topic Re: Looking for your thoughts... in Community Chat

Looking for your thoughts...

Michael Knight — Tue, 06 May 2014 23:56:27 GMT

Hi all, this is my first post here, I am looking for some viewpoints on a dilemma my family is having. In 1993 when I was just a kid, my family started a tradition of going to florida every year for a summer vacation to disney. We always drove and always had a great time. When I met my wife in 1998 she joined the yearly trip as well. In 1999 when my sister met her husband he too was invited to come along on the annual family vacation. We continued to take the yearly family vacations through thick and thin together every year since. Fast forward to this year, my sister and I each have 2 kids of our own. The thing is that my dad was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago and for the first time since we started going on our yearly family vacations, he will not be able to go. My sister still wants to go this year but I am torn. What would any of you do if faced with this situation. I know my mother would probably be upset if we went without them, I just don't know what to do. Thanks.

Re: Looking for your thoughts...

croemer — Wed, 07 May 2014 00:00:34 GMT

How about bringing it up with your parents and tell them you are conflicted and worried about their feelings?

Something tells me your parents will say to go...unless your Dad is in a tenuous situation.

Re: Looking for your thoughts...

JustJules — Wed, 07 May 2014 00:06:07 GMT

Interesting first post. First of all, my condolences on your father's cancer, that is tough stuff. I think you answered your own question. If you know your mother would probably be upset if you went on this trip without him, then you should either not go or discuss it with them in advance. You mentioned it was a "summer" trip, so I would presume you still have time to sort this before people book their plans? Perhaps your dad would want you all to go and enjoy and send him pics? However, depending on your father's diagnosis, if his time is limited...why would you want to go on a trip rather than all of you going to spend time with him? Disney will be there a long time.... your father won't... I just lost mine so trust me on this. Best of luck to you and your family.

Re: Looking for your thoughts...

focksie — Wed, 07 May 2014 00:08:46 GMT

If they were my parents I wouldn't be going. They're your parents after all and your dad is not well. You've already taken numerous trips with the family. It's just a trip. A trip can always be put off for another time. One's parents can't.

Re: Looking for your thoughts...

Elstongunn — Wed, 07 May 2014 00:10:42 GMT

If YOU don't feel comfortable going, then don't go and let the others do what they want. If they want to go, then they can go. Does EVERYONE have to go on this yearly vacation, or no one goes at all?

Just do what you feel is right for you; let the others decide for themselves.

Re: Looking for your thoughts...

grandma_2_2 — Wed, 07 May 2014 00:12:23 GMT

On 5/6/2014 Jules5280 said:
Interesting first post. First of all, my condolences on your father's cancer, that is tough stuff. I think you answered your own question. If you know your mother would probably be upset if you went on this trip without him, then you should either not go or discuss it with them in advance. You mentioned it was a "summer" trip, so I would presume you still have time to sort this before people book their plans? Perhaps your dad would want you all to go and enjoy and send him pics? However, depending on your father's diagnosis, if his time is limited...why would you want to go on a trip rather than all of you going to spend time with him? Disney will be there a long time.... your father won't... I just lost mine so trust me on this. Best of luck to you and your family.

I agree with Jules. The dynamic of the vacation has already changed by the fact that your dad will be missing. It just wouldn't be the same, and would you really enjoy yourself, knowing he wasn't there?

You can always go on vacation. You can't always be with your Dad. Best wishes to him and your family.

Re: Looking for your thoughts...

Michael Knight — Wed, 07 May 2014 00:12:48 GMT

The cancer diagnoses really hit my family hard. My sister and I are trying to justify the trip because of the kids. Obviously my dad is more important to me than any vacation and I was leaning towards not going at all. My sister however thinks going shouldn't be a problem because we have children of our own now. I will definitely talk it over with mom and dad, I was just trying to get some unbiased opinions.

Re: Looking for your thoughts...

grandma_2_2 — Wed, 07 May 2014 00:15:47 GMT

On 5/6/2014 Michael Knight said: The cancer diagnoses really hit my family hard. My sister and I are trying to justify the trip because of the kids. Obviously my dad is more important to me than any vacation and I was leaning towards not going at all. My sister however thinks going shouldn't be a problem because we have children of our own now. I will definitely talk it over with mom and dad, I was just trying to get some unbiased opinions.

Kids are very adaptable. Maybe it's time to start some new traditions. They will understand.

Re: Looking for your thoughts...

focksie — Wed, 07 May 2014 00:21:35 GMT

On 5/6/2014 Michael Knight said: The cancer diagnoses really hit my family hard. My sister and I are trying to justify the trip because of the kids. Obviously my dad is more important to me than any vacation and I was leaning towards not going at all. My sister however thinks going shouldn't be a problem because we have children of our own now. I will definitely talk it over with mom and dad, I was just trying to get some unbiased opinions.

Not sure I understand the bolded sentence. Do you mean your sister thinks her children should take priority and their needs are more important than your parents' needs or wishes?

I would disagree. Your parents are going through a tough battle and need all the support they can get. It's important for children to learn how to handle disappointment and as another poster said to learn to adapt to a changing situation. Your sister can make it up to them in another way if she wants to.

Re: Looking for your thoughts...

JustJules — Wed, 07 May 2014 00:30:24 GMT

And we're off... welcome to the forum Michael... there is no such thing as an "unbiased opinion" around here.

Every family is different, and if your sister wants to go on the trip you should not feel obligated to. Wouldn't it maybe be nice for your kids and hers to visit with their grandfather while they can? Again. just because you have a trip that has become a tradition, doesn't mean you don't break for life-changing events, and your dad's cancer diagnosis is life changing. I think you should start with speaking to your parents, especially your dad, then go from there. Nobody can predict the future, but try to imagine how you would feel if you were out on your traditional Disney trip and your father passed, when you had the chance to be with him? It might sound harsh, but it is something to seriously consider. Perhaps your sister is in a bit of denial? Again, you have to do what is right for you. Prayers for your father.

Re: Looking for your thoughts...

bikerbabe — Wed, 07 May 2014 00:32:40 GMT

Make different plans this summer that are closer to home.

Re: Looking for your thoughts...

Marp2 — Wed, 07 May 2014 00:44:24 GMT

Is your father unable to go on the trip because of treatment he is receiving or because the cancer is at the point where he is debilitated and threatened?

Re: Looking for your thoughts...

terrier3 — Wed, 07 May 2014 00:47:42 GMT

On 5/6/2014 Michael Knight said: The cancer diagnoses really hit my family hard. My sister and I are trying to justify the trip because of the kids. Obviously my dad is more important to me than any vacation and I was leaning towards not going at all. My sister however thinks going shouldn't be a problem because we have children of our own now. I will definitely talk it over with mom and dad, I was just trying to get some unbiased opinions.

I would say that in light of your dad's treatment, the trip should be POSTPONED until he is feeling better and is able to go along with you all.

I am assuming that your dad will be having treatments and isn't yet terminal. If he is terminally ill, you should have a staycation near your folks, so he can see the kids as often as possible.

Re: Looking for your thoughts...

stevieb — Wed, 07 May 2014 01:21:14 GMT

Do you actually want to go? It doesn't sound as though you do. And if you don't then a 'promise' made decades ago before things changed significantly might be worth a bit of reexamination.

Re: Looking for your thoughts...

Allegheny — Wed, 07 May 2014 01:54:03 GMT

I can only speak for myself. I couldn't go.

Re: Looking for your thoughts...

birddrops — Wed, 07 May 2014 01:57:26 GMT

Is your father terminal?

If I was the parent I would want my kids and grandkids to go ahead and go. And I have had cancer, and been through cancer treatment. I was determined that no one's life would change anymore than it had to.

Re: Looking for your thoughts...

ROMARY — Wed, 07 May 2014 02:11:35 GMT

Very sorry to hear about your Dad's illness. You should, IMO, be there with your Dad and dear Mom. They both need support right now. Disneyland wouldn't be my top priority. You'll be better off not going, in the long run. In the 'big picture' of life. Just make up your mind now. Hopefully you'll decline the trip. Just my opinion/experiences. Sending wishes of comfort to your Dad and Mom.

Re: Looking for your thoughts...

ROMARY — Wed, 07 May 2014 02:15:42 GMT

Our kids have to learn that everything isn't possible all of the time. I would tell my children that Disneyland will be there next year and that Grandpa and Grandma are our top priority right now. That we are going to spend time with them, trying to be helpful and cheerful. This will teach them lifelong lessons: Be patient. Be helpful.

Re: Looking for your thoughts...

nunya — Wed, 07 May 2014 02:21:16 GMT

On 5/6/2014 ROMARY said:
Our kids have to learn that everything isn't possible all of the time. I would tell my children that Disneyland will be there next year and that Grandpa and Grandma are our top priority right now. That we are going to spend time with them, trying to be helpful and cheerful. This will teach them lifelong lessons: Be patient. Be helpful.

I agree with you.

Re: Looking for your thoughts...

Marienkaefer2 — Wed, 07 May 2014 02:29:28 GMT

I agree with those that say the trip should be postponed.

Hopefully, he will go into remission, and then he can go with you!

Thinking about the trip might help cheer him up!