topic What Is A Fair Fight? in Community Chat

What Is A Fair Fight?

jubilant — Tue, 05 Aug 2014 13:24:34 GMT

I was thinking about the changes being made here on these boards. What do you think of this statement.....?????

In a fair fight it is better to define yourself, not the other person.

Re: What Is A Fair Fight?

pinkskates4 — Tue, 05 Aug 2014 13:55:31 GMT

Not sure what this refers to.

If you are talking about a debate over issues, I think it is the issue, not the personal characteristics of the debater (perceived intelligence, compassion, etc) that should be argued and defended.

It seems to me that those with good arguments/defenses make them. Those without resort to name calling.

As to "defining yourself," that is a losing battle - it just invites the opposition to declare open season on your character/intelligence etc - and diverts the discussion from the actual issue.

Re: What Is A Fair Fight?

evelomaddict — Tue, 05 Aug 2014 14:06:19 GMT

this is what they use in marriage counseling. define your needs, instead of defining the other persons failures.

Re: What Is A Fair Fight?

Buck-i-Nana — Tue, 05 Aug 2014 14:36:48 GMT

Why does there have to be a fight at all? When did it become acceptable for a discussion and expressions of differing opinions to devolve into a fight?

Re: What Is A Fair Fight?

jubilant — Tue, 05 Aug 2014 14:57:22 GMT

On 8/5/2014 evelomaddict said:
this is what they use in marriage counseling. define your needs, instead of defining the other persons failures.

This is the same thing that comes to my mind. Once the other person has said something that is disagreeable to you, keep your mind on the subject.... not on what you think (or even know) about that other person. If they say something nasty or sarcastic... hit the ignore button in your brain . Know who you are so that what others think will not bother you so much.

Re: What Is A Fair Fight?

jubilant — Tue, 05 Aug 2014 15:01:07 GMT

On 8/5/2014 Buck-i-Nana said:
Why does there have to be a fight at all? When did it become acceptable for a discussion and expressions of differing opinions to devolve into a fight?

I guess a better way to say this is to replace the word ""fight"" with ""debate"". Although I think there can be ""hot debates"" without crossing boundary lines.

Re: What Is A Fair Fight?

jubilant — Tue, 05 Aug 2014 15:07:46 GMT

On 8/5/2014 Dagna said:
Not sure what this refers to.

If you are talking about a debate over issues, I think it is the issue, not the personal characteristics of the debater (perceived intelligence, compassion, etc) that should be argued and defended.

It seems to me that those with good arguments/defenses make them. Those without resort to name calling.

As to "defining yourself," that is a losing battle - it just invites the opposition to declare open season on your character/intelligence etc - and diverts the discussion from the actual issue.

You make some good points. I think by "define yourself"..... I meant "define why you feel the way you do on any given subject.

Re: What Is A Fair Fight?

pinkskates4 — Tue, 05 Aug 2014 17:50:00 GMT

On 8/5/2014 jubilant said:
On 8/5/2014 Dagna said:
Not sure what this refers to.

If you are talking about a debate over issues, I think it is the issue, not the personal characteristics of the debater (perceived intelligence, compassion, etc) that should be argued and defended.

It seems to me that those with good arguments/defenses make them. Those without resort to name calling.

As to "defining yourself," that is a losing battle - it just invites the opposition to declare open season on your character/intelligence etc - and diverts the discussion from the actual issue.

You make some good points. I think by "define yourself"..... I meant "define why you feel the way you do on any given subject.

I agree that in a relationship disagreement, that could be helpful - altho it does assume the other person actually cares about why you feel the way you do. In a marriage, I'd hope that would be the case, in a casual friendship, maybe not.

In a debate on - say a political issue - I think it's just asking for trouble because it then allows the other person to focus on why you are wrong to feel the way you do - rather on the substance of the merit of your original argument for or against the issue.

Even in a relationship, while it can be helpful, it can also end up like the situation where someone asks you to lend them money or do something you don't want to do and rather than just saying no and repeating that if necessary, you feel bound to explain why you can't - which then opens the door for them to argue with your reasons and try to guilt you into doing it anyway.

Re: What Is A Fair Fight?

Mama Mia — Tue, 05 Aug 2014 18:26:51 GMT

The one you win.

Re: What Is A Fair Fight?

ennui_too — Tue, 05 Aug 2014 18:47:36 GMT

If you spend too much time thinking, you end up with a bloody nose.

Re: What Is A Fair Fight?

ahoymate — Tue, 05 Aug 2014 19:14:00 GMT

The changes in this forum as of late have made this a plain vanilla, BORING experience!

Anyone who has a different opinion than the 'clique' got attacked. So these people, the majority/cliques' have made it a snooze fest! Enjoy.

Re: What Is A Fair Fight?

jubilant — Tue, 05 Aug 2014 20:07:56 GMT

On 8/5/2014 Dagna said:
On 8/5/2014 jubilant said:
On 8/5/2014 Dagna said:
Not sure what this refers to.

If you are talking about a debate over issues, I think it is the issue, not the personal characteristics of the debater (perceived intelligence, compassion, etc) that should be argued and defended.

It seems to me that those with good arguments/defenses make them. Those without resort to name calling.

As to "defining yourself," that is a losing battle - it just invites the opposition to declare open season on your character/intelligence etc - and diverts the discussion from the actual issue.

You make some good points. I think by "define yourself"..... I meant "define why you feel the way you do on any given subject.

I agree that in a relationship disagreement, that could be helpful - altho it does assume the other person actually cares about why you feel the way you do. In a marriage, I'd hope that would be the case, in a casual friendship, maybe not.

In a debate on - say a political issue - I think it's just asking for trouble because it then allows the other person to focus on why you are wrong to feel the way you do - rather on the substance of the merit of your original argument for or against the issue.

Even in a relationship, while it can be helpful, it can also end up like the situation where someone asks you to lend them money or do something you don't want to do and rather than just saying no and repeating that if necessary, you feel bound to explain why you can't - which then opens the door for them to argue with your reasons and try to guilt you into doing it anyway.

I agree. I have always been a one on one kind of gal. I readily share why I feel the way I do.....especially when face to face with a person I know. It's much easier that way as you can kind of read their body language. On these boards I think that is much more difficult. You're right, they might not give two hoots about you! When I was a young woman, I can remember going out into the world thinking ,"if I am nice to people, people will be nice to me".....Boy, was I living in a dream land! I don't live there anymore.

Re: What Is A Fair Fight?

jubilant — Tue, 05 Aug 2014 20:22:48 GMT

On 8/5/2014 Skylands said:
The changes in this forum as of late have made this a plain vanilla, BORING experience!

Anyone who has a different opinion than the 'clique' got attacked. So these people, the majority/cliques' have made it a snooze fest! Enjoy.

I can take sarcasm and snarky remarks and let it go but defaming another person and repeatedly casting them in a bad light (even when they are often wrong) rubs me the wrong way. It's the attitude of ...."I want to see them get theirs". Justice is better served when you pass the trouble makers by. Hopefully, the really unhealthy ones ,the moderators will take care of. Let's help them do that!

Re: What Is A Fair Fight?

brewhaha — Tue, 05 Aug 2014 21:24:20 GMT

One on one. Not when several people gang up on someone although I do like a good gang-bang.