topic Re: I need opinions in Community Chat

I need opinions

conlt — Tue, 26 Mar 2024 23:08:27 GMT

Hi, I need opinions on what to do with some items. My brother died at 19 months old in 1952. He was my parents 1st born and they had 5 children after his death.

My mother died in 2019 and in cleaning her house we found some of my brothers baby cloths. Little shirts, sweaters, hats, a little snow suit (heavy fabric).

It pains us to think of throwing these things away. Even though we never met my brother, he was still part of our lives. We spoke about him often and visited his grave as a family. In fact, when we came to Florida and at my fathers death, my mother had him moved from the North East and buried with my parents in Florida.

What I did not know was that mom was not allowed to attend his funeral service because she was 7 months pregnant and they thought she would lose the baby because of the stress of his death. We had a funeral for him in Florida 59 years after he died. Mom and I picked out a pretty casket and the gravestone with a little boy and and a lamb on it.

I spoke to a friend and she suggested that I have a quilt made of his items. We can't seem to bring ourselves to throw his things away. My mother cherished them until she died.

Do any of you have ideas?

Re: I need opinions

spumoni99 — Tue, 26 Mar 2024 23:17:05 GMT

Too bad they couldn't have been buried with your mom. That must have been really hard on your mom. I have no ideas sorry but you have my sympathy that is a hard decision to make.

Re: I need opinions

on the bay — Tue, 26 Mar 2024 23:19:34 GMT

@conlt ,

It's always so sad when a little one dies so young.

Unless it would make you sad, a quilt is a beautiful idea.

A church I used to go to gave donations to a single parent group.

I think honoring any lost loved one that way would make me feel good that these things were given to another young child.

Re: I need opinions

Mersha — Tue, 26 Mar 2024 23:25:33 GMT

@conlt If you or your siblings do not have the same emotional attachment that your mother did to the clothing, donate them if they are in good shape.

Perhaps another little one is in need and the clothing would be used.

Knowing they be of use to someone would make me feel happy about donating.

Re: I need opinions

SandySparkles — Tue, 26 Mar 2024 23:56:18 GMT

@conlt I cannot think of a better way to HONOR your dear brother, and dear mother.❤❤ To have such cherished items is a BLESSING. I think a quilt of his things will bring joy and comfort to everyone, as they reminisce every time they see it!💖

If everyone that cares to, adds a square of something they value in remembrance of him, it will make it even more special and endearing!!!💝💝 He will always be nestled in your heart, but this way others can share precious memories!💝💝💝

~~~All we need is LOVE💖

Re: I need opinions

JeanLouiseFinch — Wed, 27 Mar 2024 13:53:47 GMT

@conlt it's understandable that you don't want to part with your brother's items. I also think it's honoring your mom, in some way, that you don't just dispose of them. Before I finished reading your post, I also thought of a quilt. Usually the quilt top is completely made from the desired items, cut into blocks. Since he was just a toddler at the time of his passing there may not be enough clothing/fabric to do a complete top. However, you may try posting on a local Facebook page to look for quilters. Between the two of you, you may be able to come up with a design that incorporates the clothes. Would you use the quilt or display it in some way?

If you're planning to display whatever it is you create, you might consider making a display case/shadow box of a few of your favorite pieces of clothing. Have a nice card made in a pretty font to go inside at the bottom corner that has his name and dates on it.

Lastly, you don't really need to feel obligated to do anything. Look over the clothing, have your feels, cry if yiu need to. Then fold them nicely and put them in a clean box to store in a closet and let your kids deal with it one day. They won't have the same emotional attachment as you do.

Re: I need opinions

Sooner — Tue, 26 Mar 2024 23:43:28 GMT

Maybe each take a small item and have it framed? Then dispose of the other things. You are not obligated to be the family museum. But by a small framed item, it would be something easy to remember and pass down. Put the story on the backing of the frame on a nice card.

Re: I need opinions

LizzieInSRQ — Tue, 26 Mar 2024 23:48:56 GMT

@on the bay wrote:
@conlt ,
It's always so sad when a little one dies so young.
Unless it would make you sad, a quilt is a beautiful idea.

A church I used to go to gave donations to a single parent group.
I think honoring any lost loved one that way would make me feel good that these things were given to another young child.

Please do not donate these items. They are 70 year old items. No one wants 70 year old baby clothes unless its a christening gown that means something to the family. All youd be doing is letting someone else at the donation station throw them out.

I dont mean to sound callus. I am as semtimental as they come. I have my moms ice sksting outfit from 1939 that her mom made her. Im sure it will get thrown out by someone when i die ( i have no kids, not sure if it will be nephew who will have to deal or not.

i have that outfit because my mom who kept VERY little, kept that and i know the story.

I am sorry about your loss. If you want to keep a couple of things and maybe get rid of some items that did not age well, do so. But only do so if you want to. Your mom is no longer here, she wont be claiming them again. Just like when people who lose things in a fire, they learn to live without them. You cant take your memories away.

Re: I need opinions

Karie2022 — Tue, 26 Mar 2024 23:54:44 GMT

I have tears in my eyes, just so sad. How about taking really nice photos of everything and having an album made. You could include some pics of your parents and you and your siblings as well. You can do this yourself or have some one do it for you; that way you still have memorialized your brother but the actually items you can discard. I don't know if that would be too difficult for you to do. I actually started doing this with a lot of items, including from my grandmother. I know in the future my kids will not want any of this stuff and will probably throw it out, but an album is more of a keepsake. Just a thought .

Re: I need opinions

50Mickey — Wed, 27 Mar 2024 00:06:36 GMT

@LizzieInSRQ wrote:
@on the bay wrote:
@conlt ,
It's always so sad when a little one dies so young.
Unless it would make you sad, a quilt is a beautiful idea.

A church I used to go to gave donations to a single parent group.
I think honoring any lost loved one that way would make me feel good that these things were given to another young child.
Please do not donate these items. They are 70 year old items. No one wants 70 year old baby clothes unless its a christening gown that means something to the family. All youd be doing is letting someone else at the donation station throw them out.

I dont mean to sound callus. I am as semtimental as they come. I have my moms ice sksting outfit from 1939 that her mom made her. Im sure it will get thrown out by someone when i die ( i have no kids, not sure if it will be nephew who will have to deal or not.

i have that outfit because my mom who kept VERY little, kept that and i know the story.

I am sorry about your loss. If you want to keep a couple of things and maybe get rid of some items that did not age well, do so. But only do so if you want to. Your mom is no longer here, she wont be claiming them again. Just like when people who lose things in a fire, they learn to live without them. You cant take your memories away.

@LizzieInSRQ I agree about the clothes. These clothes are 72 years old. They would not be useful to anyone at this point. I have no idea of what you need to do with them to honor your Mom, maybe keep one or two pieces and then let the rest go.

Re: I need opinions

qvcfreak — Wed, 27 Mar 2024 00:08:10 GMT

I've seen where people make little bears from the clothing.

Re: I need opinions

Mersha — Wed, 27 Mar 2024 00:10:40 GMT

@LizzieInSRQ wrote:
@on the bay wrote:
@conlt ,
It's always so sad when a little one dies so young.
Unless it would make you sad, a quilt is a beautiful idea.

A church I used to go to gave donations to a single parent group.
I think honoring any lost loved one that way would make me feel good that these things were given to another young child.
Please do not donate these items. They are 70 year old items. No one wants 70 year old baby clothes unless its a christening gown that means something to the family. All youd be doing is letting someone else at the donation station throw them out.

I dont mean to sound callus. I am as semtimental as they come. I have my moms ice sksting outfit from 1939 that her mom made her. Im sure it will get thrown out by someone when i die ( i have no kids, not sure if it will be nephew who will have to deal or not.

i have that outfit because my mom who kept VERY little, kept that and i know the story.

I am sorry about your loss. If you want to keep a couple of things and maybe get rid of some items that did not age well, do so. But only do so if you want to. Your mom is no longer here, she wont be claiming them again. Just like when people who lose things in a fire, they learn to live without them. You cant take your memories away.

@LizzieInSRQ To the contrary, I watch a number of "thrifting" type videos wherein the person shopping is looking for vintage items for art projects or to clean up and repair then resell.

Others end up keeping the vintage items and display in their home. This is big for those that love "shabby chic."

Please don't think vintage items are not wanted. There is a big market for vintage and antique.

Re: I need opinions

on the bay — Wed, 27 Mar 2024 00:13:07 GMT

I disagree about no one wanting them.

A snowsuit, sweater, hat if in good condition

can be used no matter what decade.

If you've ever been a single parent or dirt poor, clothes that are in good condition and warm are treasures.

Re: I need opinions

RedTop — Wed, 27 Mar 2024 00:27:40 GMT

Due to the age of the clothing, I would contact someone who makes memory bears, and have them transform the pieces into a keepsake for those of you who want one.

My cousin makes memory bears for people out of shirts, jackets, wedding dresses, etc.

Re: I need opinions

SaveTheTurtles — Wed, 27 Mar 2024 00:34:52 GMT

@conlt I definitely would not donate the items due to their age. However, as was mentioned if there are enough items it might be nice to have either a small quilt made for each of your remaining siblings so everyone could have a memory. If that doesn't work and if enough items you could make small shadow boxes for each of your siblings. This way you are not holding on to all of it and your whole family has the keepsake.

Re: I need opinions

Mom2Dogs — Wed, 27 Mar 2024 01:09:23 GMT

My step daugher's mom's husband passed away and she had bears made from a couple of his shirts. they were nicely made.

I guess who ever would make the bear would take pieces from each outfit and make a patchwork like covering for the bear. That way each outfit that was saved would have a place on the bear.

Hopefully there is enough fabric for each sibling to get a bear..depending on the finished size.

Re: I need opinions

Spacrazy — Wed, 27 Mar 2024 01:20:17 GMT

@SandySparkles Your idea is beautiful and one I've not known.

Re: I need opinions

GenXmuse — Wed, 27 Mar 2024 01:25:49 GMT

Honestly, I would just keep them unless you really think you'll use or display a quilt. They probably don't take up any more room than a quilt.

Re: I need opinions

sunshine45 — Wed, 27 Mar 2024 01:45:59 GMT

a quilt is a nice idea.

lately, around our area, i have seen that memory bears are quite popular. you take a favorite item or items that someone may have used or worn and have a teddy bear made out of them. you could have a few made for other members of the family.

Re: I need opinions

SandySparkles — Wed, 27 Mar 2024 04:36:04 GMT

@Spacrazy wrote:
@SandySparkles Your idea is beautiful and one I've not known.

@Spacrazy Thank you!🥰

~~~All we need is LOVE💖