topic Re: Cash Wedding Gift - How much? in Community Chat

Cash Wedding Gift - How much?

shannara — Wed, 21 May 2014 20:28:08 GMT

We are attending the wedding of a very nice young man who did a college internship under my husband's management at his place of work. Hubby and I were discussing how much we should give for a wedding gift. I always think it should be more than he says. Don't really want to ask other guests who are associates of my husband as it is none of our business what anyone else gives. I have no idea what other people give and therefore don't know if we're being generous (which I always prefer to be) or not.

Husband considers him to be a friend and occasionally plays golf with him but they are not in our immediate social circle and are young enough to be our children. What would you consider a generous gift for this relationship? Thanks for your opinions.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift - How much?

scotttie — Wed, 21 May 2014 20:30:22 GMT

Are you attending the reception? That makes a difference. You want to be sure to cover the cost of your meal plus.

I think that there are suggestions on google for this. I remember reading one time what the parameters were but I can't remember.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift - How much?

Mominohio — Wed, 21 May 2014 20:35:02 GMT

I'm sure this type of thing also is measured by your income. For us, considering the relationship you mentioned as well, we would be inclined to give about $50, maybe up to $100 if we knew him well. More than that would be a struggle for us to part with at one time for such an event.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift - How much?

Cranberries — Wed, 21 May 2014 20:36:06 GMT

Give what you can afford and give what you feel comfortable with.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift - How much?

donovan — Wed, 21 May 2014 20:39:46 GMT

There is no such rule as 'cover your plate'. How am I supposed to know how much your reception cost? That would mean that someone I don't know very well but they had an expensive wedding would get more from me than my niece who had a modest one.

I give based on how close I am with the bride or groom. Family members get more $$ no matter if they have a huge wedding or a piece of cake in the church basement. And then it goes downhill from there.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift - How much?

scotttie — Wed, 21 May 2014 20:41:04 GMT

On 5/21/2014 donovan said:
There is no such rule as 'cover your plate'. How am I supposed to know how much your reception cost? That would mean that someone I don't know very well but they had an expensive wedding would get more from me than my niece who had a modest one.

I give based on how close I am with the bride or groom. Family members get more $$ no matter if they have a huge wedding or a piece of cake in the church basement. And then it goes downhill from there.

I didn't make that up. I read it someplace.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift - How much?

deepwaterdotter — Wed, 21 May 2014 20:41:10 GMT

I just attended the wedding of a former co-worker and gifted the new couple a $50 bill.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift - How much?

tansy — Wed, 21 May 2014 20:41:39 GMT

Meet in the middle of what your husband and you think is appropriate.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift - How much?

gidgetgh — Wed, 21 May 2014 20:41:42 GMT

On 5/21/2014 scotttie said:
Are you attending the reception? That makes a difference. You want to be sure to cover the cost of your meal plus.

I think that there are suggestions on google for this. I remember reading one time what the parameters were but I can't remember.

Ya know.... until I read this here a few years ago I had never heard of having your wedding gift cover the cost of your meal. Never. How in the heck are you supposed to know the cost of your meal? Call and ask them? Scottie- not giving you a hard time at all- just using your post as I've heard that a lot here.

I've always just gotten something off the registry and have sprung for a higher priced item if it's someone close to me.

In this case, if you're sending money instead of a gift, I'd send $50 I guess.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift - How much?

Photo Donna — Wed, 21 May 2014 20:42:28 GMT

On 5/21/2014 scotttie said:
Are you attending the reception? That makes a difference. You want to be sure to cover the cost of your meal plus.

I think that there are suggestions on google for this. I remember reading one time what the parameters were but I can't remember.

I disagree -- the gift is the gift and should have no connection to what someone is spending on a reception.

$50 to $150 depending on your situation and how well you know the couple.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift - How much?

minkbunny — Wed, 21 May 2014 20:43:29 GMT

I was going to say $100 as well. That would be a fine gift considering he is not in your immediate social circle of friends.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift - How much?

Cranberries — Wed, 21 May 2014 20:43:55 GMT

I too only heard about the whole money given = reception cost here. Never heard such a thing otherwise. I don't agree with it either, plus unless you ask, which is rude, you have no idea how much they spend per plate/per guest.

Edit, in for this thread not ending well.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift - How much?

scotttie — Wed, 21 May 2014 20:44:49 GMT

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/wedding-gift-etiquette-what-to-give-and-how-much/

http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/attending-wedding/articles/5-rules-of-wedding-gift-giving.aspx

Couple of articles above. I just googled ""How Much to give for a wedding present'

Re: Cash Wedding Gift - How much?

Photo Donna — Wed, 21 May 2014 20:45:02 GMT

On 5/21/2014 Cranberries said:
I too only heard about the whole money given = reception cost here. Never heard such a thing otherwise. I don't agree with it either, plus unless you ask, which is rude, you have no idea how much they spend per plate/per guest.

And how would you know how elaborate the reception is until you get there? Gifts are usually sent before, right?

Re: Cash Wedding Gift - How much?

lulu2 — Wed, 21 May 2014 20:45:25 GMT

It depends where you live. We've had numerous threads about wedding gifts. In some areas of the country, $50 is the average gift. In other areas it's closer to $200.

As for covering the cost of your meal, how would a guest know how much the couple spent?

Re: Cash Wedding Gift - How much?

151949 — Wed, 21 May 2014 20:45:33 GMT

On 5/21/2014 donovan said:
There is no such rule as 'cover your plate'. How am I supposed to know how much your reception cost? That would mean that someone I don't know very well but they had an expensive wedding would get more from me than my niece who had a modest one.

I give based on how close I am with the bride or groom. Family members get more $$ no matter if they have a huge wedding or a piece of cake in the church basement. And then it goes downhill from there.

I have never heard this anywhere but here either. I also judge the gift by how close, or not, we are to the couple. And, of course, you should NEVER go into debt to give a wedding gift.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift - How much?

donovan — Wed, 21 May 2014 20:46:07 GMT

Oh I don't think you made it up Scottie, just that it isn't true.

Google it, and you will find:

'Let’s be clear this is NOT a reception norm. As a matter of fact some say the cover-your-plate custom is a myth perpetuated by greedy brides. This idea is largely disparaged and denied by every single etiquette expert, including Emily Post and Miss Manners.

Columnist, Carolyn Hax says, “How ridiculous — and grabby, and rude — the cover-your-plate requirement really is.” She continues, “It’s also not a requirement at all but instead a corrupt little myth. You are under no obligation to reduce your love and support for your friends into a quid pro quo with the wedding couple and their caterer.”

Re: Cash Wedding Gift - How much?

nlwilliams — Wed, 21 May 2014 20:46:51 GMT

What you can afford.

Re: Cash Wedding Gift - How much?

scotttie — Wed, 21 May 2014 20:46:59 GMT

I don't think anyone should ever stretch their own budget to give a wedding gift. I agree with give what you can afford.

The part about covering the cost of your meal is something I read someplace once. I remembered it because I hadn't heard of it. I'm not married to the idea. :-)

Re: Cash Wedding Gift - How much?

scotttie — Wed, 21 May 2014 20:48:27 GMT

On 5/21/2014 donovan said:
Oh I don't think you made it up Scottie, just that it isn't true.

Google it, and you will find:

'Let’s be clear this is NOT a reception norm. As a matter of fact some say the cover-your-plate custom is a myth perpetuated by greedy brides. This idea is largely disparaged and denied by every single etiquette expert, including Emily Post and Miss Manners.

Columnist, Carolyn Hax says, “How ridiculous — and grabby, and rude — the cover-your-plate requirement really is.” She continues, “It’s also not a requirement at all but instead a corrupt little myth. You are under no obligation to reduce your love and support for your friends into a quid pro quo with the wedding couple and their caterer.”

Thank you!

funny that greedy brides probably made it up LOL!