topic Re: Humorous take on Comcast-Time Warner merger in Community Chat

Humorous take on Comcast-Time Warner merger

anisa — Thu, 13 Feb 2014 21:48:00 GMT

Borowitz Report-Humorous take on Comcast/Time Warner Merger

Dear subscribers,

Today, it was announced that Comcast is joining forces with Time Warner Cable in a friendly acquisition worth $45 billion. As we could have expected, many people are wondering what this transaction will mean to the service that you, our subscribers, will enjoy.

We know that all of your comments, however mean-spirited some of them may have been, have come from a good place: genuine concern about what this merger will mean for your future cable service. At Comcast/Time Warner, we care deeply about those concerns, and, to help allay them, here are some answers to the Frequently Asked Questions (F.A.Q.s) we have received since the merger was announced.

Q: How will the merger affect the price of my cable service?

A: There is no clear answer to that. But we will be introducing financing options, roughly similar to those that enabled you to attend college.

Q: Will there be any adverse impact on customer service?

A: A technician will be at your home between the hours of eight and never.

Q: How frequently will you turn off the Internet, and are you going to deliberately crush Netflix by making it impossible to stream its movies?

A: Often and probably.

Q: I am a current Time Warner subscriber. Who will be handling customer complaints, Comcast or Time Warner?

A: Please address all complaints to Comcast/Time Warner Customer Service, 666 Noonethere Lane, Abysstown, U.S.A.

Q: I have been on hold for the past hour, and no one seems to be picking up. How long can I expect to wait?

A: Due to concern about the merger, we are experiencing longer-than-expected wait times. In the meantime, eat me.

Sincerely,

Comcast/Time Warner Cable

Re: Humorous take on Comcast-Time Warner merger

croemer — Thu, 13 Feb 2014 21:51:17 GMT

Oh my gosh this may be close to the truth.

Re: Humorous take on Comcast-Time Warner merger

Preds — Thu, 13 Feb 2014 21:53:10 GMT

OK, so it appears nothing changes. Gotcha'

Re: Humorous take on Comcast-Time Warner merger

tansy — Thu, 13 Feb 2014 21:59:19 GMT

Are we sure this is humor? I can't imagine dealing with the new Comcast beast. Yuk.

Re: Humorous take on Comcast-Time Warner merger

MomOf4 — Thu, 13 Feb 2014 23:09:21 GMT

Too funny and too TRUE!!

Re: Humorous take on Comcast-Time Warner merger

DoneTryin — Thu, 13 Feb 2014 23:37:47 GMT

Those people must be the same ones who own my apt bldg-any excuse to raise the price

Re: Humorous take on Comcast-Time Warner merger

betteb — Fri, 14 Feb 2014 04:17:53 GMT

Re: Humorous take on Comcast-Time Warner merger

mgm2 — Fri, 14 Feb 2014 04:21:06 GMT

Directv.

Re: Humorous take on Comcast-Time Warner merger

JustJazzmom — Fri, 14 Feb 2014 04:25:59 GMT

I heard that Comcast is infamous for its service (lousy) in the Midwest.

Re: Humorous take on Comcast-Time Warner merger

MomOf4 — Fri, 14 Feb 2014 05:03:01 GMT

On 2/13/2014 JustJazzmom said:
I heard that Comcast is infamous for its service (lousy) in the Midwest.

TWC is infamous for it's lousy service on the West Coast!!

Re: Humorous take on Comcast-Time Warner merger

Moonlady — Sat, 15 Feb 2014 16:25:40 GMT

On 2/13/2014 MomOf4 said:
On 2/13/2014 JustJazzmom said:
I heard that Comcast is infamous for its service (lousy) in the Midwest.

TWC is infamous for it's lousy service on the West Coast!!

TWC is infamous for its lousy service on the East Coast, too.

I'm sure we can expect Comcast to furter its scrambling (thanks, FCC) of basic cable channels to try to lessen the impact on them of the many "cord cutters" we've seen.

It's not surprising that both TWC and Comcast are in the bottom three for customer satisfaction.

Re: Humorous take on Comcast-Time Warner merger

Rununculus — Sat, 15 Feb 2014 16:29:10 GMT

Expect synergy to result from this merger. Comcast will drag TWC service down, and TWC will have a negative impact on Comcast quality.