topic Re: Question and response about another's health in Community Chat

Question and response about another's health

mormel20 — Thu, 19 Jun 2025 15:30:53 GMT

I have a relative I will call "Cousin Sally". Cousin Sally is having some health issues. Yesterday a person who kinows I am related asked me about Cousin Sally's health. I don't feel it is my place to blab about her private health concerns so I just vauguely said "Oh, she's pretty good". (Which is technically true, since she in not in a hosptial) I know Cousin Sally would not want her private information told to random people. What is the best response to people who ask? I don't want to be rude or make up a lie, but I don't want discuss her private information.

Re: Question and response about another's health

JeanLouiseFinch — Thu, 19 Jun 2025 15:35:45 GMT

Tell the truth. "It's not my place to discuss her personal information. Why don't you call her and ask her? Maybe she'd like a visit."

Re: Question and response about another's health

Cakers3 — Thu, 19 Jun 2025 15:37:38 GMT

@mormel20 "Thank you for your concern. I appreciate it but Cousin Sally respectfully requests her health be kept private."

No further explanation needed.

Re: Question and response about another's health

MaverDaver — Thu, 19 Jun 2025 15:37:39 GMT

"just fine" is a sufficient answer

Re: Question and response about another's health

Mz iMac — Thu, 19 Jun 2025 15:39:18 GMT

@mormel20 Well apparently that random person knew your cousin Sally is having medical issues.

I would have answered "Why do you ask?" & go from there depending on the answer.

Re: Question and response about another's health

Sooner — Thu, 19 Jun 2025 15:40:12 GMT

I don't know enough to answer that properly.

Re: Question and response about another's health

I am still oxox — Thu, 19 Jun 2025 15:54:51 GMT

It is not my place to discuss her medical issues

Re: Question and response about another's health

Iwantcoffee — Thu, 19 Jun 2025 16:03:01 GMT

I see nothing wrong with your reply.

When I ask about someone it is to let them know I am thinking of them and care about them.

It's not necessary to answer with details or discuss all health issues.

Re: Question and response about another's health

kaydee50 — Thu, 19 Jun 2025 16:07:26 GMT

"She's doing fine. Thanks for asking."

I'm not sure why people are always afraid of being "rude" when it's usually the people inquiring who are the rude ones.

Re: Question and response about another's health

FranandZoe — Thu, 19 Jun 2025 16:53:16 GMT

Interesting post and replies.

Last week my next door neighbor called me for something. I said to her that I noticed someone else was cutting her grass and I asked how our other neighbor was - he usually cuts her grass. She replied she didn't want to gossip. It never occurred to me that we would be gossiping. He was a good friend of my husband's and I consider him and his wife friends. They've always been good neighbors. I was honestly concerned for his health as I know he's been battling skin cancer. Apparently it's best to just not ask about these things.

Re: Question and response about another's health

PhilaLady1 — Thu, 19 Jun 2025 16:55:38 GMT

In that situation, I have said something like "She's doin' okay, thanks for asking". I have used facial expression and tone of voice to convey nuances of meaning.

Re: Question and response about another's health

Ruby Laine — Thu, 19 Jun 2025 17:15:05 GMT

I think you did fine.

Nurses learn interviewing techniques which encourage people to volunteer information. If this person said, "Is your aunt ok?" You would come back with, "Is she ok?" Or if the person said, "I hear your aunt isn't doing too well," you would say, "You heard she isn't well?"

The person almost always answers your question and adds a lot more information--what she heard, from whom, etc.

This way you learn what the person already knows, which helps you come up with a non answer. But again, you did the right thing.

Re: Question and response about another's health

occasionalrain — Thu, 19 Jun 2025 17:32:26 GMT

Asking how's your mother, sister, husband...is not a rude wish to know details, it's meant to show that you care and nothing more. The answer should be vague and include that they will let the person know that you asked about them. People post their disappointment when their friends don't call them when they're ill. It seems a can't win situation.

Re: Question and response about another's health

Franklinbell — Thu, 19 Jun 2025 17:44:54 GMT

@JeanLouiseFinch @Nice answer! I like that!

Re: Question and response about another's health

We rescue cats — Thu, 19 Jun 2025 19:22:14 GMT

A very dear friend of mine is in a memory care facility and she has good days and bad days. She was one of the sharpest business women I have ever known and I love her dearly. I'm always asked about her and my answer is always the same, she has good days and not so good days but she loves knowing that people remember and care, why don't you drop her a note? She loves getting mail, the notes and cards are in a lovely box that she looks through often.

Re: Question and response about another's health

JoyFilled Warrior — Fri, 20 Jun 2025 19:35:18 GMT

Hi @mormel20 What a sticky situation.

Instead of just plain providing some answer, I have to keep trying to train myself to ask back, "Why do you ask?" or, "Im/we're glad to know you're asking about her. Why do you ask?"

Rather than my usual, just plain answering.

Sometimes, ppl ask & they have a good reason, such as they noticed something you might need to know abt, and yet, they dont know just how to bring that topic/info up, esp if its something alerting, (vs nosy).

Good luck, @mormel20 I hope everything turns out ok.

Re: Question and response about another's health

ROMARY — Sat, 21 Jun 2025 21:50:36 GMT

For years and years, I've made it a point to not relay other folks' medical information.

Avoids my info being 'twisted' into something else, and then passed along to others.

The patient herself/himself or her/his immediate daughters/sons should be the people to relay more updated information.

Sometimes the patient doesn't want his/her medical problems and information relayed to others.

So, I leave it up to the patient and/or the patient's immediate relatives who know more than I do.

Just my policy.

Re: Question and response about another's health

Jo1313 — Fri, 20 Jun 2025 20:13:53 GMT

This happened just yesterday..

DH has mild dementia and he has a heart condition..We were parked in a handicap spot with the tag hanging in the window..I went in the bank with my cane.

There was a neighbor that we don't talk to (long story)..I ignored him when he tried to say hi..a real nosey man..He went out to his car saw that there was a handicap tag in our car window.

He went to the car and asked DH "why do you have a handicap tag ?"..I was so proud of DH..he told the guy "none of your business..go home and figure it out"! DH had no clue who he said that to. there are times his mind is still sharp! I had just gotten back to the car door so I heard DH..

Re: Question and response about another's health

mrshckynut — Sat, 21 Jun 2025 22:50:18 GMT

@mormel20 wrote:
I have a relative I will call "Cousin Sally". Cousin Sally is having some health issues. Yesterday a person who kinows I am related asked me about Cousin Sally's health. I don't feel it is my place to blab about her private health concerns so I just vauguely said "Oh, she's pretty good". (Which is technically true, since she in not in a hosptial) I know Cousin Sally would not want her private information told to random people. What is the best response to people who ask? I don't want to be rude or make up a lie, but I don't want discuss her private information.

tell them the same thing you said here
it is not your place to talk about her health
if they know her well enough they should check with Sally

mrshckynut