topic Re: Pre Planning a Funeral in Community Chat

Pre Planning a Funeral

JeanLouiseFinch — Sun, 26 Nov 2023 12:20:50 GMT

DH and I want to do this. It's not urgent but would like to do it within the next year or so. I haven't done any research but I'm sure it's expensive even with the most modest of plans. It's just something we want to have done so it'll be easier in our kids later. Basicslly, we will choose cremation and a simple memorial service, no cemetery plot, no burial. If you have done this and can tell me how the whole thing works. I'd appreciate it.

Re: Pre Planning a Funeral

Travone — Sun, 26 Nov 2023 12:37:21 GMT

I can't tell you how it works but my mother did this and it was so easy on us when she passed. She did it soon after my father passed and then lived another 20 years. We knew about this. But what we didn't know is that as she got older she even planned the funeral mass.....including readings and songs. All we had to do is pick out the funeral cards and pay the priest. I can't begin to tell you how much peace we had knowing she had the funeral she wanted.

Good luck with your decision.

Re: Pre Planning a Funeral

Somertime — Sun, 26 Nov 2023 13:02:24 GMT

It's easy............one stop shopping! Make an appointment with a funeral director of your choice, he will go over everything with you regarding the choices you make. Cremation, chose an urn, viewing for the family and friends, if a viewing do you want the casket open or closed, minister or priest in attendance, do you want to show a video or display pictures of the deceased. The choice is yours..........think about what you want BEFORE you make arrangements as well as how much you wish to spend.

You can get a figure on everything and then if it is far more than you wish to spend, you eliminate some of your choices. Yes, you pay up front in full unless your funeral director has a payment plan. When the time arrives, your family notifies the funeral home and then makes an appointment to initiate the arrangements. If for some reason your family wishes to add to the arrangements you made, they will pay the differential, otherwise nothing is due, it's been paid for in full,

Re: Pre Planning a Funeral

CalminHeart — Sun, 26 Nov 2023 13:03:17 GMT

I want a funeral Mass and cremation. I already paid for the crematorium space. I have money set aside for expenses.

I wrote up a ton of notes for my kids about insurance, investments, if my dog if he outlives me, big & little decisions, etc etc etc. These notes are bundled with copies of my will, living will, medical and financial POAs. One of my sons is on all my accounts to make it easier after I go.

Re: Pre Planning a Funeral

CalminHeart — Sun, 26 Nov 2023 13:08:16 GMT

My parents set up and paid for everything years ago. It was a godsend when Mom died. Dad is now almost 92 and not doing well and I know it'll help when his time comes.

My brother had a terminal illness so I helped him set up everything before he died a few months ago. His loss is overwhelming to his spouse and me and having things set up really helped ease the stress. I miss him more than words can say, he was my best friend.

Re: Pre Planning a Funeral

Mom2Dogs — Sun, 26 Nov 2023 13:09:55 GMT

My mom who had terminal cancer pre planned her funeral, it was a a huge help to us as none of us lived in the town she lived in so when she passed we did not have that task to take care of. My sister went with her to the funeral home, they chose the casket, music, time, length of service.

My husband and I just purchased our burial plot this year after seveal years of 'discussions' on my part...I finally guilted him into buying the plot. This coming year we will purchase our stone.

We are Christian but we do not want a formal service. We will both be cremated and possibly a graveside service. Both of our families are small and most likely because of a large age gap I will be left to handle his service and I am not the type of person/personality that need a lot of people around me during difficult times. I have already taken some flack from a few people about not wanting a service but hopefully I am able to stand my ground when the time comes. I will be writing down our wishes and putting that information with our important papers...and let his daughter and my niece know where that information is in the house.

If you don not want to pay for your service right now, I would write down in a book exactly what you want and your children would know where that information is.

We had a friend that had his funeral planned, down to the smallest detail. It was a lovely service....just not what I, or my husband wants.

I will be interested to read the responses to your question.

Re: Pre Planning a Funeral

Shanus — Sun, 26 Nov 2023 13:19:35 GMT

Jewish tradition/law is no enbalming, so immediate burial (with 2 days) is best. Both parents prepaid their plain wooden box (dust to dust and ashes to ashes) and wrote out a request for the service for the family.

While in shock and mourning, knowing the details were taken care of helped so much.

I'm a little young hopefully to need it, but DH and I have chosen our service and prepaid the expenses like my folks.

***The prices keep going up and locking it in now seemed prudent.

Re: Pre Planning a Funeral

Shanus — Sun, 26 Nov 2023 13:22:56 GMT

When my brother died unexpectedly over 20 yrs. ago, my Dad purchased a "family plot" with space for all of us. There's only one Jewish cemetery nearby, so we all know where we'll be. That also takes some of the sting about making arrangements.

Re: Pre Planning a Funeral

Carolina925 — Sun, 26 Nov 2023 13:37:36 GMT

I've not had experience with this but I do know when my mother passed, we were in such shock that it was very difficult to try and figure out what she would've wanted. I'm no longer married, no children, only my brother & sister, and have considered making my plans in advance. Good luck on your decision, I think it would make it a lot easier on those you leave behind.

Re: Pre Planning a Funeral

Puppy Lips — Sun, 26 Nov 2023 13:49:34 GMT

In July DH and I visited our home state and went to a cemetery where we have a lot of relatives. What they started to do there is put cremated remains into a boulder. They drill holes into the rock and put the ashes in there. Then they put a round plaque with the info on top. What started as a fact finding visit ended in a $10k purchase. That got us our spot by a ravine and a Boulder, both of which we picked out. We both love rocks and trees, so this is perfect for us, plus his brother has a spot nearby. We will be in the same boulder. I suppose we can plan a service later, but this is a start. I think planning your own funeral is a very loving thing to do for those left behind. Blessings to you.

Re: Pre Planning a Funeral

vermint — Sun, 26 Nov 2023 14:15:25 GMT

@JeanLouiseFinch Like someone else said, just choose your funeral home and make an appointment...they will walk you through every step.

DH & I did this just this summer. We used the funeral home that did my parent's funerals--they are known for NOT being pushy whatsoever, and we found this to be true. There was no upselling at all. Plus, they have an on-site crematorium.

We chose the simplest--direct cremation. They will pick up the body, and cremate it. No embalming, no viewing, etc. The remains will be picked up by a family member, and the FH has no more involvement.

The price included whatever container they use for the cremation itself, plus an urn suitable for burial. They also recorded info for our obituaries. It was around $1,300 for each of us...total $2,600. The way this FH does it, is they purchase a life insurance policy with themselves as the beneficiary. Cash it in when the time comes.

We already have cemetery plots at our church. For cremains, no vault is required--we can dig our own grave, so to speak, and place the container in it. So, no grave opening/closing fees. We will have a simple, casual service.There will, of course, be some additional expenses with the church, which we will pay ourselves when the time comes. Since we are members, they will be minimal.

Re: Pre Planning a Funeral

gidgetgh — Sun, 26 Nov 2023 14:28:42 GMT

@JeanLouiseFinch - one big thing to consider, is after cremation, what do you want done with your ashes? You didn't mention that part.

My sisters husband had both of his parents cremated, per their wishes, years ago, and the ashes are sitting in urns in my sisters basement because there wasn't a plan as to what to do with them. So it is still unresolved and a task that still has to be completed. And my brother in law just doesn't "get it done"

So, I'm all for pre-planning, but plan it all the way through.

Re: Pre Planning a Funeral

JeanLouiseFinch — Sun, 26 Nov 2023 14:24:44 GMT

@gidgetgh wrote:
@JeanLouiseFinch - one big thing to consider, is after cremation, what do you want done with your ashes? You didn't mention that part,

My sisters husband had both of his parents cremated, per their wishes, years ago, and the ashes are sitting in urns in my sisters basement because there wasn't a plan as to what to do with them. So it is still unresolved and a task that still has to be completed. And my brother in law just doesn't "get it done"

So, I'm all for pre-landing, but plan it all the way through.

Yes, that would have to be included. Honestly we don't care, we know where we'll be and the physical ashes carrry no importance. I get your point, though. More from a sentimental POV, I think about mingling our ashes and each child gets a little. But then that forces them to hang onto something they might not want to deal with. We've also joked with them that they can take us to some favorite places of our and sprinkle us around. We'll have to figure that part out.

Re: Pre Planning a Funeral

qualitygal — Sun, 26 Nov 2023 14:32:05 GMT

Find out who in your town does cremations. Call them, ask your questions. Call a couple of them. We did that very thing for that very reason. Call and check on what you need to find out.

Re: Pre Planning a Funeral

gidgetgh — Sun, 26 Nov 2023 14:31:44 GMT

@JeanLouiseFinch wrote:
@gidgetgh wrote:
@JeanLouiseFinch - one big thing to consider, is after cremation, what do you want done with your ashes? You didn't mention that part,

My sisters husband had both of his parents cremated, per their wishes, years ago, and the ashes are sitting in urns in my sisters basement because there wasn't a plan as to what to do with them. So it is still unresolved and a task that still has to be completed. And my brother in law just doesn't "get it done"

So, I'm all for pre-landing, but plan it all the way through.
Yes, that would have to be included. Honestly we don't care, we know where we'll be and the physical ashes carrry no importance. I get your point, though. More from a sentimental POV, I think about mingling our ashes and each child gets a little. But then that forces them to hang onto something they might not want to deal with. We've also joked with them that they can take us to some favorite places of our and sprinkle us around. We'll have to figure that part out.

@JeanLouiseFinch - I get it. my sister sees those urns every time she goes to the basement, which is every day, and it is an unresolved issue. Something that she more than likely is going to have to take care of. Task hanging over her head that should have been done years ago.

I applaud you for doing the pre-planning.

Re: Pre Planning a Funeral

Stray — Sun, 26 Nov 2023 14:57:55 GMT

I have made my wishes known. Cremation & scatter, no service, no visitation

We live next to a funeral home & they are very good neighbors. Many of our older residents who have passed on used their services as friends & neighbors could walk over. Many pre paid for their arrangements but the funeral home is going out of business & an apartment building will replace them. They are very honorable people so I’m sure they’ve helped clients who have pre paid but it is something to consider before making final arrangements.

Re: Pre Planning a Funeral

cindyNC — Sun, 26 Nov 2023 15:08:13 GMT

Well, I don't want to be buried in the home town I moved away from and I will be the single aunt that people have faded memories of. So I'm planning on being creamated and want my ashes to go to the Neptune organization. They are put in concrete and taken down to the bottom of the ocean where they form a reef for ocean critters.

Re: Pre Planning a Funeral

Eileen in Virginia — Sun, 26 Nov 2023 15:27:47 GMT

My 98 year old Aunt pre-paid her funeral after my Uncle died in 2009. Her plan included an inflation clause. At the time, she chose the standard viewing, wake, church service and burial option. She'll be buried at Arlington National Cemetery with my Uncle. As time passed and most of her family and friends pre-deceased her, she told us she only wanted a graveside service. She died earlier this month and her foresight has been very helpful to us. She died 4 days after entering home hospice care, the administrative aspects of which left a lot to be desired, so it was very stressful to us on top our sorrow at her impending death. The plan includes everything from the casket to the stipend for her minister. Since she wanted a smaller funeral than she originally contracted for, her estate will receive a check for any surplus funds after she's buried. All we need now is a burial date from Arlington National Cemetery to lay her to rest. After seeing how much her forethought has helped us, DH and I are seriously considering purchasing this type of plan.

Re: Pre Planning a Funeral

JeanLouiseFinch — Sun, 26 Nov 2023 15:39:23 GMT

@Eileen in Virginia Please accept my condolences. What a long life she had.

Re: Pre Planning a Funeral

KingstonMom — Sun, 26 Nov 2023 16:04:57 GMT

@JeanLouiseFinch

DH & I did this, incorporating Living Wills and Durable Powers of Attorney.

We hired a reputable Family Practice attorney and I believe it was about $2500.

We only have 1 daughter (41), so everything goes to her, no dividing, no trusts involved.

Everything documented and paid for, all she needs to do is hire a Family Practice attorney, they'll take care of everything for her.

Life can be shorter than we realize, it's never too soon to have your last wishes documented.