topic Re: What Did Your Father Teach or Impart to You During Your Childhood? in Community Chat

What Did Your Father Teach or Impart to You During Your Childhood?

sfnative — Thu, 28 Aug 2014 05:46:49 GMT

On another thread, we've talked about what our Mothers taught us by the age of 10.

I think it only fair that we give our Fathers some thought as well, though this time, let's take our thoughts through our teen years.

Thanks so much for sharing. The "Mother" thread has been so interesting. I can't wait to read replies to this one.

Re: What Did Your Father Teach or Impart to You During Your Childhood?

sfnative — Thu, 28 Aug 2014 06:08:35 GMT

I really think I got a Dad like no other Dad. First I need to say that he was very gentle, a man so sweet no one could possibly develop a dislike for him. He was a talented artist and writer and was an advocate for Native Americans. And, an extremely spiritual person who proclaimed to have had many psychic experiences that took his soul to other parts of the world. Yes, my Dad was one of a kind.

The coffee table was a place for him to express himself in the household ruled by my Mother. Its centerpiece was the Egyptian Book of the Dead, surrounded by many national geographics and two ancient history books. In this, he taught me to become familiar with something that meant a lot to him. I still retain an interest in ancient history and have collected some relics. He went on to become a Rosicrucian, attaining the highest degree, which taught me that one could work hard and study toward an end that had nothing to do with the work week (he had made an altar, which he placed in our basement). I picked this up and was actice with a non-profit women's organization for 30 years, where I learned an immense amount about myself and women in general.

He taught me never to say the word "ha-te," nor to utter it. Thus I was constantly saying, "I loathe" this or that as a teenager. More importantly, he taught me that I would be a better person if I would calm down and stop my negative reactions (my Prussian blood?).

He encouraged my involvement in music, which was sizable, and was always ready with a compliment. This was something my Mother never did.

He taught me how to plant plants and bulbs and cultivate a beautiful garden. He taught me to be kind to my cars, insuring that I always had them taken care of. He gave me an appreciation for film, as he took my sister and I to the movie at least every other week, many times they were foreign films with subtitles. And, he gave me a love of travel, through many cross country car trips taken over the years.

Most of all, my Dad taught me to be tolerant.

God Bless my Dad in Heaven. Love you - Rebecca

Re: What Did Your Father Teach or Impart to You During Your Childhood?

mewsmomtoo — Thu, 28 Aug 2014 06:27:39 GMT

Aaah, this one is easy: The biggest lesson he taught me was if you are going to do something, then do it right. He never did anything halfway ever which is probably a good thing for a man who flew propeller and jet planes all over the world and in 3 wars

Re: What Did Your Father Teach or Impart to You During Your Childhood?

sylviahomeatlast — Thu, 28 Aug 2014 06:31:05 GMT

....that we were recruits and subject to command---

Re: What Did Your Father Teach or Impart to You During Your Childhood?

DoneTryin — Thu, 28 Aug 2014 06:44:35 GMT

Turn off the lights whenever you're leaving the room (unless you'll be right back), & keep the thermostat turned down in the winter. Unfortunately, my Dad was a workaholic who only wanted dinner, his newspaper, his cigarettes, his coffee, & his Oreos when he got home at 7 pm 6 days a week. He realized his mistake later, but he died in his early fifties so very little time to try to make up for what we all missed out on.

Re: What Did Your Father Teach or Impart to You During Your Childhood?

celeste27 — Thu, 28 Aug 2014 06:51:32 GMT

To SFNATIVE:

I so enjoyed your story about your father. It reminds me of my dad who was the sweetest guy. He came from a long line of Lutheran ministers and was so understanding,compassionate and tolerant. I remember when Nixon was having the debate with Kennedy and my mother was so disgusted with Nixon and all his sweating,bumbling talk,etc. (Like he was doing it on purpose). My dad, a lifelong democrat, said "The man is doing the best he can do". The highest compliment he ever gave me was when I was in my 20's. He said I had an understanding heart.

Re: What Did Your Father Teach or Impart to You During Your Childhood?

Azcowgirl — Thu, 28 Aug 2014 09:30:47 GMT

My Sweet Daddy instilled in me an insatiable love for music and the arts, and to not take life too seriously, and that laughter is good for the soul . I lost him six years ago.I keep his picture on my phone of the two of us hugging and laughing ....miss you and love you Daddy (:

Re: What Did Your Father Teach or Impart to You During Your Childhood?

biancardi — Thu, 28 Aug 2014 12:16:39 GMT

girls can do anything that boys can do. Go to college, get a career before getting married and starting a family (all of my siblings, including me, did this...I was the only one that didn't have children, because I never felt the burning need to) Make sure you are in charge of your own finances, don't leave it up to your spouse.

my love of science and space exploration came from him as well.

Re: What Did Your Father Teach or Impart to You During Your Childhood?

JuJu Squeezie — Thu, 28 Aug 2014 12:36:06 GMT

To do something correctly the first time

Not to be lazy

Men run decisions of the house

Men are in charge of the money

Housework/child care is for women

Guns are not toys and dangerous

Boys are worth more than girls

Girls just get married and have babies, not college material

Racial Prejudice

Re: What Did Your Father Teach or Impart to You During Your Childhood?

MaggieToo — Thu, 28 Aug 2014 12:53:58 GMT

Do it right the first time.

Teen years I had no calculator or PC. If I asked dad a question he'd tell me to look it up. We had a set of encyclopedias. If I asked a math question (he was an auditor), I was told to read the book and figure it out. Homework took a while longer that way, but I learned not to rely on others for much.... I didn't appreciate it at the time, but I do now. I wish I could have told him so.

Re: What Did Your Father Teach or Impart to You During Your Childhood?

Deb1010again — Thu, 28 Aug 2014 13:06:41 GMT

Mine was mostly negative. He always wanted a son and ended up with 3 daughters. To make matters worse, I was always on the chubby side and he was relentless in his comments to me about it and was largely responsible for my low self esteem and seeking external validation. He also saw us as employees and we had lots of responsibility starting at 9 years old (from running all the finances to mowing to construction/electrical to cleaning to cooking, etc...).

On the positive side he taught me to be a very responsible, accountable and dependable person. He also believed in diversity and painted some of our fisher price people (toys) brown before they had black/african american dolls.

Re: What Did Your Father Teach or Impart to You During Your Childhood?

Luv2Decorate — Thu, 28 Aug 2014 13:41:41 GMT

My Dad taught me drive. He taught me not to settle and try as hard as I can.

He taught me how to cook, how to parent (by example), and how to not take myself too seriously and have fun, laugh and goof off.

He was different with me than my brothers and my other sister.

He passed away unexpectedly at the age of 48. Miss him.

Re: What Did Your Father Teach or Impart to You During Your Childhood?

151949 — Thu, 28 Aug 2014 13:54:51 GMT

My Dad was injured in WW11 by an explosion.As a result he was deaf - though he was able to speak and read lips he also sometimes used sign language. He taught us to sign so young we don't even remember learning. This ability served me well in my years as a RN. he was a very gentle and sensitive man who had endured a harsh childhood. His father , a policeman, was shot and killed when my Dad was 6 years old and my grandmother married an alcoholic and very cruel man. His stepfather took all the kids( there were 16) out of school and put them to work in a factory, where the stepfather would collect their pay checks and spend it on booze. So my dad had only a second grade education. He learned to read as we learned to read - we would sit on his lap and read our assignments to him or sometimes , as he got better at reading he would read it to us. He enjoyed History and current events and loved to read our textbooks, and the newspaper. He also would share math homework with my brothers - learning as they did. he certainly taught us the importance of getting an education from a very young age. My dad was very artistic - he worked as a printer - printing forms for the government - but also had a second job as a painter - where he did all the decorative work. For instance when an old home would have all the decorative wood work he was the one who would paint that all out in three colors, he always emphasized to never put more than 3 colors on the outside of a house.My Mom was always the boss at our house. She was educated and had a better job than my Dad - and took care of things like the family finances, but she treated my dad with the utmost respect always. because of my dad's large family - I have 52 first cousins.

Re: What Did Your Father Teach or Impart to You During Your Childhood?

minkbunny — Thu, 28 Aug 2014 14:00:32 GMT

My father showed me, by his example, what to look for in a loving, caring man.

Re: What Did Your Father Teach or Impart to You During Your Childhood?

Burnsite — Thu, 28 Aug 2014 14:05:28 GMT

My dad was a country doctor who made house calls from 7-9 AM and 2-4 PM weekdays (office hours were 9-11 and 5-7). He taught me to be a hard worker. If he saw a stray or injured animal on his rounds, he brought it home and tried to heal it up. Our barn was a menagerie. This is where I learned to love animals. Each one was unique. My first cat, Sam, was brought home after being run over by a car. He recovered and moved indoors from the barn, becoming my feline companion. He looked just like Morris the cat, and after a few months he didn't even limp. Lived another 12 years and he was not a young cat when he was rescued.

My father had had a terrible childhood during the Depression and it left its marks: he was prone to periods of depression and his own health was not strong. But he kept his heart open and loving. Both my parents were hot-tempered and yet generous, givers rather than takers.

When I was very small, I woke from a nightmare and went looking for my mother, who was sitting downstairs in the kitchen, having made a steak dinner for my dad and herself for when he returned from delivering a baby. He hadn't shown up, but she was reading quietly and waiting. She decided to share the dinner with me. She told me it was New Year's eve and we should have a toast: pouring some oj into some soda water, we touched glasses and welcomed the New Year. He came home around dawn, jubilant as all had gone well with the home birth.

I associate my father with driving because when I was a preschooler I would join him often for house calls in the morning, staying in the car with a coloring book. (That was a different era.)

We talked. He would let me pretend to drive. When I was a teen, he taught me to drive and we would have long and deep conversations.

He loved medicine but he also loved philosophy. He studied Gandhi, Spinoza, Marcus Aurelius ... and his favorites, Emerson and Thoreau. The family made a pilgrimage (it was only about 40 miles away) to Concord every Fall, which I loved because I was a Louisa May Alcott fan. His favorite saying from Thoreau to me (as I have always loved clothes) was from Thoreau: "Beware any enterprise requiring new clothes."

Re: What Did Your Father Teach or Impart to You During Your Childhood?

Deb1010again — Thu, 28 Aug 2014 14:06:53 GMT

On 8/28/2014 bluegrassbaby said:
First of all to Deb1010again...your comment broke my heart, so emotional...sending (((HUGS))) to you. My dad taught me to be a saver financially and never have the need to depend on a man. I'm an only child and lost my dear dad to lung cancer in '92...

Thanks for the Hugs! Here are some for you (((bluegrassbaby)))

Re: What Did Your Father Teach or Impart to You During Your Childhood?

Financialgrl — Thu, 28 Aug 2014 14:18:49 GMT

Biancardi and I must have had the same father. My mother was diagnosed with cancer in my early teens and my father told us that we'd all have to pull together and there is no such thing as women's work or men's work. My sister and I had to cut the grass, edge the lawn and pull weeds just as my brothers had to cook and help with housework. My father taught me to never fear math or numbers.

I am a very analytical person - he taught me how to negotiate to buy a car on my own, how to walk away if I felt the salesman felt I was a patsy walking into a dealer and I've done it often. He taught me how to do my taxes (back in the day when they were all done by hand) and when my own taxes became much more complicated I took tax law - I want to know where every number on my tax form has come from should I be audited. My father died two years ago and I was his executrix of his estate - he had all his paperwork in order thereby making my job as executrix very easy. I am one of four children and he told us all exactly what his will contained and it was no surprise when he died - no fights, no hurt feelings, nothing. I'm guessing my family had one of the smoothest settlements of an estate, ever. He thought of everything, left great records and I was able to settle his estate without the use of a CPA or lawyer because he took care of everything while alive. Trying to do the same for my executrix!

Re: What Did Your Father Teach or Impart to You During Your Childhood?

RedHeadedWench — Thu, 28 Aug 2014 14:32:20 GMT

My father left us when I was 10, so nothing other than perhaps...what not to look for in a man.

Re: What Did Your Father Teach or Impart to You During Your Childhood?

Shorty2U — Thu, 28 Aug 2014 14:54:25 GMT

He taught me the same things my Mom taught me (see other thread). lol.

My dad and I paled around all the time. A special time for us was going to breakfast every Saturday my entire childhood (unless I had something else to do that day) and we continued to go when I got married (on Sundays -then w my new family).

He was a hard worker and a great man who had integrity. He was also a jokester, and made everyone around him smile. He treated my Mom with the ultimate love and respect until she was taken from us (way too young). He stood by me through everything I went through including a divorce and starting over again (and he loved my 2nd husband like his own).

My dad would have given anyone the shirt off his back. He was the most amazing dad any one could have asked for. He taught me so much that is too numerous to type. But lets say he instilled in me values that will last a lifetime.

I speak of him in the past tense because sadly he died 3 plus yrs ago and I still miss him and my mom, every day of my life.

Re: What Did Your Father Teach or Impart to You During Your Childhood?

deepwaterdotter — Thu, 28 Aug 2014 14:59:51 GMT

There is always someone who does it better, so try harder.

If you can't pay for it with the cash in your pocket, you can't afford it.

Burnsite, loved your description of your relationship with your father. It gives insight into your interests and beliefs as an adult. I wish you a relaxing Labor Day weekend. DEEP