topic Re: Having a difficult time with this in Community Chat

Having a difficult time with this

goldensrbest — Wed, 06 Mar 2024 18:19:15 GMT

I will try to explain this, my mom is in a nursing home,for a few months now, back in Indiana, no hope of her getting better,to return to her home, so the house was put up for sale,it is the house she has lived in since the 60's, it sold in one day, my brother is handling everything, he doing a great job, even though i left there in 1970,got married i feel so sad with all of this,for my mom. Items are being taken, which is fine ,i just feel such a loss of what was.

Re: Having a difficult time with this

spumoni99 — Wed, 06 Mar 2024 18:27:51 GMT

I am sorry your going through this, it is hard that the chapter of your life is over. At least you and your brother are on the same page with everything.

Re: Having a difficult time with this

Jacie — Wed, 06 Mar 2024 18:29:58 GMT

@goldensrbest I know that feeling all too well. I can only tell you to take it day by day, breath by breath. My mother lived in her home for 64 years, Cleaning it out for sale was hard. It was the house I grew up in and it held so many memories. In the end I had to rationalize that her things and house were simply that, "things", and part of the fabric of my memories, always to be cherished in my mind.

I was asked why I didn't take more to incorporate into my house and life. My answer was that I had enough "stuff" and was busy making memories for others, as she had for me.

Wishing you the best in your journey!

Re: Having a difficult time with this

LavernLuvsShoes — Wed, 06 Mar 2024 18:30:42 GMT

It's understandable that you're feeling a sense of loss.

Selling the house and disposing of the contents signifies the end of an era and it reinforces the fact that your Mom is no longer the woman she used to be.

Hope you feel better soon ♥

Re: Having a difficult time with this

cheriere — Wed, 06 Mar 2024 18:33:20 GMT

@goldensrbest It's a difficult time with your mother being ill in the nursing home. Add to that the quick sale of your childhood home. It would be a lot to take in a short period of time especially. I'm sure I'd feel the same way.❤️

Re: Having a difficult time with this

LindaSal — Wed, 06 Mar 2024 18:34:03 GMT

@goldensrbest Sorry you are going through this. Sadly it is part of life and we all have to deal with it at one time or another. My heart goes out to you.

Re: Having a difficult time with this

nyc1 — Wed, 06 Mar 2024 18:34:54 GMT

@goldensrbest I'm so sorry to hear that your mom will not be returning home. It's most likely the safest for her not to, so you are actually helping her and doing what is best for her. You will still have the wonderful memories, and I'm guessing will keep some smaller pieces that will keep some of those memories alive daily. So many of us have been through the same thing, and it is not easy. We all process differently and certain things trigger sadness verses happiness. Be happy that you still have your mom. She is lucky to have you both. That is the most important thing. You care about each other, are not fighting over silliness and you share a love that cannot be measured by any item or house.

Sending you a BIG HUG.... be strong.

Re: Having a difficult time with this

spiderw — Wed, 06 Mar 2024 18:43:02 GMT

What you are feeling is normal. I am sure your mother understands and wants you to do whatever is best for everyone. Of course it is a sad time as so many possessions hold memories. But your mother is living at a nursing home and while she may keep a few precious items, selling her house and other items is for the best. Feeling a loss of what was is something most of us go through at these times. Letting go isn't easy but you do move on and in time realize it is for the best.

Having your brother handle things and doing a good job is a positive. Often families fight and argue over all of this and it creates bad feelings. Thankfully, you will not have that to stress over.

I wish your mother a comfortable life at the nursing home. May you find peace of mind in knowing you and your family are doing what is best and the memories of what was remain cherished and close at heart.

Re: Having a difficult time with this

millieshops — Wed, 06 Mar 2024 18:46:14 GMT

@goldensrbest I am so sorry, and feel strongly you are suffering. The loss is real. I grew to adulthood in the only house my parents ever owned, and even though I had married and moved away to work, just going back to that house for a few days as all of us gathered for a funeral and the remembrances and the decisions, without my mother's presence I felt like an intruder. In staure, my mother was a tiny woman; in character and personality she was big and quietly strong.

It's been nearly 40 years now since that weekend, and I still think of her. It's not painful in the same way the initial grief was, but I know that feeling.

Re: Having a difficult time with this

SaveTheTurtles — Wed, 06 Mar 2024 19:09:29 GMT

@goldensrbest I am in the midst of doing the exact same thing with my dads house as we speak for the same reason. I am POA so am handling most of it but luckliy my brother, husband and SIL are very helpful and local. It is very hard to say the least.

Re: Having a difficult time with this

JudyL — Wed, 06 Mar 2024 19:37:58 GMT

@goldensrbest - So sorry you are going through this. Your feelings are understandable and normal. As someone else said, take it one day, sometimes one breath at a time. It is a loss and it's ok to have these feelings. My heart goes out to you.

Re: Having a difficult time with this

Still Raining — Wed, 06 Mar 2024 20:15:22 GMT

This is a hard one isn't it? So many memories. Please take care.

Re: Having a difficult time with this

debfau — Wed, 06 Mar 2024 20:55:58 GMT

My mom is about to go through this - both of her parents have been gone for over 30 years but her brother (my Uncle) continued to live in the house as he took care of parents when they were alive.

My Uncle fell last month (he lived alone) and ended up passing from his injuries, so now my Mom is the last remaining family member and will have to be dealing with the house and everything in it (which is out of state for her, a 9 hr drive).

@goldensrbest - I wish you all the best.

Re: Having a difficult time with this

MalibuFox — Wed, 06 Mar 2024 20:57:06 GMT

and these posts are exactly what makes this forum so very special,these situations are

something we all have had to do,or will be be facing. The encouragement and well wishes are so uplifting to read. Malibu

Re: Having a difficult time with this

Sassycoco — Wed, 06 Mar 2024 21:27:26 GMT

@goldensrbest

Like others have posted ...it's natural to have these feelings....
Find comfort in all the wonderful memories....you will always carry
them in your heart ❤️

I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers 🙏.....

Re: Having a difficult time with this

cheriere — Wed, 06 Mar 2024 21:39:41 GMT

@debfau wrote:
My mom is about to go through this - both of her parents have been gone for over 30 years but her brother (my Uncle) continued to live in the house as he took care of parents when they were alive.

My Uncle fell last month (he lived alone) and ended up passing from his injuries, so now my Mom is the last remaining family member and will have to be dealing with the house and everything in it (which is out of state for her, a 9 hr drive).

@goldensrbest - I wish you all the best.

So sorry to hear about your uncle. Your mom is in this difficult situation that's only made harder by being so far away. Hopefully, things won't be too hard to manage and you're not having to work on a timeline. Either way, going through your childhood home is always an emotional experience. Thoughts and prayers with your family.❤️

Re: Having a difficult time with this

Puppy Lips — Wed, 06 Mar 2024 21:44:09 GMT

So sorry you are going through this, but we all go through some form of this loss. When it was time for my Mom to say goodbye to my childhood home 5 years ago (my Dad had passed already), I was there to help clear out the house. My last time in the house I broke down in tears (with my dumb brother staring at me and wondering what was wrong with me) because I felt like we were leaving Dad behind. When I think of "home", it is not the home I now live in, it is that home, that I grew up in.

Fast forward to a few months ago. My butt-inski sister in law wormed her way into my parents' old home. The new owners made some significant changes to it and my sister in law sent me pictures. I wish like heck she had not done that. I wanted to remember it as I left it, not with other people living there and making changes.

Such is life. We have to accept these changes and move on. Good luck to the OP.

Re: Having a difficult time with this

katie1859 — Thu, 07 Mar 2024 07:11:41 GMT

I went through this with my mom. In fact, I was on autopilot and never grieved bc of the stress. I'm an only child and closed it all down myself. It was hard.

Re: Having a difficult time with this

haddon9 — Thu, 07 Mar 2024 14:13:31 GMT

I'm sorry that you're going through this. The sense of loss is profound and never easy. While my parents sold my childhood home back in 1987 and moved to a condo in Florida, when mom passed two years ago my brother and I had to deal with the same issues.

It isn't easy but we had to let go of a lot of stuff. Many memories were tied up in that stuff but there was no way we could ship everything back to our homes so a lot of precious things were just given away. Selling was not really an option since we only had a few weeks once we decided to put the condo on the market. It's always sad.

Re: Having a difficult time with this

beach-mom — Thu, 07 Mar 2024 07:35:57 GMT

@katie1859 wrote:
I went through this with my mom. In fact, I was on autopilot and never grieved bc of the stress. I'm an only child and closed it all down myself. It was hard.

@katie1859 - I was my mom's only surviving child. She died suddenly, right before Christmas, so we took her cat, and locked up the house.

For three years I dealt with this - 2-1/2 hours away, with a one-year old. Most of the time I went on weekends. DD stayed with her friend. DH did his best to come with me when he could, but he couldn't come if he was on call. Like you, I had a really hard time emotionally and physically.

@goldensrbest - I'm sorry you're going through this, but as you can see, a lot of us have.

When my grandmother died she had been in a skilled nursing unit for years. She kept talking about going home when she got better. She never knew that her children had already cleaned her home out and sold it.