topic Re: I NEED help/opinions!!!!!!!! in Community Chat

I NEED help/opinions!!!!!!!!

leehare — Thu, 27 Mar 2014 13:38:45 GMT

I am hosting a get together in a week or so. It will be a gathering of 10-12 of us that do quite a bit together frequently. It is for 3 days and 2 nights.

I am trying to find a way to tell EVERYONE (no matter their beliefs)to leave politics, religion, and fussing with spouse/partner at their own home. I don't want it left even as close as my front door.

We are a diverse group, but for the most part we have a lot of fun together. It is 95% of the time the husbands who get into these discussions-that escalate into table pounding, loud, arguments. And then people leave sulking, not speaking, etc. But if you leave someone out on the next get together, Lord help you.

So, should I send an email simply stating my request? Write a clever(in my opinion)sign and put it at the front door?

I REALLY would like/need to hear some helpful solutions.

Re: I NEED help/opinions!!!!!!!!

Lila Belle — Thu, 27 Mar 2014 13:44:08 GMT

Good luck with that !

There's no way you can tell people to keep their opinions to themselves or not disagree.

Re: I NEED help/opinions!!!!!!!!

leehare — Thu, 27 Mar 2014 13:48:06 GMT

On 3/27/2014 Lila Belle said:
Good luck with that !

There's no way you can tell people to keep their opinions to themselves or not disagree.

Even if it is in your own home? I fear you may be right.

Re: I NEED help/opinions!!!!!!!!

stargazer — Thu, 27 Mar 2014 13:50:13 GMT

I would be offended by the e-mail and the sign. Find some new friends.

Re: I NEED help/opinions!!!!!!!!

Lila Belle — Thu, 27 Mar 2014 13:56:27 GMT

On 3/27/2014 leehare said:
On 3/27/2014 Lila Belle said:
Good luck with that !

There's no way you can tell people to keep their opinions to themselves or not disagree.

Even if it is in your own home? I fear you may be right.

What would your reaction be if even before you walked in the door you were told that you couldn't discuss certain subjects ?

I hope your get-together goes well and that you enjoy your time together with your friends.

Re: I NEED help/opinions!!!!!!!!

terrier3 — Thu, 27 Mar 2014 14:14:09 GMT

On 3/27/2014 Lila Belle said:
Good luck with that !

There's no way you can tell people to keep their opinions to themselves or not disagree.

If you invite them into your home, you are inviting them...warts and all.

If the guys were truly uncomfortable about it...why do they keep coming back for more of the same?

I have people I disagree with strongly (no pounding though!) Perhaps it's just these people's personalities - they blow up and then forget about it...

Re: I NEED help/opinions!!!!!!!!

MikafromTopeka — Thu, 27 Mar 2014 14:16:37 GMT

On 3/27/2014 leehare said:
I am hosting a get together in a week or so. It will be a gathering of 10-12 of us that do quite a bit together frequently. It is for 3 days and 2 nights.

I am trying to find a way to tell EVERYONE (no matter their beliefs)to leave politics, religion, and fussing with spouse/partner at their own home. I don't want it left even as close as my front door.

We are a diverse group, but for the most part we have a lot of fun together. It is 95% of the time the husbands who get into these discussions-that escalate into table pounding, loud, arguments. And then people leave sulking, not speaking, etc. But if you leave someone out on the next get together, Lord help you.

So, should I send an email simply stating my request? Write a clever(in my opinion)sign and put it at the front door?

I REALLY would like/need to hear some helpful solutions.

It sounds like your group of friends have a lot of positives going on to spend that much time together frequently so I would start with your spouse and yourself. Don't participate in what makes you feel uneasy and if discussions get hot find reason to excuse yourselves from the room. Why start something that hasn't started?

Re: I NEED help/opinions!!!!!!!!

BellaPaprika — Thu, 27 Mar 2014 14:23:57 GMT

Just have to say that the thought of being with 4 or 5 other couples for 3 days/2 nights at someone's house sounds like a nightmare to me! Too much togetherness and too many rules if we can't talk about what we want. If the men tend to squabble maybe you should consider just having a girls' get-together.

Re: I NEED help/opinions!!!!!!!!

151949 — Thu, 27 Mar 2014 14:32:15 GMT

My DH's family are all extremely conservative and as you all probably are aware I am very liberal. When they are here we have all agreed to disagree and leave the politics at the door. If i were you , when everyone first arrives i would bring up the subject saying "How about if we start this party by agreeing that we disagree about politics and just respect everyones right to their opinion, and try not to let stupid politicans spoil our fun" Then throughout the time when ever the discussion of politics comes up you can interrupt and say "hey, i thought we all agreed to respect other's opinions." or something like that. I don't know what you can do about the subjects of religion or spouses, but something similar may work.

Re: I NEED help/opinions!!!!!!!!

voyager1980 — Thu, 27 Mar 2014 14:34:47 GMT

Imo you can't tell adults what to do especially for that long of a time together.Accept em as they are or don't have the event.Good luck OP.

Re: I NEED help/opinions!!!!!!!!

Photo Donna — Thu, 27 Mar 2014 14:39:29 GMT

I think it is a mistake to put this group together for an extended period of time. When you have people who argue and pound fists -- nothing you say will keep it away.

Re: I NEED help/opinions!!!!!!!!

LilacTree — Thu, 27 Mar 2014 14:44:57 GMT

A group that large for three days and two nights is bound to become controversial. However, it seems you have done it before and know what's coming, but have enjoyed it enough to do it again.

Why not just wait and see? If things start getting out of hand, that is the time you should say something in a very non-confrontational way. IMO, if you make this a prerequisite on the invitation, you might get a lot of "can't make its."

Personally, this would be way too much for me . . . you must be very young.

Re: I NEED help/opinions!!!!!!!!

Topaz Gem — Thu, 27 Mar 2014 14:50:45 GMT

Will there be alcohol involved? If so, that usually adds fuel to the fire with regards to heated discussions.

Re: I NEED help/opinions!!!!!!!!

AngusandBuddhasMom — Thu, 27 Mar 2014 14:52:16 GMT

I believe if I received a note stating that my opinion on subjects previously discussed amongst this prearranged group was going to be censored in your home I would not attend. You are putting your own opinion of what is allowed and not allowed above the comfort of the rest of the group. I assume these are adults and otherwise they do get along maybe you should rethink this.

Re: I NEED help/opinions!!!!!!!!

AngusandBuddhasMom — Thu, 27 Mar 2014 14:55:32 GMT

On 3/27/2014 Ford1224 said:
A group that large for three days and two nights is bound to become controversial. However, it seems you have done it before and know what's coming, but have enjoyed it enough to do it again.

Why not just wait and see? If things start getting out of hand, that is the time you should say something in a very non-confrontational way. IMO, if you make this a prerequisite on the invitation, you might get a lot of "can't make its."

Personally, this would be way too much for me . . . you must be very young.

I assumed this was an older crowd.

Re: I NEED help/opinions!!!!!!!!

adelle38 — Thu, 27 Mar 2014 15:04:46 GMT

Why bother if it's going to turn into people pounding tables, getting insulted and leaving? I think if people don't know how to behave, no email is going to change that.

Re: I NEED help/opinions!!!!!!!!

focksie — Thu, 27 Mar 2014 15:11:49 GMT

Three days and 2 nights is an awfullly long time to have everyone on their best behavior. I mean how much sunshine can you talk about? With you being the hostess and wanting things to run smoothly, the only thing I can suggest is redirecting people who may be involved in a heated discussion. By that I mean sweetly butt in and offer them refreshments or redirect them by asking if they want to join in an activity or go out to a restaurant or museum. That's the only thing I can think of.

Re: I NEED help/opinions!!!!!!!!

missy1 — Thu, 27 Mar 2014 15:24:47 GMT

Hosting couples at your home for 3 days? Beach house/cabin? Never heard of this. relatives, yes. Is it ONE of those parties?

Re: I NEED help/opinions!!!!!!!!

JustJules — Thu, 27 Mar 2014 15:58:01 GMT

On 3/27/2014 stargazer said:
I would be offended by the e-mail and the sign. Find some new friends.

I agree with you completely stargazer.

OP, if you are so concerned about what these so-called "friends" will say or do, then you should not associate yourself with them. They are grown adults and you cannot dictate what they say, or control how they will behave for the time you are all together. Put yourself in their place..... there is NO nice or polite or delicate way to tell anyone what they can and cannot discuss in your presence. Most likely, you would be offended if someone tried to put those parameters on you. I know that I would find such a warning completely offensive, and even if you don't intend it for all, you have to send it to everyone or they will compare notes and the drama will get worse. You are about to go down a very slippery slope. If you have such concerns about these people you should either cancel the event, or bite your tongue hard and suffer through the 3 long days and 2 nights.

Re: I NEED help/opinions!!!!!!!!

TaxyLady — Thu, 27 Mar 2014 16:02:19 GMT

No! Do not tell your friends what they should or should not talk about. It is rude and controlling. If you are concerned, don't host an event with these friends.