topic Re: What to do? in Community Chat

What to do?

LTT1 — Sat, 22 Feb 2025 19:48:41 GMT

My post has been deleted by me.

thanks, everybody, for your suggestions!

Re: What to do?

jlkz — Sat, 22 Feb 2025 12:50:34 GMT

From the leader's past 3 attendance behavior ( late and even later arrivals ), that person is avoiding as much interaction with the attendees and further mention of the restaurant shortcomings / changed quality of product. Not much of a leader....

Although you were introduced by your daughter to this group, you do not owe her allegiance to an organization so unwilling to switch to another restaurant where food offerings do not cause digestive issues or questionable freshness of product.

If the positions were reversed: Would you want her to subject herself to the conditions you have endured 3 times ???

If after the first incident, there were no changes I would have declined future gatherings. Possibly, even a report to the Dept. of Health.

You have power: do not hand it over to others. I would bet that there are others in the group who feel the same way but for some reason do not want to call attention to themselves.

Re: What to do?

FranandZoe — Sat, 22 Feb 2025 12:53:40 GMT

Instead of just not attending why not bring it up with other members of the club? Even as a group. Or if you don't feel comfortsable doing that could you speak with the "leader" outside of your meetings?

As a last resort if you enjoy the book club you could attend but not eat. Eat before you go.

Re: What to do?

JeanLouiseFinch — Sat, 22 Feb 2025 12:51:25 GMT

@LTT1 - if it's not for you, it's not for you. Period. I don't know what getting your daughter's opinion matters, honestly. Just because she introduced you to the group doesn't mean you have to continue to participate if you have so many issues with the food and such.

Re: What to do?

nova — Sat, 22 Feb 2025 12:55:09 GMT

@LTT1 Is it possible the group would be open to meeting somewhere else? Maybe there are other local places in the area they would like to support. Perhaps each member of the book club can make a suggestion and give options on new places to try. Do other members of the group know you have food allergy concerns with the MSG? I don't think it's an unreasonable ask to try a new place.

Re: What to do?

Mom2Dogs — Sat, 22 Feb 2025 12:58:31 GMT

@LTT1 Dang, I love cheesecake and would have been so disappoited. Years ago I ordered an apple dumpling from a small, local restaurant, when I got to the middle it was full of mold!!

No one else in the group has had an issue with their food -not the health issues like you but flavor, etc?

Unless the leader has a good reason for not attending, I would be suspect...why wouldn't she just ask the group about finding a new location?

Re: What to do?

AngelPuppy1 — Sat, 22 Feb 2025 13:10:26 GMT

@LTT1

Does anyone else seem to know why the leader of the book club has been missing the last several meetings?

Are there any other members of the club that you can speak to about what you have learned about the restaurant being up for sale? And also, do others seem to have any problems with the food?

Could you possibly suggest that it would be fun to have the book club meetings (I would assume that you meet about monthly or so??) at a different restaurant each month? That why everybody could get a chance to enjoy a particular type of food which they might enjoy more, and also it might keep the meeting more fun and fresh?

Re: What to do?

kaydee50 — Sat, 22 Feb 2025 13:13:50 GMT

Have to admit I would never order cheesecake in a Japanese restaurant?!! Surprised it's even on the menu.

Either suggest a different restaurant to meet or quit the group.

Re: What to do?

Bri369 — Sat, 22 Feb 2025 13:17:54 GMT

I would bring up the topic of meeting at another restaurant. If no one is willing to change restaurants, consider not meeting with this group. Not sure why the leader is showing up late. Hasn't anyone asked her about that?

Re: What to do?

50Mickey — Sat, 22 Feb 2025 13:28:56 GMT

My neighborhood has a monthly ladies luncheon. It is limited to the first 20 ladies who sign up. Each month we take turns finding a restaurant that is willing to accommodate 20 and give separate checks. If you like the book club ask if others would be willing to rotate turns in finding a different restaurant. Unless you live in a very small town there must be other restaurants. I don't recommend showing up and not ordering anything. Restaurants would not take kindly to this especially if your group is spending a good deal of time there discussing the books.

Re: What to do?

CelticCrafter — Sat, 22 Feb 2025 13:42:19 GMT

@LTT1 wrote:
So, the book club I am in met recently.
This club always meets at the same little restaurant.
I have posted before about my issues with their food and I had an issue again last night.
See if you think I’m imagining this.

The cuisine offered here is Japanese.
I know I have trouble with msg.
And yes they will make many dishes without msg but there is something else in their food.
Beginning with COVID 19, I believe they have been experiencing a decrease in clientele....a drastic decrease.
My food always seems to be full of preservatives added to maintain food freshness long past the date it should have been thrown out.
So insteadvi just order cheesecake...thinking I'd avoid the problem.

Not so!

Lasy night they served me a piece of cheesecake that looked off and was as hard as a rock!

My dilemma is that my daughter introduced me to the group and I don't want to insult anyone. But the leader of the group is acting strange!

I found the business place for sale on the internet last night before going. I think the leader knows this place is for sale and the last three months she has either been absent or so late that she almost misses the entire meeting!

I want to let my daughter know (having lunch Monday) and get her opinion on what to do....I guess I must just stop attending.

@LTT1 You've posted about this before. I guess you didn't take any of the advice offered then.

Re: What to do?

CalminHeart — Sat, 22 Feb 2025 14:00:04 GMT

I think talking to your daughter first is the right thing to do.

Have you suggested other places to meet? My group meets at homes or restaurants each time. Everyone takes turns deciding where to meet.

I'd order only coffee or a soda at a place like that. I don't like spending money on bad food or with ingredients that upset my stomach either.

Is there a different book club you can join?

Re: What to do?

LTT1 — Sat, 22 Feb 2025 14:11:34 GMT

@jlkz

Yes, you are absolutely right about this.

Re: What to do?

AuntMame — Sat, 22 Feb 2025 14:14:09 GMT

The book clubs that I've been in have alternated meetings at members' homes. That may be something your club should consider. You should suggest it to the group.

I used to book restaurants for meetings of a club that I was in and it was incredibly difficult. Most restaurants don't want clubs occupying tables for long periods. Fast table-turnover is important for a restaurant's profitability.

The only restaurants that were hospitable to the idea of our group occupying their tables for an hour, hour-and-a-half were ethnic restaurants. But often members had issues with the spicy foods served.

After restaurants we tried holding meetings in public libraries. Most libraries have free meeting rooms. But there were problems with that plan. Our local libraries allow clubs to book meeting rooms no more than a month in advance. And they give priority to kid-events. So say we book a meeting room 4 weeks in advance. A couple kids want a quiet place to play chess or dungeons & dragons. At the last minute our group's reservation is cancelled.

After I resigned as the meeting planner no one else cared to take up the chore. So meetings became sporadic gatherings on Zoom.

Finding a place to hold club meetings can be very difficult and that may be why the club's leader is reluctant to find another restaurant. There may not be any willing to host the group. Finding a meeting spot that members can easily drive to and which offers adequate parking can also be difficult.

Re: What to do?

JoyFilled Warrior — Sat, 22 Feb 2025 14:20:23 GMT

Hi @LTT1

Seems sad if you enjoy this group, if it were to possibly disband.

These such Groups Ive been a member of seem to select differing restaurants each month, esp not settling in on one restaurant, esp not of a same ethnic cuisine.

Seems discussing with your (referring) daughter is a nice touch. She may have ideas also. Sounds like a kewl daughter

If you enjoy this group, its fellowship & mission, seems sad to possible disband. Maybe another way? Or maybe run it's course?

I hope for the best for this, @LTT1 Looking forward to what you, & possibly the group decide.

Re: What to do?

LTT1 — Sat, 22 Feb 2025 14:21:06 GMT

@AuntMame @CalminHeart @CelticCrafter @50Mickey @Bri369

Thank you all for the suggestions.

Yes, as you can imagine there are more reasons for my hesitation than just what I've mentioned on the surface.

i'm going to just stop participating.

I have good reason and I think everyone knows I have dietary concerns.

My daughter introduced me to this group and for the most part they are delightful.

I suspect foul play of some sort...whether the leader (who has recently been absent so much...or whatever.

But it's my option about managing a touchy situation.

Thanks again!

Re: What to do?

LindaSal — Sat, 22 Feb 2025 14:33:46 GMT

Yes @LTT1 stop participating. Seems like it's become more of a hassle than enjoyment.

Re: What to do?

haddon9 — Sat, 22 Feb 2025 14:49:15 GMT

I was in a book club before Covid and we would meet at a different restaurant in town each time. It was fun since we got to try the different places & food....however we were a small group of only six.

I also (before Covid) was part of a large Mah Jongg group. There were enough of us to make four or five tables to play and we met in a community room at the Corner Bakery restaurant. They no longer exist (the food was just okay) and the Mah Jongg group has been meeting at homes and online. I stopped when Covid hit and decided not to continue.

I think it depends on a few things....how large is your group? It might not be easy if there are a lot of you to meet at different restaurants. Are you the new girl in the group?...again, it depends on how receptive others are in trying new places.

What are the plans once the restaurant is sold? I would think the leader must have given this some thought.

If you really enjoy the group but the only problem is the food then I would say something and let the chips fall where they may. You might want to suggest a few alternatives.

Re: What to do?

walkingal — Sat, 22 Feb 2025 14:52:26 GMT

I, myself, would have hesitated joining a gtoup that meets at a Japanese restaurant. I'm not particularly fond of that cuisine, and so many people have allergies with MSG. As a suggestion, I've been in book clubs that meet at public libraries, Most libraries have meeting rooms you can reserve, and they're perfect for book clubs. I agree with your concerns. But I understand you probably don't want to make any waves with the group.

Re: What to do?

RescueLover — Sat, 22 Feb 2025 14:57:12 GMT

Why not eat before you go and only have tea or whatever else you like to drink?