topic Re: Thoughts on final resting place in Community Chat

Thoughts on final resting place

smoochy — Tue, 29 Apr 2025 00:18:43 GMT

curious about your take on this. I will be cremated when I die. As the spouse of a military retiree, I'm entitled to a spot in a national cemetery which will be here in Florida. (Free) there is also an available plot in the cemetery in Michigan with my mom, my sister and my son. My mom and stepfather bought enough spaces for everyone. I am actually torn over this. Be with my hubby? Or with my family? I know that my daughter does NOT want an urn of my ashes and would prefer that my ashes are buried somewhere (if it were up to her). I also know that my earthly remains will merely be ashes- my soul will be elsewhere. Also, fwiw, when my daughter visits her home state of Michigan (she lives abroad), she usually visits our family gravesites. Once I'm gone she will have no reason to travel to Florida as her dad, his kids, and my grandson her nephew, all live in the same town in Michigan. My husband says he doesn't have any stong feelings one way or another, as our remains will simply be ashes.

Any input?

Re: Thoughts on final resting place

Carol Diane — Tue, 29 Apr 2025 00:11:58 GMT

Half in one place and half in the other. Not sure if that creeps anyone out though.

Re: Thoughts on final resting place

persiflage — Tue, 29 Apr 2025 00:16:40 GMT

I also would do half one place and half the other.

Re: Thoughts on final resting place

Seminole2 — Tue, 29 Apr 2025 00:17:09 GMT

@Carol Diane not creepy....my brother and my mom's ashes are spread over different places. My dad the same. Then when we moved to our forever home last year I spread the rest under a new tree and bench in our yard overlooking the pond. I can go sit on the bench and converse

Re: Thoughts on final resting place

Alsace Gal — Tue, 29 Apr 2025 00:21:11 GMT

@smoochy

My first thought, you should be next to your son. However members have suggested

half with your husband and half with your family. I think it's the best solution.

When the time comes-rest peacefully.

Re: Thoughts on final resting place

smoochy — Tue, 29 Apr 2025 00:22:42 GMT

that's an idea.. two urns, two locations.

Re: Thoughts on final resting place

Sooner — Tue, 29 Apr 2025 00:22:42 GMT

I have a plot by my husband in our town. If he goes first, I'll be lucky if anyone knows who I am and where to bury me.

Won't matter. Not something I worry about. I am more concerned with being the person I need to be to go on in the next life. Faith comes first.

Re: Thoughts on final resting place

smoochy — Tue, 29 Apr 2025 00:25:58 GMT

@Sooner wrote:
I have a plot by my husband in our town. If he goes first, I'll be lucky if anyone knows who I am and where to bury me.

Won't matter. Not something I worry about. I am more concerned with being the person I need to be to go on in the next life. Faith comes first.

well I have to think about it because there will be practical and logistical matters to deal with. My cremains aren't going to magically fly to my desired location.

Re: Thoughts on final resting place

smoochy — Tue, 29 Apr 2025 00:28:54 GMT

@Alsace Gal wrote:
@smoochy

My first thought, you should be next to your son. However members have suggested
half with your husband and half with your family. I think it's the best solution.
When the time comes-rest peacefully.

thank you 😍

Re: Thoughts on final resting place

Sooner — Tue, 29 Apr 2025 00:32:16 GMT

@smoochy wrote:
@Sooner wrote:
I have a plot by my husband in our town. If he goes first, I'll be lucky if anyone knows who I am and where to bury me.

Won't matter. Not something I worry about. I am more concerned with being the person I need to be to go on in the next life. Faith comes first.
well I have to think about it because there will be practical and logistical matters to deal with. My cremains aren't going to magically fly to my desired location.

@smoochy Since I have no family but husband, I don't worry a lot about what happens to me. And it won't matter at all. Dust to dust. Moot point for me.

Re: Thoughts on final resting place

DottieBlue — Tue, 29 Apr 2025 00:57:00 GMT

So the idea of half of one's ashes buried in one place and half in another, would that entail two headstones, one at each cemetary plot? A person would have two "official" graves? Is that legal? Sounds a bit confusing.

A person's ashes can be scattered in multiple places, but a gravemarker isn't usually set up at each place.

Good luck with your decision.

ETA: I think you are being very practical to be thinking of this now. Deciding on your final resting place is just as important as preparing a Will. JMO.

Re: Thoughts on final resting place

Cakers3 — Tue, 29 Apr 2025 00:58:56 GMT

@smoochy If your husband will be cremated perhaps both urns can be buried in the family plot since room in the plots will not be taken up much.

Re: Thoughts on final resting place

DottieBlue — Tue, 29 Apr 2025 01:03:32 GMT

@Cakers3 wrote:
@smoochy If your husband will be cremated perhaps both urns can be buried in the family plot since room in the plots will not be taken up much.

And I think the cremated remains of two people can be laid to rest in a single plot. I'm not sure on this, it may depend on State law.

Re: Thoughts on final resting place

Cakers3 — Tue, 29 Apr 2025 01:57:37 GMT

@DottieBlue wrote:
So the idea of half of one's ashes buried in one place and half in another, would that entail two headstones, one at each cemetary plot? A person would have two "official" graves? Is that legal? Sounds a bit confusing.

A person's ashes can be scattered in multiple places, but a gravemarker isn't usually set up at each place.

Good luck with your decision.

ETA: I think you are being very practical to be thinking of this now. Deciding on your final resting place is just as important as preparing a Will. JMO.

@DottieBlue I agree about being prepared. I now live a few thousand miles away from home where my parents and infant son are buried together. There is still room for another full burial (actually 2 full burials since Baby's little coffin is on top of one)but getting me there now would be expensive and not reasonable.

So cremation is my choice to be buried back home and DH wants his ashes scattered.

Actually today I would like a natural burial but not here.

People do not realize without express wishes known and how to carry them out the confusion, money, and distance logistics can all factor in.

@smoochy Good luck. You are doing the right thing in planning ahead.

Re: Thoughts on final resting place

smoochy — Tue, 29 Apr 2025 01:17:47 GMT

guys I appreciate everyone weighing in. Different perspectives are interesting

Re: Thoughts on final resting place

Cakers3 — Tue, 29 Apr 2025 01:20:13 GMT

@DottieBlue wrote:
@Cakers3 wrote:
@smoochy If your husband will be cremated perhaps both urns can be buried in the family plot since room in the plots will not be taken up much.

And I think the cremated remains of two people can be laid to rest in a single plot. I'm not sure on this, it may depend on State law.

@DottieBlue I know in my family the plots were dug "double depth"

So one coffin on top of another. Since urns take little space and do not seep chemicals I would guess a double burial would work.

You are right, though, it could be a state requirement.

Re: Thoughts on final resting place

bikerbabe — Tue, 29 Apr 2025 01:22:17 GMT

I’d prefer to have my ashes scattered in a field of flowers somewhere.

Re: Thoughts on final resting place

LizzieInSRQ — Tue, 29 Apr 2025 01:31:15 GMT

Im going to be cremated. No service. Ashes put in a cardboard box. Asking that my nephew ( if he is around) come from Tampa and take my ashes out on his boat launching from Sarasota and boat a mile into the Gulf of Mexico and dump my ashes. if not, go to a beach in town called South Lido where Sarasota Bay meets the Gulf and dump in the water about 3 feet off shore and let the current take me out.

Did that for both Mom and one of my brothers and put flowers in the water and it was cool to watch the flowers float and show the flow of the current. At my brother's, people ( public) thought we ( those i had invited about 20) were having a wedding cuz it was so beautiful. We had a breakfast picnic right there afterward at the tree shaded portion of this beach that had picnic tables.

Illegal, yes i think so but i didnt care.

I dont believe in spending thousands of dollars for a casket, plot, urn, grave marker etc. Nothing was more beautiful than that Sepember morning at the beach. My brothers boss' elderly father just looked around and said "this is what I want". That made me so happy.

Re: Thoughts on final resting place

smoochy — Tue, 29 Apr 2025 01:34:12 GMT

@DottieBlue wrote:
@Cakers3 wrote:
@smoochy If your husband will be cremated perhaps both urns can be buried in the family plot since room in the plots will not be taken up much.

And I think the cremated remains of two people can be laid to rest in a single plot. I'm not sure on this, it may depend on State law.

my son's urn sits on top of my sister's casket in the same plot. Space saving. They would both have gotten a kick out of that as they shared a sense of humor and weirdness

Re: Thoughts on final resting place

Goldengate8361 — Tue, 29 Apr 2025 01:52:04 GMT

I would urge your husband to join your family plot in Michigan. If neither one of these options really works, them I'd just choose a 3rd separate cemetery for the two of you where your cremation remains can be buried with a marker.