topic Re: MIL DIL issue in Community Chat

MIL DIL issue

Nancy Drew — Mon, 07 Apr 2014 02:22:06 GMT

My daughter in law told me today I was an ice queen. I asked why? She said because I never want to do anything with her. She said I am either golfing, volunteering at church or hanging with my own elder parents. If she knew how much time I wasted here it on QVC it would blow her mind. She said that I don't make myself available for babysitting. 2 weeks ago I spent 2 days overnight so mommy and daddy could both go to hospital for youngest granddaughters surgery. Guess she forgot about that. I thought I was giving her a huge gift, not to be around and pester her. Isn't that what all dil want? What am I missing?

Re: MIL DIL issue

croemer — Mon, 07 Apr 2014 02:24:28 GMT

Do you feel she is wanting to spend time with you or as a babysitter?That would make a huge difference. If she really wants some time with you...I would take her to lunch or something 1x a month or something. Whatever you two would enjoy together.

Re: MIL DIL issue

Bridgegal — Mon, 07 Apr 2014 02:24:32 GMT

Dammed if you do, dammed if you don't.

Re: MIL DIL issue

croemer — Mon, 07 Apr 2014 02:25:01 GMT

Oh and I would take it as a compliment if she wants some time with you.

Re: MIL DIL issue

Lila Belle — Mon, 07 Apr 2014 02:25:23 GMT

Do the 2 of you do things together without the kids or other family ?

That's what I enjoy about my MIL. Just having a little time together alone.

Re: MIL DIL issue

tansy — Mon, 07 Apr 2014 02:26:53 GMT

Did she at least smile when she called an ice queen??? I'm not sure how I would respond. She should be happy that you keep busy and are not clingy and needy.

Re: MIL DIL issue

gazelle77 — Mon, 07 Apr 2014 02:26:57 GMT

She sounds like a real piece of work....like you can not have a life?

Re: MIL DIL issue

Irshgrl31201 — Mon, 07 Apr 2014 02:33:16 GMT

Well here is my two cents. I don't consider babysitting while they are at the hospital with another child a huge gift. To me, that is the stuff grandparents do and actually enjoy doing.

My daughter is due this summer and I plan on spending all sorts of time with my grandson. I can't imagine feeling like it would be a huge gift for my daughter and SIL for me to watch this lil man. It will be a gift to me.

I do have a great relationship with my SIL, I lucked out. He is a good guy but even if I didn't I would make sure I did. I would spend the time I needed to to get to know him because being in my daughters life is one of my top priorities. I am very close with her and I intend on always being very close with her.

Do you ask your DIL out to go shopping or do things that interest her? Have an occasional lunch out with her. Get involved with her life.

Re: MIL DIL issue

Nancy Drew — Mon, 07 Apr 2014 02:35:58 GMT

She said it a little harsh but not too harsh. We did do things in the beginning but she kind of bored me so I didn't want to hang that much with her. She is a good mother and she is stunning other than that not a whole lot going on. She wants to do things with out the kids so it isn't that she wants me for only babysitting although she does think I should want to babysit more than I do. I respect her as that is who my son choose and he is a grown man. I never call him as I wait until he has time to call me. He treats me very well. I thought things were going well. Kind of in shock and now feel a little guilty but yet I don't want to change things. Complicated I guess.

Re: MIL DIL issue

Lila Belle — Mon, 07 Apr 2014 02:36:37 GMT

JMO but it seems your DIL wants a relationship with you.

Re: MIL DIL issue

Nancy Drew — Mon, 07 Apr 2014 02:38:35 GMT

On 4/6/2014 Irshgrl31201 said:
Well here is my two cents. I don't consider babysitting while they are at the hospital with another child a huge gift. To me, that is the stuff grandparents do and actually enjoy doing.

My daughter is due this summer and I plan on spending all sorts of time with my grandson. I can't imagine feeling like it would be a huge gift for my daughter and SIL for me to watch this lil man. It will be a gift to me.

I do have a great relationship with my SIL, I lucked out. He is a good guy but even if I didn't I would make sure I did. I would spend the time I needed to to get to know him because being in my daughters life is one of my top priorities. I am very close with her and I intend on always being very close with her.

Do you ask your DIL out to go shopping or do things that interest her? Have an occasional lunch out with her. Get involved with her life.

I didn't say babysitting was a huge gift. I said not always being around pestering her a huge gift. I do like babysitting just not all the time.

Re: MIL DIL issue

maryebrown_1 — Mon, 07 Apr 2014 02:40:05 GMT

"Ice Queen"? Yikes! That was my MIL, who didn't give a dam about her kids (DH and his 2 brothers) nor any of her her grandkids...babysitting? that was not even a thought in her universe...

It sounds like you take an interest in your DS & DIL lives but you don't "interfere". I don't understand why she seems to be such an ingrate? She should be happy that you do what you do for your grandchildren and appreciate your efforts!

Re: MIL DIL issue

Irshgrl31201 — Mon, 07 Apr 2014 02:40:52 GMT

If she was a regular friend and she bored you I would say fine don't hang out with her. She is a family member though and you can stand to be bored a few hours a week for the sake of your son and grandchildren. At least she is a good mom and seemingly nice enough. You could have a real nightmare for a DIL and it doesn't sound like you have that at all. She wants to hang out with you. If that is the worst you can expect from her then you have it made.

Re: MIL DIL issue

Lila Belle — Mon, 07 Apr 2014 02:40:58 GMT

Nancy Drew, do the 2 of you ever just hang out ?

Re: MIL DIL issue

Irshgrl31201 — Mon, 07 Apr 2014 02:41:44 GMT

On 4/6/2014 Nancy Drew said:
On 4/6/2014 Irshgrl31201 said:
Well here is my two cents. I don't consider babysitting while they are at the hospital with another child a huge gift. To me, that is the stuff grandparents do and actually enjoy doing.

My daughter is due this summer and I plan on spending all sorts of time with my grandson. I can't imagine feeling like it would be a huge gift for my daughter and SIL for me to watch this lil man. It will be a gift to me.

I do have a great relationship with my SIL, I lucked out. He is a good guy but even if I didn't I would make sure I did. I would spend the time I needed to to get to know him because being in my daughters life is one of my top priorities. I am very close with her and I intend on always being very close with her.

Do you ask your DIL out to go shopping or do things that interest her? Have an occasional lunch out with her. Get involved with her life.

I didn't say babysitting was a huge gift. I said not always being around pestering her a huge gift. I do like babysitting just not all the time.

Ok, thanks for clarifying. Sorry.

Re: MIL DIL issue

Lucky Charm — Mon, 07 Apr 2014 02:42:14 GMT

I get the impression you don't really want to do too much with your dil. Are you saying she's boring? I sorta get the feeling that's what you're saying.

Re: MIL DIL issue

Irshgrl31201 — Mon, 07 Apr 2014 02:42:32 GMT

On 4/6/2014 Lila Belle said:
JMO but it seems your DIL wants a relationship with you.

Yep!

Re: MIL DIL issue

NoelSeven — Mon, 07 Apr 2014 02:43:49 GMT

I agree with Irsh, that's not a huge gift, that's what families do, especially for medical issues. It's not like you babysat while they took off for a weekend in Paris.

Boring or not, she's family. Do you want to spend time with your grandchildren in the future? If so, you might want to show some kind of interest in your DIL. You can always talk about the family and the kids.

Re: MIL DIL issue

tansy — Mon, 07 Apr 2014 02:45:22 GMT

I know my DIL would like us to move from here to where they are. She wants us there for the baby, maybe in part because our family is small as is hers. I imagine she thinks we'd take on daycare duties, too. I would go to lunch with her, Nancy, every few weeks. She will get more interesting surely as she gets older

Re: MIL DIL issue

NoelSeven — Mon, 07 Apr 2014 02:45:42 GMT

ps Meeting for lunch is perfect, imo. You won't have to talk much if you're both chewing or sipping, and you can always talk about the food or the next restaurant you'd like to try.