topic Re: Women as Friends ... Really? in Community Chat

Women as Friends ... Really?

expatgal — Tue, 30 Sep 2014 23:21:17 GMT

Warning: Rant ahead!

At age 60, with twenty years experience working around all types of women (professionals, administrative staff, clerical staff, etc) plus surviving a few painfully failed friendships, I have come to the conclusion that all this "women support each other" and "strengthen each other" is mere advertising bunk. It might sound good. It might look good on Hallmark cards, etc. But in real life, I've found 99% of all the women I have encountered to be jealous, competitive, mean spirited, and yes ... even downright MEAN to each other.

And it isn't even women in the workplace. It's at church, volunteer groups, community committees, female family members, etc.

Give me a friendship with men any old day. At least, you know where you stand. You know about the hidden pitfalls with men. You know once you have eliminated the sexual attraction thing, it is what it is.

Maybe I'm just cynical, but I've lived it. Anyone else feel like this? Or is it me, just being "me"?

Re: Women as Friends ... Really?

Cakers1 — Wed, 01 Oct 2014 02:25:49 GMT

Not sure I agree with you having had (and still have) some good friends from both sides.

I think men can be just as nasty and untrustworthy (outside of relationships) and I've come across a few in my lifetime, too.

You just have to roll with it sometimes; workplaces can be snake pits. lol

Re: Women as Friends ... Really?

lovesallanimals — Wed, 01 Oct 2014 03:16:48 GMT

On 9/30/2014 expatgal said:
Warning: Rant ahead!

At age 60, with twenty years experience working around all types of women (professionals, administrative staff, clerical staff, etc) plus surviving a few painfully failed friendships, I have come to the conclusion that all this "women support each other" and "strengthen each other" is mere advertising bunk. It might sound good. It might look good on Hallmark cards, etc. But in real life, I've found 99% of all the women I have encountered to be jealous, competitive, mean spirited, and yes ... even downright MEAN to each other.

And it isn't even women in the workplace. It's at church, volunteer groups, community committees, female family members, etc.

Give me a friendship with men any old day. At least, you know where you stand. You know about the hidden pitfalls with men. You know once you have eliminated the sexual attraction thing, it is what it is.

Maybe I'm just cynical, but I've lived it. Anyone else feel like this? Or is it me, just being "me"?

I agree with you 100%.

Re: Women as Friends ... Really?

OnlyShopsOnline — Wed, 01 Oct 2014 03:50:17 GMT

On 9/30/2014 loveour4leggedfriends said:
On 9/30/2014 expatgal said:
Warning: Rant ahead!

At age 60, with twenty years experience working around all types of women (professionals, administrative staff, clerical staff, etc) plus surviving a few painfully failed friendships, I have come to the conclusion that all this "women support each other" and "strengthen each other" is mere advertising bunk. It might sound good. It might look good on Hallmark cards, etc. But in real life, I've found 99% of all the women I have encountered to be jealous, competitive, mean spirited, and yes ... even downright MEAN to each other.

And it isn't even women in the workplace. It's at church, volunteer groups, community committees, female family members, etc.

Give me a friendship with men any old day. At least, you know where you stand. You know about the hidden pitfalls with men. You know once you have eliminated the sexual attraction thing, it is what it is.

Maybe I'm just cynical, but I've lived it. Anyone else feel like this? Or is it me, just being "me"?

I agree with you 100%.

With the exception of three or four women that I know, I totally agree. I've lost female "friends" because I have a daughter and they couldn't have children. I've lost two female friends because I have a grandson and they don't have grandchildren. I've lost a friend because my house was nicer and, believe me, I live in a very simple house.

When I worked, outside of the home, I always got along better with the men that I worked with. I found most of the women to be really cut throat towards other women in the workplace. Years ago, when I started a new job, a woman was assigned to train me in my new position. She intentionally left out pertinent information to make me look bad. Luckily I took lots of notes.

Re: Women as Friends ... Really?

Marienkaefer2 — Wed, 01 Oct 2014 04:01:30 GMT

Well, I'm in my forties, and I find that I get along really well with my coworkers who are in their late twenties/early thirties. Women in my age group are competitive know-it-alls who take over every conversation, project, etc. You can't have a conversation with them...unless you consider a conversation one sided...them talking and you listening. They know better, they've been everywhere, they've done everything. It's like they've got something to prove. Younger women seem to be more easy going, open, friendly, real. With the exception of a few close friends that I've had for years, I'd rather hang around younger women.

Re: Women as Friends ... Really?

colliemom4 — Wed, 01 Oct 2014 05:44:46 GMT

One night I was watching the OWN Network, and Iyanla Vanzant spoke on this subject for several hours which I found very interesting. One of the reasons is because I've never really heard this topic discussed openly at length, and I do feel women getting along with each other is a huge problem.

Re: Women as Friends ... Really?

ID2 — Wed, 01 Oct 2014 11:09:37 GMT

OP, so sorry you have never had the joy of having a truly wonderful friendship with another woman. You surely don't know what you're missing.

Re: Women as Friends ... Really?

151949 — Wed, 01 Oct 2014 12:01:25 GMT

I was widowed at age 30. Following this most of my so called friends backed off - either they didn't know how to handle a friend in deep grief or they were afraid I was going to go after their husbands - their loser husbands. Anyway , I have since made better , more faithful friends. A 75 year old widow I am friends with here t camp tells me this behavior of no longer wanting to be your friend once you are widowed continues even at her age. That is just pathetic. I "loan" her my DH when ever she needs him to fix things etc. and she is so grateful I am not some jealous shrew.

Re: Women as Friends ... Really?

151949 — Wed, 01 Oct 2014 12:05:37 GMT

Having worked in a female dominated world all my life - I can absolutely tell you that women are much more difficult to be friends with, esp. in a competitive environment.

I worked my way through college in an auto parts store - much nicer environment to work in with all men.

Re: Women as Friends ... Really?

Anglophilly — Wed, 01 Oct 2014 13:45:58 GMT

I've had the same experience as Happy Housewife. Widowed at 24 and again at 63. Socializing became very awkward. Seems that you're viewed as pathetic or predatory by women in the workplace or socially.

Fortunately I have 2 very close friends, both women with husbands and grandchildren. I also have several "new" friends---younger neighbors. We enjoy each other's company and help one another. They shovel snow and other "heavy lifting" and I cat-sit or babysit.

I really believed that the women's movement in the '60's would change things. Women would support other women. Instead I find that it's made women more driven and less empathetic. This probably has more to do with our economy than feminism.

Re: Women as Friends ... Really?

Firefly3 — Wed, 01 Oct 2014 15:07:10 GMT

I agree with you!

Sad is what you call that!

Re: Women as Friends ... Really?

expatgal — Wed, 01 Oct 2014 15:42:23 GMT

On 10/1/2014 ID2 said:
OP, so sorry you have never had the joy of having a truly wonderful friendship with another woman. You surely don't know what you're missing.

Just for the record, I have had (what I thought was) truly meaningful friendships with other women over the years. The last one was devastating to me when out of the blue, she dropped me like a hot potato for absolutely nothing. I'm sure she had her reason(s), but she never even attempted to discuss it with me. She refused to even answer my emails (we live in different states, btw). It just ended ... period. There was never an argument, a disagreement, nothing. She was like the sister I never had and always wanted. We shared everything for years. Never.Again.

Re: Women as Friends ... Really?

qualitygal — Wed, 01 Oct 2014 15:48:34 GMT

It's called human nature. It just is. Good with the bad.

Re: Women as Friends ... Really?

qualitygal — Wed, 01 Oct 2014 15:52:18 GMT

On 9/30/2014 colliemom3 said:
One night I was watching the OWN Network, and Iyanla Vanzant spoke on this subject for several hours which I found very interesting. One of the reasons is because I've never really heard this topic discussed openly at length, and I do feel women getting along with each other is a huge problem.

No offense to anyone although these boards sometimes prove that. Just look at the world and right on down to close friends and family. Stuff happens. We can only do our best and try to be kind.

Re: Women as Friends ... Really?

goodstuff — Wed, 01 Oct 2014 16:04:28 GMT

Women can be nasty, competitive, and petty. I've encountered some of those. But I am blessed with a large circle of dear women friends who are fun, loving, and truly supportive. One group of about 10 have been close friends for over 30 years, since we all met through a church women's study group and choir. We've been there for each other through raising kids, kids' problems and triumphs, marital and career challenges, and all that life has offered through several decades. We no longer all attend the same church, but we still get together every month for dinner and to catch up. These are the kind of friends who will bring a casserole when you are sick, drive you to the doctor's office, listen to you when you're troubled, pray for you, come in the middle of the night if you need them. So thankful for these dear friends. I also have two dear sisters who live locally and good women friends through other channels. I love and appreciate my women friends, and find "nasty women" to be in the minority .

Re: Women as Friends ... Really?

magicmoodz — Wed, 01 Oct 2014 16:37:12 GMT

All we need do is read the board to understand the dynamics of the female psyche. There are many warm, wonderful and kind women who post here.

Then there are the others. Those who feel compelled to put posters down for their opinions or disagree in such a way they come off as if they are superior to others.

I often wonder if they display this oppositional defiant behavior with the opposite s*e*x.

Re: Women as Friends ... Really?

Peaches McPhee — Wed, 01 Oct 2014 18:32:16 GMT

Wow! I had not had anything like your experience. Been working since 1977, and have found mostly friendly, supportive, honest, non-gameplaying women. There's been a few that were not, but not anywhere near 90% .

Re: Women as Friends ... Really?

AnikaBrodie — Wed, 01 Oct 2014 18:57:33 GMT

I've worked as a secretary, administrator, supervisor and department head over a period of 36 years. In all of these fields I've had female friends and male friends. I had one bad experience with a male supervisor (no details required). The majority of women I've worked with have been dedicated employees who were self-starters and performed their jobs efficiently and effectively. They were rewarded by deserved promotions.

Now retired, I still maintain friendships with both the female and male gender. I consider all of them to be supportive and loving and delightful to be around. Perhaps I'm just lucky! Or maybe I just choose my friends well.

Re: Women as Friends ... Really?

expatgal — Wed, 01 Oct 2014 21:28:29 GMT

I am certainly going to look up that OWN video! I'd love to hear her thoughts on this subject.

Those of you who have all these wonderful, loving, caring, marvelous friends ... you are lucky. I truly, truly hope you never feel the pain of betrayal, disillusionment, or just plan desertion. This may sound dramatic to some, but when a friend you actually loved does this to you, it's the closest thing to your husband doing it to you. The heartbreak and pain horrible.

Re: Women as Friends ... Really?

colliemom4 — Thu, 02 Oct 2014 00:35:00 GMT

expatgal, you may find the show on youtube. She had a group of women discussing this subject and it lasted for several hours.