topic Re: Good Friday...not so good in Community Chat

Good Friday...not so good

JustJules — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 01:40:59 GMT

Today was that day I have been dreading all my life.... lost my daddy this afternoon. I was with him, he didn't seem to suffer, he just gradually stopped breathing. He had been on such a decline, and it became obvious the last few days that he was never going to come home with me. It was basically a death watch. I met with a Chaplain at my dad's bedside yesterday and he prayed with me/us. He said he believed my dad was aware of me, even though he was no longer able to speak, just whispered mumbles. When I went home last night he was resting, and when I called this morning I was told he was the same, no better but no worse. I was getting showered and ready when I got the call that his condition had worsened and I should get over as soon as I could. His blood pressure was dropping and his breathing was more shallow and labored. I sat and held his hand, kissed him, cried a lot, but told him what an amazing father he was, great husband to my mom, and such a wonderful and loving man for our family. I was such a blessed girl to have him. I think he knew I was there, his hand squeezed mine, or it was just muscle twitches, but he held my hand pretty firmly. He had lost so much weight over the past several weeks that his once strong and firm hands seemed so fragile in mine. I hugged him and tried to take in every detail, even though he no longer resembled the dad I once had, even before he went to hospital. I told him that it was okay for him to go, he didn't need to worry or hang on for me...that I will forever miss him, but he needs to go and be happy with mom... as long as he promised they would both watch over me, and I would do my best to live the rest of my life in a way that would make him proud. It wasn't long after that his breaths were less frequent, and then he moved on.

I am devastated, even though I knew this day would come sooner than I wanted, it's never something one can totally prepare for. He was my world, we were a team, and I am left in an empty house with far too many reminders, lots to do, and uncertain of where to begin. I even had to pack up his belongings from the nursing facility, to bring them home. I am in the process of notifying long distance family that cared, and family friends. The mortuary people came and picked him up, and they are the same ones that have handled many deaths in our family, including my mom. They understand my grief, yet I still need to contact them tomorrow to handle all the "paperwork" and details. Fortunately my dad and I had a discussion last year about where he wanted to be at the end, and that is when he selected a military cemetery in San Diego. Mom is there waiting for him, although he is already with her where it matters.

I suppose some will question why I would be posting here on the day my father died, but many have been so compassionate about my father's health and our situation, and even the new puppy, so I felt it appropriate to share. She was waiting for me when I got home, and she sensed things were different. Even though my dad never was really aware enough to know her, she had licked him when I took her on a couple visits. Perhaps she really was a gift, sent to give me purpose when I most need it.

I know in my heart, today was a perfect day for my daddy to go "home", and for that it is indeed a Good Friday, but it is so painful all the same.

Re: Good Friday...not so good

NoelSeven — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 01:44:58 GMT

Jules, Jules...

I haven't read more than a sentence or two yet, but I had to stop to tell you how very sorry I am. My very sincere condolences to you. What a terrible loss for you. I know that pain from when I lost my mother and then my father.

I think your new love got there just in time for you.

Re: Good Friday...not so good

Elstongunn — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 01:45:45 GMT

I am so sorry to hear this, Jules. Please accept my condolences on your painful loss.

Re: Good Friday...not so good

Junebug54 — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 01:45:46 GMT

Jules I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. He is at peace. Wish I had the right words for you now.... Hugs to you.

Re: Good Friday...not so good

Gooday — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 01:46:37 GMT

I am not a regular poster to you but, I am so very sorry for your loss.

Re: Good Friday...not so good

Jannabelle — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 01:47:00 GMT

I am so sorry, Jules.

Re: Good Friday...not so good

heartkeeper — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 01:47:19 GMT

I'm very sorry for your loss, Jules. May you be comforted in your time of sorrow.

Re: Good Friday...not so good

kdgn — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 01:47:33 GMT

I'm sorry, Jules.

Re: Good Friday...not so good

Lynnj — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 01:49:15 GMT

I am sorry for your loss, Jules. You and I haven't posted together often, but I have read along as you have shared about your dad's condition. So sorry.

Re: Good Friday...not so good

Suziepeach — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 01:49:44 GMT

My sweet, sweet Jules. I am so sorry about your daddy. I can empathize with you as mine passed away almost the very same way. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers and I am sending you a huge hug!!!!! My heart is breaking for you, my friend. Try to stay strong and we are here for you!!!!!!!!

Re: Good Friday...not so good

croemer — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 01:53:39 GMT

I am sorry Jules, I hope he is at peace and with your Mom now. We have something in common...I lost my Dad on Palm Sunday. I wish I had gotten the call you did in time so I could have had a last talk with my Dad...instead of being called just after he passed.

I am happy you had the opportunity to tell him good bye and what he meant to you. That was a gift. God Bless Jules.

Re: Good Friday...not so good

Jannabelle — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 01:53:50 GMT

What sweet timing for your puppy to come into your life

Re: Good Friday...not so good

Allegheny — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 01:55:13 GMT

My deepest condolences Jules. We have not posted together, but I have been reading yours and the journey with your dear father.

Re: Good Friday...not so good

raven-blackbird — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 01:57:05 GMT

Jules...........I'm so very sorry.................................raven

Re: Good Friday...not so good

skuggles — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 01:57:26 GMT

Very sorry for your loss.

Re: Good Friday...not so good

Suziepeach — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 01:57:58 GMT

Re: Good Friday...not so good

Irshgrl31201 — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 01:59:21 GMT

Jules. Oh my. I am so very sorry to read this. I can feel your pain so vividly in your post and I am just so sorry.

You were very good to your father and he knew that you were there with him until the end.

I agree with Jannabelle. That puppy came into your life at the time you need him the most. That was meant to be.

Re: Good Friday...not so good

Kalli — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 02:03:50 GMT

So sorry to hear of your loss. It sounds like you were very lucky to have a great dad like him. I hope your wonderful memories of your dad will help you through this. He will always be with you, always in your heart.

-Kalli

Re: Good Friday...not so good

bikerbabe — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 02:04:28 GMT

Jules, I am so very sorry.

Re: Good Friday...not so good

JustJules — Sat, 19 Apr 2014 02:09:58 GMT

Thank you everyone for your kindness, condolences and prayers... I for sure need lots of those right now. I am so thankful I was with him since I was not able to be with my mom when she passed, and that was something I'll always regret. After all this time of being with my dad, if I had not been present it would have been too much for me to handle. I hated him being in that place, know he didn't always get the best care, and I was trying so hard to make sure he did. If he died in a place of strangers, where it is just business as usual, I would never forgive myself. Even after, my dad's "room mate" was complaining he wanted the door open for some air, fully aware my dad had died and that they were trying to give us some privacy. They finally came and moved him out to get some food..... I understand they are used to seeing elderly and sick people die all the time, but today it was my dad. I am glad he didn't suffer, and had prayed it would happen peacefully for him.

I know he is already feeling and looking his best, maybe dancing with my mom with Nook running around.... it's just so hard for "US" when we are left behind.

Your words all mean sooooo much! Wish I could express it. I have cried so much that I seem out of tears, but I know soon more will come.