topic Re: Workplace etiquette in Community Chat

Workplace etiquette

Colonel Meow — Sun, 09 Nov 2014 04:32:16 GMT

Please allow me to apologize in advance if the tone of this post seems negative or whiny - I fully admit I am venting. Within just the last month, I "contributed" almost $100 to special events/celebrations/luncheons that have been held within my department at work.

It seems we are pressured into giving monetary donations (usually "suggested" at $20) for everything. For example, in October alone - we had a housewarming celebration, baby shower, wedding shower, a co-worker successfully defended her doctoral dissertation, another coworker was promoted into a different department.

When did the workplace become the acceptable (and expected) venue to celebrate such milestones? These are all certainly momentous occasions that ought to be celebrated, but shouldn't they be shared with your friends and loved ones (not co-workers)?

I am happy to contribute towards the milestone celebrations for my friends and loved ones, but I rather resent being pressured into spending so much money for acquaintances that I merely pass in the hall. (Some I don't even see on a daily basis.)

Can anyone offer suggestions on how to respectfully decline participating in such occasions, without appearing uncouth? I am relatively new to this department, and am nervous to give the impression that I am not a "team player".

Re: Workplace etiquette

ROMARY — Sun, 09 Nov 2014 04:40:46 GMT

Gee, that's a tough one...........I really can't think of anything right now. If you are on a strict budget (as many of us are), you might want to nicely mention it to the person who is in charge of collecting the money. I wouldn't want to have to contribute to co-workers (gifts) that I hardly see or know.

Re: Workplace etiquette

Colonel Meow — Sun, 09 Nov 2014 04:50:42 GMT

I did say something (very lightly) to our staff assistant, who does the collecting. Something like, "wow, we're really getting gouged this month, huh? I don't know if I can afford to work here". Her response was, "We like to take care of each other here and recognize each other's success".

Re: Workplace etiquette

sidsmom — Sun, 09 Nov 2014 04:52:50 GMT

How about White Lie it? "Gee....I've already got them a little something". No one's the wiser. Or follow up your statement w/ a card, write a nice sentiment & place on their desk. Boom...done.

Re: Workplace etiquette

makeup addict — Sun, 09 Nov 2014 04:57:14 GMT

Wow, we only do a collection for a death in the family to help with expenses. No one knows how much yu give and some don't give. Everone signs the sympathy card. We usually buy gift for baby showers ourselves or go in with a coworker. When we do a collection no amount is suggested. It varies from a few dollars to ten. Promotions aren't celebrated with gifts. Maybe you can bring it up for next year what specifically the group will celebrate and just acknowledge other accomplishments.

Re: Workplace etiquette

Colonel Meow — Sun, 09 Nov 2014 04:57:44 GMT

On 11/8/2014 sidsmom said:
How about White Lie it? "Gee....I've already got them a little something". No one's the wiser. Or follow up your statement w/ a card, write a nice sentiment & place on their desk. Boom...done.

That's a good suggestion (one that I've considered, even). But I'm unsure about it because the custom is for the recipient to open all gifts/cards in front of the group.

So it would be noticeable if my card did not include either a cash donation or gift card. So far, I've yet to see a card that did not include either.

Re: Workplace etiquette

brii — Sun, 09 Nov 2014 04:59:05 GMT

That's just wrong. You shouldn't feel pressured to give and the recipient shouldn't open them in front of everybody. You shouldn't feel shamed into giving.

It should be anonymous and voluntary.

Re: Workplace etiquette

september — Sun, 09 Nov 2014 05:00:45 GMT

I've always hated "group gifts". In my case, it was because I was fairly certain I donated more than most other people. But on the other hand...I usually wanted to.

I think it's best if we each do our own thing in these situations.

Re: Workplace etiquette

Colonel Meow — Sun, 09 Nov 2014 05:01:06 GMT

On 11/8/2014 makeup addict said: Wow, we only do a collection for a death in the family to help with expenses. No one knows how much yu give and some don't give. Everone signs the sympathy card. We usually buy gift for baby showers ourselves or go in with a coworker. When we do a collection no amount is suggested. It varies from a few dollars to ten. Promotions aren't celebrated with gifts. Maybe you can bring it up for next year what specifically the group will celebrate and just acknowledge other accomplishments.

Oh, gosh - I would be nervous to initiate such a discussion (being the most junior member of this department). But I do agree that simply acknowledging accomplishments should suffice.

Re: Workplace etiquette

Colonel Meow — Sun, 09 Nov 2014 05:05:27 GMT

On 11/8/2014 brii said:
That's just wrong. You shouldn't feel pressured to give and the recipient shouldn't open them in front of everybody. You shouldn't feel shamed into giving.

It should be anonymous and voluntary.

I agree. The department is very odd in this arena, IMO. I seem to be the only one who feels this way, though. Either that, or everyone else has been here long enough that they've simply gotten used to it and accepted the way things are.

Re: Workplace etiquette

kdgn — Sun, 09 Nov 2014 05:08:41 GMT

I think for now you're tough out of luck. There are traditions in the office and even if you don't know these people well, you will the longer you remain there.

The only suggestion I can think of is forming a Sunshine Committee. We had one at work where everyone chipped in x amount. We did the staff birthday cake and card and organized baby showers or wedding showers as needed. However, the gifts were up to those who attended those showers. We also sent flowers for deaths in the family using Sunshine funds.

We didn't do a housewarming celebration but we did do going away parties but the small gift was purchased with Sunshine funds. We probably would have celebrated a doctoral dissertation with cake and ice cream after work hours-that's a big deal.

I was in charge of our Sunshine fund for several years. I rarely had to go back to the staff and ask for more cash donations. But I was also the only one who knew who did and did not contribute and never said a word.

Re: Workplace etiquette

Colonel Meow — Sun, 09 Nov 2014 05:09:14 GMT

On 11/8/2014 september said:
I've always hated "group gifts". In my case, it was because I was fairly certain I donated more than most other people. But on the other hand...I usually wanted to.

I think it's best if we each do our own thing in these situations.

That's a positive way of looking at it. I might not resent it so much if I felt closer to my co-workers. But being new, I've yet to form such attachments. Maybe one day, I'll get there.

Re: Workplace etiquette

brii — Sun, 09 Nov 2014 05:10:23 GMT

On 11/8/2014 Colonel Meow said:
On 11/8/2014 brii said:
That's just wrong. You shouldn't feel pressured to give and the recipient shouldn't open them in front of everybody. You shouldn't feel shamed into giving.

It should be anonymous and voluntary.

I agree. The department is very odd in this arena, IMO. I seem to be the only one who feels this way, though. Either that, or everyone else has been here long enough that they've simply gotten used to it and accepted the way things are.

They're probably waiting for the one person to speak up and end the whole thing. lol

I feel for you though. I have no idea how you can stop it without a big ruckus.

Re: Workplace etiquette

Lucky Charm — Sun, 09 Nov 2014 05:12:32 GMT

On 11/8/2014 Colonel Meow said:
I did say something (very lightly) to our staff assistant, who does the collecting. Something like, "wow, we're really getting gouged this month, huh? I don't know if I can afford to work here". Her response was, "We like to take care of each other here and recognize each other's success".

That was a really snotty response from the SA. I hope she didn't go around and repeat it.

Unless you want to drop 20-100 bucks a month till you retire, you need to decline most collections and get them a nice card.

You can't be the only one who feels like you're being gouged, there are others believe me.

Re: Workplace etiquette

Colonel Meow — Sun, 09 Nov 2014 05:13:34 GMT

On 11/8/2014 kdgn said:
I think for now you're tough out of luck. There are traditions in the office and even if you don't know these people well, you will the longer you remain there.

The only suggestion I can think of is forming a Sunshine Committee. We had one at work where everyone chipped in x amount. We did the staff birthday cake and card and organized baby showers or wedding showers as needed. However, the gifts were up to those who attended those showers. We also sent flowers for deaths in the family using Sunshine funds.

We didn't do a housewarming celebration but we did do going away parties but the small gift was purchased with Sunshine funds. We probably would have celebrated a doctoral dissertation with cake and ice cream after work hours-that's a big deal.

I was in charge of our Sunshine fund for several years. I rarely had to go back to the staff and ask for more cash donations. But I was also the only one who knew who did and did not contribute and never said a word.

That's an interesting idea. How often did you collect money - was it done monthly, or whenever an event came up? From your post, I assumed you meant that there was an existing pool of money that was available as needed (kind of like petty cash)?

Re: Workplace etiquette

sidsmom — Sun, 09 Nov 2014 05:23:27 GMT

On 11/8/2014 Colonel Meow said:
On 11/8/2014 sidsmom said:
How about White Lie it? "Gee....I've already got them a little something". No one's the wiser. Or follow up your statement w/ a card, write a nice sentiment & place on their desk. Boom...done.

That's a good suggestion (one that I've considered, even). But I'm unsure about it because the custom is for the recipient to open all gifts/cards in front of the group.

So it would be noticeable if my card did not include either a cash donation or gift card. So far, I've yet to see a card that did not include either.

Yes, this has worked for me. If someone would ask, "Where's your card, Colonel Meow?" (either by yourself or, good holy, in front of everyone), I would look them squarely in the eye & say, "Thanks, but I've GOT this taken care of. Thanks, again.", smile & walk away. Boom...done deal.

Re: Workplace etiquette

kdgn — Sun, 09 Nov 2014 05:29:07 GMT

I put out a staff letter at the beginning of each school year. We had a staff of close to 30 and the suggested amount was $20. I kept the money in cash and it was intended for the entire year. We made the monthly birthday cake so cake mixes/frosting came out of that fund. The staff birthday cards did too. If there was a death in the family I ordered flowers from the local florist-and quite honestly she didn't charge me nearly what she should have for the flower arrangements she made! Small town perk.

If we had a potluck lunch we organized the sign up sheet only; I bought the paper plates, napkins, plastic utensils with Sunshine funds. Some years we had a baby shower, one year it was a "first time grandma" shower. Sunshine did the cake and punch but anyone who attended bought their own gift. Gifts for Boss's day and Secretary's Day came out of Sunshine.

A retirement party was different and I did collect funds for group gifts.

I can think of only a few times when the funds got low and it was because of several deaths that year among relatives. Floral arrangements can wipe out a fund in a hurry.

Re: Workplace etiquette

Deb1010again — Sun, 09 Nov 2014 05:30:37 GMT

I'd give it at least a few months and see what it averages out being, and then once you're more established in the department suggest other ways to celebrate accomplishments rather than just not giving. Otherwise you risk alienating your new coworkers, although the SA has already no doubt told others about your negative comments toward the current method.

After a few months if it continues to be that much per month, then maybe suggest one large celebration per month for all the accomplishments and individual cards for each achievement.

Whatever you end up doing, I do empathize with you and think it's a lot of money to give to people you don't really know so well. It's just that there's the chance they'll freeze you out of the department and that could be very unpleasant and affect your work if they perceive you as NOT a team player.

Re: Workplace etiquette

adelle38 — Sun, 09 Nov 2014 05:37:25 GMT

On 11/8/2014 sidsmom said:
On 11/8/2014 Colonel Meow said:
On 11/8/2014 sidsmom said:
How about White Lie it? "Gee....I've already got them a little something". No one's the wiser. Or follow up your statement w/ a card, write a nice sentiment & place on their desk. Boom...done.

That's a good suggestion (one that I've considered, even). But I'm unsure about it because the custom is for the recipient to open all gifts/cards in front of the group.

So it would be noticeable if my card did not include either a cash donation or gift card. So far, I've yet to see a card that did not include either.

Yes, this has worked for me. If someone would ask, "Where's your card, Colonel Meow?" (either by yourself or, good holy, in front of everyone), I would look them squarely in the eye & say, "Thanks, but I've GOT this taken care of. Thanks, again.", smile & walk away. Boom...done deal.

This sounds like a difficult situation. I've never been a fan of those office group gifts but yours sounds particularly excessive. Having said that, if you can afford it, let it go for now until you get a better feel for things and perhaps forge a closer relationship with one or two coworkers with whom you can discuss this privately. I think if you start with a lie, even a "white lie", saying it's taken care of, you're asking for trouble.

Re: Workplace etiquette

Colonel Meow — Sun, 09 Nov 2014 05:38:04 GMT

On 11/8/2014 Deb1010again said:
I'd give it at least a few months and see what it averages out being, and then once you're more established in the department suggest other ways to celebrate accomplishments rather than just not giving. Otherwise you risk alienating your new coworkers, although the SA has already no doubt told others about your negative comments toward the current method.

After a few months if it continues to be that much per month, then maybe suggest one large celebration per month for all the accomplishments and individual cards for each achievement.

Whatever you end up doing, I do empathize with you and think it's a lot of money to give to people you don't really know so well. It's just that there's the chance they'll freeze you out of the department and that could be very unpleasant and affect your work if they perceive you as NOT a team player.

Thank you for your well-thought out response. Almost everything you wrote is exactly what I've feared might happen.

I think my safest bet is to wait a couple more months to, as you said, see what the average is. (Possibly October was an anomaly.)

If the cost continues to be too high, I will have no other choice but to be much more selective with whom I choose to contribute.