topic Re: My daughter in Community Chat

My daughter

smoochy — Wed, 25 Dec 2024 04:44:49 GMT

she recently posted on fb how grateful she was for her support systems of friends and coworkers to help her heal. I was puzzled so messaged her. She said she had a hard time going back to work after summer break and needed a lot of support. In July her half brother (my ex and his wife had three kids after he divorced me) was killed, hit by a car while riding his bike. He was twenty yrs old and had a twin sister and older brother. My son that my ex and I had together was killed in a motorcycle crash in 2013. Truly horrible for one parent to lose two children. My daughter and my son were not close. She seems way more upset about her half brother's death and is grieving harder and longer. This upsets me. Not sure why. She has not cared to share her feelings with me. I grieve my son's death every day and will til I die. Any thoughts to share?

Re: My daughter

Janey2 — Wed, 25 Dec 2024 04:49:43 GMT

Is it possible her age has something to do with how she is handling her step-brother's death. I am assuming she was young when her brother died. She is older and wiser now. Or maybe she was close with her step-brother. Of course I am guessing all this. So sad for you and your family.

Re: My daughter

spumoni99 — Wed, 25 Dec 2024 04:58:18 GMT

@Janey2 wrote:
Is it possible her age has something to do with how she is handling her step-brother's death. I am assuming she was young when her brother died. She is older and wiser now. Or maybe she was close with her step-brother. Of course I am guessing all this. So sad for you and your family.

It was her half brother not a step, just fyi. She was probably closer to him and I agree the age probably made a difference.

@smoochyI would talk to her openly sounds like you have a good relationship with her.

Re: My daughter

QVCkitty1 — Wed, 25 Dec 2024 05:00:25 GMT

She feels what she feels.

Re: My daughter

smoochy — Wed, 25 Dec 2024 05:48:23 GMT

for clarification my daughter is 37. When her brother was killed in 2013 he was 29, she was 26. I gather she was close with her young half brother. He was a sweet, simple young man with a soft heart for animals especially cats. He had no agenda except to be kind and do a good job at his work (fast food).

Re: My daughter

nwbabs — Wed, 25 Dec 2024 05:53:48 GMT

@smoochy it is interesting to see the way various things are shared these days via FB and other social media. Hard to always comprend for an old dogs like me. But folks grieve, express, and heal in different ways as time marches on.

Today I actually called and spoke with a few folks versus just texting to wish Happy Holidays and Happy New Year. The conversations have been more rewarding than I could imagine. Made me realize I should probably call vesus texting more often.

Bless you and yours.

Re: My daughter

Shanus — Wed, 25 Dec 2024 12:33:27 GMT

@smoochy My younger brother died unexpectedly at 49. He just fell to the bathroom floor getting ready for golf and that was it. The emergency room thought it was his heart but none of us knew he had an illness. My parents were never the same after that. I tried to hold them together being an only child until they passed.

It's not the order of things even for a sister. It leaves a big emptiness in the hearts of the family. It's expected that your daughter is greiving and it will forever be in her mind. Just provide support and let her talk as long as she needs until she comes to terms with this loss.

So sorry for all of you.

Re: My daughter

Roscoe the Rascal — Wed, 25 Dec 2024 13:00:13 GMT

We all grieve in our own way and deal with our loss the best way we can. All my experiences has been different through each loss. Doesn't mean I didn't care or love that person.

I am so sorry for the loss of your son which is a great loss for you. Sometimes one loss brings on more sorrow for the next loss because it all connects. One by one a person goes from our life and just doesn't get any easier.

You would think the older you get the easier it would be but not always true. Maybe your daughter can express herself better than she did before. I have friends I share much more of my feelings with than I do with my siblings and even my daughter. I can't always say what I am feeling about a loss to some and others I can express myself better. We are all different.

Re: My daughter

jlkz — Wed, 25 Dec 2024 13:48:23 GMT

@nwbabs

You can tell more about how a person is doing from hearing a voice than by reading a simple word in a text !!!

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄 💛💛💛💛💛

Re: My daughter

skatting44 — Wed, 25 Dec 2024 14:25:59 GMT

@smoochy

often feeling of guilt occur when someone dies - guilt that maybe you should have done something, said something or acted kinder nicer when the person was still alive

Re: My daughter

CalminHeart — Wed, 25 Dec 2024 14:35:26 GMT

@smoochy wrote:
she recently posted on fb how grateful she was for her support systems of friends and coworkers to help her heal. I was puzzled so messaged her. She said she had a hard time going back to work after summer break and needed a lot of support. In July her half brother (my ex and his wife had three kids after he divorced me) was killed, hit by a car while riding his bike. He was twenty yrs old and had a twin sister and older brother. My son that my ex and I had together was killed in a motorcycle crash in 2013. Truly horrible for one parent to lose two children. My daughter and my son were not close. She seems way more upset about her half brother's death and is grieving harder and longer. This upsets me. Not sure why. She has not cared to share her feelings with me. I grieve my son's death every day and will til I die. Any thoughts to share?

I'd give your daughter a ton of grace. .

This is a new grief and may be compounded by the loss of the brother 11 year ago.

I lost a Brother, Dad, SIL, MIL, BIL, and very close friend within 14 months in 2023-2024. Each death added grief to my plate.

Dad's death took me back to the grief I felt when Mom died 7 years ago. It wasn't just twice as much, it was many times as much for each individual death.

Patience, love, and compassion are what your daughter needs.

Re: My daughter

Scooby Doo — Wed, 25 Dec 2024 17:10:31 GMT

I think it was gracious of her to thank her friends for their support.

We all grieve in different ways. We grieve most for those who were emotionally closest to us. My family is all gone now and I hold them in my heart, but the one I grieve most for was a close friend to whom I had a closer connection. We could talk for hours and she taught me to be more accepting and forgiving. She died 20 years ago and God I miss her.

I don't think it's fair for you to expect her to grieve your son (her brother) in the same way that you do. He was your child, and a mother's love is far different than a siblings.

I'm sorry for your loss. Grief is a full time job, with no pay.

Re: My daughter

qvcaddition — Wed, 25 Dec 2024 17:21:11 GMT

@nwbabs

That was kind of you. I live alone and got text, Only one son called. It's nice to hear live voices from family or friends. So tired of texting. I guess it's better than nothing, but when you are elderly and alone, nice to hear a live voice, like in the old days.

My sister who lives in another state , just Texted. Times have changed. Two years ago, everyone on zoom and had a good time talking, laughing, etc, but now just a short text, because she is very busy. Sad.

Re: My daughter

stevieb — Wed, 25 Dec 2024 19:01:24 GMT

Some siblings aren't close and some are. Sounds like the young man was a real sweetheart and way too young to meet the fate doled out to him. Could be too that some of her feelings for him were a bit maternal and protective, given their respective ages. Anyone who wants to talk with her about her current grief should focus on that and not the difference between the grief she did or didn't display for her full brother.

Re: My daughter

chrystaltree — Wed, 25 Dec 2024 19:05:33 GMT

You lost your child and that is a loss that goes on forever. Your daughter lost her brother in 2013 but you said they were not close and it's been 12 years. She grieved and moved on. This new loss of her younger brother is fresh. It just happened. They were close. She's working her way through her grief. Why are you upset by that??? It's like you feel some sort of competition. Please don't show that to your daughter. Just support her in any way you can.

Re: My daughter

smoochy — Wed, 25 Dec 2024 19:39:16 GMT

yes I guess I need to accept that Darcy's feelings for her half brother were very different than her feelings towards her full brother. Not right or wrong just different, so that affects her grieving process.
for those who don't know, she lives in Thailand so that is why we can't just pick up the phone and talk

Re: My daughter

Love my grandkids — Wed, 25 Dec 2024 21:20:40 GMT

@smoochy Honestly I think it's weird that HER way of grieving for her half brother upsets YOU. You stated she and your son weren't close.

Leave her alone and let her grieve in her own way. My gosh.

Re: My daughter

KKlim — Thu, 26 Dec 2024 03:04:21 GMT

@smoochy.. my condolences again on the tragic young death of your son. It’s a tough situation that u explained and maybe your daughter will come around and open up to u as to what she’s feeling. I wouldn’t press her. And I also hope people give u some grace w/ your thoughts on this Christmas Day.