topic Re: Need advice in Community Chat

Need advice

oppia — Sun, 05 Oct 2014 07:12:04 GMT

What would you think, if a friend tried to solve a dispute and bring two so called friends back together. Knowing that this person was not nice?

TIA

Re: Need advice

bikerbabe — Sun, 05 Oct 2014 08:13:51 GMT

Not enough information and it depends on how you define not nice. In general 2 people need to work out their problems directly with each other. A third-party doesn't work unless it's a therapist.

Re: Need advice

cotton4me — Sun, 05 Oct 2014 08:15:59 GMT

I’m assuming you mean one of the two she’s trying to get together isn’t nice? Nice is often in the eye of the beholder. If she hasn’t personally been hurt by this person she might not get it. Without knowing the situation it’s difficult to guess the motive or purpose in trying to get them together.

Re: Need advice

RedTop — Sun, 05 Oct 2014 16:36:16 GMT

If the situation involved me, I would tell my well meaning friend to stay out of it. I am perfectly capable of maintaining my friendships, and would not appreciate a middleman in this type of situation.

Re: Need advice

Yahooey — Sun, 05 Oct 2014 16:49:08 GMT

I agree with others that state nice is subjective. There isn't enough info to go on. If you are the person your friend is trying to patch with the other 'not nice' person', tell her to stay out of it.

Re: Need advice

focksie — Sun, 05 Oct 2014 17:20:23 GMT

Regardless of whether the other person is nice or not, I'm an adult and would not appreciate the meddling whether well-intentioned or not.

Re: Need advice

Say Nay — Sun, 05 Oct 2014 17:32:43 GMT

On 10/5/2014 RedTop said: If the situation involved me, I would tell my well meaning friend to stay out of it. I am perfectly capable of maintaining my friendships, and would not appreciate a middleman in this type of situation.

I agree. The well-meaning friend may end up with no friends.

Re: Need advice

Colonel Meow — Sun, 05 Oct 2014 17:45:30 GMT

I don't quite understand the circumstances, since there was not enough information provided. However, I have to agree with the other posters who opined that we, as adults, are perfectly capable of maintaining our own friendships. I would resent any friend who tried to control the course of my relationships with others.

Re: Need advice

oppia — Sun, 05 Oct 2014 17:46:10 GMT

Thanks ladies some good points made and I appreciate your effort.

Here is a little back ground - three good friends ( myself and two others.)

Friend #1 is not a nice person talks about others behind their backs and is

a user for her own means and motives.

Friend #2 is good friend to me but still has a relationship with #1.

Last night we were at a party and friend #2 decided we should make-up.

#1 said she has to apologize, I responded with "what for you calling me a bioch"

Among other things detrimental

to my well being. Does this help? I feel betrayed by the # 2 friend on some level.

Re: Need advice

nunya — Sun, 05 Oct 2014 17:50:59 GMT

Sounds like friend #2 is uncomfortable with you and #1 not being friendly, and she is trying to fix it.

But it's not up to her to say who you should forgive. She needs to stay out of it.

Re: Need advice

game-on — Sun, 05 Oct 2014 19:00:01 GMT

I would thank the person who tried to get in the middle, thank her for caring; then I would tell her that you are capable of defining your own relationships. And if she is uncomfortable with how things are that she doesn't have to be with both of you.... that puts it back in her court, where it belongs.

Re: Need advice

Yahooey — Sun, 05 Oct 2014 19:31:20 GMT

3 good friends? Why would you have been good friends with someone who was not nice? If whst you say is true, that goes beyond not nice, So if she never called you the offending name, you would have remained friends with her?

Re: Need advice

RINGER — Sun, 05 Oct 2014 19:34:43 GMT

I would not bother with this at all. This is THEIR ISSUE!

Re: Need advice

oppia — Mon, 06 Oct 2014 17:21:08 GMT

Thanks Ladies - Waiting to hear from friend who wanted us to kiss and make up.

I don't get it...why is it so complicated with women. I get along much better with men.

Men seem to be so care free and easy going.

Re: Need advice

oppia — Mon, 06 Oct 2014 17:23:16 GMT

On 10/5/2014 Yahooey said:
3 good friends? Why would you have been good friends with someone who was not nice? If whst you say is true, that goes beyond not nice, So if she never called you the offending name, you would have remained friends with her?

Hi Yahooey - The B word one one of the things she said to hurt me a year ago. We have not spoken since.

Re: Need advice

oppia — Mon, 06 Oct 2014 17:24:43 GMT

On 10/5/2014 RINGER said:
I would not bother with this at all. This is THEIR ISSUE!

Hi Ringer,

I heard this before it's their issue not yours.

I don't quite get that if it bother you.

Re: Need advice

Me And My Shadow — Tue, 07 Oct 2014 00:20:11 GMT

On 10/5/2014 oppia said:
Thanks ladies some good points made and I appreciate your effort.

Here is a little back ground - three good friends ( myself and two others.)

Friend #1 is not a nice person talks about others behind their backs and is

a user for her own means and motives.

Friend #2 is good friend to me but still has a relationship with #1.

Last night we were at a party and friend #2 decided we should make-up.

#1 said she has to apologize, I responded with "what for you calling me a bioch"

Among other things detrimental

to my well being. Does this help? I feel betrayed by the # 2 friend on some level.

Why would you and Friend #2 stay friends with someone like Friend #1?...It sounds like #2 is uncomfortable with the situation and was trying to help out...Without knowing the history of your friendship and what happened between the two of you to cause the problem, it's hard to give much advice...How long have you been friends?

Re: Need advice

ical — Tue, 07 Oct 2014 00:48:41 GMT

On 10/5/2014 oppia said:

Thanks ladies some good points made and I appreciate your effort.

Here is a little back ground - three good friends ( myself and two others.)

----

I don't think so, and that is where the problem lies, imo. Better to have one good friend (starting with yourself).