topic Re: Holiday Gift Cards for Family in Community Chat

Holiday Gift Cards for Family

beach-mom — Mon, 11 Dec 2023 21:51:39 GMT

Every year we face this.

DH had four sisters. One died when she was younger, one is single, one is divorced, and one is a widow. I like to get them and his widowed brother-in-law gifts they will appreciate. I already have this year's gifts ready to send, which costs almost as much as the gifts themselves!

Two of DH's sisters send gift cards to our children and gifts to us. His brother-in-law sends a family gift to us.

The question is the next generation, all but one male, and most now married with families. They have never given us gifts.

We send gift cards to each one, one card whether a nephew is single or has a family. We never get a thank you.

DH wants to stop the gift cards. I have been through decisions in the past with his sisters, and quickly learned to let them make the decisions.

One of my friends said she's going through the same thing.

Are any of you going through this? Any advice? DH won't talk to his sisters about this, and I certainly won't either!

Re: Holiday Gift Cards for Family

Mz iMac — Mon, 11 Dec 2023 22:11:22 GMT

Yup!

I send them a card but no $$$. I stopped once they were in their teens because, I never received so much as a "thank you" from them. They now have "families" of their own.

My mother went one step further. She cut them all out of her will.

Re: Holiday Gift Cards for Family

Mersha — Mon, 11 Dec 2023 22:12:56 GMT

@beach-mom If I sent a gift card to a family member and they did not reciprocate or even acknowledge the gift, I would understand they are not interested in exchanging gifts.

Gift cards would end immediately.

Re: Holiday Gift Cards for Family

Effie54 — Mon, 11 Dec 2023 22:22:01 GMT

We had the same issue. Everyone felt they had to buy gifts for everyone, but either the person didn't really need anything or they didn't know what to buy....enter gift cards. My niece spoke up and politely asked if we could stop purchasing the gift cards. No one really wanted them. We just buy for the young ones now. Everyone else just enjoys the food and drink.

Re: Holiday Gift Cards for Family

Karie2022 — Mon, 11 Dec 2023 22:41:36 GMT

I dont know why people struggle with this; if i send out gifts and am not reciprocated or thanked, thats it-no more gifts, maybe a card. My elderly mother struggles and complains about this every year, every birthday etc...i tell her stop sending them gifts. It typically goes on deaf ears and then i have to hear her complain ad nauseum for several weeks that no one thanked her.

Re: Holiday Gift Cards for Family

jackthebear — Mon, 11 Dec 2023 22:38:33 GMT

@beach-mom wrote:
Every year we face this.

DH had four sisters. One died when she was younger, one is single, one is divorced, and one is a widow. I like to get them and his widowed brother-in-law gifts they will appreciate. I already have this year's gifts ready to send, which costs almost as much as the gifts themselves!

Two of DH's sisters send gift cards to our children and gifts to us. His brother-in-law sends a family gift to us.

The question is the next generation, all but one male, and most now married with families. They have never given us gifts.

We send gift cards to each one, one card whether a nephew is single or has a family. We never get a thank you.

DH wants to stop the gift cards. I have been through decisions in the past with his sisters, and quickly learned to let them make the decisions.

One of my friends said she's going through the same thing.

Are any of you going through this? Any advice? DH won't talk to his sisters about this, and I certainly won't either!

just stop, everyone will be glad you did

Re: Holiday Gift Cards for Family

jackiejenny — Mon, 11 Dec 2023 22:47:55 GMT

What @jackthebear said.

Re: Holiday Gift Cards for Family

GingerHead — Mon, 11 Dec 2023 22:52:06 GMT

@beach-mom

Yep, same thing here...we'd send Mrs. Prindables apples or Juniors Cheese Cake to my brother-in-law and wife every year with not so much as a mention but we did hear from my husband's mother that they talked about how much they loved it to her....why they didn't thank us or even tell us they got it is a mystery because we get along with them.

So we just stopped it all together because we felt it was very rude not to thank us or at the very least mention that they received it....

I've honestly gotten to the place where giving gifts outside of my immediate family (husband & dog) and mother-in-law seems more like an obligation.

Kinda like well you got me something last year (that shh, oh by the way, I threw away...sorry bad but I don't eat or like so and so) and now I gotta get you something this year that you're probably going to throw away anyway!

Re: Holiday Gift Cards for Family

Mersha — Mon, 11 Dec 2023 23:00:52 GMT

@GingerHead I just cannot grasp how you could gift the apples or cheesecake to someone and not get so much as a quick email thanking you.

It is incredibly insensitive and rude.

Re: Holiday Gift Cards for Family

haddon9 — Mon, 11 Dec 2023 23:14:37 GMT

Yes! I have been going through this (DH is oblivious when it comes to gift giving to extended family).

All of my nephews and their wives are in their mid to late thirties and make good money. I'm sure they have a better income than us. Three of them have PhDs from prestigious schools.

My point is that they may be smart and have a great career but when it comes to gifting they suddenly act like they are little kids. They love getting gifts but it would be nice if they acted like grown ups when visiting older relatives.

The part that annoys me is that I host almost every Christmas but none of them ever bring anything. No dessert, bottle of wine box, of chocolates, etc. It's not that I need any of those things since I can certainly go buy it for myself but it would be nice if they showed appreciation the way adults do when going to someone's house who has provided a nice dinner. Who goes to someone's house empty handed?!

Instead it's their mom, my sister in law, who will bring multiple desserts, and extra bottle of wine, etc. It's like mommy is still taking care of certain things.

I have decided to stop gifting my one nephew and wife who doesn't come anymore since he lives too far but will ship gifts to their young sons. I'm lucky if I get a thank you.

The other two I will see in person so I will continue to give them gift cards since sister in law gives to my two adult kids......I will have to take it year by year.

If I didn't see them in person and they never reciprocated or let you know that they received the gift with a simple than you, then I would stop.

Re: Holiday Gift Cards for Family

kate2357 — Mon, 11 Dec 2023 23:22:32 GMT

Many years ago at a meeting with dh's family, the adults decided we didn't need to share Christmas gifts with each other, and gifts for each other's children could stop at 18.

Throughout the year we do bring each other tokens/gifts...but it's because we want to, not because we feel we have to. I will add, the parents made sure thank you notes, calls or texts were sent thanking the gift giver.

Now on my side of the family, none of the children acknowledge gifts. It is rude and I don't know why my sister has been so lax. I do family gifts now and send via my sister, just so I know the gift was received.

Re: Holiday Gift Cards for Family

GingerHead — Mon, 11 Dec 2023 23:28:07 GMT

@Mersha

I know, right ?!

That's what I thought....really rude

Re: Holiday Gift Cards for Family

JeanLouiseFinch — Mon, 11 Dec 2023 23:26:54 GMT

Your husband is right, it's time to quit.

We stopped the niece and nephew gifting years ago. One sister included us in her family gathering last year so we brought token gifts for everyone. Individual gifts for the great nieces and nephews and couples gifts for my nieces and nephew (all are married), and the same gift for my sister. They thanked us. We didnt receive any gifts but we didn't expect to. We're going back this year and I've bought gifts for all again. If we weren't attending we wouldn't be buying any gifts for them.

Re: Holiday Gift Cards for Family

RedTop — Mon, 11 Dec 2023 23:33:04 GMT

I send nice cards to our siblings. I continue to gift to my only nephew since we are close, and he does nice things for my mom.

We remembered my husbands nieces and nephews on their birthdays and at Christmas until they finished high school, even tho we never saw or heard from them. We stopped the cash flow and still never see or hear from them, nor do we gift to their children.

Re: Holiday Gift Cards for Family

simplyfriends — Mon, 11 Dec 2023 23:47:11 GMT

If I sent a gift/gift card to a family member and they didn't send a thank you I would reach out to them and say "hey, I just wanted to make sure you received the gift card I sent. I didn't hear from you and want to make sure it wasn't lost".

edited to fix typo

Re: Holiday Gift Cards for Family

LTT1 — Mon, 11 Dec 2023 23:44:47 GMT

@jackthebear

This is a simple solution!

One year my SIL (many years ago) said it would be difficult for their family (6 people) to afford to buy our family (3 people) gifts at Christmas.

While I was doing the "happy dance" I suggested all the adults just give the children (they were still little) gifts.
Thst idea worked for quite a few years.

It gets complicated...that's why I like @jackthebear 's answer best!

Re: Holiday Gift Cards for Family

jackthebear — Mon, 11 Dec 2023 23:52:22 GMT

@LTT1 wrote:
@jackthebear

This is a simple solution!

One year my SIL (many years ago) said it would be difficult for their family (6 people) to afford to buy our family (3 people) gifts at Christmas.
While I was doing the "happy dance" I suggested all the adults just give the children (they were still little) gifts.
Thst idea worked for quite a few years.
It gets complicated...that's why I like @jackthebear 's answer best!

dollars to doughnuts everyone is asking the same question

Re: Holiday Gift Cards for Family

on the bay — Mon, 11 Dec 2023 23:54:52 GMT

I will never understand why anyone can't at least say they received a present or gift card.

Sometimes a busy life gets in the way but not for year after year.

What I do is ask if they got it and usually they say oh yes.

Then I'll keep sending for a few years but if never acknowledged, I'll maybe just send a card.

It only takes a few minutes or even seconds on a text to bring back a little joy to someone who gave a present.

Re: Holiday Gift Cards for Family

ValuSkr — Tue, 12 Dec 2023 00:06:29 GMT

You don't have to get gifts - cards or otherwise - for nieces and nephews. We stopped doing that years ago, when they were high school age. While you're at it, now is also a good time to discontinue the gift exchange with siblings

Re: Holiday Gift Cards for Family

elated — Tue, 12 Dec 2023 00:07:24 GMT

I just dislike the gift giving season. You feel obligated to give gifts even if you don't want to. I think Christmas has lost the true meaning. Everyone runs around like a chicken with their head cutoff trying to please everyone. I only give to my immediate family who has done so much for me. It just shows appreciation.

I heard on the radio today, that this couple leaves water and a bag of chips on their porch for the delivery people. I thought that was very nice. Kindness does go very far.