topic Re: Moral dilemma in Community Chat

Moral dilemma

Debbie555 — Mon, 24 Mar 2014 20:29:13 GMT

Hello, I've never posted in viewpoints before but I was looking for some objective opinions about a situation, My son and his wife both work and his MIL watches their 2 kids during the day. The oldest is 4 and youngest under 11 months. His mother in law is about 59 years old. Well the situation is, twice now my son has come home early from work and found his MIL asleep downstairs with the baby and his 4 year old upstairs alone. The first time, he came home and walked directly upstairs to his 4 year old making a lot of noise so she would wake up. Today, she bragged that her and the baby slept until 11:30 while the 4 year old was upstairs watching tv. I have a problem with this and so does he. He actually has not confronted her about it as it is a very uncomfortable situation for him. He did mention it to his wife and her only comment was that her mother told her that he would tell her she was sleeping on the job. Is this acceptable behavior in your opinion? I don't know maybe I'm overreacting here. I know that I used to watch my daughters kids who are basically the same age and would NEVER do that. I'm really just looking for some objective opinions here since I already don't really like this woman I think maybe I'm over reacting. Thoughts?

Re: Moral dilemma

SydneyH — Mon, 24 Mar 2014 20:32:47 GMT

Children that age need to be monitored closely. Do we know why the mother is sleeping in the daytime?

Re: Moral dilemma

Sabatini2 — Mon, 24 Mar 2014 20:34:39 GMT

If I were you, I'd stay out of it! Unless you want to watch the grands yourself, & have them fire the other grandmother. :,)

Re: Moral dilemma

Irshgrl31201 — Mon, 24 Mar 2014 20:34:44 GMT

I would be very upset. A 4 yr old can get into a lot of dangerous things. I wouldn't be able to keep quiet if I were the parent.

Re: Moral dilemma

CardinalGirl — Mon, 24 Mar 2014 20:34:45 GMT

Unacceptable. Time to hire new daycare.

Re: Moral dilemma

NoelSeven — Mon, 24 Mar 2014 20:35:17 GMT

I'd worry, too.

I don't know what to tell you, but imo kids that age need someone around who's awake. A good situation would be having a sitter who was engaged with them, especially in a learning situation or physical activity... not someone who thought babysitting means long naps while a toddler and a four year old basically care for themselves.

Re: Moral dilemma

adelle38 — Mon, 24 Mar 2014 20:35:39 GMT

That sounds like a dangerous situation. A four year old could get into many dangerous situations if he's not monitored. Would your DIL put up with a day care provider sleeping while she watched children.

Re: Moral dilemma

mgm2 — Mon, 24 Mar 2014 20:36:04 GMT

Your son and daughter need to discuss this situation together. first. After they've agreed on how to approach his MIL, they should then discuss the matter with her.

Re: Moral dilemma

serenity4ever — Mon, 24 Mar 2014 20:36:17 GMT

No, it is not acceptable behavior. Why haven't they hired a nanny or put your grandchildren in day care if they both work?

I have seen a lot of grown kids use their parents for babysitting and a lot of my friends complain about it just being too much on them. Maybe this is proof that she is just not up to caring for two young children.

Why is your son and daughter in law not hiring an appropriate caretaker for your two young grandchildren? The MIL is clearly not safe to leave the children with.....

Re: Moral dilemma

Sabatini2 — Mon, 24 Mar 2014 20:36:20 GMT

On 3/24/2014 CardinalGirl_ said:
Unacceptable. Time to hire new daycare.

I wonder if the grandmother is charging for her services? Probably not.

Re: Moral dilemma

RainCityGirl — Mon, 24 Mar 2014 20:37:38 GMT

Not that it matters, I suppose, but is the MIL being paid to do this or is she just volunteering for free. Basically, it's irresponsible, but beggars can't be choosy as the saying goes. If she does it for free, they are getting what they paid for. If she is getting paid, then I think there has to be a new understanding as to what her responsibilities are and about the danger of leaving kids to their own devices.

Re: Moral dilemma

Mj12 — Mon, 24 Mar 2014 20:39:46 GMT

On 3/24/2014 RainCityGirl said:
Not that it matters, I suppose, but is the MIL being paid to do this or is she just volunteering for free. Basically, it's irresponsible, but beggars can't be choosy as the saying goes. If she does it for free, they are getting what they paid for. If she is getting paid, then I think there has to be a new understanding as to what her responsibilities are and about the danger of leaving kids to their own devices.

Re: Moral dilemma

bathina — Mon, 24 Mar 2014 20:40:14 GMT

It's up to the parents to talk with the grandmother about leaving the kids unattended. As the mother-in-law, I would encourage the kids to speak with her immediately, but I would stay out of it otherwise. Whether you like the woman or not is irrelevant to how you should handle this issue.

Re: Moral dilemma

kdgn — Mon, 24 Mar 2014 20:45:50 GMT

I would be scared to death if I were the parents. Even when watching a 4 yr old and one that was under 11 months while wide awake, they can get into so much stuff! If she's downstairs and they're upstairs, that's even worse.

Time for the parents to discuss it and form a plan of action. Grandma either needs to get more sleep at night or they need a new sitter.....

Re: Moral dilemma

SugarNSpice — Mon, 24 Mar 2014 20:46:12 GMT

Is the MIL being paid? You can't say much when you aren't paying the other person. Especially if they're doing it for free everyday. You can't take people for granted, even if it's the grandparents and they offered.

If they are paying they have the right to mention something. Maybe it's time for a new babysitter if they are paying. Maybe you'd like the job?

Re: Moral dilemma

brii — Mon, 24 Mar 2014 20:48:51 GMT

I would not feel comfortable having anybody watch my kids while they were sleeping. Who k knows what else is going on there during the day

Re: Moral dilemma

brii — Mon, 24 Mar 2014 20:49:39 GMT

Free or not it's unacceptable.

Re: Moral dilemma

maryebrown_1 — Mon, 24 Mar 2014 20:52:23 GMT

dupe post

Re: Moral dilemma

maryebrown_1 — Mon, 24 Mar 2014 20:52:49 GMT

On 3/24/2014 serenity4ever said:
No, it is not acceptable behavior. Why haven't they hired a nanny or put your grandchildren in day care if they both work?

I have seen a lot of grown kids use their parents for babysitting and a lot of my friends complain about it just being too much on them. Maybe this is proof that she is just not up to caring for two young children.

Why is your son and daughter in law not hiring an appropriate caretaker for your two young grandchildren? The MIL is clearly not safe to leave the children with.....

I totally agree! Those children are "in her care" for much of the day, and if the MIL is not "caring" for them she's not 'doing her job'. Paid or unpaid, it doesn't matter!

Re: Moral dilemma

lulu2 — Mon, 24 Mar 2014 20:59:56 GMT

I agree it's unacceptable. Your son and his wife need to address the problem now.

Is the 4 year old in preschool?