Humor for a Friday

Mistreatedbycs — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 17:46:54 GMT

Author Unknown........

PERKS OF REACHING 50 OR BEING OVER 60 AND HEADING TOWARDS 70!_

_01.__KIDNAPPERS ARE NOT VERY INTERESTED IN YOU._
_02..__IN A HOSTAGE SITUATION YOU ARE LIKELY TO BE RELEASED FIRST._
_03.__NO ONE EXPECTS YOU TO RUN--ANYWHERE._
_04.__PEOPLE CALL AT 9 PM AND ASK,"DID I WAKE YOU?"_
_05.__PEOPLE NO LONGER VIEW YOU AS A HYPOCHONDRIAC._
_06.__THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO LEARN THE HARD WAY._
_07.__THINGS YOU BUY NOW WON'T WEAR OUT._
_08.__YOU CAN EAT SUPPER AT 4 PM._
_09.__YOU CAN LIVE WITHOUT S*X BUT NOT YOUR GLASSES._
_10.__YOU GET INTO HEATED ARGUMENTS ABOUT PENSION PLANS._

_11.__YOU NO LONGER THINK OF SPEED LIMITS AS A CHALLENGE._
_12.__ YOU QUIT TRYING TO HOLD YOUR STOMACH IN NO MATTER WHO WALKS
INTO THE ROOM._
_13.__YOU SING ALONG WITH ELEVATOR MUSIC._
_14.__YOUR EYES WON'T GET MUCH WORSE._
_15__.YOUR INVESTMENT IN HEALTH INSURANCE IS FINALLY BEGINNING TO PAY
OFF._
_16.__YOUR JOINTS ARE MORE ACCURATE METEOROLOGISTS THAN THE NATIONAL
WEATHER_

_SERVICE._

_17.__YOUR SECRETS ARE SAFE WITH YOUR FRIENDS BECAUSE THEY CAN'T
REMEMBER THEM EITHER._
_18.__YOUR SUPPLY OF BRAIN CELLS IS FINALLY DOWN TO MANAGEABLE SIZE._
_19.__YOU CAN'T REMEMBER WHO SENT YOU THIS LIST._
_20. AND YOU NOTICE THESE ARE ALL IN BIG PRINT FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE.

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Humor for a Friday