topic Re: Hurt Feelings in Community Chat

Hurt Feelings

Calcgirl — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 19:49:31 GMT

Hello Everyone,

My son is a pilot with a major airline and he has recently married a very nice lady. Yesterday he told me he gave my flight benefits to his father-in-law because he flies often and since I became a widow 3 years ago I haven't flown anywhere (true).

I don't know why this hurt me; I haven't traveled since my sweetheart passed away and his father-in-law will get better use of it. I am not a selfish person at all which makes me feel guilty that this hurt me, but it did. Why????? I never shared my feelings with them yesterday and never would, but I thought I was going to cry ( silly, right). Thankfully, the subject changed and they never noticed I was hurt.

I guess I just needed to share this with someone, so here I am.

Have a nice day

Re: Hurt Feelings

PIT-HAG Melissa — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 19:52:42 GMT

HUGS!

Sometimes things just affect us when we least expect it and don't know why . Just part of being human....

Can't he give them to all family members IF you ever want to travel again?

Re: Hurt Feelings

Preds — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 19:53:26 GMT

Sorry it hurt you, but I understand. It's because he thought to give something of yours (from him) to a Father-In-Law. It touches the heart somehow. Perhaps a little jealousy on our part that we didn't even know we have.

Re: Hurt Feelings

foundinlv — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 19:56:13 GMT

calcgirl.....if they were your flight benefits then yes it was rude of him to just give them to someone else. Perhaps you will want to travel one day. Shouldn't he have asked you first? Seems he was awfully callous to you while trying to win brownie points with his father-in-law at your expense.

Re: Hurt Feelings

raven-blackbird — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 19:56:23 GMT

I think you should share your feelings with your son........how can he know you, and what's important to you if you don't share with him...........................................raven

Re: Hurt Feelings

ROMARY — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 19:57:40 GMT

If and when you decide to travel, you can always ask him. Surely, he can transfer them back to you for a few months (or whatever). Right now, though, his FIL is probably making very good use of those flights. 'Might as well use the free passes for now'..........right?

Re: Hurt Feelings

kdgn — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 19:58:43 GMT

I understand the hurt feelings. It's a subtle reminder that your sweetie is gone and it brings back grief.

Re: Hurt Feelings

Marienkaefer2 — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 19:59:54 GMT

I don't think it's about the miles at all.

I think it's because he did it without talking to you about it first. Of course, you probably would have agreed to it. You would just have appreciated the acknowledgement beforehand.

Re: Hurt Feelings

evelomaddict — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 20:09:05 GMT

On 7/7/2014 kdgn said:
I understand the hurt feelings. It's a subtle reminder that your sweetie is gone and it brings back grief.

yes, i think this is why. all those emotions came rushing back all at once.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((( calcgirl )))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Re: Hurt Feelings

Cakers1 — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 20:50:27 GMT

On 7/7/2014 Marienkaefer2 said:
I don't think it's about the miles at all.

I think it's because he did it without talking to you about it first. Of course, you probably would have agreed to it. You would just have appreciated the acknowledgement beforehand.

Agree.

Re: Hurt Feelings

Mama Mia — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 20:55:03 GMT

I can understand your hurt. It would have been nice for him to talk to you about it first. Feelings can just pop up with things like this. It's alright to have them, but you must not let it go on. If it continues, then talk to your son about how it felt to you. Here's to helping your heart heal from this.

Re: Hurt Feelings

chessylady — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 21:09:18 GMT

Maybe you have an inner fear that his wife's family is replacing you and may travel with your son without you. If your son treats you well otherwise and makes an effort to include you, just let this pass.

Re: Hurt Feelings

SydneyH — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 21:27:35 GMT

Confused, aren't the benefits he earns his to allot as he sees fit?

Re: Hurt Feelings

shy bobcat — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 21:28:18 GMT

A big hug for you. I would feel hurt as well. We all want to be treated with love and respect especially by our family members.

Re: Hurt Feelings

Clover29 — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 21:34:54 GMT

I didn't know there was a limit, or a finite number of flights/miles: can't all eligible relatives use the benefit as much as they like?

I thought it was for spouse/partner and parents (so FIL may not be eligible, maybe). I don't see how you can give the benefits to someone else, unless the airline says you have to specify a parent and then it's unchangeable.

Re: Hurt Feelings

OCGurl — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 21:38:03 GMT

((((Hugs)))) I think it is more that your aren't doing the traveling with your sweetheart anymore and him giving your benefits to FIL reinforced that. Feel better soon!

Re: Hurt Feelings

Elstongunn — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 21:44:44 GMT

IMO, he wasn't showing you respect in that he went ahead and did it without telling you first.

Yes, the FIL would probably get better use out of them, but because YOU had them first, I think your son should have at least discussed it with you first before making the transfer. I think it showed a kind of carelessness on his part to just up and do it without letting you know first what his intentions were.

He treated you no better than a stranger or casual friend, and I think that is why it hurts.

Re: Hurt Feelings

KathyPet — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 21:46:54 GMT

but they are not YOUR flight benefits. He earned them by being a pilot and put your name as one of those entitled to,use them but they are really not "yours"

Re: Hurt Feelings

Calcgirl — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 22:36:53 GMT

On 7/7/2014 SydneyH said:
Confused, aren't the benefits he earns his to allot as he sees fit?

Of course Sydney, I never meant to imply otherwise. As I stated I have no right to even feel as I do or believe being hurt is justified, which is why I feel guilty and I would never allow my actions or words to imply otherwise. Feelings cannot be stopped only ones actions.

I hoped writing them down here would help my hurt pass.

Maybe it is as someone earlier wrote that it is a reminder of my loss of my husband and how it was in times past.

Today would have been our 50th wedding anniversary and I miss him dearly.

Re: Hurt Feelings

PIT-HAG Melissa — Mon, 07 Jul 2014 22:38:28 GMT

"Today would have been our 50th wedding anniversary and I miss him dearly."

OMG... Of course you are feeling sad and ESPECIALLY on a day like this...

((((calcgirl)))))