topic Re: Thank you notes in Community Chat

Thank you notes

bargainsgirl — Thu, 09 Nov 2023 18:28:27 GMT

A nephew (who we rarely see) was married in August. We did not attend cause we were just returning from a vacation on the day of the wedding. We sent a gift via wedding planner websitte. Still have not recieved a thank you note. Same thing happened to a friend who did attend an out of town wedding in August as well. Are thank you notes also now becoming a thing of the past? Seems really rude to me especially since they spend so much effort to get their wedding websites in order and are not shy about what they ask for!!! Manners out the door I guess....

Re: Thank you notes

Q-Checker — Thu, 09 Nov 2023 18:39:06 GMT

@bargainsgirl-- I just gave you a heart and wish that it could have been two. I could not agree more. I often do not receive a thank you for large cash gifts to young people for birthdays, etc. I know that the gifts were received as the checks were cashed. I accept any kind of thank you -- notes, email or phone calls are all good though a simple note is preferred. At age 21, I will cut off their gifts if the rude lack of any expression of appreciation continues, only because I am more forgiving of children than adults.

Re: Thank you notes

Bri369 — Thu, 09 Nov 2023 19:25:56 GMT

I have always received a thank you note for sending a wedding gift whether I attended the wedding or not. We attending a wedding over Labor Day weekend, and we received the thank you note two weeks later.

A good friend of ours daugter had a baby girl a couple of months ago and I sent a beautiful outfit. She texted me with an adorable photo of the baby wearing the outfit that I sent and thanking me. I did not expect a written thank you card in the mail.

Re: Thank you notes

Effie54 — Thu, 09 Nov 2023 19:51:30 GMT

It seems so. This happened to us a few times. We gave wedding, baby, shower gifts to my best friend's son and his wife. We never received a thank you for any of it. It's a shame that thank you cards are now by the wayside. In my day, it was something we did out of gratitude.

Re: Thank you notes

Franell — Thu, 09 Nov 2023 19:59:23 GMT

I am one of those rude people who doesn't write thank you notes. Every time I get one from someone else I feel guilty. For a big occasion like a wedding I would send them but for your run of the mill birthday or Christmas gift I call or email.

Re: Thank you notes

Kitlynn — Thu, 09 Nov 2023 20:00:58 GMT

I think a Thank You note is not asking to much from anyone. I feel like if you can't take the time to drop a note in the mail then I won't bother to take the time to get a gift or card with cash in it. We always told our daughter from the time she was little if you can't be bothered to send a Thank You then people don't have to be bothered sending you something either. I always send Thank You notes. Our daughter is forty three and people always get a hold of me and tell me what a lovely Thank You they have received from her when they send her anything. Good manners should never not be the normal.

Re: Thank you notes

Enufstuff — Thu, 09 Nov 2023 20:18:02 GMT

@bargainsgirl@Q-Checker I can totally relate to what you are saying. My grand daughter got married in May and we never received a thank you note for our gift.

Twice, in the past, I have given wedding gifts to non relatives and never got a thank you note.

Entitled people with no manners or gratitude.

I have discontinued sending checks and birthday cards to five adult grandchildren for this reason. They don't even call or email. I have never even gotten a birthday or Christmas card from any of them.

Now, I only give to their children for birthdays. I do still give a small gift to them for Christmas. Four of them are in their 30's. When I am alone without my husbands income, I will probably stop giving for Christmas, too.

Then I will only give Christmas gifts to their children, if I can still afford it. There are eight great grandchildren.

Re: Thank you notes

geezerette — Thu, 09 Nov 2023 20:19:01 GMT

@Franell wrote:
I am one of those rude people who doesn't write thank you notes. Every time I get one from someone else I feel guilty. For a big occasion like a wedding I would send them but for your run of the mill birthday or Christmas gift I call or email.

@Franell

As far as I'm concerned, that's just as good.

I'm not asking for a handwritten note sent via US Mail anymore, just a simple acknowledgment that the person(s) got my gift. There have been a few times I have sent gifts and never knew if the recipient ever actually received what I sent. If I hadn't asked a family member, I wouldn't have known that one gift never did reach the intended.

Re: Thank you notes

bargainsgirl — Thu, 09 Nov 2023 20:30:24 GMT

@Franell wrote:
I am one of those rude people who doesn't write thank you notes. Every time I get one from someone else I feel guilty. For a big occasion like a wedding I would send them but for your run of the mill birthday or Christmas gift I call or email.

ANY kind of a thank you would be nice. It does not necessarily need to be hand written...

Re: Thank you notes

RetRN — Thu, 09 Nov 2023 20:32:01 GMT

To not acknowledge a gift is rude, plain and simple.

Re: Thank you notes

Zoe — Thu, 09 Nov 2023 20:50:06 GMT

This has been discussed previously in this forum Take a look through these replies as well -- there are a lot of different perspectives. You may find them helpful to cope with your current situation.

https://community.qvc.com/t5/Community-Chat/The-Lack-Of-Thank-You/m-p/8143228/highlight/true#M1992416

I stand by my response in that previous thread. Don't be silent. Have the conversation. If you don't have the conversations with these individuals, you are passing up a big learning opportunity for them where they can perhaps do better for the next occasion and be a kinder, more appreciative human. Plus, then you get it off your chest and aren't silently holding any negative feelings toward them.

In your specific case, however, I do think you may need to have more patience with a thank you note for this August wedding. It's just November, so missing out on a thank you note for an August wedding isn't offensive (yet). Truthfully, by etiquette, they have up to a year after a wedding to send a thank you note, though I personally feel as if that timeframe is very generous. Their timing might depend what else the couple is going through -- consolidating households / building or buying a new home, maybe even growing their family or blending families? On top of a wedding, that may be difficult.

Grant some grace but also have the conversation. Thank you notes are definitely *not* a lost art. If anyone in my life failed to send a thank you, I have the conversation, give them a chance to correct their behavior & show gratitude. If they don't, I have another discussion with them about why they won't be receiving anymore gifts from us.

ETA: more overtly include the link to the other discussion on this topic.

Re: Thank you notes

ninjawife — Thu, 09 Nov 2023 20:49:22 GMT

I believe etiquette allows brides and grooms a year to send out thank you notes. I went to a wedding on December 30th and I got a thank you note in September.

Re: Thank you notes

They CallMe MRWILKES — Thu, 09 Nov 2023 21:02:35 GMT

I have never, ever expected a thank you note.

I give something because I want to, not because I anticipate recognition or acknowledgement.

How the recipient feels is their business alone.

I think that anyone fuming over a lack of acknowledgement likely has other issues going on with the giftee. And this is just additional fuel.

Re: Thank you notes

cjm61 — Thu, 09 Nov 2023 20:59:48 GMT

In all honesty, once the wedding (or any event) is over I really don't think about the gift I gave or expecting a Thank You note.

I have a couple cousins who send a thank you card for EVERYTHING and when I receive their envelope I usually have forgotten why they would be corresponding with me.

My mom was terrible with thank you notes so perhaps I don't think much about them. And really, many wedding thank you's are kind of generic. Some I have received just say "thank you for your gift", I'm not even sure they remember what I gave them. So, to answer your question @bargainsgirl , no, I don't find it rude. I just move on and look forward to our next event.

Re: Thank you notes

Witchy Woman — Thu, 09 Nov 2023 21:05:54 GMT

@bargainsgirl

You are not alone in not receiving a "thank you" for your gift.

I've been to a handful of weddings in the last 5 years and have NEVER gotten a thank you note.

Call it what you will, I call it rude. I don't lose any sleep over it, but, apparently, it's just too much trouble. I don't understand and never will.

Sending a thank for for any gift given was something I always did. If you get one now, it's a rarity.

Re: Thank you notes

faeriemoon — Thu, 09 Nov 2023 21:01:45 GMT

@ninjawife wrote:
I believe etiquette allows brides and grooms a year to send out thank you notes. I went to a wedding on December 30th and I got a thank you note in September.

You are correct; the etiquette authorities (LOL) technically allow one year for brides and grooms to get their thank-yous out. Although I believe they recommend they try to get them out within six months.

To the op, I don't really think you should give up hope of a thank you note from an August wedding. We are still in the beginning of November. It really hasn't been that long.

Re: Thank you notes

Boomernichols — Thu, 09 Nov 2023 21:03:50 GMT

@bargainsgirl One would think that if you send a request, you could at least reciprocate and send a thank you!

Re: Thank you notes

millieshops — Thu, 09 Nov 2023 21:07:11 GMT

@Franell I'm in my 80's and don't feel in the least rude when I email my thank you for a gift. I send a written note if I have more to say than just my thanks.

Re: Thank you notes

Regal Bee — Thu, 09 Nov 2023 21:10:00 GMT

Thank you notes, along with manners, have all but disappeared.

We recently gave a large amount of money to our church and haven't heard one word about it. Nothing. We had to check our bank statement to see whether it was received or not.

Shocking!

Re: Thank you notes

U of M Go Blue — Thu, 09 Nov 2023 21:19:07 GMT

I have been to two showers where they pass around plain envelopes for you to address to yourself. Both times I never received them.....and I did all of the work!