topic Re: Two Part Question about Relationships in Community Chat

Two Part Question about Relationships

JBKO — Fri, 02 May 2014 04:17:19 GMT

Good evening everybody. My coworker and I were talking about couples in relationships or "in love". I pointed out that one would think that someone happy and in love would be positive and have a sunny disposition. Not always but in general. I have encountered a lot of people who are just the opposite though. I don't know I have never been in love but I've had crushes and just thinking about him made me cheerful. Also, do you know of many people who just cannot be alone and need to be in a relationship all the time even with someone he or she is not crazy about? I'm encountering more and more people like that. Again hard for me to understand since ilike to be alone than in bad company. As always, curious to hear what you all think.

Re: Two Part Question about Relationships

151949 — Fri, 02 May 2014 04:27:00 GMT

I would definitely rather be alone than with someone I don't like. Often times, though, people fall in love with someone who can't make them happy. Sometimes people have mental illnesses and can not be happy no matter who or what is in their lives.You are not inside anyone else's brain so it is not possible to know what is really going on in their lives.

Re: Two Part Question about Relationships

ROMARY — Fri, 02 May 2014 04:29:50 GMT

'I don't know', but I'm thinking that I've been watching too many Judge Judy episodes........'You know', when very nice, attractive, seemingly intelligent girls are giving their money to those 'losers' (no job, no car, etc.). And then, when they break up, these women want all of their money back. Gee, I might be off topic........I'll have to check out O/P's original thread header.

Re: Two Part Question about Relationships

ROMARY — Fri, 02 May 2014 04:34:23 GMT

I'm back........'Oh, yeh'...........We see a lot (underline lot) of young women driving around these guys (their boyfriends).............how happy could those women be, acting like a mom, driving around her 'son' (boyfriend). I don't get it. Used to be a time when the boyfriend had a car and picked up his girlfriend. What all has happened?

Re: Two Part Question about Relationships

evelomaddict — Fri, 02 May 2014 04:34:40 GMT

some people are just crabby and it has nothing to do with them being in love or not.

Re: Two Part Question about Relationships

tansy — Fri, 02 May 2014 04:41:51 GMT

No matter how good your relationship is you can't be happy every minute of the day and another person cannot make you happy.

Re: Two Part Question about Relationships

Rock_chick — Fri, 02 May 2014 04:52:29 GMT

I think people get stuck in their ""pattern"" and can't see a way to change it - or just focus on changing the other person and can *never* see their own part. I don't understand people who have been married for years and years and they are full of resentments and snipey comments to each other. It always reminds me how I never want to be. I don't call that in love though.

Re: Two Part Question about Relationships

ROMARY — Fri, 02 May 2014 04:54:12 GMT

A couple of friends, a couple of days ago, were saying that younger women are just 'h**king up' with boyfriends/friends, etc. Not necessarily looking for marriage. It's a 'fad' of some sort. They have lots of 'friends' and just 'get together' with them whenever they want. No dating, no dinners, etc. I'm guessing that they drive themselves so the fellows won't even have to pick them up!

Re: Two Part Question about Relationships

ROMARY — Fri, 02 May 2014 04:55:38 GMT

Yes, I dislike listening to 'bantering' couples. The 'back and forth' remarks. So childish. It must be a habit.

Re: Two Part Question about Relationships

ennui1 — Fri, 02 May 2014 05:57:58 GMT

Some people don't like to be alone. 'Alone' isn't for everyone. Alone can be very lonely. And, it's challenging to be alone -- no one to call, ever, for anything.

As for bickering -- you aren't in their relationship 24/7, so you can't judge by what you see. Sometimes there is a strong base there, deep affection. Even couples who bicker can be devastated by loss.

Streetcar Named Desire: (Stella)

"But there are things that happen, between a man and a woman, in the dark, that sorta make everything else seem unimportant."

Re: Two Part Question about Relationships

LucyGoose — Fri, 02 May 2014 13:00:23 GMT

On 5/1/2014 evelomaddict said:
some people are just crabby and it has nothing to do with them being in love or not.

Yes, I agree. I'm one of those people.

Re: Two Part Question about Relationships

151949 — Fri, 02 May 2014 13:49:23 GMT

On 5/1/2014 ennui1 said:
Some people don't like to be alone. 'Alone' isn't for everyone. Alone can be very lonely. And, it's challenging to be alone -- no one to call, ever, for anything.

As for bickering -- you aren't in their relationship 24/7, so you can't judge by what you see. Sometimes there is a strong base there, deep affection. Even couples who bicker can be devastated by loss.

Streetcar Named Desire: (Stella)

"But there are things that happen, between a man and a woman, in the dark, that sorta make everything else seem unimportant."

Just because someone is not in a love relationship with anyone doesn't mean they don't still have friends they can call on when they need to.

Re: Two Part Question about Relationships

QueenDanceALot — Fri, 02 May 2014 14:06:54 GMT

On 5/1/2014 ennui1 said:
Some people don't like to be alone. 'Alone' isn't for everyone. Alone can be very lonely. And, it's challenging to be alone -- no one to call, ever, for anything.

As for bickering -- you aren't in their relationship 24/7, so you can't judge by what you see. Sometimes there is a strong base there, deep affection. Even couples who bicker can be devastated by loss.

Streetcar Named Desire: (Stella)

"But there are things that happen, between a man and a woman, in the dark, that sorta make everything else seem unimportant."

I'm with Stella!

Re: Two Part Question about Relationships

Yuban3 — Fri, 02 May 2014 14:07:33 GMT

On 5/1/2014 ROMARY said:
I'm back........'Oh, yeh'...........We see a lot (underline lot) of young women driving around these guys (their boyfriends).............how happy could those women be, acting like a mom, driving around her 'son' (boyfriend). I don't get it. Used to be a time when the boyfriend had a car and picked up his girlfriend. What all has happened?

Also, quite a few young women try to buy the love of their boyfriend. Sad, but true. Also, they have this mentality that they can "fix" him. Neither case ever works out.

Re: Two Part Question about Relationships

QueenDanceALot — Fri, 02 May 2014 14:09:25 GMT

I think that in the beginning stage the "in love" stage, many people are happy constantly, it's a high, it's the infatuation stage. Then, when that either moves into lasting "love" or just fizzles, that's when reality and regular ups and downs return.

Just part of life, right?

Re: Two Part Question about Relationships

QueenDanceALot — Fri, 02 May 2014 14:10:23 GMT

I would so not be interested in a guy that my mother was hauling around.

Pick me up in your ride, baby!

Re: Two Part Question about Relationships

Evansmom — Fri, 02 May 2014 14:49:07 GMT

On 5/1/2014 DiscountDiva said: Good evening everybody. My coworker and I were talking about couples in relationships or "in love". I pointed out that one would think that someone happy and in love would be positive and have a sunny disposition. Not always but in general. I have encountered a lot of people who are just the opposite though. I don't know I have never been in love but I've had crushes and just thinking about him made me cheerful. Also, do you know of many people who just cannot be alone and need to be in a relationship all the time even with someone he or she is not crazy about? I'm encountering more and more people like that. Again hard for me to understand since ilike to be alone than in bad company. As always, curious to hear what you all think.

If someone is prone to having a bad disposition it doesn't matter if they are in or out of love. Being in love doesn't necessarily mean they're going to be euphoric all the time. Being in the throws of love and experiencing that high feeling you're talking about only lasts to a certain point and then the relationship moves into different stages. You can be in love but still be suffering from depression, addiction, illness, etc.

Re: Two Part Question about Relationships

LilacTree — Fri, 02 May 2014 14:52:24 GMT

Neither of my marriages worked. I had several relationships during my younger years, but I have not been interested in a relationship since my early fifties.

I am happier without a man. I like them as friends, not lovers. At 76, I will obviously go out this way and be fine with it. I am seeing the same thing with my daughters. They are middle-aged now and getting less and less interested in men on a serious basis. I don't know if it's us (women) or the men who expect more and more and give less and less. But somehow it's different in the 21st century . . . very different.

As to the second part of your question, my daughters have friends whose "partners" treat them so badly and yet they stay because they are afraid to be without a man. Their men don't put them first, they cheat on them, they take and take and give nothing back . . . and yet these women stay. It drives my girls crazy because they are constantly getting phone calls and having conversations with these women and it's obvious they are desperate and so unhappy. Yet they stay.

Re: Two Part Question about Relationships

DoneTryin — Fri, 02 May 2014 15:27:08 GMT

Some people "love" another mostly due to the physical attraction, but they don't necessarily like them. Yes, I know that's goofy, but relationships can be extremely complicated because humans are complicated.

Yes, I've known people who just go from one bad relationship to another just because they can't stand being alone. I thnk that's goofy, too, because I'd rather be alone than with someone I'm always having problems with.

My criteria is: Become good friends first. Lovers are a dime a dozen.

Re: Two Part Question about Relationships

QueenDanceALot — Fri, 02 May 2014 15:44:14 GMT

Why the heck did my post get poofed?

All I said was that I prefer to have a man as a lover (provided we're compatible in that area) than a friend. Not that guy friends aren't good to have. And I like my alone time. I'm not real fond of having man around all the time.

I don't really think that great lovers are a dime a dozen.