topic Re: If you had bad health issues would you go on? in Community Chat

If you had bad health issues would you go on?

Shorty2U — Sun, 09 Mar 2014 18:26:25 GMT

I read online about a couple in PA that they found dead in their home after 3 weeks. They left a suicide note they both wrote explaining. Evidently they both had health issues and the wife shot the husband and then herself. I find it sad this was their only choice. But I understand it. They were more or less confined to their home 24/7. (The article didn't say what illnesses they had).

I have health issues. My back is bad off and on, today its terrible. since last night Right now I haven't slept all night due to back pain. I cant get up the stairs and I reclined on the recliner but never slept. When my husband got up he had to literally pull me off the chair while I screamed in pain. I am literally shuffling through the house just to get to the downstairs bathroom.

I get shots which don't work like they did and I see a pain team and my meds aren't working. There is no use going to Emergency, they give me a shot that wears off when I get home.

My point is, I get fed up too and admittedly have thought about not being here anymore when Im this bad BUT I can NOT and will NOT do that to my family.

I had a cousin who committed suicide after a bad injury and job loss. He retrained himself and no one hired him so he gave up. His family (wife and children) suffered terribly and continue to be in counseling and are having a rough time. His mother (my aunt died) a year after him, they say from a broken heart.

Re: If you had bad health issues would you go on?

Irshgrl31201 — Sun, 09 Mar 2014 18:30:04 GMT

It depends on how bad off and how much pain I was in. I think it is selfish to want someone to suffer simply because you don't want to lose them. Unfortunately doctors assisting this in a non painful way isn't legal here so it is left up to the person and/or family to end it sometimes.

Re: If you had bad health issues would you go on?

deepwaterdotter — Sun, 09 Mar 2014 18:31:18 GMT

I would hope that I am braver than to end my life at my own hands. Fortunately, my health is not in such a desperate condition.

Re: If you had bad health issues would you go on?

chessylady — Sun, 09 Mar 2014 18:55:53 GMT

The will to live is very strong in most people. However I would not condemn someone who commits suicide because I do not know the depths of another's pain. I have had episodes of back pain that you describe where I had to steel myself just to get out of bed. Thankfully, it got better. We are all different but what helped me most was a muscle relaxer. I still have a prescription but rarely use them. Good luck to you.

Re: If you had bad health issues would you go on?

151949 — Sun, 09 Mar 2014 18:56:00 GMT

i worke in ICU for 42 years and saw many sad situations. often when a person's prognosis is bad and the doctors know they are in terrible pain the doctors will ask the family to allow us to withdraw care and let them die. often there will be one family member who is against it and because of that it will not be done. The patient will continue to suffer. i think every person has a right to figure out for themselves as much as possible how and where they would like to die. hopefully, then they will have a designated SO who will see - within the law - that their wishes are fullfilled.

Re: If you had bad health issues would you go on?

terrier3 — Sun, 09 Mar 2014 19:05:01 GMT

On 3/9/2014 Irshgrl31201 said:
It depends on how bad off and how much pain I was in. I think it is selfish to want someone to suffer simply because you don't want to lose them. Unfortunately doctors assisting this in a non painful way isn't legal here so it is left up to the person and/or family to end it sometimes.

My cousin was married to an MD when she found out she had ALS. She was in her early 50s
and had 5 children.

Her husband helped her end her life when she was going to have to go on a ventilator. She was very talkative, outgoing and musically gifted and didn't want to face life not being able to communicate through speaking.

She got pneumonia and instead of treating it aggressively, her DH made sure she was comfortable and she died peacefully surrounded by her family. We all had a chance to go to CO. and say goodbye.

Pope John Paul II and Jackie Onassis passed the same way.

Re: If you had bad health issues would you go on?

LilacTree — Sun, 09 Mar 2014 19:07:23 GMT

The only thing that stops me is my family. I could not do that to them. When the time comes, they all know what I want and they have promised to follow through.

They have it worse with their father, who they never see because he lives 3,000 miles away. He is physically in good shape (80 years old) but pretty much gone mentally from a stroke ten years ago. That is worse, IMO. They will go out to visit him and the very next day he will be saying they never come to see him. They get so upset.

Re: If you had bad health issues would you go on?

NoelSeven — Sun, 09 Mar 2014 19:10:17 GMT

Shorty -

In spite of your bad back, you still have much to enjoy in life, and you have a wonderful husband who is able to help you.

There are others in much worse shape and with multiple conditions that are life threatening. I held my best friend's hand as she died from pancreatic cancer, each day bringing a new horror for her. You just can't compare that kind of suffering with the pain that is routine for me and for you.

Some people have no one to help them, or their significant other is ill, also. Some soil themselves or can't get out of bed, or have nothing to look forward to.

Re: If you had bad health issues would you go on?

lulu2 — Sun, 09 Mar 2014 19:17:57 GMT

My husband and I have discussed this. We've both had some physical battles. I do not think I could cope with or have my family watch if I were to receive a diagnosis of ALS.

Re: If you had bad health issues would you go on?

GCR18 — Sun, 09 Mar 2014 19:44:44 GMT

I don't know that I could take my own life, but I would want a way out if I had bad health issues.

Re: If you had bad health issues would you go on?

serenity4ever — Sun, 09 Mar 2014 19:57:57 GMT

I wouldn't want to leave my kids the legacy of a mother who committed suicide. So I go on and will continue to do everything possible to stay on this planet as long as I can. I feel like I owe it to my family to try and be as healthy as possible even when all of it seems like it is too much sometimes..... So I do understand, Shorty, how there are times when it can be very frustrating but like yourself I would never want my family to suffer ..

That is not to say that I condemn anyone who takes their own life. It is a very personal decision up to the individual.

Re: If you had bad health issues would you go on?

loveschocolate — Sun, 09 Mar 2014 20:11:08 GMT

Years and years ago, we had a neighbor down the street from us a few houses. I had just came home from work and saw him on his front walk with a gun in his hand. He shot himself in the head. I learned later he had some sort of health problems.

Re: If you had bad health issues would you go on?

Puzzle Piece — Sun, 09 Mar 2014 20:15:24 GMT

Hard to say.

Re: If you had bad health issues would you go on?

bikerbabe — Sun, 09 Mar 2014 21:19:50 GMT

There is a difference between deciding on palliative care to minimize pain for someone who is at the point of hospice vs actively taking your life.

Taking my life is wrong and selfish. I do not believe it is my decision to make. JMO.

Re: If you had bad health issues would you go on?

AuntG — Sun, 09 Mar 2014 21:41:30 GMT

A few years ago, a couple in a subdivision not too far away that did that. Turns out they were good friends of a lady I worked with and they often played cards with the couple. The explanation was that they were childless and her health with declining. He knew he wouldn't be able to care for her much longer so he shot her (it appeared to be from behind so I doubt she was aware of his plan), and he then wrote a note to his nephew and took his own life.

Re: If you had bad health issues would you go on?

WSfan — Sun, 09 Mar 2014 21:53:17 GMT

On 3/9/2014 happy housewife said: i worke in ICU for 42 years and saw many sad situations. often when a person's prognosis is bad and the doctors know they are in terrible pain the doctors will ask the family to allow us to withdraw care and let them die. often there will be one family member who is against it and because of that it will not be done. The patient will continue to suffer. i think every person has a right to figure out for themselves as much as possible how and where they would like to die. hopefully, then they will have a designated SO who will see - within the law - that their wishes are fullfilled.

So well put. I feel in situations such as you described, the one hold out needs to place themselves in the patient's shoes, so to speak. Would they want to continue living in the condition that patient is in? My parents had that discussion with my sister and I, and put their wishes in a living will. We had to make the difficult decision to let our dad go when the time came; no guilt, no regrets. My husband and I have done the same with our children and also have a living will, so they know exactly what we want done. Life is not easy, and sometimes difficult but necessary decisions have to be made.

Re: If you had bad health issues would you go on?

NoelSeven — Sun, 09 Mar 2014 21:57:52 GMT

It's been common here for quite awhile that hospice people will tell their patients the correct dose of morphine and the dose that would kill them. Some people take advantage of that knowledge and decide to spare everyone, themselves included, a difficult and long lingering death.

I can certainly understand that.

Re: If you had bad health issues would you go on?

Love my grandkids — Sun, 09 Mar 2014 22:10:23 GMT

If I had something incurable I think I'd just refuse treatment after seeing what my late DH went through.

And I know I couldn't take my own life, I couldn't do that to my son, my DIL and my grandchildren. Just couldn't leave them with that.

Re: If you had bad health issues would you go on?

wildcherry — Sun, 09 Mar 2014 22:12:17 GMT

I'd have to be pretty bad off, so I could not say for sure. Suicide? I don't know.

Re: If you had bad health issues would you go on?

chickenbutt — Sun, 09 Mar 2014 22:27:02 GMT

It's not at all cowardly, as one poster implied. Granted, it's not for everybody and I fully appreciate that fact. But for some, it IS the brave thing to do. Killing yourself is not an easy thing to do. For most, it takes a lot of thought and consideration. Sometimes a person gets to the point that, for the first time in their life, they have to think of themselves instead of always thinking of everybody else. It takes a lot to come to that point, so it's not taken lightly.

Again, I'm not trying to say that this is the answer for everybody. But it is a very legitimate answer for SOME.