topic Re: Is This How Weddings Are Done Now? in Community Chat

Is This How Weddings Are Done Now?

JeanLouiseFinch — Sun, 16 Mar 2025 19:19:30 GMT

We know someone (F - 40's - first marriage for her) who met someone last year (Widowed M - 50's). They hit it off and got engaged sometime around Christmas. Her Facebook page is flooded with their travel log and lovey dovey pictures documenting every moment. When we saw her last October she had already gone dress shopping and showed me several options on her phone when she didn't even have the ring yet. At that time, she said we would be invited, but DH either wasn't paying attention or he forgot. We happened to bump into her yesterday and she had to tell us that she just picked up her dress in the morning. The wedding isn't until June. Again, she said we'd be getting an invitation.

I just received a text a few minutes ago with a picture of an invitation and directions to use a QR Code to RSVP. When I opened the site, there's a long video of "their story" with all the same lovey dovey pictures that I've already seen, plus the added bonus of the video of their engagement on the beach which, to tell ya the truth, looks staged. Next was the schedule and instructions on how to dress. The best part was the registry that said if we want to give a gift for the wedding we are encouraged to give a cash gift using our choice of three provided link options for their honeymoon fund and beyond. And if you don't like using any of the links, you can give cash or a gift card at the wedding. Wouldn't you think that a middle aged couple could afford their own honeymoon?

I'm dumbfounded. Obviously, I must be way behind the times. I don't mind using a website to RSVP, I've done that a couple of times already, but getting an invitation by text? Is that what weddings have come to now? And apparently cash is the only acceptable gift. I had something special planned for them, but it was going to be a wrapped present. Not anymore, I guess.

Re: Is This How Weddings Are Done Now?

Tinkrbl44 — Sun, 16 Mar 2025 19:12:37 GMT

@JeanLouiseFinch

I agree that these changes are NOT improvements.

However, the couple is older and probably have all the "stuff" they need. I doubt they need or want a new mixer or fruit bowl, and probably didn't register at some store. It would be wasted money.

Asking for cash is tacky, IMO, but people DO want guidance.

Re: Is This How Weddings Are Done Now?

LindaSal — Sun, 16 Mar 2025 19:13:23 GMT

Wow, it does seem a bit over the top for a 2nd marriage. Most people seem to keep it much more simple. I haven't been to a wedding in quite a few years now and I wouldn't know what to expect these days. I know the last one I did go to sent a photo postcard of the bride and groom after as a thank you, which simply had "thank you" printed on the back........no personalization at all.

I'm sorry but I did get a chuckle out of the "lovey, dovey" thing. But I do think it's a little crazy and she's somewhat acting like an immature woman, it struck me as attention seeking. I wish you luck with this one and would love to hear your story after the event!

Re: Is This How Weddings Are Done Now?

JeanLouiseFinch — Sun, 16 Mar 2025 19:22:58 GMT

@LindaSal wrote:
Wow, it does seem a bit over the top for a 2nd marriage. Most people seem to keep it much more simple. I haven't been to a wedding in quite a few years now and I wouldn't know what to expect these days. I know the last one I did go to sent a photo postcard of the bride and groom after as a thank you, which simply had "thank you" printed on the back........no personalization at all.

I'm sorry but I did get a chuckle out of the "lovey, dovey" thing. But I do think it's a little crazy and she's somewhat acting like an immature woman, it struck me as attention seeking. I wish you luck with this one and would love to hear your story after the event!

Then I have communicated accurately and you pegged her well, @LindaSal. 😆

Re: Is This How Weddings Are Done Now?

teganslaw — Sun, 16 Mar 2025 19:27:05 GMT

This does seem to be the norm here in U.S. and other countries. It's easy and cost efficient. It doesn't bother me.

The problem I would have is responding by QR code. Not every phone does coding. There should be alternative ways available of responding.

I don't go for the "lovey dovey" hype. To me it's showing off and unnecessary. You already know how they feel because of the wedding invitation. The rest is grandstanding.

Re: Is This How Weddings Are Done Now?

shoesnbags — Sun, 16 Mar 2025 19:28:00 GMT

They could have avoided "tacky" and just stated that they both had all the household items they needed so were asking for the joy of your presence, with no gifts expected. Too bad they aren't as mature as they might be, given their ages. As far as funding their honeymoon, I guess that depends on how close you are to them and how much you want to indulge them.

Re: Is This How Weddings Are Done Now?

tansy — Sun, 16 Mar 2025 19:34:55 GMT

It's her first marriage though so that explains why she is over the top.

Re: Is This How Weddings Are Done Now?

CelticCrafter — Sun, 16 Mar 2025 19:33:33 GMT

My RSVP would be regrets.

Re: Is This How Weddings Are Done Now?

Desertdi — Sun, 16 Mar 2025 19:41:42 GMT

This kinda stuff has been going on for a long time. Back in the 80's, a girlfriend of mine had been living with her beau for many years (in a very lavish house).

They finally were married in an elablorate religious church ceremony. White dress, bridesmaids and flower girls....and a BIG BUCKS reception at a country club.

I was kinda bewildered at the "whole show"...

Re: Is This How Weddings Are Done Now?

Love my grandkids — Sun, 16 Mar 2025 19:35:13 GMT

@JeanLouiseFinch You certainly did and if I had a gag emoji I would post it! What is she doing, trying to act like a 20 year old? I find lovey dovey stuff icky. You have nailed it. I personally wouldn't contribute a dime. At their ages let them pay for their own honeymoon or stay home.

Re: Is This How Weddings Are Done Now?

We rescue cats — Sun, 16 Mar 2025 19:40:58 GMT

Weddings seem to have become money making events for some folks instead of a celebration.

Re: Is This How Weddings Are Done Now?

haddon9 — Sun, 16 Mar 2025 19:41:12 GMT

Oh boy! It sounds like so much entitlement and all about ME, ME, ME!!! It's bad enough when twenty somethings act like this but a 40 year old should know better.

Maybe this 40 year old bride has experienced many of her friends getting to feel like a princess and now she feels like it is her turn...who knows? Anyway it is over the top silly!! I would be embarrassed if it were my daughter .

That said, modern brides do usually have a wedding website with lots of helpful information. My daughter told me that many of her generation just don't bother with checking accounts today. I asked her how do they send a gift? She told me through sites like Venmo or you can add to their fund which is usually called "Honeymoon" or "House" on their registry or wedding website. One benefit is that you don't have to bring a card with a check which could get lost or stolen.

You can also just ignore all of the silly stuff, wish them well and give and how you want to.

Re: Is This How Weddings Are Done Now?

Kachina624 — Sun, 16 Mar 2025 20:12:27 GMT

@JeanLouiseFinch. lol, Welcome to the cyber age. I'd go buy the pickle dish you'd planned, wrap it and take it to the wedding. I think we still have freedom of gift giving, tho that's subject to change.

Sounds like they've already had the honeymoon.

You'd think a middle aged couple would have better manners.

Reminds me of the big ado Jen Coffey made over her wedding. Similar situation.

Re: Is This How Weddings Are Done Now?

Bonkers1 — Sun, 16 Mar 2025 20:10:59 GMT

If you are mentioning this then of course you are not comfortable with it. I would go with my first inclination or send "regrets".

Re: Is This How Weddings Are Done Now?

kaydee50 — Sun, 16 Mar 2025 20:12:54 GMT

I guess she thought she would never get married and is now going overboard with the whole thing. Agree with previous poster and send "regrets" since it's only "someone we know" and not anyone closer. IMO, shows a lack of common sense on her part.

Re: Is This How Weddings Are Done Now?

lynnie61 — Sun, 16 Mar 2025 20:13:12 GMT

Well, times have changed. I've heard and seen the requests for cash only. One even asked if someone wanted to pay for an event with prices listed. (A ballon ride, a scuba dive, massages). I think it's tacky. The best was a big, lavish wedding I went to was a scrolled piece of paper at each seat. The "scrolled" thank you provided at the wedding. I guess better than no thank you.

I do understand maybe being extra excited being her first wedding but still, I think it's tacky.

Re: Is This How Weddings Are Done Now?

shoekitty — Sun, 16 Mar 2025 20:19:14 GMT

Yes, weddings have changed. This sounds about average for a previously married, or older couple. I had a wedding for granddaughter 3 yrs ago, and I was surprised how many people call and ask me, what do they really want? My granddaughter had gift site, and a honeymoon fund. She didnt even put up a gift site until later, she would say, anything. lol. She was so excited to get married.she was 34, first marriage, but they had been together 8 years I would think being older, give money to the honeymoon fund. But those honeymoon funds have rules too. Cash is better. Everything is done online now a days. I don't like it, but that's the way it is. I insisted on hard copy invites, save the dates, didn't care about cost or postage for granddaughter. But I notice sometimes now they do everything electronically. Invites, save the dates, thank yous. Although the presents came to home it was confusing as a couple we couldn't find who gave. We put some rffort into finding who it,was from. Some reception sites dont want gifts at reception either. Anyway, go with the flow. They are probably all excited and having fun. They probably wanted to make sure you got all the videos, even tho you had seen them. Sometimes second weddings are more exciting that first marriages. Send some cash or a check, and wish them well

Re: Is This How Weddings Are Done Now?

hopi — Sun, 16 Mar 2025 20:14:54 GMT

Problem is that I would not respond to a QR code for anything.

I wouldn't want to attend any event like that.

If you see her in person again and she asks just say you couldn't figure out the instructions and congratulate her on her marriage.

Re: Is This How Weddings Are Done Now?

JeanLouiseFinch — Sun, 16 Mar 2025 20:17:37 GMT

@lynnie61 wrote:
Well, times have changed. I've heard and seen the requests for cash only. One even asked if someone wanted to pay for an event with prices listed. (A ballon ride, a scuba dive, massages). I think it's tacky. The best was a big, lavish wedding I went to was a scrolled piece of paper at each seat. The "scrolled" thank you provided at the wedding. I guess better than no thank you.

I do understand maybe being extra excited being her first wedding but still, I think it's tacky.

Oh yeah, that's on there too, @lynnie61 . Dinner for two on their honeymoon. $200 price tag. 🙄

Re: Is This How Weddings Are Done Now?

shoekitty — Sun, 16 Mar 2025 20:31:12 GMT

I was rereading post, and are the bride is 40. That is young! She is excited, sounds like she's over the moon. They have been vacationing it seems. I wouldn't think to much, or be offended by anything. I don't think it's a lack of manners, totally. lol. However, if you don't feel comfortable going, or don't want to. Send regrets, and best wishes. Act excited for her, lol. Then send gift of your choosing. In the long run, gift is up to you. Again, things are different today. They just are. I may not like everything, but I just go with the flow in these cases, and give what I want