topic Re: Guilt trips in Community Chat

Guilt trips

LilacTree — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 20:34:06 GMT

How do you handle it when someone tries to put a guilt trip on you? Get really angry? Argue your point? OR walk away and ignore it?

Re: Guilt trips

Preds — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 20:41:29 GMT

Now, I just walk away. They don't have that kind of control over me. Took me a while to figure it out, but I'm sure glad I did.

Re: Guilt trips

deepwaterdotter — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 20:44:40 GMT

On 11/7/2014 Preds said:
Now, I just walk away. They don't have that kind of control over me. Took me a while to figure it out, but I'm sure glad I did.

Me too, and I agree!

Re: Guilt trips

brii — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 20:49:25 GMT

Nobody can make me feel guilty. I just walk away.

Re: Guilt trips

chickenbutt — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 20:50:15 GMT

I agree with 'walk away'.

One of my mantras is - 'you cannot reason with the unreasonable.' It's just not worth the time, effort, or headspace, IMO.

Re: Guilt trips

HisElk — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 20:54:04 GMT

Hi Ford! The "old" me would have tried to argue it; but I find as I age, I agree with the others - walk away. It takes "two" to argue. Without that, there is no argument. I've had my fair share of that for the 21 years when I was married to my ex.

Like chickenbutt said, "you cannot reason with the unreasonable". JMO.

Re: Guilt trips

dooBdoo — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 20:59:00 GMT

I believe in confronting an issue directly. So, if I perceive an attempt to lay a guilt trip on me I'll talk directly with the person. Not with the illusion that I can change someone, just with the goal of being sure there's no misunderstanding.

Then, if it's really a ticket to a guilt trip I hand the ticket right back to them and let them take the ride. In other words, I do walk away.

It's their problem, not mine.

Re: Guilt trips

LilacTree — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 21:01:00 GMT

I have to say the last time I was faced with this, I did walk away and have stayed away. But that was because what I had been accused of was ridiculous.

If it's something I feel I actually did, I have a harder time to not defend myself. I am just being honest here.

Re: Guilt trips

Sushismom — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 21:01:01 GMT

Well, I'm one of those whom some would call passive-aggressive. I'll listen, nod my head, then go off and do what I want to do. Unless that person has an actual grievance, I ignore the attempt at guilt.

Re: Guilt trips

AnikaBrodie — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 21:03:32 GMT

Walk away. ""These boots are made for walking"" (Nancy Sinatra song)!!!

Re: Guilt trips

RedTop — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 21:05:16 GMT

I had a close family member who was very manipulative, and loved guilt trips. She pushed me too far when I was 17, and that was the end of the line for her guilt trips on me. No one else guilts me into anything.

Re: Guilt trips

kdgn — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 21:20:39 GMT

On 11/7/2014 Ford1224 said:
I have to say the last time I was faced with this, I did walk away and have stayed away. But that was because what I had been accused of was ridiculous.

If it's something I feel I actually did, I have a harder time to not defend myself. I am just being honest here.

Yes, but if it's something you actually did you must assess whether or not it's worth a guilt trip and how long you feel you have to carry around that guilt.

If you know what you did was right or correct under the circumstances then there is no reasonable guilt trip. You did what was right, the other person/s disagree, it becomes their problem and not yours.

I stopped feeling guilty a long time ago for perceived wrongs; when I know I have done the right thing I have a clear conscience. If, when looking back, I can see I may have been in error then I will apologize if necessary and move on. Hindsight is wonderful but it's not available when you need it.

Re: Guilt trips

Qwackertoo — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 21:34:29 GMT

Unless it is an all expense paid trip . . . and they are paying . . . nope not going there.

Re: Guilt trips

misspammie — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 21:36:59 GMT

don't need anyone to put me on a guilt trip. I'm an expert on navigating my own

Re: Guilt trips

LilacTree — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 22:11:25 GMT

On 11/7/2014 kdgn said:
On 11/7/2014 Ford1224 said:
I have to say the last time I was faced with this, I did walk away and have stayed away. But that was because what I had been accused of was ridiculous.

If it's something I feel I actually did, I have a harder time to not defend myself. I am just being honest here.

Yes, but if it's something you actually did you must assess whether or not it's worth a guilt trip and how long you feel you have to carry around that guilt.

If you know what you did was right or correct under the circumstances then there is no reasonable guilt trip. You did what was right, the other person/s disagree, it becomes their problem and not yours.

I stopped feeling guilty a long time ago for perceived wrongs; when I know I have done the right thing I have a clear conscience. If, when looking back, I can see I may have been in error then I will apologize if necessary and move on. Hindsight is wonderful but it's not available when you need it.

Yes, good ole' hindsight, my nemesis. I did think at the time I was doing the right thing. So I have to walk away from this on my own, as the rest of you have.

Re: Guilt trips

LilacTree — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 22:13:31 GMT

On 11/7/2014 misspammie said:
don't need anyone to put me on a guilt trip. I'm an expert on navigating my own

That's me. Yep. Same thing.

Re: Guilt trips

151949 — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 22:15:21 GMT

It depends upon the situation. You may be a guilty party and may NEED to listen - not just hear - but actually listen - to the other parties POV. I see that did not occur to those who answered here though.

Re: Guilt trips

game-on — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 22:17:25 GMT

ford.... I have heard myself say ""i don't do guilt"".... this usually stops the other person in their tracks..... I think some people use it deflect from their own ""issues"" and try to make you the bad person..... I refuse to deal with anything at that level....

Re: Guilt trips

LilacTree — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 22:18:00 GMT

On 11/7/2014 happy housewife said:
It depends upon the situation. You may be a guilty party and may NEED to listen - not just hear - but actually listen - to the other parties POV. I see that did not occur to those who answered here though.

No, but of course it would to you, since that's what you DO!!!

Re: Guilt trips

dooBdoo — Fri, 07 Nov 2014 22:21:20 GMT

Excellent post, kdgn. (Post #11)

I believe nearly everyone does the best we can with the tools and experience we have at the time, tries to learn from experience, and "when we know better we do better." (paraphrasing Maya Angelou)

Seeing our actions with clear eyes, talking about it without belaboring, and then apologizing is honest and forthright. If the other person can't let it go, I think we owe it to ourselves to let it go and allow them to be the (proud?) owner of the problem.