topic Re: Question for Widows in Community Chat

Question for Widows

lovesallanimals — Fri, 20 Jun 2025 23:37:16 GMT

My DH recently passed away and needless to say, I am a total wreck. It is like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. I cry all the time, especially in public which I cannot seem to stop. My question is I am still wearing my wedding ring as I will always be his wife but it is getting more painful each day when I see it on my finger. Do you still wear your ring, any feedback would be so appreciated.

Re: Question for Widows

kitcat51 — Fri, 20 Jun 2025 23:58:55 GMT

Never cried at the funeral or in public, I just don't do that. I still wear my ring & will have it buried with me. Grief is different for everyone, you'll find your way. Blessings.

Re: Question for Widows

PinkyPetunia — Sat, 21 Jun 2025 00:20:49 GMT

@lovesallanimals. I am so sorry for your loss.

I became a widow 5 years ago. I didn't wear a ring all the time when my DH was alive. I gained weight and my fingers swelled in the heat so rings were uncomfortable at times.

I quit wearing a ring for good pretty quickly. It didn't seem right for me to keep wearing one. It was easier not to look at it.

There are no rules about this and there is nothing wrong with continuing to wear your wedding ring. Do what feels right for you.

Re: Question for Widows

smoochy — Sat, 21 Jun 2025 00:24:58 GMT

some bereaved wives wear their wedding rings on a chain around their necks

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Re: Question for Widows

rockygems123 — Sat, 21 Jun 2025 00:25:08 GMT

@lovesallanimals

My condolences to you.

If it is getting more painful by the day to see your wedding ring on your finger have you tried putting on a different ring to see how that feels?

I wish you the best.

Re: Question for Widows

gidgetgh — Sat, 21 Jun 2025 00:30:09 GMT

@lovesallanimals - first, I am so sorry for your loss. I often say that the loss of a spouse changes your DNA. I know it changed mine. In my opinion, it's something you never "get over". It's something your learn to live with. Give yourself some grace and grieve as you feel you need to grieve. No one walks your grief journey except for you.

My husband has been gone almost 5 years. I wore my engagement and wedding rings for a year and a half after his death. It was habit to wear them so I just did. I loved my rings. And then one day, I just stopped. No fanfare. I had gained a little weight and it was a warm February day and I struggled one morning to get them on and I just decided that maybe it was time. They're in my jewelry box and I see them all the time and love them just as much as I always did. But it wouldn't feel right to me to put them back on now. Not after this much time.

Again, my sympathies to you for this profound loss.

Re: Question for Widows

Toots711 — Sat, 21 Jun 2025 00:31:26 GMT

@lovesallanimals

My sincere condolences!

Re: Question for Widows

We rescue cats — Sat, 21 Jun 2025 00:47:08 GMT

@lovesallanimals My sincerest condolences on such a loss. You are among friends, please allow us to help you carry this pain for you.

Re: Question for Widows

homedecor1 — Sat, 21 Jun 2025 00:47:35 GMT

@lovesallanimals

my deepest condolences to you. I've been struggling a lot myself (my spouse passed 16 months ago) yes I still wear my wedding band. My band is a ruby & diamond not traditional set.

You should do whatever you're comfortable with - as my grief counselor told me "it's a big loss which takes time to adjust". We were together 52 years I met him when I was a teenager.

Please take all the time you need my thoughts are with you!

Re: Question for Widows

NYCLatinaMe — Sat, 21 Jun 2025 00:47:43 GMT

@lovesallanimals My most sincere condolences for your loss, and I hope you are able to find some comfort, whatever you choose to do.

Re: Question for Widows

lovesallanimals — Sat, 21 Jun 2025 01:07:21 GMT

Thank you for all your kind words. We were together for 35 years and he was everything to me. I think I will continue to wear it for now as it has only been 3 months. In my heart and soul he is still my husband. I had the best of the best and there will never be anyone to fill his shoes,nor do I want there to be. I will give it time but eventually, maybe after 1 year, I will wear it on a chain around my neck.

Re: Question for Widows

BunSnoop — Sat, 21 Jun 2025 01:08:59 GMT

@lovesallanimals , my husband passed away 2 months ago. I totally understand everything you said. The only thing that has helped me is to be kept busy constantly. I have lots and lots of hubby's "stuff" to sort, purge, etc. However, once I stop doing things I'm a mess too.

It's hard being in public. Everyone around me seems to be so happy - talking and laughing. I feel so alone. I've ate out a fast food restaurants only a couple of times and it was so difficult to eat alone.

My mother-in-law gave to me the beautiful diamond ring I wear on my wedding finger before she passed away. I had my wedding set made into a cocktail ring and I wear it on my right hand. I plan to always wear both rings. I feel that I'm still married to my husband and I will feel that way until the day I die.

Hugs to you!

Re: Question for Widows

nevergivesup — Sat, 21 Jun 2025 01:11:53 GMT

@lovesallanimals I'm so very sorry for your loss. Be gentle with yourself and know that many of us are sending you prayers of love and support.

Re: Question for Widows

lovesallanimals — Sat, 21 Jun 2025 01:18:09 GMT

BunSnoop - I am so sorry for your loss. Being in the same situation as I am in, you fully understand what I am going through. I have only donated clothing he did not care for and never wore, some of the items are brand new but they will go for a good cause. All his other things I cannot part with yet, maybe after a year grace period. I have to keep busy, once I sit still I break down. It is new for both of us and like you, he will always be my husband and this is something that we will never completely get over. I wish there was such a thing as a "Widows" grief support group. I live in Queens, NY and there is nothing. I do not want zoom, I want to sit with people in a group to relate to.

Re: Question for Widows

Somertime — Sat, 21 Jun 2025 01:35:03 GMT

@lovesallanimals I have never had my wedding ring off since the day my husband put it on my finger. I find comfort in wearing it and have no intention of ever taking it off. He has been gone over five years and grief is different for everyone. Sometimes it comes out of nowhere and the tears just flow. I get a lot of joy talking about him, I treasure the memories I have and the life we shared. I met him when I was 20 years old and I am 78, now. Do I miss him, each and every hour of each and every day. I am so very proud to be his wife, it is a mantle I wear with dignity. I am his wife and I, always, will be.

If your husband wore PJ, wear the top when you go to sleep or one of his T shirts and sleep in it. This is what my mother did and she received a lot of comfort from it. She said it was if his arms were wrapped around her. She would sometimes wear his robe or even one of his casual shirts around the house during the day. It might give you some comfort.

Re: Question for Widows

OKPrincess — Sat, 21 Jun 2025 01:22:40 GMT

@lovesallanimals

I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband.

You will know when you're ready to make changes concerning rings and other personal effects as there is no time limit.

Re: Question for Widows

shoesnbags — Sat, 21 Jun 2025 01:27:04 GMT

I lost my husband 13 months ago. I wore my wedding set for months but couldn't have removed the rings if I wanted to because my knuckle is enlarged from arthritis. I finally had the rings cut off by a jeweler and resized the engagement ring to wear on my right hand. I kept the wedding band as it was and it now sits on a heart shaped dish with my husband's wedding band encircling it. It comforts me to see them together like that.

Re: Question for Widows

River Song — Sat, 21 Jun 2025 01:47:59 GMT

@lovesallanimals ,

Regarding an in-person widows grief support group, have you checked with Hospice of New York. Their website says it services Queens. My first husband died in a car accident thirty-six years ago and my local hospice offered a widows grief support group. In fact, they offered a young widows support group as there were about eight of us widows that were in our 30's and had different issues than widows in their 60's and older. My point being, spouses didn't have to be in hospice in order for their widows to take advantage of the hospice's grief support group.

My second husband died over five years ago and I still wear my wedding rings. It took me a while to slowly get rid of his clothes, a couple of years. I still have a couple of his shirts I can't get rid of yet. My sister, on the other hand, got rid of her late husband's stuff PDQ. There's no right or wrong way, do what is comfortable for you.

I had my diamond solitaire engagement ring from my first marriage set into a pendant and I wear my wedding band on my right hand. I wear my wedding bands from my second marriage on my left hand.

Re: Question for Widows

smoochy — Sat, 21 Jun 2025 02:08:23 GMT

if you're looking for a wonderful support group that meets in person, I recommend Griefshare. Its a 13 week program.I attended it after my son died. It was very helpful. Google griefshare dot org to find locations for upcoming meetings in your area

Re: Question for Widows

kathybnc2 — Sat, 21 Jun 2025 02:13:25 GMT

II am very sorry for your loss. It's so hard to lose your spouse. I've been a widow for 18 years. There is no right answer to your question uestion and in time you will know what is right for you. Even after 18 years I still wear my wedding ring. I feel like it's a part of me. I have had no desire to search out another person or companion and have made peace with being by myself. As others have said everyone grieves in their own way. There is no right or wrong way. It doesn't seem so now, but you will be ok. Please post again if there is anything the folks here can do to help or answer questions or concerns you might encounter. Sending hugs.