03:57:08 GMT

On 12/1/2014 Colonel Meow said:
On 12/1/2014 Marienkaefer2 said: I disagree with that saying. Heartbreak like that can devastate and ruin a life. I think it's better to have lots of happy supportive love.

Well, of course that would be the ideal.

But I don't think that was the point of Mink's question.

Hi..When you quote me, please use the entire quote. Otherwise my point loses some of its context. Thanks.

Re: Do you think it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

Marienkaefer2 — Tue, 02 Dec 2014 03:58:51 GMT

On 12/1/2014 Marienkaefer2 said: I disagree with that saying. Heartbreak like that can devastate and ruin a life. I think it's better to have lots of happy supportive love. There's lots of love in this life, and romantic love is not the only kind, nor is it necessary to be a happy fulfilled person. When you depend too much on.that for "real happiness" you can end up being codependent, not independent. I think society creates unreal expectations and then people are let down. Better to find happiness within yourself first. Everything else is extra.

This is my entire quite. Also, it's my opinion, just my opinion. I'm not here to argue.

Re: Do you think it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

Helen Erth — Tue, 02 Dec 2014 03:59:47 GMT

On 12/1/2014 Marienkaefer2 said: I disagree with that saying. Heartbreak like that can devastate and ruin a life. I think it's better to have lots of happy supportive love. There's lots of love in this life, and romantic love is not the only kind, nor is it necessary to be a happy fulfilled person. When you depend too much on.that for "real happiness" you can end up being codependent, not independent. I think society creates unreal expectations and then people are let down. Better to find happiness within yourself first. Everything else is extra.

The saying is "to have loved and lost is better than to have never loved at all."