topic Re: Oh the irony.... in Community Chat

Oh the irony....

JustJules — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 04:02:00 GMT

First of all, let me say this is not a pity party post, but I just got home from doing some shopping and had a strange occurrence and wondered if anyone else has experienced something similar. For those that know me, they are aware that my dad died in April and I was his care provider before he got sick, and I didn't have much time to make myself a priority. The past few months have taken a toll on me physically and mentally. So anyway... I was doing some shopping and encountered someone I had not seen for a couple months... and she says to me "you've lost weight, you look great".....and I am wearing sweat pants and a ball cap and hardly any makeup, and I feel exhausted and the last thing I feel is great, but I say "thanks, I guess I have, it's the stress diet." I was not heavy to begin with, but admittedly my clothes are starting to fall off me, and not for good reason. I informed her about my dad, she had not heard, we exchanged some more pleasantries and as I was walking away she yelled out to me, "You look really great!" Gotta love having everyone in hearing range turn and look at me, and most probably thought, if that is great WTHeck did she look like before? LOL It has been difficult for me to eat or sleep, my body is not healthy by any means, yet this woman is telling me I look great?????? I just found the whole thing ironic. If she only knew the pain and suffering I have been experiencing while trying to maintain some sort of health. To be applauded for being unhealthy seems bizarre to me, because when I look in the mirror, I know what I look like healthy. It just made me wonder how others perceive us from the outside.

Re: Oh the irony....

Jannabelle — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 04:05:15 GMT

Sounds like she was being kind and wanted to encourage you, I don't think she thought the way you did........,,,most women want to hear that they look good...sometimes people have good intentions.

Re: Oh the irony....

tansy — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 04:07:13 GMT

My take is the same as Jannabelle's. It may have come awkward but was well intentioned.

Re: Oh the irony....

Cakers1 — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 04:09:07 GMT

Re: Oh the irony....

september — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 04:09:39 GMT

I'm sorry for all you've been through, but maybe you look better than you think you do. To this acquaintance, you might have looked slim, casual, maybe you even looked like you just came from a workout at the gym, based on how you were dressed.

I'd take it as a compliment.

Re: Oh the irony....

Lila Belle — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 04:10:04 GMT

I agree with Jannabelle and tansy.

Re: Oh the irony....

VanSleepy — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 04:12:26 GMT

She doesn't know if you are healthy or not. She noticed that you lost weight and mentioned it. You're getting upset that someone tried to compliment you.

Re: Oh the irony....

sylviahomeatlast — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 04:15:18 GMT

Jules---I was in the hospital for 4 1/2 months---6 weeks later I was back again----fast forward 2 years---I lost 60 pounds and the same remarks were said to me---I'm still very small ---I learned to say when rudely questioned: how much do you weigh? what size do you wear? and the best---are you trying to lose weight?------I say thanks for asking----I understand you---Jules. love 'ya

Re: Oh the irony....

JustJules — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 04:16:29 GMT

On 6/12/2014 VanSleepy said: She doesn't know if you are healthy or not. She noticed that you lost weight and mentioned it. You're getting upset that someone tried to compliment you.

No VanSleepy, I am not getting upset that someone complimented me, that was not my point at all. Like my last sentence stated, it makes me wonder how others perceive us. Some think we look great on the outside while we are crumbling within, and on the other end of the spectrum some are given no credit when they are the strongest. I'm sorry you missed my point. I did appreciate her compliment for sure, it made my day.

Re: Oh the irony....

NoelSeven — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 04:16:45 GMT

Jules, I may understand what you're saying. It's a common complaint from people with a chronic illness. There it's about people who feel terrible on the inside and resent it that others don't see their pain. Does that fit?

Re: Oh the irony....

JustJules — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 04:19:33 GMT

On 6/12/2014 NoelSeven said: Jules, I may understand what you're saying. It's a common complaint from people with a chronic illness. There it's about people who feel terrible on the inside and resent it that others don't see their pain. Does that fit?

You've got it Noel.

Re: Oh the irony....

croemer — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 04:21:13 GMT

I agree with janna here, your friend did not know they circumstances and just noticed the weight loss...I think she was just giving a compliment not knowing a sad event had happened in your life Jules.

Re: Oh the irony....

sidsmom — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 04:21:18 GMT

My sports radio guys call this....."A Bear Trap Moment"....walking along unsuspecting & SNAP!...you can't get out of that crazy bear trap. She thought it was a good thing by saying 'you lost weight, you look great'....of course, your unfortunate circumstances were the bear trap. It probably was awkward for her to try & end the conversation on an up note. Yes, ironic, for sure, but I'm sure she probably didn't mean any ill-will. Girlie...you better take care of yourself, K?

Re: Oh the irony....

NoelSeven — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 04:21:22 GMT

On 6/12/2014 Jules5280 said:
On 6/12/2014 VanSleepy said: She doesn't know if you are healthy or not. She noticed that you lost weight and mentioned it. You're getting upset that someone tried to compliment you.

Like my last sentence stated, it makes me wonder how others perceive us. Some think we look great on the outside while we are crumbling within...

There it is!

Re: Oh the irony....

Jannabelle — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 04:21:57 GMT

On 6/12/2014 NoelSeven said: Jules, I may understand what you're saying. It's a common complaint from people with a chronic illness. There it's about people who feel terrible on the inside and resent it that others don't see their pain. Does that fit?

People can only see the outside, and sometimes if people sense that one is down, they may try to find a way to lift them up....and it may not be what that person needs to hear, but isn't it better than being told how sickly one looks?

I can understand why it would feel weird to be told you look great when you feel crummy and not attractive, I just think others see us different than what we see our selves.

Re: Oh the irony....

JustJules — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 04:22:02 GMT

On 6/12/2014 sylviahomeatlast said: Jules---I was in the hospital for 4 1/2 months---6 weeks later I was back again----fast forward 2 years---I lost 60 pounds and the same remarks were said to me---I'm still very small ---I learned to say when rudely questioned: how much do you weigh? what size do you wear? and the best---are you trying to lose weight?------I say thanks for asking----I understand you---Jules. love 'ya

Thanks Sylvia.... love ya back. Keep holding down the 5280 for me, I'll make it back someday.

Re: Oh the irony....

croemer — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 04:22:12 GMT

On 6/12/2014 Jules5280 said:
On 6/12/2014 NoelSeven said: Jules, I may understand what you're saying. It's a common complaint from people with a chronic illness. There it's about people who feel terrible on the inside and resent it that others don't see their pain. Does that fit?

You've got it Noel.

Well said by Noel.

Re: Oh the irony....

NoelSeven — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 04:23:11 GMT

On 6/12/2014 Jules5280 said:
On 6/12/2014 NoelSeven said: Jules, I may understand what you're saying. It's a common complaint from people with a chronic illness. There it's about people who feel terrible on the inside and resent it that others don't see their pain. Does that fit?

You've got it Noel.

I want you to know I get it completely. Every little nuance

Re: Oh the irony....

NoelSeven — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 04:25:39 GMT

On 6/12/2014 Jannabelle said:
On 6/12/2014 NoelSeven said: Jules, I may understand what you're saying. It's a common complaint from people with a chronic illness. There it's about people who feel terrible on the inside and resent it that others don't see their pain. Does that fit?

People can only see the outside, and sometimes if people sense that one is down, they may try to find a way to lift them up....and it may not be what that person needs to hear, but isn't it better than being told how sickly one looks?

I can understand why it would feel weird to be told you look great when you feel crummy and not attractive, I just think others see us different than what we see our selves.

It's not about any of that.

Re: Oh the irony....

JustJules — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 04:28:30 GMT

On 6/12/2014 sidsmom said:
My sports radio guys call this....."A Bear Trap Moment"....walking along unsuspecting & SNAP!...you can't get out of that crazy bear trap. She thought it was a good thing by saying 'you lost weight, you look great'....of course, your unfortunate circumstances were the bear trap. It probably was awkward for her to try & end the conversation on an up note. Yes, ironic, for sure, but I'm sure she probably didn't mean any ill-will. Girlie...you better take care of yourself, K?

Of course I know she didn't mean any ill will, and it was probably awkward for her when I told her my dad had died. I mean, a compliment is a compliment... and I am flattered that she thought I looked great, even if I didn't feel it or believe it. Again, perhaps I didn't explain it well enough in my OP but I just wondered if anyone else has felt that experience of being told they look their best when they feel their worst? I mean, of course she could have totally been blowing smoke up my butt too... but if even part of it was true, it was still an improvement on how I have been feeling. And yes, I know sidsmom, I need to take care of myself because I am responsible for this adorable and crazy furbaby named Mia.