topic What is your definition of A GOOD HUSBAND? How has your definition changed? What advice would you give to a young woman? in Community Chat

What is your definition of A GOOD HUSBAND? How has your definition changed? What advice would you give to a young woman?

Solar Is My Name — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 00:45:41 GMT

What is your definition of A GOOD HUSBAND?

How has your definition changed?

What advice would you give to a young woman?

Examples of joy...examples of puzzlement...examples of exasperation...???

Thank you!

-Solar

Re: What is your definition of A GOOD HUSBAND? How has your definition changed? What advice would you give to a young woman?

Mominohio — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 01:36:52 GMT

No man (or woman) for that matter is perfect. Get used to that fact and embrace it. You aren't going to "change" him, so don't go into it thinking you will. People change over time, and you will and so will he, over decades of marriage. Know it from the beginning, and pay attention to ways to embrace/accept those changes, or your marriage will fail.

He is not your knight in shinning armor. I warn my son about what young girls are expecting today based on the books/movies out there that portray men as their saviors. Women need to be strong, able to take care of themselves and others as well.

A good husband (or spouse in general) is honest, kind, understanding. They will be a provider when needed, accept help, give help, respect you and others.

Re: What is your definition of A GOOD HUSBAND? How has your definition changed? What advice would you give to a young woman?

hckynut — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 01:38:42 GMT

What is your definition of A GOOD HUSBAND?

One that treats their special lady as an equal or above.

Re: What is your definition of A GOOD HUSBAND? How has your definition changed? What advice would you give to a young woman?

JuJu Squeezie — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 01:40:06 GMT

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

Author: The Bible: 1 Corinthians 13:4

Re: What is your definition of A GOOD HUSBAND? How has your definition changed? What advice would you give to a young woman?

MaRina — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 01:57:38 GMT

Panda Wrangler perfect post

Re: What is your definition of A GOOD HUSBAND? How has your definition changed? What advice would you give to a young woman?

CookyJ — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 02:35:32 GMT

Ditto Panda Wrangler's post....my mother gave me this same advice when I was young.....it was great advice then and now.

Re: What is your definition of A GOOD HUSBAND? How has your definition changed? What advice would you give to a young woman?

Puzzle Piece — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 04:48:10 GMT

On 2/6/2014 mominohio said:
No man (or woman) for that matter is perfect. Get used to that fact and embrace it. You aren't going to "change" him, so don't go into it thinking you will. People change over time, and you will and so will he, over decades of marriage. Know it from the beginning, and pay attention to ways to embrace/accept those changes, or your marriage will fail.

He is not your knight in shinning armor. I warn my son about what young girls are expecting today based on the books/movies out there that portray men as their saviors. Women need to be strong, able to take care of themselves and others as well.

A good husband (or spouse in general) is honest, kind, understanding. They will be a provider when needed, accept help, give help, respect you and others.

I completely agree with this post. Along with that, I will add - what will the female bring to the relationship? The old saying "Know thyself" is extremely important. Always check your motives. Have realistic expectations.

Re: What is your definition of A GOOD HUSBAND? How has your definition changed? What advice would you give to a young woman?

skuggles — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 05:53:06 GMT

A good husband believes in the sanctity of marriage. He may have seen it in his parents or he may have learned it in his religion, or maybe some other way but somehow he understands this concept and has taken it completely to heart.

Re: What is your definition of A GOOD HUSBAND? How has your definition changed? What advice would you give to a young woman?

Pook — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 11:31:52 GMT

I do think it's different for everyone. What one would consider a great attribute, another would not.

The quote from Corinthians says it all.

It also appears that a lot of women tend to think that a man has to change to suit them and seem to have the idea that they are some sort of great prize that the man should be grateful for and a lot of men have been raised with the same attitude which is no wonder relationships don't work and there are so many splits. Who can be happy under those conditions.

I would and have given this advice to many. As long as there are no malicious intentions, just accept the differences in each other and remember that this is the person you love. Each can choose to change to make the relationship better but it can't be forced by the other.

Re: What is your definition of A GOOD HUSBAND? How has your definition changed? What advice would you give to a young woman?

Preds — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 14:36:28 GMT

A man that can put up with me at all times and still love me.

Re: What is your definition of A GOOD HUSBAND? How has your definition changed? What advice would you give to a young woman?

151949 — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 14:53:50 GMT

My advice - watch how he treats his Mother - that is similar to how he will treat you. What makes a good husband - one who actually WANTS to be a husband - so often a young girl does whatever to try and make a guy marry her - in my experience those situations never turn out well. He must be employed - what he does isn't nearly as important as the fact that he does actually work - and you and he need to share the same values. things like being good looking or sexy don't matter - once you fall in love with him you will find him very attractive.And that fades with age anyway. and, of course, you both need to feel the same way about having children.

Re: What is your definition of A GOOD HUSBAND? How has your definition changed? What advice would you give to a young woman?

Luv2Decorate — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 15:01:51 GMT

I think if a man is sensible, good worth ethic and character, fun to be with, smart, and loving you can have a great life together as long as you have the same qualities.

I will never understand why people choose partners who aren't nice to them and expect it to change once they commit.

Re: What is your definition of A GOOD HUSBAND? How has your definition changed? What advice would you give to a young woman?

straykatz — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 17:28:05 GMT

A good husband is someone whose faults you can live with and he is able to live with your faults....never go to bed angry...and never use the silent treatment...if you can't talk it over to work it out then you're with the wrong person.

Re: What is your definition of A GOOD HUSBAND? How has your definition changed? What advice would you give to a young woman?

vermint — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 17:43:28 GMT

My definition of "romance" has changed over the years (going on 39). Romance is not necessarily candlelight dinners, flowers, and fancy gifts...romance is cleaning up the cat barf for me because he knows doing that squicks me out!

Re: What is your definition of A GOOD HUSBAND? How has your definition changed? What advice would you give to a young woman?

Luv2Decorate — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 18:08:18 GMT

On 2/7/2014 vermint said:
My definition of "romance" has changed over the years (going on 39). Romance is not necessarily candlelight dinners, flowers, and fancy gifts...romance is cleaning up the cat barf for me because he knows doing that squicks me out!

That is so true. Some people need to know that life isn't all romance. It's about sharing life together, the good, bad and ugly. Some need to be gushed over all of the time and if it's not like it was when they first dated, it's bad. Whereas I like that our relationship has changed, it's very comfortable and it's so easy. Ha!

Re: What is your definition of A GOOD HUSBAND? How has your definition changed? What advice would you give to a young woman?

MrsLorraine — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 18:17:27 GMT

My definition of a good husband is my husband.

Re: What is your definition of A GOOD HUSBAND? How has your definition changed? What advice would you give to a young woman?

straykatz — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 18:22:26 GMT

Romance is something that doesn't have to fade away or die with time.....make time for romance...have a date night....have a candlelit dinner just because....hold hands....etc.....it's too easy to take each other for granted after many years of being together....like any part of a good relationship it takes work...good marriages/relationships don't just happen.

Re: What is your definition of A GOOD HUSBAND? How has your definition changed? What advice would you give to a young woman?

Solar Is My Name — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 19:56:52 GMT

On 2/7/2014 happy housewife said: My advice - watch how he treats his Mother - that is similar to how he will treat you. What makes a good husband - one who actually WANTS to be a husband - so often a young girl does whatever to try and make a guy marry her - in my experience those situations never turn out well. He must be employed - what he does isn't nearly as important as the fact that he does actually work - and you and he need to share the same values. things like being good looking or sexy don't matter - once you fall in love with him you will find him very attractive.And that fades with age anyway. and, of course, you both need to feel the same way about having children.

happy housewife:

YES -- watch how he treats his mother & WHAT HE EXPECTS FROM HIS MOTHER! My mil expected her son to pitch in and help with dishes, cleaning etc. and he is still this way in our house. (YAY!) On the other hand a friend of mine has a husband whose mother practically wiped his chin when he was 17 and he took that for granted -- GUESS WHAT HE EXPECTS FROM HIS WIFE!

-Solar

Re: What is your definition of A GOOD HUSBAND? How has your definition changed? What advice would you give to a young woman?

vermint — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 20:26:06 GMT

On 2/7/2014 Solar said:
On 2/7/2014 happy housewife said: My advice - watch how he treats his Mother - that is similar to how he will treat you. What makes a good husband - one who actually WANTS to be a husband - so often a young girl does whatever to try and make a guy marry her - in my experience those situations never turn out well. He must be employed - what he does isn't nearly as important as the fact that he does actually work - and you and he need to share the same values. things like being good looking or sexy don't matter - once you fall in love with him you will find him very attractive.And that fades with age anyway. and, of course, you both need to feel the same way about having children.

happy housewife:

YES -- watch how he treats his mother & WHAT HE EXPECTS FROM HIS MOTHER! My mil expected her son to pitch in and help with dishes, cleaning etc. and he is still this way in our house. (YAY!) On the other hand a friend of mine has a husband whose mother practically wiped his chin when he was 17 and he took that for granted -- GUESS WHAT HE EXPECTS FROM HIS WIFE!

-Solar

I agree with both of you on this! My late, lovely MIL was much loved and respected by her children, because she earned it. She taught all of them values, how to handle money, and how to take care of themselves--not all of them took these lessons to heart, but my DH certainly did. I used to thank her all the time for raising a son who knew how to cook, do laundry, sew on a button, run the dishwasher, etc. She's been gone for 4 years now, and we still miss her!

Re: What is your definition of A GOOD HUSBAND? How has your definition changed? What advice would you give to a young woman?

RedTop — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 22:23:39 GMT

When I married, I was looking for the qualities I admired in my Dad; honest, hard working, good provider, and a caring person. I had also heard the advice as to watch how your prospective husband treats his mother, and saw a deep, caring relationship there as well. Forty years later, this good man is still by my side. The last 6 weeks of my MIL's life, my husband lived with her Monday through Friday, and took care of her round the clock, while his sister and younger brother worked---they provided care for their mother on the weekends. Despite the fact I firmly believe my husband and I are polar opposites, I also feel he is the only man who can even begin to understand me and make me happy.