topic Re: Innate or Learned? in Community Chat

Innate or Learned?

Marp2 — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 21:19:10 GMT

Do you think compulsively, willingly, putting others first--offering a helping hand or extending oneself even if it is an inconvenience or somewhat burdensome--is an innate personality trait or a learned behavior?

Re: Innate or Learned?

Preds — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 21:23:43 GMT

I think it's both. Sometimes, from habit from what you've experienced. Sometimes, because you "feel" it. Some are habits, but others bring you joy.

Re: Innate or Learned?

Lucky Charm — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 21:25:02 GMT

For some reason, using the word 'compulsively' makes me feel like it's a personality disorder.

Re: Innate or Learned?

brii — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 21:27:00 GMT

I think some people are by nature very helpful. Compulsively makes me think of being a martyr

Re: Innate or Learned?

MOONRISER — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 21:29:30 GMT

Personally I would call it motherhood!

Re: Innate or Learned?

hckynut — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 21:32:10 GMT

Learned, and from the way the one that raised me lived her life.

Re: Innate or Learned?

Marianne1 — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 21:32:29 GMT

innate and learned.

Compulsively sounds too much, a little needy.

Re: Innate or Learned?

Marp2 — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 21:56:35 GMT

Clearly compulsively was the wrong word to use if it is being interpreted in a negative way.

It was meant to indicate someone that sees a need, is able to help then offers without regard to being personally affected by extending the help because it is the right thing to do.

Perhaps it is a "need" in the sense of seeing something that can be "fixed" and feeling "I" have to do something to make this better.

Re: Innate or Learned?

deepwaterdotter — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 21:57:00 GMT

Learned.

Re: Innate or Learned?

straykatz — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 22:05:00 GMT

I also think it is learned behavior

Re: Innate or Learned?

scotttie — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 22:06:12 GMT

I think it is both.

Re: Innate or Learned?

QueenDanceALot — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 22:10:15 GMT

I think it's a combination.

And the percentage of each can vary widely.

Re: Innate or Learned?

ROMARY — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 22:11:33 GMT

Could be both.........maybe subconsciously imitating a parent or grandparent's behavior/demeanor.......'trained' to be kind and helpful to others. Also, could be in the genes. Inherently (from way, way back/ancestors) being helpful, being kind-mannered, etc. It's almost reminiscent to pets' and their inherent nature. Also, to pets' training.

Re: Innate or Learned?

Marianne1 — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 22:12:30 GMT

Here is an example of it being both: as a middle child, I am a people pleaser. A fixer. A bit needy sometimes with it all. That is my place in the family, both birth wise and personality wise.

Re: Innate or Learned?

NoelSeven — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 22:21:38 GMT

I haven't read the other responses yet, but I'd say BOTH.

It's obvious that some people feel nothing for the pain of others, we know that, they're born that way.

I'd say others have been hurt so much and so often, they may be in more of a survival mode most of the time. We have to factor in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and what has to be met before altruism.

Role modeling/teaching compassion and acting on it goes a long way. If children see that in their parents, it most likely will become a part of their life, also.

Re: Innate or Learned?

Clover29 — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 23:11:10 GMT

My DH is always being "helpful", which means that 99% of the time, he's the exact opposite.

"I saw this in the utility room and thought you would want it in the kitchen, so I brought it in." Well, I didn't, and now I have to put it back.

If it's a learned behavior, he can't unlearn it. It's innate. It just isn't ... helpful.

Re: Innate or Learned?

Marp2 — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 23:12:47 GMT

Interesting that so many say it is both innate and learned. Does that mean you think it is innate but needs to be nurtured or something else?

Re: Innate or Learned?

game-on — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 23:13:56 GMT

If someone needs to do this..... it could be a genetic personality trait. If someone has learned to do this.... it would be out of kindness, or compassion.... I would have to know this person to answer this question....

Re: Innate or Learned?

NoelSeven — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 23:20:44 GMT

On 9/15/2014 Marp2 said:
Interesting that so many say it is both innate and learned. Does that mean you think it is innate but needs to be nurtured or something else?

Re: what I said, I didn't mean it could be both for the same person.

Some people are born without the ability to understand the feelings of others, or to feel anything for other people. Ted Bundy, psychopath. And we're learning there are more sociopaths than we ever thought.

Re: Innate or Learned?

sylviahomeatlast — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 23:22:03 GMT

I think kindness is innate.