topic Re: Friends hurtful comments (how to ignore?) in Community Chat

Friends hurtful comments (how to ignore?)

TX-starlight — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 10:28:07 GMT

I have very close friend & value her friendship very much. Setting the scene....we have known each other since 1st grade (we are 60 now)...I have had 4-5 jobs my entire yr, she has only had 1. Therefore I know many more people than she does due to working yrs. I stay in touch with many co-workers & other distant school friends via Facebook. Everytime I mention friends on FB, she has commented that I have too many friends on FB & too much stuff on my FB. She is also on FB, but doesn't do much except look at her g-kids stuff. Her life tends to revolve around her only daughter & G-daughter. (Maybe I am just more "social" than her,lol)

We had a huge issue between us many yrs ago & didn't speak for 3-4 yrs. We are back to normal & you would never know there was ever an issue. I value her friendship & try changing the subject when she does this. Please don't tell me to tell her how I feel, I don't want to lose her friendship again, but it really irritates me that she does this. She is somewhat moody & seems to only do this when she is in a foul mood.

Re: Friends hurtful comments (how to ignore?)

Mom2Dogs — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 12:05:02 GMT

Sorry I have no advice for you but I do know what you are saying....my best friend is single, I am married, we are both 59-60 years old. When ever I vent about my dh, which is not often, she always comments on how great it is being single as she can do what ever she wants, when she wants...(but I can too...within reason) or if I mention what I did that day, she always trumps what I did and mentions she does it all on her own....I just let it pass because her friendship is important to me but it does irk me at times...

Re: Friends hurtful comments (how to ignore?)

esmeraldagooch — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 12:26:29 GMT

I guess you have a choice. Stop talking about facebook or ignore her comments. You know it causes a reaction and what it is.

My friend has a lifelong girlfriend who doesn't do much except cross stitch. She doesn't read, watch tv or the news. Recently her friend lost her husband. She worries about her so she takes her out for coffee and invites her to do other things which she always refuses. My friend has little to talk about with her friend since her life is so shallow. She is at the point of stopping her coffee trips. Friendships are two way streets, she is tired of always being the nurturer.

Re: Friends hurtful comments (how to ignore?)

colliegirls — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 12:58:03 GMT

Not familiar with your Facebook page but many I see are ridiculous. Posting every little detail of their lives, photos of food they eat, pretending to be so busy and popular. I find many of them petty and pathetic.

Re: Friends hurtful comments (how to ignore?)

ivey — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 13:15:10 GMT

You're probably doing exactly what you should--changing the subject or just avoid mentioning anything about Facebook. You might want to control the amount of activities you post on facebook if seems like it's too much. But what can you do about too many friends? You don't want to Unlike them.

And some people are just much more ""into"" social media than others.

Re: Friends hurtful comments (how to ignore?)

pinkskates4 — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 13:52:18 GMT

You say that when you mention your friends on FB, she reacts negatively - and then you try to change the subject.

What if you didn't mention them - would she bring them up? If not, that might be your answer.

Re: Friends hurtful comments (how to ignore?)

BigOrangeKitty — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 15:08:48 GMT

Maybe she just doesn't want to hear all about your FaceBook friends. Stop mentioning them. Talk about things you two have in common and do. Obviously she isn't as popular as you are, so maybe talk about things that interest her, like her daughter and grandkids.

Re: Friends hurtful comments (how to ignore?)

151949 — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 16:11:04 GMT

Since you are aware it upsets her when you bring up the people she doesn't know on your FB why are you still doing it? Can't you converse about anything else?

Re: Friends hurtful comments (how to ignore?)

colliemom4 — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 16:13:22 GMT

Do you think she may be jealous of the other friendships you have?

Re: Friends hurtful comments (how to ignore?)

straykatz — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 16:21:26 GMT

I'm not sure why FB is a topic of discussion between you two. Why do you bring it up? Are these FB friends of yours also friends of hers....if not then I don't see why you would talk about people on your FB who are complete strangers to her.

Re: Friends hurtful comments (how to ignore?)

Clover29 — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 16:33:45 GMT

You and your friend just have uses for Facebook. Why is that hurtful?

Re: Friends hurtful comments (how to ignore?)

hckynut — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 18:11:31 GMT

I don't choose to "ignore" and I don't care if I've known them since my birth 75 years ago. My way of what you call "ignoring", as I say in about every thread similar to this is, "speak up". Don't felinefoot around, tell her exactly what is bothering you in plain understandable and unmistakable words.

Why some choose to be on any of those social media websites escapes me, but to each their own. Now if FB is the source of the problem? Solution for me would be pretty simple, after I first "spoke up", and then eliminated that source.

Just because 2 people are "best friends" does not mean their minds are connected. I can't think of any friend I have ever had that agreed with everything I do. I too have met thousands of people via work and my other activities over the decades. While I like people and consider myself to be a social being, there are many times I avoid being around humans and prefer the company of only my wife and furry family members.

Friendship is important to me, to a point. If it reaches beyond that point how it effects me going forward is more of a concern than any friendship. I have my close knit family and for me that is all I need to live out the rest of my years happily.

Re: Friends hurtful comments (how to ignore?)

BellaPaprika — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 18:18:03 GMT

If she is critical of you, she is not your friend. You did not ask for her opinion of your FB page, did you? You may be attached to her and would miss the company if she was no longer in your life. But that is not the same as her truly being a friend.

Re: Friends hurtful comments (how to ignore?)

TX-starlight — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 18:29:29 GMT

Many of our FB friends are mutual, school & town friends alike. She used to talk about FB alot, but since she has "limited" usage (due to her plan) That seems to be when it all started. Yes, we talk about things on FB in general conversation (recipes, & town news). Sonce I noticed her "sensitivy" to FB I try not to bring it up. Her boyfriend is also on FB & he acts like a teenager on there, so she gets mad about his actions, but seems to think everyone acts the same, which she knows I don't act like him. Now that I think of it,lol, it may just be a "sore subject" concerning him & FB, so she relates it over to me.

Re: Friends hurtful comments (how to ignore?)

qualitygal — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 18:30:41 GMT

You pegged it, she's moody (and a bit jealous of you) no doubt, you're social. There's some "competition" feeling going on. Yeah, I'd skip the FB thing w/her.

Re: Friends hurtful comments (how to ignore?)

ivey — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 20:47:51 GMT

You answered your own question--it's really about her boyfriend being on there. You can't help that, so just don't discuss it.

Re: Friends hurtful comments (how to ignore?)

chrystaltree — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 20:59:12 GMT

What are you looking for? Magic spells that turn the woman into different person? You know who she is, if she's your friend, you accept her just as she is. Obviously you are proud of your FB presense, is it possible that you talk about it too much? Personally, I don't like it when people blather on and on and on about people I don't know. And that type of behavior has become more prevalent since FB came on the scene. Like your friend, FB really isn't my thing. Since you know FB isn't her thing and since all your many friendships and close attachments are peopld she doesn't even know; why do you even discuss these people with her? You are awfully quick to put all the blame on her when it's obvious that you are both ticking each other off. You are old enough to remember life before FB and while you think it's the be all and end all of life; she doesn't share that opinion. So, when you hang out with her, hang out with HER. Talk about things that interest both of you. If you were a fishing enthusiast and she was not. Would you talk about fishing with her? It's the same with FB.

Re: Friends hurtful comments (how to ignore?)

chrystaltree — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 21:01:41 GMT

On 7/22/2014 TX-starlight said:
Many of our FB friends are mutual, school & town friends alike. She used to talk about FB alot, but since she has "limited" usage (due to her plan) That seems to be when it all started. Yes, we talk about things on FB in general conversation (recipes, & town news). Sonce I noticed her "sensitivy" to FB I try not to bring it up. Her boyfriend is also on FB & he acts like a teenager on there, so she gets mad about his actions, but seems to think everyone acts the same, which she knows I don't act like him. Now that I think of it,lol, it may just be a "sore subject" concerning him & FB, so she relates it over to me.

She was a friend once, she isn't your friend now. You don't even like the woman. And you have "thing" for her boyfriend.

Re: Friends hurtful comments (how to ignore?)

ROMARY — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 21:42:33 GMT

I haven't yet read the other posts. But, just reading your O/P (Thread title), seems that she might be trying to 'warn' you to be careful posting too much info. When she mentions it to you, just laugh, and say "Yeah, I know I probably shouldn't"........... . And, then, just continue on. Sometimes people just need to hear that you agree that they could be slightly right.

Re: Friends hurtful comments (how to ignore?)

jeanlake — Wed, 23 Jul 2014 01:57:32 GMT

Is your friend a bit controlling? It sounds like she has that way about her. In a loving way, you may need to teach her about boundaries. This is a tough one.