topic Re: Update on dad, for those who know the story in Community Chat

Update on dad, for those who know the story

tashy — Thu, 06 Feb 2014 00:15:47 GMT

I know it has been awhile,last time I post,I moved dad into a personal care home,he was doing fine, then the caregiver was accused of stealing and she left in Nov.. I have spoken to her since then and said she didn't do it, that is between them.I am leaving that alone, she was really good with dad, she has been gone for three months and dad appetite has gone down and not drinking very much. He is dehydrated and is just stubborn, don't want to get out of bed,,it is just frustrating. I know it is old age,he just tired I guess. I was told his health would decline so I am not surprised. Just wanted to vent, thanks for reading

Re: Update on dad, for those who know the story

Another new name Sue — Thu, 06 Feb 2014 00:21:58 GMT

I don't know your story, but sorry to hear your father is struggling. It's not easy to see our parents age. Best wishes.

Re: Update on dad, for those who know the story

circles — Thu, 06 Feb 2014 03:28:26 GMT

I don't know your story, either....but I hope you can bring him comfort in is waning years...I wish you well....

Re: Update on dad, for those who know the story

tashy — Thu, 06 Feb 2014 15:04:42 GMT

for those who don't know the story and interested in reading my past post just,put in tashy and my old post will come up. Thanks for the replies, taking one day at a time

Re: Update on dad, for those who know the story

RedTop — Thu, 06 Feb 2014 18:40:50 GMT

tashy,

I am familiar with your previous posts about your Dad, and the struggles to get him placed and settled in this facility. I am sorry for the turn of events to get him to this point, and know it is extremely difficult for you to see him this way, and know what lies ahead. I have only dealt with these circumstances when there had been clear communication as to the persons wishes, and we were able to follow those wishes to the very end. Knowing that we did what we were asked to do made our loss much easier to bear. My hope for you is that your Dad has also clearly communicated his end of life wishes, so that you are able to do what is asked of you, in order to have a peaceful heart afterwards. Thinking of you, and sending you continued strength through prayers.

Re: Update on dad, for those who know the story

chrystaltree — Thu, 06 Feb 2014 20:08:47 GMT

I don't know your story either. I also don't know what a "personal care home" is. Whatever. It sounds like your dad is quite elderly and if he's dehydrated and not getting enough nourishment, you should discuss that immediately with his doctor whoever oversees the health of the patients in this "personal care home". Because no one considers such things to be normal for the elderly, we don't just sit back and let them die of starvation or thirst because they are old. I can't be the only one who finds her post disturbing.

Re: Update on dad, for those who know the story

tashy — Thu, 06 Feb 2014 22:55:07 GMT

I should have put in my post,we did go to the doctor and they said he is mildly dehydrated,and just need to push fluids, the caregivers have been giving him liquids and even fed him a few times, he can feed himself just being stubborn. He is eating, just not enough. I have read this is common at his age 83, I am at peace on what is to come,I know I have done all I can for him. I think he is at peace too,I think I just worry more than I should. Thanks for the responses

Re: Update on dad, for those who know the story

GCR18 — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 05:58:30 GMT

My father passed from COPD and toward the end ate enough to keep a bird alive. He was 80. It's hard. Being at peace is a good state to be in. You are a good daughter.

Re: Update on dad, for those who know the story

pistolino — Sat, 08 Feb 2014 00:10:37 GMT

Tashy, I'm so sorry. A similar thing happened with my mom in a nursing home when she went into hospice in the facility. They wanted to move her to the 3rd floor where it was quieter, but I resisted because mom had really bonded with her aide who took care of her 5 days a week. I put them off as long as I could, but then relented and although the staff up there took really great care of her, it wasn't Anita. Every day I would take her to say hi and mom would just tear up (so would Anita). We want our loved ones to like their caregivers and for their caregivers to enjoy our loved ones, but when the relationship has to be severed for whatever reason, it's so hard.

The best we can do is to help them be content, and offer but not force food. Feeding him is perfectly fine if he won't do it for himself. The decline of appetite is inevitable, though. You're in my prayers.

Re: Update on dad, for those who know the story

goodstuff — Sat, 08 Feb 2014 19:32:12 GMT

I'm so sorry and know your pain. We're currently dealing with DH's 96 year old Mom, who has become a huge fall risk (she has fallen multiple times, breaking fragile bones on a couple of occasions) and has now been placed in a nursing home where they can give her appropriate care and oversight round the clock. Although somewhat forgetful and sometimes confused, she isn't totally out of it, is very strong-willed, and hates knowing she is in a nursing home. She can't afford assisted living at the level of care she would need, and we now have her application for Medicaid assistance in process. Thank heavens we were able to keep her in a good facility about 10 miles from us, where she did rehab after her last broken bones. She was beginning to settle into the rehab unit when a bed in the long-term wing opened up, and adjusting to a new unit with new faces started the drama all over again. We get daily calls demanding that we come pick her up and "bring her home", and she has tried everything from threatening hunger strikes to physically fighting with the caregivers. No question, we can't bring her here, and she needs 24/7 care and assistance with all activities of daily living. Difficult, trying situation for all concerned.

God bless all old folks and the families who try to look after them.

Re: Update on dad, for those who know the story

AuntG — Sat, 08 Feb 2014 22:14:12 GMT

Yes, I remember when you tried to have him stay with you. As hard as it is to say, he may have lost his will to live.

Re: Update on dad, for those who know the story

tashy — Sat, 08 Feb 2014 23:35:40 GMT

Glad to report dad is doing better,we visited today and he look so much better and they said he is eating and drinking again. I guess he was just having a few bad days and snapped out of it. I brought him some fried shrimp which is his favorite, he ate a couple. Thanks for all responses, I really enjoy knowing I can write on this board and get some support from great people

Re: Update on dad, for those who know the story

Firefly3 — Sun, 09 Feb 2014 17:16:03 GMT

Good News.........Give him a thumbs up from me!

Re: Update on dad, for those who know the story

pistolino — Sun, 09 Feb 2014 17:19:28 GMT

Tashy, I'm so glad to hear that. Yes, favorite foods help too! This is all so hard, isn't it?

Re: Update on dad, for those who know the story

Sunnydog — Sun, 09 Feb 2014 20:27:43 GMT

Tashy - My dad was hospitalized twice for UTI's because he was dehydrated. He basically shut down. Try to find something that he will drink, also soups (not with a lot of salt or sodium) are good anything with liquid to keep him from getting dehydrated. It is really serious when they do get dehydrated. Is that the only facility that you found for his care? If you don't know or have any referrals perhaps contact an elder care lawyer they may give you some direction.