topic Re: What Should I Do? in Community Chat

What Should I Do?

IdoraLiz — Tue, 04 Feb 2014 19:20:10 GMT

I am unsure of how to handle a situation...I have been friends with a married couple for over 15 years. We have shared everything. When it comes to $$$ they are extremely greedy and selfish. This is the only issue I have with them. Where on the other hand, I am overly generous. I tend to share my good fortunes and really enjoy giving gifts. (while they don't...and I understand that) that's just the way we are. I recently became handicapped. I am having issues with walking and standing. I needed a Walker with wheels and a seat, a cane and a Bath seat. These friends have these items left over from their deceased Mother. I went to get them at the Medical Supply and found out that Medicare will no longer pay for the Walker/Rollator. I told my friends about it...they reminded me that they had these items in the basement and had no use for them. I was thrilled and asked if I might "borrow" them for awhile, until I got rehab. The husband told me that he would sell them to me for such and such amount of money. I was offended and really hurt. (they are in a much, much better financial situation, then we are). Hubby and I are both disabled and really struggling. Yet we have always been very generous with them. When I told them that we couldn't buy the items, they said I could still "borrow" the tub seat. (not the walker nor cane). I have been housebound and unable to go anywhere that doesn't have a wheelchair or other walking aid...and I found that MANY places Iwent didn't have aids. They were aware of this and had sympathized previously.

I am so hurt that these items have been sitting there this entire two months that I have had walking issues...and they never mentioned them to me before. Now, when I tell them the Doc ordered them again, they mentioned they have them, stored, and have had them, for three years, and are willing to let me use them. When I accept, they want to charge for them. We aren't talking about borrowing sugar or eggs, etc. We are talking about walking aids.

By the way, our Church had the items available to me....I mentioned it to them and within 24 hours, they dropped them off...for free. I can use them as long as I need to.

Am I being overly sensitive? They are no longer speaking with us. What should I do?

Re: What Should I Do?

Bobbi sue — Tue, 04 Feb 2014 19:50:34 GMT

They are not friends to be so insensitive. Consider the source. The church was kind enough to provide the items to you free of cost. Stay away from your so-called friends and enjoy life. Good luck to you.

Re: What Should I Do?

Peaches McPhee — Tue, 04 Feb 2014 20:03:06 GMT

Why are they no longer speaking to you? Because you did not buy their equipment? Some friends you got there.

You don't have to do anything, except accept the fact that they are not your friends, afterall. I know that is hard. It is hard to image "friends" being so petty about $$ and sharing.

Glad you got your equipment, though.

Re: What Should I Do?

Hoovermom — Tue, 04 Feb 2014 20:32:42 GMT

Personally, I think I would see the handwriting on the wall. Wait for them to call and if they say anything, tell them politely how you are feeling. You have nothing to lose. I am sorry this has happened to you especially during this difficult time.

Re: What Should I Do?

chrystaltree — Tue, 04 Feb 2014 20:32:59 GMT

Well, first there's more to your history with them. A lot more. I don't think I would say that you are being over sensitive, I do think like a dog with a bone, you just hang on to the thing and won't let go. You inquired about the equipment, they said they would sell it to your or lend you some of it. Why did you feel the need to continue? They said what they had to say. Friends or not, they owe you nothing. Their financial status is totally irrelevant. The fact that the things were in the basment gathering dust is irrelevant. It's their "stuff". I must say that while you think of them as "friends", they aren't friends. Not real friends. And this thing is colored by your history with them, which obviously isn't as lovey dovey as you seem to think it is. Make peace with it, let it go. You got want you needed from your church. There's no need to dwell on the situation with your so called friends.

Re: What Should I Do?

hsawaknow — Tue, 04 Feb 2014 20:44:35 GMT

You may have thought they were your 'friends' but a true friend - with deep histories and relationships wouldn't do that. Consider them not speaking to you anymore as a favor. Do you really want a friendship with them now knowing who they really are? I know I wouldn't.

Re: What Should I Do?

DeLaney — Tue, 04 Feb 2014 21:27:27 GMT

Can't have come as much of a shock, since you've long known they suffer in the bondage of greed. . . Still I am sorry their weakness was demonstrated to you under such painful circumstances.

What to do? Were it me, I'd give thanks to God for providing, and that you need not depend on them. Forgive them for their shortcomings and move on. Only you know if continuing this friendship is worth the risk of being hurt by their stinginess in the future.

Re: What Should I Do?

HiLo — Tue, 04 Feb 2014 22:09:11 GMT

What I can't understand is that these people have shown good will towards you in the past. And why are they the ones not speaking to you; did you have harsh words about this in the end?

I would have to know more about the situation before offering an opinion; something just doesn't seem right here. Otherwise you obviously don't have a "friendship" with these people. I find that your church friends are usually the most receptive but then there are exceptions with that as well. You can really learn a lot about people in general just from being on this community.Anyone in need is welcome to anything I have that would help them; certainly things I'm not using, at no charge.

Praying for God's help with your health problem; makes me so sad.for you and that it seems there are so many people in this world with the "me" attitude of your former "friends'.

Re: What Should I Do?

BellaPaprika — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 00:03:55 GMT

Medicare.gov is the government website for Medicare and has the very latest info regarding Part B Medicare coverage. It states there that walker/rollators are covered if ordered by your doctor for a specific mobility issue. You either received the wrong info from the medical supply place or your doctor did not specify a rolling walker in his order.

Re: What Should I Do?

occasionalrain — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 00:05:33 GMT

You have a valid reason to be hurt.

That you finally faced the fact that these people are not friends but opportunists is a gift from G. Appreciate it, consider this couple strangers, and have nothing more to do with them.

Re: What Should I Do?

Love my grandkids — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 00:20:52 GMT

These people are NOT friends and no way could I stay friends with people who are greedy and selfish.

Re: What Should I Do?

sidsmom — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 01:03:39 GMT

On 2/4/2014 chrystaltree said:
Well, first there's more to your history with them. A lot more. I don't think I would say that you are being over sensitive, I do think like a dog with a bone, you just hang on to the thing and won't let go. You inquired about the equipment, they said they would sell it to your or lend you some of it. Why did you feel the need to continue? They said what they had to say. Friends or not, they owe you nothing. Their financial status is totally irrelevant. The fact that the things were in the basment gathering dust is irrelevant. It's their "stuff". I must say that while you think of them as "friends", they aren't friends. Not real friends. And this thing is colored by your history with them, which obviously isn't as lovey dovey as you seem to think it is. Make peace with it, let it go. You got want you needed from your church. There's no need to dwell on the situation with your so called friends.

ITA. Not only is this their "stuff", but it's stuff that has emotion attached to it....it belong to their mother. Just let things calm down for a while & be pleasant when/if they converse with you.

Re: What Should I Do?

chickenbutt — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 01:06:00 GMT

Wow, from this side of the story they don't seem very nice at all.

Furthermore, one thing I've learned is that givers attract takers. I've learned that the hard way. While I wouldn't want to be any different and enjoy greatly when I can 'give' sometimes it just gets too much after a while of give give give and take take take.

Glad you got some stuff to help despite them. Too bad they aren't willing to share items that they don't even need or want. Another life lesson learned, I guess - the hard way.

Re: What Should I Do?

focksie — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 01:31:53 GMT

I understand that you feel hurt OP, but you said you did know about their greediness and selfishness (when it comes to money). This shouldn't come as a surprise to you then. These items carry monetary value to this couple so that's how they are acting.

Personally, I couldn't and wouldn't have anything to do with people like that, but that's me. If their friendship is otherwise that important to you and if you expect and can accept exactly this kind of stinginess in the future, then you'll probably have to find a way to be not as sensitive. If you explain to them how you feel, then just be aware that they may end the friendship.

Re: What Should I Do?

Snowpuppy — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 01:38:23 GMT

You wouldn't be the first person in American to ever lose a ""friend"" because you are the one in need. I usually have all the friends I can handle as long as I'm the giver in a relationship.

I'm glad your church was able to assist you. I would write a thank you to the pastor and congregation.

Re: What Should I Do?

Big Sister — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 04:29:23 GMT

Greedy, selfish people do not make good friends. Period.

You are not being overly sensitive.

Re: What Should I Do?

GCR18 — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 05:23:39 GMT

They aren't friends. I would cut ties with them. It should be pretty easy with them not talking.

Re: What Should I Do?

Love my grandkids — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 05:24:17 GMT

I'm also glad your church helped you. THAT is where your real friends are.

Re: What Should I Do?

pinkskates4 — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 15:17:37 GMT

On 2/4/2014 Snowpuppy said:
You wouldn't be the first person in American to ever lose a ""friend"" because you are the one in need. I usually have all the friends I can handle as long as I'm the giver in a relationship.

I'm glad your church was able to assist you. I would write a thank you to the pastor and congregation.

Re: What Should I Do?

Lynneuk — Wed, 05 Feb 2014 17:03:36 GMT

When you are sick or have a big problem in your life, that is when you find out who your real friends are.

Now you know what these people are really like. I would stay away from them from now on.

And for the person who suggested that the items had sentimental attachment, then why were they willing to profit from them but not help a friend?

Surely helping a friend would honor their Mother more than letting it sit in their basement while their friend is housebound.