topic Re: Guests Cooking in Your House in Community Chat

Guests Cooking in Your House

Biftu — Sat, 06 Apr 2024 00:17:57 GMT

We have friends from out of state that visit every couple of years and usually stay a night or two. They live three hours away. Every time they come the husband insists on doing the cooking. He prepares the food at home and brings the food and heats in up when they get here and continues to make rice or some other dish here. I have to get involved pulling out pots and pans, etc., then do the clean up. Cooking is his new passion since he retired. The problem is his food is not good -- at all. I dread eating it.

This year we tried to talk him into going out for dinner instead of him cooking. He said "no, you are taking away my fun. I want to bring the food it's not a problem." He could not be persuaded. We'll go with it not to hurt his feelings. It's nice to have someone cook for you, but...

It's not like this happens often so guess I shouldn't be annoyed. How would you feel?

Re: Guests Cooking in Your House

haddon9 — Sat, 06 Apr 2024 00:24:44 GMT

I would feel annoyed too....plus he's making more work for you by making a mess in the kitchen.

Maybe you can ask his wife (I'm assuming that it's a couple coming but of course I could be wrong) if you could persuade him to go out to eat? If she asks why you could say that it's a treat to see them but it's also a treat for you to go out.

ETA: You could say that you or your DH are watching what you eat and can't have....fill in the blank.

Re: Guests Cooking in Your House

ahoymate — Sat, 06 Apr 2024 00:25:43 GMT

I'd feel the same way you feel. Put up with it vs. telling him the honest truth.

Strange that a visitor brings the food to cook and thinks everyone is going to like it.

Re: Guests Cooking in Your House

Kachina624 — Sat, 06 Apr 2024 00:25:58 GMT

@Biftu. Seems like, unless you want to insult him, you'll have to put up with his cooking and hope he's improved with experience. Make a big, nice dessert to go with dinner so you'll have something to fill you up. Bread is filling too.

Re: Guests Cooking in Your House

spumoni99 — Sat, 06 Apr 2024 00:32:35 GMT

Maybe his skills will be improved this time?

Re: Guests Cooking in Your House

kaydee50 — Sat, 06 Apr 2024 00:38:54 GMT

If it's only every couple of years!!! and you like the people, I would grin and bear it. Maybe he has improved!!!

Re: Guests Cooking in Your House

jlkz — Sat, 06 Apr 2024 00:40:38 GMT

@Biftu

DH and I just came back from a 2-night stay with my close college friend. She insisted on cooking the first night but both DH and I said that this was to be a casual and No Work visit.

We insisted on takeout and everyone got what they wanted. She had ice cream with an assortment of toppings and fruit pieces. We ate, drank, laughed and talked till late.

I helped clear the table, rinsed the dishes as she loaded the dishwasher.

Next day we had to say we can't do everything so let's pick two simple things and get lunch out our treat.

With your situation, I would start a new rule before talk starts as to their next visit: No guest is to bring food cooked or to be cooked. Takeout or eating out is okay period.

Why should he be the only one to "Have fun as defined by himself" ????? If you don't set up the rules, you will start to dread their next visit....if you already haven't. Soon resentment will start to build....

Your home, your rules. If the situation were reversed, would you feel okay with dictating how things were going to be done ?

Best Luck....it gets easier with practice.

Re: Guests Cooking in Your House

Jo1313 — Sat, 06 Apr 2024 00:43:13 GMT

It's MY kitchen my rules! Stay out.I say what I feel...Even my DILs know the rules.

If he wants to bring a dessert that's ok...

Re: Guests Cooking in Your House

skatting44 — Sat, 06 Apr 2024 00:45:03 GMT

Oh my, for me if a guest wants to make breakfast then that is okay. However, you say his Chef skills aren't to notch so for me , I wouldn't like the idea of dinner unless it was pot luck where I made something that suited me & my husband . You are a good person and friend to allow your friend to bring the meal.

Re: Guests Cooking in Your House

Janey2 — Sat, 06 Apr 2024 01:11:57 GMT

Nope I guess I would have to insult him. Nothing is touched in my kitchen by anyone but me. I would never have let it get this far that he feels he can still come with his food. It's nice when guests bring something like dessert, but that's it. I never even heard of anyone doing something like this. The nerve of him.

Re: Guests Cooking in Your House

KBEANS — Sat, 06 Apr 2024 01:16:04 GMT

Yet another reason I don't like company staying with us.

And why I don't stay with others when visiting.

You should let them know this doesn't work for you.

I'm sure there are things they wouldn't hesitate telling you that don't work for them.

Hell, he had no problem guilt tripping you into getting his way just like a toddler would do!

There are hotels that have eat in kitchens...just sayin'.

Re: Guests Cooking in Your House

sunshine45 — Sat, 06 Apr 2024 01:27:04 GMT

i wouldnt be crazy about it, BUT, i also would not want to insult them, so i would just deal with it. it is difficult for me to have others in "my kitchen." i would also make sure to take them out for a dinner and let them know ahead of time.

Re: Guests Cooking in Your House

EastCoastGal — Sun, 07 Apr 2024 00:21:38 GMT

@Biftu wrote:
We have friends from out of state that visit every couple of years and usually stay a night or two. They live three hours away. Every time they come the husband insists on doing the cooking. He prepares the food at home and brings the food and heats in up when they get here and continues to make rice or some other dish here. I have to get involved pulling out pots and pans, etc., then do the clean up. Cooking is his new passion since he retired. The problem is his food is not good -- at all. I dread eating it.

This year we tried to talk him into going out for dinner instead of him cooking. He said "no, you are taking away my fun. I want to bring the food it's not a problem." He could not be persuaded. We'll go with it not to hurt his feelings. It's nice to have someone cook for you, but...

It's not like this happens often so guess I shouldn't be annoyed. How would you feel?

@Biftu ... In my opinion, this guy is being a stubborn old goat !!!! Why should he make the rules? He said "You're taking away my fun... " What about your fun?!?! You are going to end up resenting this guy and not look forward to their visits !! Sorry but I don't like him! You probably like his wife better anyway but he's causing you more work plus you don't like his cooking !! You only see them every couple of years so you need to decide what to do about him! It depends how much you want to keep them in your life!

Re: Guests Cooking in Your House

Janey2 — Sat, 06 Apr 2024 01:35:17 GMT

I was thinking about this. I would tell him no. Tell him you are bringing in food so no one has to cook. Do not let him sway you. If this insults him and they do not come so be it. Sometimes you have to put your foot down. He cannot make the rules in your house.

Re: Guests Cooking in Your House

Trailrun23 — Sat, 06 Apr 2024 02:21:11 GMT

You could tell him to bring a salad and dessert and tell him you will do the rest. Hard to make a bad salad and you can always be "too full" to eat much dessert if it looks terrible. I have a small kitchen and don't like anyone else in it when I am cooking or cleaning up. Having to find pans or other things for him and clean up the mess would drive me nuts. If you have a patio grill, maybe you could steer him outside and tell him to grill steaks or something. You provide the steaks. He can still do salad and dessert. He can do all the cooking he wants in his own kitchen; he doesn't need to be in yours unless asked.

Re: Guests Cooking in Your House

Marp — Sat, 06 Apr 2024 02:04:42 GMT

@Biftu, quick, before they arrive, get and post a sign in a prominent place in your kitchen that says you cook you clean.

Then do not, under any circumstances, "get involved pulling out pots and pans, etc., then do the clean up".

It may be tough to live with for the short time they are there but maybe he'll get the message to at least clean up after himself especially if he wants to cook something else.

Then again, if there are no clean pots, pans, etc. guess you'll just have to go out to eat.

Best case scenario is that his cooking has greatly improved and you end up with a great meal.

Re: Guests Cooking in Your House

Sooner — Sat, 06 Apr 2024 02:12:27 GMT

Nope. Buck up and tell them "It's too stressful for me for this cooking going on while you all are here. I want to relax and visit with you, and we are going to eat out, take out, or have it delivered this visit. And it isn't up for discussion. We are going to relax.

And if he gets pouty, it is his problem not yours! He can lump it or stay home.

Re: Guests Cooking in Your House

Lucky Charm — Sat, 06 Apr 2024 02:30:54 GMT

@Biftu wrote:
We have friends from out of state that visit every couple of years and usually stay a night or two. They live three hours away. Every time they come the husband insists on doing the cooking. He prepares the food at home and brings the food and heats in up when they get here and continues to make rice or some other dish here. I have to get involved pulling out pots and pans, etc., then do the clean up. Cooking is his new passion since he retired. The problem is his food is not good -- at all. I dread eating it.

This year we tried to talk him into going out for dinner instead of him cooking. He said "no, you are taking away my fun. I want to bring the food it's not a problem." He could not be persuaded. We'll go with it not to hurt his feelings. It's nice to have someone cook for you, but...

It's not like this happens often so guess I shouldn't be annoyed. How would you feel?

A. I wouldn't like him cooking at home and then bringing it to my house. So NO to that. Period. And I wouldn't care if he was a great cook!

If it's his new passion, he can get his jollies off doing all the cooking at his home. Tell him it's now your new passion...cooking for guests and now he's taking the joy from you.

I'm an IN CHARGE person in my own home and especially my own kitchen. I'm the cook-- or we go out to eat.

Period.

He seems like a control freak and guess what? I'm a control freak, especially when it comes to my home and my kitchen. Because I'm also a clean freak (and I'll add in a food phobia freak). I'd rather take my chances at my favorite restaurant than have a control freak cook his meal at his home and heat it up at my home and tell me what he's going to do. Nope!!!

I have lots of overnight guests and I run the show, they don't.

Re: Guests Cooking in Your House

IMW — Sat, 06 Apr 2024 02:16:32 GMT

I'd get annoyed too. It certainly is not for your convenience or advantage.

Sounds like you have to let it or the friendship go.

Re: Guests Cooking in Your House

Sooner — Sat, 06 Apr 2024 03:43:55 GMT

@IMW wrote:
I'd get annoyed too. It certainly is not for your convenience or advantage.
Sounds like you have to let it or the friendship go.

@IMW But if he has to call the shots at your house, is that a friendship? Not by my definition it wouldn't be.