topic Re: 18, and Out? in Community Chat

18, and Out?

JeanLouiseFinch — Sun, 12 Nov 2023 04:37:46 GMT

The "charging your child rent" thread got me wondering. I've known some people who subscribe to the "18 and out" philosophy but I could never never do that. When our kids were in high school, DH and I made them get part time jobs. I told them if they didn't work I would no longer do their laundry. They began doing their ownlaundry while looking for work and ended up figuring out how to manage both. We helped them get their first cars, but they were nothing fancy, just decent older cars that got them from Point A to Point B. They had to maintain a certain GPA for a better insurance rate. If they didn't, they'd have to pay the difference or they wouldn't be driving so they would stand to lose their jobs. I wasn't a taxi service. Even with our rules, they had it pretty good here. Since they were in school or working, we allowed them to live at home until they were ready to leave. It was well beyond 18, but we didn't mind.

What did you do with your kids when they reached age 18?

Re: 18, and Out?

Malcontent — Sat, 11 Nov 2023 21:45:22 GMT

@JeanLouiseFinch

Pops and I moved and didn’t tell the kids where.

Re: 18, and Out?

haddon9 — Sat, 11 Nov 2023 21:52:50 GMT

Both kids went to college at the age of 18

Re: 18, and Out?

HLP — Sat, 11 Nov 2023 21:55:35 GMT

@JeanLouiseFinch wrote:
The "charging your child rent" thread got me wondering. I've known some people who subscripe to the "18 and out" philosophy but I could never never do that. When our kids were in high school, DH and I made them get part time jobs. I told them if they didn't work I would no longer do their laundry. They began doing their ownlaundry while looking for work and ended up figuring out how to manage both. We helped them get their first cars, but they were nothing fancy, just decent older cars that got them from Point A to Point B. They had to maintain a certain GPA for a better insurance rate. If they didn't, they'd have to pay the difference or they wouldn't be driving so they would stand to lose their jobs. I wasn't a taxi service. Even with our rules, they had it pretty good here. Since they were in school or working, we allowed them to live at home until they were ready to leave. It was well beyond 18, but we didn't mind.

What did you did with your kids when they reach age 18?

Mine went to college in another town. Met a lovely girl married after he got his Master degree, and bought his own home here and lives 20 minutes away.They are now the parents of a daughter who has her Doctorate degree and a job, and 2 little ones. They are all welcome here anytime.

Re: 18, and Out?

tansy — Sat, 11 Nov 2023 22:01:09 GMT

Both of my sons went to community college before transferring to a university so they stayed home. Both had part time jobs. Both had been doing their own laundry since high school.

Re: 18, and Out?

JeanLouiseFinch — Sat, 11 Nov 2023 22:01:43 GMT

@haddon9 wrote:
Both kids went to college at the age of 18

Did they ever return home, or did they move on to their adult life after graduating?

Re: 18, and Out?

MamaWick — Sat, 11 Nov 2023 22:17:14 GMT

First son went off to college. Second son went into the Marines.

Re: 18, and Out?

haddon9 — Sat, 11 Nov 2023 22:22:09 GMT

@JeanLouiseFinch wrote:
@haddon9 wrote:
Both kids went to college at the age of 18
Did they ever return home, or did they move on to their adult life after graduating?

@JeanLouiseFinch Both moved back home. DD briefly after college then moved into an apartment that she shared with some roommates. She's now married with a baby & her own home.

DS also got an apartment after college but moved back home after living in Philly for 7 years while switching jobs. It was only going to be for a few weeks but we convinced him to stay since he was a big help with DH who is disabled.

DS got to save a lot of money while living with us for two years. He now rents a home about half an hour away.

Re: 18, and Out?

spent2much — Sat, 11 Nov 2023 22:29:28 GMT

@JeanLouiseFinch Sounds to me like you were very good, wise parents!

Re: 18, and Out?

Desert Lily — Sat, 11 Nov 2023 22:37:49 GMT

I was a single mom and would not allow my child to have a job in high school. My main concern for my child was academics and a successful future. My child ended up being a National Merit Scholar, went to an ivy league college on grants for degrees in math & physics, and then went to another ivy league college for their doctoral program in physics. Summers were spent in internships, but my child came home every college break, holiday, & what was left in the summers when the internships were done. My child has a successful career here, and I moved from the West Coast to the East Coast when I retired to be near.

My parents never had a rule of 18 and out for my siblings or me. They were supportive, and we were motivated. I wanted to be supportive as a parent, too.

Re: 18, and Out?

QVCkitty1 — Sat, 11 Nov 2023 22:52:28 GMT

My dad had a friend who was living at home and is stepmother insisted on charging him rent. His friend wasn't happy about it , but when he was ready to move out his parents gave him the rent money so he had a Little nest egg to start out.

Re: 18, and Out?

Group 5 minus 1 — Sat, 11 Nov 2023 22:55:27 GMT

My elder son was in North Dakota in Air Force. Younger son had a job. No,I would not have charged them rent.They were always responsible young men.

Re: 18, and Out?

sunshine45 — Sat, 11 Nov 2023 22:56:15 GMT

absolutely no "18 and out" in our home.

our parents didnt subscribe to that either......neither did my grandparents nor my great grandparents on either side of my family.

Re: 18, and Out?

Snowpuppy — Sat, 11 Nov 2023 22:59:17 GMT

Single parent, too.

DS lived at home his first 2 yrs of college then transferred to finish his degree. He worked during HS and at college as well.

Tough job outlook so he moved back home for about 18 mos. He found work, saved and moved back out on his own. I helped him with college costs and never charged him a dime for rent, etc.

We got no help from anyone for anything.

Re: 18, and Out?

Desertdi — Sat, 11 Nov 2023 23:05:57 GMT

Sounds kinda HARSH to me...especially in a big city where housing is very high priced, and you need references to rent, transportation, food, clothing, etc. I can see where an 18-year-old could get in some "big trouble".

Re: 18, and Out?

sugar plum — Sat, 11 Nov 2023 23:31:25 GMT

When I was 20 in the 80s, my father demanded that I have a full-time job upon graduating from college or I'd get kicked out of the house. He put me through a lot of stress so I took the first FT job I was offered which enabled me to pay rent to stay home.

I worked 24 hours a week during high school and FT during the summers so I could pay half of all college fees.

In college I worked 2 part-time jobs while commuting to and from Boston.

I don't have any children but if I did, I would never put them through what I experienced. It was horrible.

With that said, I would require them to procure employment with the caveat that they save money for a future apartment/home or condo.

Re: 18, and Out?

queendiva — Sat, 11 Nov 2023 23:35:34 GMT

Where would you kick them out to?

Both kids attended college at 18 following HS graduation. Both lived at home most summers. They earned their own $ for spending, gas, etc. They lived and ate meals at home at no cost as both were full time students.

Following college graduations, both achieving high honors, child #1 lived at home until age 25, when he and his now wife bought a single family home. Paid a token amount of rent during his stay as he was employed full time and was saving for a house and a wedding.

Child #2 became an officer in the military and several weeks following graduation was off to his first duty station in Europe for 3 years. Has never lived with me from that time on. Is also now married and a homeowner at age 27 and is back in the US.

Re: 18, and Out?

AuntG — Sat, 11 Nov 2023 23:41:21 GMT

I'd never kick a kid out at 18, but I'd certainly want them working or attending college. One exception would be if they were out of control and their behavior was influencing younger children in the family. Then a tough love approach might be necessary.

Re: 18, and Out?

lgfan — Sun, 12 Nov 2023 00:00:56 GMT

I don't have any children but when I turned 18 I did not pay rent. I was given free room and board. I worked my way through community college and then transferred to a university. I paid through student loans for the university. I would never charge an 18 year old rent or ask them to move out of the house.

Re: 18, and Out?

Desertdi — Sun, 12 Nov 2023 00:07:32 GMT

And, ONE MORE THING! Y O U just might get OLD some day, and need to live with one of your children. How's THAT gonna work out...???