topic Re: My Childhood Home in Community Chat

My Childhood Home

CrazyKittyLvr2 — Sun, 28 Dec 2025 09:03:25 GMT

The house I grew up in was always considered home even after I married at 18 and moved 85 miles away.

After Dad died in 1995 we decided Mom would sign the house over to my sister and BIL. They moved in, added an addition and helped/took care of Mom. She died in 2006. It was still home to me and my sister always said, this is still your home.

Sis and I never stood on ceremony at each other's home. Help yourself to whatever you want. Drinks, food etc. Don't ask just help yourself.

Sis died in 2021 and her DH has the house now, as it should be.

I am just a guest now, It is no longer home. He has made that clear. DD and I have only visited twice in the 4 years since my sister died. We got coffee and bottled water at Dunkin before we went to the house...He complained to me about his teen grandsons raiding his fridge hence we take our own drinks.

I have no desire to ever visit again. BIL and I always got along but weren't close. It is very strange to know everyone (parents & sister) is gone and I'll never "go home" again.

Pardon my rant?, it's 4am and my insomnia is in overdrive.

Re: My Childhood Home

jlkz — Sun, 28 Dec 2025 10:17:52 GMT

@CrazyKittyLvr2

Evidently, this "home" feeling has persisted since BIL demonstrated the strange behavior from a while ago. His grandsons "raid" his refrigerator and he's unhappy with their behavior rather than be glad they come around to see their grandfather.

As you have discovered, things change over time for many reasons, seen and unseen.

The concept of "Home" isn't the building occupied in the past but the memories of those who surrounded and cared for you as you grew up. Those memories remain with you and can give you comfort in the later chapters of your life.

The actual first building to which I was brought home from the hospital still exists: DH and I bought it from my grandparents and sold it a few years later. If I drive by it, no feelings emerge: just glad another family is there.

The building where I grew up from as a toddler to bride, has been torn down and morphed into a townhouse development. No feelings emerge there either.

The warm feelings exist in my memories but they are centered around people who truly loved me...an aunt. I helped ready her house for sale and haven't driven by it since she passed over 15 years ago. Yet the relationship brings comfort and warmth still... For me that is " going home " until we meet again.

As you wisely described, it is as it should be with that house now that your sister has passed: It is his house. But you have the memories of those who created the concept of "home" and you can visit it any time.

You have created memories for your daughter that have become her " home " and similarly they will remain her home, not just walls and a roof.

You may want to talk with a counselor...this may be a lingering grief that pops up with insomnia and may be worse during the holidays.

May 2026 bring you wonderful surprises and happiness !

Re: My Childhood Home

Janey2 — Sun, 28 Dec 2025 11:01:10 GMT

I look at this in a different way. He might not be your cup of tea and even seem a little (let's say) grumpy. I do not think he is such a bad guy. He helped take care of your mother for many years. It is not easy for an in law to take on that responsibility and take them into their house, (or her house until she signed it over). The thing is he lived with her.
If you do care for him don't visit. I do not get attached to things so I guess it is not easy for me to understand. I have lots of good memories from years past and like to think about them, but do not have to be in the place they happened.
,

Re: My Childhood Home

AngelPuppy1 — Sun, 28 Dec 2025 11:49:24 GMT

Home is in the heart I guess! We had a similar situation in our family. The "family" home was passed down to other family members. We grew up in the "family" home and we all just came and went as we wanted and my mother wanted it to be this way. A place where we could all feel very comfortable and familiar - a place where we could come at any time - walk in, help ourselves to whatever was available in the fridge, plop down on the sofa and chairs, and stay whenever we needed or wanted to. But when a house passes on or is sold to another family member, sibling, etc., this situation changes, and we just have to go with it. We have our memories and this has to be enough.

Re: My Childhood Home

FranandZoe — Sun, 28 Dec 2025 14:34:10 GMT

My Mom sold our home in '07 and she moved into an apartment. It was great for her. It had become too much for her to maintain - physicaly and financially. The house is a Craftsman style built in the 20s - it was beautiful.

The house is only about 5 miles away - my brother and I will occasionally take a ride past the house - big mistake. The yard is an unkempt jungle and the house is not well cared for either. It's sad. How I wish my hubby and I had bought the house - we could have easily turned it into a duplex and rented it out.

Re: My Childhood Home

Roscoe the Rascal — Sun, 28 Dec 2025 14:50:34 GMT

I drive by old places we lived and always a nice memory or two pop up. I think maybe missing your sister and parents and the memories together is more of the issue. I lost my sister and brother and I miss them dearly. I drive by their old place now and then and think good thoughts. Sometimes a big tug at the heart as well.

Some of my husbands siblings I don't mind not seeing any more. It all works out. Christmas is a difficult time. Not my favorite time of year.

Re: My Childhood Home

goldensrbest — Sun, 28 Dec 2025 15:17:59 GMT

My mom had to go into a nursing home,my brother sold the house, what also bothered me is that he had said for years he wanted that house,over and over,he decided not to buy it,it was very cheap in price,found that hard to understand.He rents a small apartment.

Re: My Childhood Home

willowbark — Sun, 28 Dec 2025 15:25:44 GMT

We had a few childhood homes all owned by my parents as they progressed up the ladder to a better position financially. Each home held cherished memories and it's not bad to get sentimental about it. I have no interest in visiting any, the memories sustain me and put a smile on my face.

Re: My Childhood Home

Puzzle Piece — Sun, 28 Dec 2025 15:29:36 GMT

I never liked 'going home' or visiting folks there. They are gone now and the house was turned into a convalescent home.

Who woudda thunk it.

Re: My Childhood Home

CrazyKittyLvr2 — Sun, 28 Dec 2025 15:46:44 GMT

@jlkz I've had insomnia for decades. It is nothing new.

Re: My Childhood Home

vermint — Sun, 28 Dec 2025 15:47:09 GMT

I'm not very sentimental about "things". We never had a family home growing up--my parents always rented, until after I got married, so we moved every few years. I never lived in the house they bought a year after my wedding, though I do have good memories of family times there.

I have more memories of my in-laws' home...they bought that house in 1960 and stayed there until they died. It was "stability" for me, and I loved it...and them. I dearly miss the big holiday get-togethers we had there.

Re: My Childhood Home

CrazyKittyLvr2 — Sun, 28 Dec 2025 15:52:57 GMT

@FranandZoe My mom was a cleaning machine and dad did the outside and also kept up with painting and upgrades on the inside.

Now, yikes. My parents are probably spinning in their urns.

Re: My Childhood Home

CrazyKittyLvr2 — Sun, 28 Dec 2025 16:00:21 GMT

@ My mom's parents bought the house in 1912. They raised 8 kids there. They had 10 kids but mom's sister died at 4 from diptheria and a son was stillborn.

My grandparents always lived with us. Mom and Dad got the house when they married, grammy and poppy had life rights.

Mom was born there and died there. My grandfather, father and sister all died there too.

Re: My Childhood Home

CrazyKittyLvr2 — Sun, 28 Dec 2025 16:13:42 GMT

@Janey2 My sister took Mom to her appointments, got per meds etc. I went down a lot to do what I could. Sometimes I took a day off work and went to visit.

I do know if my husband were in the house he would have never, ever made my sister feel unwelcome. My sister was like everyone else, they loved my husband. He loved my sister too. Heck, I used to joke that my parents loved my DH more than they did me.

My BIL's life revolves around his huge TV in the family room. He goes from the recliner to the bathroom and the kitchen during the day. Period. He doesn't like anything that takes away from his TV viewing.

Re: My Childhood Home

geezerette — Sun, 28 Dec 2025 16:34:02 GMT

@CrazyKittyLvr2 wrote:

@ My mom's parents bought the house in 1912. They raised 8 kids there. They had 10 kids but mom's sister died at 4 from diptheria and a son was stillborn.

My grandparents always lived with us. Mom and Dad got the house when they married, grammy and poppy had life rights.

Mom was born there and died there. My grandfather, father and sister all died there too.

@CrazyKittyLvr2

That's nice to have that family history. Most people nowadays don't.

Re: My Childhood Home

CrazyKittyLvr2 — Sun, 28 Dec 2025 16:48:15 GMT

@geezerette I had 2 aunts and 5 uncles on mom's side and dad had 1 brother and 1 sister.

My paternal grandparents came over a lot too.

Holidays folks, were always coming and going and it was not a big house but no one cared, it was fun back then.

Re: My Childhood Home

Coastalcarolina — Thu, 08 Jan 2026 14:44:45 GMT

My family home was on a farm. My dearly loved grandmothers house was next door. When she passed, my older sister lived in her home for many years. She later remarried and moved away. Her home was sold and the people changed alot of it and the surroundings.

My parents died a few years later, and we sold their house. Now, it belongs to a rental group, and the current tenants do nothing to keep it looking tidy. Grass overgrown in summer, big dogs and dog cages under her carport. My mom was so particular about keeping everything clean and presentable.

It makes me a little sad to see how everything I knew as a child no longer is the same. But I knew it could never be that way again of course. I still remember walking through it and the outside for the last time. And I knew it was the last time it would be like my "old home".

Isn't it something when we ponder how we are just passing through this life....

Long post, sorry. But I agree about how it was admirable for your BIL to help take care of your mom. Maybe he is just tired and weary for reasons we cannot understand, thus his attitude about things.

Re: My Childhood Home

pigletsmom2 — Sun, 28 Dec 2025 18:16:22 GMT

Well I have to say that it seems like you don't like your BIL all that much and you really just want to go visit the house. I'm not sure how I'd feel about someone just visiting my house.

Your mother had siblings but this place became her home and not the others. Even being welcome at holidays or whatever isn't the same as it still being theirs, If it did a lot of people would want to be visiting this place. Just the cycle of life and you have the memories forever.

Re: My Childhood Home

CrazyKittyLvr2 — Sun, 28 Dec 2025 18:47:44 GMT

@Coastalcarolina My BIL took care of the lawn and fixed things now and then. My sister is the one who took care of my mom.

Even way back then my BIL's favorite thing was being parked in front of the Tv.

He didn't treat my sister very well sometimes. I remember when my sister become very ill she said to me, "Bill really stepped up and took care of her, making her meals etc." Huh, I was there when he said in sickness and in health". I didn't say it to her but he doesn't get props for doing the right thing.

Re: My Childhood Home

wilma — Sun, 28 Dec 2025 18:56:09 GMT

I thought I would feel sad when my parents moved out of their house because that was my only childhood home. I lived there until I moved into my first apartment at age 26. I have a lot of memories and photos from those years.

It was a bit weird not celebrating the holidays in my childhood home that first year, but as long as we could get together the location wasn't that important. We've all hosted holidays and other events at our own homes since then.

Neither my parents nor my in-laws felt it was fair to leave their houses to just one of their children. They sold their homes to "strangers" before their deaths, and the profit went into their estates and was divided equally between the adult children with the grandchildren getting smaller amounts.