topic Re: Why do we focus on the negative? in Community Chat

Why do we focus on the negative?

Deb1010again — Sat, 08 Mar 2014 19:14:43 GMT

I think I get along with most people on this board and most have a favorable opinion of me. So why is it I tend to focus on the one person or couple of person(s) who think poorly of me? Thinking more broadly, we tend to focus on what might go wrong in a particular situation vs. what will go right. Why is that?

Re: Why do we focus on the negative?

TaxyLady — Sat, 08 Mar 2014 19:16:50 GMT

We all don't focus on the negative. But, saying that, most of the posts are of a negative nature. Some people just love bad news etc. or they wouldn't watch all these reality shows.

Re: Why do we focus on the negative?

Suziepeach — Sat, 08 Mar 2014 19:28:36 GMT

On 3/8/2014 Deb1010again said:
I think I get along with most people on this board and most have a favorable opinion of me. So why is it I tend to focus on the one person or couple of person(s) who think poorly of me? Thinking more broadly, we tend to focus on what might go wrong in a particular situation vs. what will go right. Why is that?

Deb, I know exactly what you're saying. I learned a lesson or two this very week about someone that thinks poorly of me. I mean I had a lightbulb moment and they don't come easy for me, LOL. You can see them treating a particular someone nasty as the dickens over something yet cuddle and coo over the same thing with another, right in front of your eyes.. Misery loves company and I think that's why people think poorly of others. I think you're a good person & I enjoy posting wit you.. You fit right in with a wonderful bunch of coconuts, baby! LOL We are purse holder buddies!!

Re: Why do we focus on the negative?

Deb1010again — Sat, 08 Mar 2014 19:32:40 GMT

That's odd... what happened to my post with bluecollarbabe. It wasn't controversial IMO. That's weird.

Anyway I said I'm not a pessimistic person by nature and tend to be very positive and in a good mood at most times. I just care too much sometimes what other people think. And I'm a people pleaser.

Re: Why do we focus on the negative?

MikafromTopeka — Sat, 08 Mar 2014 19:34:36 GMT

Some people don't understand that some of us like discussion and will take up an opposing or intermediary view for discussion's sake. Many will take it as an insult to the original poster.

Re: Why do we focus on the negative?

BellaPaprika — Sat, 08 Mar 2014 19:35:15 GMT

I wonder why my saying I'm an optimist deserved to disappear?! Oh, well. Focusing on the negative is a personality trait that you can try to practice getting over up to a point. If you're negative by nature it will come through in focusing on the glass half full. I think being prepared for all contingencies, as for instance when you're traveling, is a good thing. It helps you to be prepared but then you need to relax and enjoy the ride. As for people who don't like you, there will always be some of those. Pity them. They just don't appreciate your good qualities.

ETA: Deb that is weird! I see now that you're not a pessimist so it's that people pleaser thing. I hate to say it but I'm a bit too self absorbed to be a people pleaser. I guess that might be a good thing sometimes!

Re: Why do we focus on the negative?

Deb1010again — Sat, 08 Mar 2014 19:35:36 GMT

On 3/8/2014 Suzie said:
On 3/8/2014 Deb1010again said:
I think I get along with most people on this board and most have a favorable opinion of me. So why is it I tend to focus on the one person or couple of person(s) who think poorly of me? Thinking more broadly, we tend to focus on what might go wrong in a particular situation vs. what will go right. Why is that?

Deb, I know exactly what you're saying. I learned a lesson or two this very week about someone that thinks poorly of me. I mean I had a lightbulb moment and they don't come easy for me, LOL. You can see them treating a particular someone nasty as the dickens over something yet cuddle and coo over the same thing with another, right in front of your eyes.. Misery loves company and I think that's why people think poorly of others. I think you're a good person & I enjoy posting wit you.. You fit right in with a wonderful bunch of coconuts, baby! LOL We are purse holder buddies!!

THANKS, you're a doll.

As for the hypocrisy over here, it is a lesson everyday.

Re: Why do we focus on the negative?

Deb1010again — Sat, 08 Mar 2014 19:38:36 GMT

On 3/8/2014 kaybee said:
Some people don't understand that some of us like discussion and will take up an opposing or intermediary view for discussion's sake. Many will take it as an insult to the original poster.

I totally get that people have other opinions. I'm talking about people who get personal with their comments or follow you to other threads to harass. I generally just ignore them, but I wonder what I did that rubbed them so much the wrong way. I think in that case it's what you said, they interpret an opposing opinion as an insult and then make it personal.

Re: Why do we focus on the negative?

~moxie~ — Sat, 08 Mar 2014 19:43:11 GMT

It is because when you disagree you might take the comment too personally and some have a snarky attitude and then the dislikes form. I have snarks following me around but I try to ignore them. When I am personally attacked I ignore that poster and may never have the chance to discover their softer side. But I will not participate in a board that have haters that call me out because they dislike me and try to ruin my experience on the board.

Re: Why do we focus on the negative?

BellaPaprika — Sat, 08 Mar 2014 19:44:05 GMT

On 3/8/2014 Deb1010again said:
On 3/8/2014 kaybee said:
Some people don't understand that some of us like discussion and will take up an opposing or intermediary view for discussion's sake. Many will take it as an insult to the original poster.

I totally get that people have other opinions. I'm talking about people who get personal with their comments or follow you to other threads to harass. I generally just ignore them, but I wonder what I did that rubbed them so much the wrong way. I think in that case it's what you said, they interpret an opposing opinion as an insult and then make it personal.

Deb you've always seemed like a pleasant and reasonable poster to me. Only once have I had a poster and her cohorts gang up on me and follow me to another thread and it was obvious that it had nothing to do with what I had posted. They were bound and determined to misconstrue and misinterpret my words intentionally. It's a game and their friends pile on. That's when you know it's about them, their problems and mean spirit and not you.

Re: Why do we focus on the negative?

LilacTree — Sat, 08 Mar 2014 19:49:06 GMT

I had a few posters who regularly followed me around for quite some time just to post nasty snarks about either my post or my response. I ignored them at first, then they changed their nics, then I ignored them again. Eventually I fought back a little, and it seems they have backed off and I don't see them much anymore.

I would like to say that they changed their ways, but more than likely they just got bored, LOL.

Re: Why do we focus on the negative?

Lion — Sat, 08 Mar 2014 20:06:29 GMT

I just wish posters would ignore those they don't like, instead of needing to ridicule and criticize them, and cause trouble around here.

Don't they realize that not everyone likes them, either? That they irritate others, too?

Thank goodness that most posters are decent & mature enough to ignore those they don't like, as much as humanly possible.

Re: Why do we focus on the negative?

chickenbutt — Sat, 08 Mar 2014 20:53:39 GMT

The reason that the ugliness has become such a disease on this board is that people play the game. If everybody would ignore it - COMPLETELY - it would take away the fun of the people who come here for the express purpose of being nasty and confrontational.

But then, it's been said here a million times and there will always be the ones who are not mature enough to let it go.

If you don't care about somebody they should not be able to hurt you. Don't let them. They are not worth it. Some people are just so profoundly miserable that the only way they know to feel better about themselves is in their efforts to make others miserable too. Don't let them hurt you. seriously

This place can be toxic, but the toxicity IS avoidable. The more it's avoided, the more people who bring it will go elsewhere to find people to attack. I will admit that, often, I just shake my head and get out for a while. But the constant back and forth just plays along and gives them what they want - to make others miserable like they are.

Re: Why do we focus on the negative?

Suziepeach — Sat, 08 Mar 2014 21:03:34 GMT

On 3/8/2014 Lion said:
I just wish posters would ignore those they don't like, instead of needing to ridicule and criticize them, and cause trouble around here.

Don't they realize that not everyone likes them, either? That they irritate others, too?

Thank goodness that most posters are decent & mature enough to ignore those they don't like, as much as humanly possible.

I heard you, Lion. It's more than ignoring those they don't like, they follow them around with a faux nic & it can get ugly, you know that. I think all of have experienced that and I don't know what on earth I did to deserve how I was treated. I've never used another name and those I don't like I ignore. I agree most posters are decent and mature enough to ignore but those that want attention bring it on hard & heavy to innocent posters. Just because I guess.

Re: Why do we focus on the negative?

Preds — Sat, 08 Mar 2014 21:10:29 GMT

Don't fall into their trap.

Re: Why do we focus on the negative?

Puzzle Piece — Sat, 08 Mar 2014 21:26:55 GMT

My take. Opposing views offer different perspectives. The ones who just attack the poster and label them this or that aren't addressing the question or issue - those are not opposing views, just unhappy folks.

My take again. I think we look at the negative (focus) because we are problem solvers. We take on challenges and opposition or obstacles to find remedy or answers. We humans are good at that.

Re: Why do we focus on the negative?

Preds — Sat, 08 Mar 2014 21:33:58 GMT

I enjoy debating both sides of any subject. To me, that is how you decide your choice on the matter. However, I tend to walk away when it becomes personal attacks rather than discussion. With attacks, you learn nothing. I like to know the who, what, when, where, why, how, what if's.

Re: Why do we focus on the negative?

voyager1980 — Sat, 08 Mar 2014 21:38:11 GMT

People are drawn to the negative.Just look which threads get the most views & posts Lol We're a negative bunch.

Re: Why do we focus on the negative?

Preds — Sat, 08 Mar 2014 21:41:31 GMT

On 3/8/2014 voyager1980 said:
People are drawn to the negative.Just look which threads get the most views & posts Lol We're a negative bunch.

LOL .... Well, if it's positive, we can't fix it. We feel the need to "fix" the negative.

Re: Why do we focus on the negative?

Pqfan — Sat, 08 Mar 2014 22:11:47 GMT

I think that people that like to be negative and argue have found their ""happy place"" in here.