topic Re: Need help with engagement party present in Community Chat

Need help with engagement party present

Dumac — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 13:54:55 GMT

My dear friend is hosting an engagement party for her son. It will be catered at a nice local venue...The guests of honor are both in their 30's and have lived together for years, so they do not need any household items..they have asked for $$$...is there a rule about how much to give?? it has been too many years since my husband and i have been invited to an engagement party and i am sure the rules have changed....I'd appreciate any advice you ladies can give me.....

Re: Need help with engagement party present

Dumac — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 15:08:34 GMT

Forgot to mention it is a luncheon buffet.....

Re: Need help with engagement party present

lulu2 — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 15:22:23 GMT

Whenever I've attended an engagement party, I've given a nice picture frame.

An engagement is not suppose to be a gift grab, rather a time to introduce the couple to friends and family. It is not a pre-wedding shower.

Re: Need help with engagement party present

hondagirl — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 15:50:01 GMT

I think the picture frame is a great idea - would love that myself. Also a Waterford vase always comes in handy - love that too...

Re: Need help with engagement party present

violann — Sat, 01 Nov 2014 13:03:53 GMT

The "rule" still is that you as the honored betrothed neither remind the guest that they are supposed to bring a present, NOR do you stipulate what that present should be.

Re: Need help with engagement party present

Dumac — Sat, 01 Nov 2014 13:37:09 GMT

On 11/1/2014 violann said: The "rule" still is that you as the honored betrothed neither remind the guest that they are supposed to bring a present, NOR do you stipulate what that present should be.

I agree wholeheartedly that it is very tacky to ask for $$$..but that doesn't solve my problem...i can't exactly quote them rules of etiquette esp. since the mom is a dear friend...so i feel that i have to give them cash...but what amount????

Re: Need help with engagement party present

violann — Sat, 01 Nov 2014 14:44:41 GMT

Dumac, please forgive me. This reaches my last nerve and I should NOT have mentioned it here. Unfortunately, if you are invited to the wedding and/or shower you will be reaching for your checkbook each time. There are no rules about engagement parties, so you will just have to decide what YOU feel is best. Hope it's a nice party.

Re: Need help with engagement party present

chickenbutt — Sat, 01 Nov 2014 18:58:13 GMT

Wow! Not that I don't love giving when I can, but now it's - engagement party gifts, wedding shower gifts, AND wedding gifts?

Re: Need help with engagement party present

BellaPaprika — Sat, 01 Nov 2014 19:30:31 GMT

I would not attend. I would send a card congratulating them. Generally an engagement party is about the couple presenting themselves to their friends and family as about to be marrieds. If any gifts are given at all they are small. As someone else said, a picture frame, a bottle of wine. Asking for $$ on this occasion is beyond tacky. There will be a wedding shower and the wedding itself for giving gifts.

Re: Need help with engagement party present

issiestorm — Sat, 01 Nov 2014 20:29:59 GMT

On 11/1/2014 BlueCollarBabe said:
I would not attend. I would send a card congratulating them. Generally an engagement party is about the couple presenting themselves to their friends and family as about to be marrieds. If any gifts are given at all they are small. As someone else said, a picture frame, a bottle of wine. Asking for $$ on this occasion is beyond tacky. There will be a wedding shower and the wedding itself for giving gifts.

ITA with this. I wouldn't care how close a friend the mom was, there's no way I would participate in this. Beyond tacky indeed. If I were related to either of these people I would be very embarrassed.

Re: Need help with engagement party present

luvdoodles — Sat, 01 Nov 2014 20:50:25 GMT

That was kind of rude of them to ask for anything. Never the less, we went to an engagement party this Summer. They did not ask for anything. It was just a celebration. Everything was on the house from the parents. We did give them a gift certificate to a restaurant and her thank you note said it was one of their favorites. I would go if I were you, but don't feel obliged to bring a gift or money. A card would be just fine.

Re: Need help with engagement party present

missy1 — Sun, 02 Nov 2014 02:09:10 GMT

I have never been to an engagement party. They just don't have them here. A venue for this? Gifts too? How if the couple splits? A card should do.

Re: Need help with engagement party present

stevieb — Sun, 02 Nov 2014 02:26:15 GMT

Is this in lieu of a wedding present, in addition to, or merely a way to maximize the take, if all those invited to the party aren't invited to the wedding...? I guess that since this is your dear friend you have to attend, but I'm afraid I have no pearls of wisdom. Like others, I think implying a gift of money is appropriate at an engagement party (or elsewhere for that matter), well, isn't...

Re: Need help with engagement party present

abbeythe 8th — Sun, 02 Nov 2014 19:02:42 GMT

If this were my dear friend I'd have a conversation with her. I'd tell her whenever you attended engagement parties before, token gifts were given. I'd tell her you are at a loss of what is considered an appropriate amount of money.

Re: Need help with engagement party present

missy1 — Sun, 02 Nov 2014 21:31:31 GMT

On 11/1/2014 stevieb said:
Is this in lieu of a wedding present, in addition to, or merely a way to maximize the take, if all those invited to the party aren't invited to the wedding...? I guess that since this is your dear friend you have to attend, but I'm afraid I have no pearls of wisdom. Like others, I think implying a gift of money is appropriate at an engagement party (or elsewhere for that matter), well, isn't...

I would hope they would all be invited the wedding. If not, so TACKY!! Nice getting invited to a bridal shower, but not the wedding. Or just the wedding ceremony, but not the reception. It's all about gifts, or trying to recoup the wedding costs.

Re: Need help with engagement party present

lulu2 — Mon, 03 Nov 2014 00:45:34 GMT

On 11/2/2014 abbeythe8th said:
If this were my dear friend I'd have a conversation with her. I'd tell her whenever you attended engagement parties before, token gifts were given. I'd tell her you are at a loss of what is considered an appropriate amount of money.

This a great suggestion.

I would not worry about putting your friend in an awkward position. She has to know engagement parties are not given for the couples financial gain.

Re: Need help with engagement party present

TaxyLady — Mon, 03 Nov 2014 00:59:14 GMT

This is not an engagement party if they have been living together. It is just a party. I would think and hope the invitations would say ""no gifts."" If it doesn't I would call it a tackless grubfest. Maybe they need money and that is why they are having this party. They would not be getting any of mine.

Re: Need help with engagement party present

Dumac — Mon, 03 Nov 2014 15:14:20 GMT

I guess i need to provide some more details and see if this makes a difference...The couple was supposed to get married and this party was a wedding celebration..(they both live in this state right now although hours away).so my friend booked the caterer and venue..then the couple decides to get married after the holidays on the west coast (home of the bride) and it will be small--just a judge and family...so now my friend is stuck with all the plans for the party so she is calling it an engagement party...we are not going to the wedding--haven't been invited nor would we go if we were...we are not that close to the couple since they live a ways away from here where my friend, the groom's mother, lives...so do we gift them as if this were a wedding party?? and i fully agree that it is beyond tacky to ask for cash, but i suppose the etiquette times are changing!!!!

Re: Need help with engagement party present

TaxyLady — Mon, 03 Nov 2014 15:50:02 GMT

That sheds some light on the situation. I would go, if you want, and treat it like any other party. I don't think gifts are warranted or should even be suggested.

I honestly don't think engagement parties are for gifts, but rather an announcement to friends. Usually, in society, the couple would not be having an engagement party when they have been living together.

Gifts are usually given to couples that are leaving their families to join in marriage. The couple usually need things to get started in life together. Anything other than this is just giving people money for no real purpose.

Re: Need help with engagement party present

goodstuff — Mon, 03 Nov 2014 18:25:26 GMT

On 11/1/2014 BlueCollarBabe said:
I would not attend. I would send a card congratulating them. Generally an engagement party is about the couple presenting themselves to their friends and family as about to be marrieds. If any gifts are given at all they are small. As someone else said, a picture frame, a bottle of wine. Asking for $$ on this occasion is beyond tacky. There will be a wedding shower and the wedding itself for giving gifts.

I can't add to or improve on this post. I have no respect for wedding couples who ask for money or specific gifts. Tacky, presumptuous, low class. Doing so at an engagement gathering is even worse. I'd send them a card and be done with it.