topic Re: I am Conflicted Over this New Practice... in Community Chat

I am Conflicted Over this New Practice...

terrier3 — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 14:43:04 GMT

I have seen more and more people creating blogs to narrate and describe problems they are facing in their lives.

Locally, a mom discovered her 5 year old had terminal brain cancer in March - she wrote a daily blog detailing the last two months of his life - up to the moment he breathed his last. Her writing is exceptional and moved me (and thousands of other people) to tears. She belongs to a large evangelical church and wrote of her faith during this terrible time. Ben had a twin - she included pictures of them living their lives day by day.

Jim Kelly, the Hall of Fame QB for Buffalo, is now facing advanced oral and nasal cancer. His wife & daughter tweet almost every day...the oldest daughter also has started a blog that will also be in our newspaper. They do updates in the paper at least 2-3 times a week. The mom & daughter also led Jim to the same church. He had been not the best dad when they discovered their only son had a rare brain disease. After the boy died, he changed his life and got faith - his wife said she was going to leave him if he didn't stop cheating and drinking, etc. His wife wrote a book about their rocky marriage and Jim's change of heart.

A woman I used to work with has an autistic son. She also started a blog and uses it to raise money for research and seek assistants to help her with her son's therapy.

Is this a new trend? Or are people freer with personal information now? I doubt I would have time to write a daily blog if a loved one was in the last stages of their life. I don't think I would want to share personal issues with anyone with a computer.

As much as I admire their writing, I also feel uneasy about knowing "too much".

Anyone else conflicted about this trend?????

Re: I am Conflicted Over this New Practice...

pommom — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 14:47:32 GMT

This may be a way for these folks to process - by sharing. Also, I'm certain they are reaching out for support, prayers and uplift.

Personally, I am a private individual and would definitely share only with those close to me. I would not be this forthcoming in social media.

These folks have a lot on their plate and find this a way of release.

Re: I am Conflicted Over this New Practice...

esmeraldagooch — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 14:52:58 GMT

Terrier3, I read Noah's dad on facebook. Noah has down syndrome. I love seeing this dad who stays home to raise his son and their daily accomplishment as Noah grows. They have now just had another son. Others with children like Noah can read how he overcomes problems and have someone to chat with. I enjoy reading his posts and seeing a dad and his success stories with Noah. At first I was curious, now its like reading a post from a friend.

Re: I am Conflicted Over this New Practice...

Irshgrl31201 — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 14:56:05 GMT

I know exactly what you mean and I too have been following Jill and Jim Kelly.

I am also conflicted on this but only because it is something I could never do myself.

I have shared my struggle with Crohns on here before but no one here knows me. Very few people in my real life know I have it. It does help to sometimes get it out here but I would never feel comfortable sharing it on a blog, facebook or any other social media where people knew my true identity. Even if I had my tonsils taken out, I wouldn't share that on any type of social media. To me, that is personal. As a matter of fact right before one of my surgeries my daughters grandmother posted something very generic on my FB wall stating that they will be praying for me and praying over the surgeons hands. I could have died. I got a million messages asking what was going on.

Having said that I certainly don't begrudge a person handling illness or any other life changing event however they see fit and what is best for them. It isn't something I could ever do but I do realize that it can be helpful not only for the blogger but also the reader. I think many times it raises awareness. I have known several people who have been diagnosed with a certain illness after reading about it from someone else who struggled with it. They may have never known if it weren't for that.

Re: I am Conflicted Over this New Practice...

nunya — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 14:56:31 GMT

Perhaps it's their way of dealing with it.

I like my privacy, so it's not something I would do.

Also, to me, it's a respect thing. I don't talk about my family or share details about them. My thoughts and memories are mine.

Re: I am Conflicted Over this New Practice...

Buck-i-Nana — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 15:01:07 GMT

I can understand writing a blog and even sharing it, possibly, with friends and family. I don't understand the unlimited sharing that takes place anymore and I wonder what, if any, consequences there will be years down the road.

Re: I am Conflicted Over this New Practice...

Yuban3 — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 15:04:41 GMT

On 6/23/2014 Buck-i-Nana said:
I can understand writing a blog and even sharing it, possibly, with friends and family. I don't understand the unlimited sharing that takes place anymore and I wonder what, if any, consequences there will be years down the road.

I don't know about "consequences" of blogging about a trying time in your life, but writing about, and even reading about it, can let the writer and reader know that they are not alone in what they are going through.

Re: I am Conflicted Over this New Practice...

terrier3 — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 15:05:45 GMT

On 6/23/2014 Irshgrl31201 said:
I know exactly what you mean and I too have been following Jill and Jim Kelly.

I am also conflicted on this but only because it is something I could never do myself.

I have shared my struggle with Crohns on here before but no one here knows me. Very few people in my real life know I have it. It does help to sometimes get it out here but I would never feel comfortable sharing it on a blog, facebook or any other social media where people knew my true identity. Even if I had my tonsils taken out, I wouldn't share that on any type of social media. To me, that is personal. As a matter of fact right before one of my surgeries my daughters grandmother posted something very generic on my FB wall stating that they will be praying for me and praying over the surgeons hands. I could have died. I got a million messages asking what was going on.

Having said that I certainly don't begrudge a person handling illness or any other life changing event however they see fit and what is best for them. It isn't something I could ever do but I do realize that it can be helpful not only for the blogger but also the reader. I think many times it raises awareness. I have known several people who have been diagnosed with a certain illness after reading about it from someone else who struggled with it. They may have never known if it weren't for that.

I worked with Jim and have known him since before he was dating Jill. I went to parties at their home when I dated another player from the team at that time.

I knew about his "double life" re: his son, his inattentiveness and the problems in his marriage.

Jill joined the church to get support at a time when Jim wasn't there for her or his daughters and dying son. She even related in the book that when Hunter was in the hospital dying, Jim rushed back from wherever he was...and went to the wrong hospital!

I just am non-plussed that she shared all these issues with the world...and even went on a book tour. I know it's partly her way of sharing her born again faith...but TMI, in my opinion. Now it's started up again with the recurrence of his cancer.

Re: I am Conflicted Over this New Practice...

kdgn — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 15:10:41 GMT

Several years ago someone I know started a blog at the urging of some fellow dog owners. Her dog had congenital spinal issues, had surgery once and then two years later it hit again, paralyzing him. She wrote of his surgery, the slow road to recovery, what they did and how they helped him along the way.

She has since removed the blog, but from what I understand it helped so many others facing issues with their dogs. She included photos along with the daily reports. In addition to helping others, it helped her. It was therapeutic.

I would say that's the same thing going on with others who start blogs detailing what's happening in their lives, whether it's Down's, cancer, accident recovery. It's therapeutic for them and it may help others who are dealing with something similar. I think it takes a strong person to put it out there for others to read-the criticisms will come, the "you should do this instead of that".

The person writing the blog is much like someone who attends a support group but is reaching a much broader audience. They get feedback, some good and some negative. I follow one written by a mom of a Down's son, the one who made internet news when her son was called ugly.

Re: I am Conflicted Over this New Practice...

Buck-i-Nana — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 15:13:04 GMT

On 6/23/2014 Yuban3 said:
On 6/23/2014 Buck-i-Nana said:
I can understand writing a blog and even sharing it, possibly, with friends and family. I don't understand the unlimited sharing that takes place anymore and I wonder what, if any, consequences there will be years down the road.

I don't know about "consequences" of blogging about a trying time in your life, but writing about, and even reading about it, can let the writer and reader know that they are not alone in what they are going through.

Information shared cannot be unshared. Children grow up and will eventually have to cope with all the info shared. Look at the problems so many child actors encounter, and children of celebrities.

I just find these blogs more of the "look at me" syndrome that has evolved through social media.

Re: I am Conflicted Over this New Practice...

minkbunny — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 15:15:58 GMT

Being at the bedside of a critically ill person for an extended period of time gives a person a lot of free hours. If they choose to share their daily experiences with others that might receive comfort from knowing that worry and grief is a universal emotion, that is their right to do so.

Assuming no one is forced to read any of the blogs or writings of these loved ones just trying to get through one more long, lonely day or night, I applaud their strength and wish them all well.

Re: I am Conflicted Over this New Practice...

brii — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 15:21:08 GMT

I'm a private person. I would never do that.

Sometimes I think people write those things to get attention for themselves...

Re: I am Conflicted Over this New Practice...

Junebug54 — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 15:21:20 GMT

On the flip side of the coin I would not want a blog written about me if I was seriously ill or dying. It seems disrespectful of that person to me anyway.

Re: I am Conflicted Over this New Practice...

Emma bunting — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 15:21:56 GMT

I don't understand why you are conflicted..........unless it's something you, yourself are considering doing, which you've already said you don't have time for.

Blogging is these people's choice. I'm sure they do it for a variety of reasons, none of which should cause any conflict for you. If you feel "uneasy knowing too much" as you said.....don't read the blog. Pretty simple.

Re: I am Conflicted Over this New Practice...

bikerbabe — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 15:22:36 GMT

I am very open about my personal struggles - bulimia, suicidal, DH's PTSD, my mother's death, abused as a child by my alcoholic stepfather. It is benficial to me and maybe I can help someone else by talking about my journey. I speak openly with people I meet, have given speeches and written papers in college. I'm not a blogger but there is nothing wrong with it as long as you have the permission of anyone involved to speak about it.

Re: I am Conflicted Over this New Practice...

colliemom4 — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 15:28:38 GMT

There is also a new practice of people asking for money for all sorts of things on websites.

Re: I am Conflicted Over this New Practice...

terrier3 — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 15:38:20 GMT

On 6/23/2014 Emma bunting said:
I don't understand why you are conflicted..........unless it's something you, yourself are considering doing, which you've already said you don't have time for.

Blogging is these people's choice. I'm sure they do it for a variety of reasons, none of which should cause any conflict for you. If you feel "uneasy knowing too much" as you said.....don't read the blog. Pretty simple.

I admire the beauty of the writing...especially Blue4ben (the mom of the boy who died from cancer), but I also think it is narcissistic and self-serving. Sometimes you just have to carry on. Ben's twin doesn't want to visit the grave - why force him go and take pictures of the dirt and place them on the blog?

I admire Jill Kelly's honesty in admitting life with her husband was no bed of roses...but I don't think that her 2 girls would appreciate hearing about their dad's issues...not to mention putting them in a book for the world to see. I also don't see how "finding Jesus" is the answer to all their problems.

I'm not planning on reading anymore of the Jim Kelly stuff...even though it's re-printed on the front page of the paper!

Re: I am Conflicted Over this New Practice...

terrier3 — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 15:38:50 GMT

On 6/23/2014 colliemom3 said:
There is also a new practice of people asking for money for all sorts of things on websites.

That's true...the Blue4ben site has a separate page for fundraising!

Re: I am Conflicted Over this New Practice...

Free2be — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 15:38:51 GMT

Most everyone goes through some kind of major life upheaval or challenge or whatever term that fits. Many go through it stoically alone or in private, many have the urge to share every step of every day and the rest fall somewhere in the middle.

A neighbor from childhood developed a sudden terminal event which was documented on line with daily news and photos right on through the funeral. I was a silent observer and although I thought him to be a terrible person with good reason, I saw that he matured into a much beloved husband, father, and friend. I am grateful they shared. Who can know how shared grief helps another in large or small ways.

Like it has been said, no one is forced to follow the journey.

Re: I am Conflicted Over this New Practice...

minkbunny — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 15:39:33 GMT

It suddenly became clear what the issue with the writings is.