topic Re: The Lack Of Thank You in Community Chat

The Lack Of Thank You

katie1859 — Sun, 24 Sep 2023 22:57:51 GMT

I readily admit that I'm of a generation that learned the meaningfulness of thank you.
I don't give or help to get a card but more and more I'm asked to help, or give and I do. Less and less is there acknowledgement. Not a peep.
It no longer seems that people find it respectful upon receiving so say, yes, I got it, thank you or hey, I appreciate the work.
Sign of the times I'm concluding.

Re: The Lack Of Thank You

katie1859 — Sun, 24 Sep 2023 22:58:32 GMT

Re: The Lack Of Thank You

kaydee50 — Sun, 24 Sep 2023 23:01:16 GMT

If someone did not acknowledge a gift or help with a thank you, that would be the last gift or help from me they would get.

Re: The Lack Of Thank You

PickyPicky3 — Sun, 24 Sep 2023 23:35:52 GMT

It happens all the time, for gifts large or small.

I have even asked if my gift was meaningless or an insult.

No response.

I think it has something to do with too much screen interaction and not enough in-person socialization. But who knows?

Re: The Lack Of Thank You

BirkiLady — Sun, 24 Sep 2023 23:55:46 GMT

If you are speaking of relatives, it comes from within the families. Ask the parents why they are not teaching their children to write the notes.

If you are speaking of financial donations to church, charities, local causes, medical interests, etc., there is no legitimate reason for not receiving a written/typed thank you note mail to you. Call and ask! If you have to do that, I wouldn't bother to continue with financial donations in the future.

If you are speaking of memorial donations, give the grieving families the benefit of the doubt . . . and time. If they have not sent a thank you within a reasonable amount of time and you need it for IRS purposes, perhaps a call to verify they received the donation if you left or sent cash. I always leave (or send) a check so I'm able to have my bank provide me with a copy for the IRS.
If you know the family well enough to attend and send a memorial, you probably know if they will send a thank you note.

Weddings. How well do you know the couple? How well do you know the parents?
Both questions answer whether or not I attend and how much I spend or send to the couple! I refuse to become a gift-giver just because the family knows me.
I attend and give/send gifts/money because I want to. Not because an invitation was sent.
Only once have I not received a thank you note. From my own sister's daughter whom I barely knew and did not attend the wedding, but felt obligated to send money since it was out-of-state.
I later asked my sister if it was received. Of course it was! My sister wrote the thank you note. SMH.

Re: The Lack Of Thank You

Skyegirl21 — Mon, 25 Sep 2023 00:01:23 GMT

Reminds me of the following cute story:

Two grandmas are talking, one says: My grandkids never say thank you and I never see them after I send a gift-

The other one say, really? That never happens to me..

The 1st says really?
The 2nd says, yup.. I send the check, but don't sign it! I see them immediately!

A great idea, right?
But I seriously agree, parents rarely teach good manners these days- And people often have none...

Re: The Lack Of Thank You

Sooner — Mon, 25 Sep 2023 00:10:13 GMT

I think we are sending gifts to people who do not need them or appreciate them. Give the money to someone who does.

I am very against donations in someone's name, unless requested, but doing so might prompt a teen to ask what is this and you could explain--next birthday!

Re: The Lack Of Thank You

PansyBoo — Mon, 25 Sep 2023 00:23:52 GMT

It's the sign of ingrates with no common courtesy. I feel strongly about this and agree with @kaydee50. If they don't have time to show some form of appreciation no matter how small, then I don't have the time to give.

Re: The Lack Of Thank You

Mom2Dogs — Mon, 25 Sep 2023 00:30:29 GMT

Unfortunately we never got thankyou's from two of our grandkids....so we quit gifting for birthdays....I don't like it but a thank you is important in my opinion.

Re: The Lack Of Thank You

katie1859 — Mon, 25 Sep 2023 00:44:58 GMT

You all have been very helpful. It seems ( to me that no one really matters except for their iPhones and Amazon. I don't like to operate in being offended but I'm going to start practicing no.
I recently sent my one daughter flowers for the birth of my granddaughter. I live 100 miles away, thought that would be pretty for her. Not a word. No call no text nothing.
My second daughter getting married. She's asked for a lot of help and I have, I made her bouquet. I had it delivered so she can see it. Not a word either. Today, I asked and she barked back that she's been busy. I didn't inquire for approval, it was for her opinion SMH.

Re: The Lack Of Thank You

Pink123 — Mon, 25 Sep 2023 00:52:21 GMT

This is the brave new world. Don't expect it and you won't be hurt.

Re: The Lack Of Thank You

Skyegirl21 — Mon, 25 Sep 2023 00:54:36 GMT

@katie1859 wrote:
You all have been very helpful. It seems ( to me that no one really matters except for their iPhones and Amazon. I don't like to operate in being offended but I'm going to start practicing no.
I recently sent my one daughter flowers for the birth of my granddaughter. I live 100 miles away, thought that would be pretty for her. Not a word. No call no text nothing.
My second daughter getting married. She's asked for a lot of help and I have, I made her bouquet. I had it delivered so she can see it. Not a word either. Today, I asked and she barked back that she's been busy. I didn't inquire for approval, it was for her opinion SMH.

Glad it all helped. Gotta say, your daughter, the new Mom, I would let that one go. My 1st baby, cried 24/7, it was a miserable time for many months- The others, no excuse!

Re: The Lack Of Thank You

LuvSoCal — Mon, 25 Sep 2023 04:11:07 GMT

@katie1859 wrote:
You all have been very helpful. It seems ( to me that no one really matters except for their iPhones and Amazon. I don't like to operate in being offended but I'm going to start practicing no.
I recently sent my one daughter flowers for the birth of my granddaughter. I live 100 miles away, thought that would be pretty for her. Not a word. No call no text nothing.
My second daughter getting married. She's asked for a lot of help and I have, I made her bouquet. I had it delivered so she can see it. Not a word either. Today, I asked and she barked back that she's been busy. I didn't inquire for approval, it was for her opinion SMH.

@katie1859 I am so sorry that your thoughtfulness was met with such indifference. Your daughters are more fortunate than they currently realize. Unfortunately, they will miss your efforts when it's too late to be able to thank you.

My mom told me that I always showed my gratitude even from a very young age. She said I would jump up and

down while thanking whomever lol. I'm still that way (well, except for the jumping up and down part). My mom was very much like you...loved doing things for her daughters that she thought would bring us pleasure. As I said, yours will miss that one day.

Re: The Lack Of Thank You

Tique — Mon, 25 Sep 2023 05:00:34 GMT

One of my girlfriends just celebrated her 15th wedding anniversary and at her party she thanked me for something I did about three months after her ceremony. I had given her what I considered to be a very generous monetary gift. She was in her 40's when she married and already had everything some newlyweds need. I kept looking for a Thank You card and finally asked a mutual friend if she had gotten one. When she told me she hadn't I called the bride and asked her why she hadn't sent out "thank you's". Her reply was "The Etiquette Book states you have up to a year after a wedding to officially thank people." I very nicely told her that if it took someone a year to acknowledge my gift, he/she shouldn't bother because I could guarantee that would be the last gift ever received from me. Within a week I got a Thank you card. So did my other girlfriend who called to ask "What did you do?" My friends know me well.

Re: The Lack Of Thank You

lynnie61 — Mon, 25 Sep 2023 07:26:03 GMT

We always were taught at a very young age, that thank yous were required. When we were young, the thank yous were written to aunts, grandparents, at least in the couple days that followed your birthday or Christmas. My grandparents lived halfway across the US, but always thanked them on the phone, and sent a note, too.

I'm happy that my niece and nephews at least sent texts when we gifted them. It's a different world, but at least they did it.

One wedding I went to a few years ago, the thank you was a scrolled, printed letter given when they served the cake. Odd, but thanked people for their gift and time spent with them on their special day.

Re: The Lack Of Thank You

River Song — Mon, 25 Sep 2023 10:47:51 GMT

A couple of years ago, I mailed a wedding gift to my nephew's son that was getting married. This was during the tail end of the pandemic and I wasn't getting on a plane to attend a wedding out of state.

I know the package was delivered but I heard crickets from the bride and groom. They never did acknowledge the gift although another relative said they received it and were happy with it.

The bride and groom are in their early thirties and were not raised by wolves. They know better.

However, that is the last gift they will receive from their Auntie River Song and that includes any bequests in my will!

I guess some people have to learn lessons the hard way.

Re: The Lack Of Thank You

ScrapHappy — Mon, 25 Sep 2023 11:13:12 GMT

I agree. I've sent many baby gifts, birthday, and wedding gifts with no thank you's given (verbal or written). I think acknowledging a gift/gesture is very important and raised my daughter that way. For Christmas, birthday....whatever, she sends a hand written thank you card. For a closer relative, like my sister, a phone call. I'm very bi on thank you's and this is a must.

Re: The Lack Of Thank You

Biftu — Mon, 25 Sep 2023 11:50:57 GMT

I think part of it is that (especially young people) are given things all the time throughout the year. They want it, they get it. Gifts are just like any other day getting a gift. When I was young we got gifts for birthdays, Christmas and back to school. I agree, it is disheartening when you take the time to pick that "perfect gift" and nothing.

Re: The Lack Of Thank You

CalminHeart — Mon, 25 Sep 2023 12:18:21 GMT

@katie1859 wrote:
I readily admit that I'm of a generation that learned the meaningfulness of thank you.
I don't give or help to get a card but more and more I'm asked to help, or give and I do. Less and less is there acknowledgement. Not a peep.
It no longer seems that people find it respectful upon receiving so say, yes, I got it, thank you or hey, I appreciate the work.
Sign of the times I'm concluding.

I also grew up at a time thank you notes and words of appreciation.

People should do good things because it's the right thing to do, not for thanks or acknowledgement.

I don't care if someone doesn't thank or recognize me for a good deed. I do it out of the goodness of my heart, not for attention.

Re: The Lack Of Thank You

Venezia — Mon, 25 Sep 2023 12:41:34 GMT

I don't think it's a call for attention, when people expect a gift to be acknowledged.

It's common courtesy and, especially when people may be apart in distance, let's the sender know the gift was received.

No excuse for not even a text or phonecall in this "modern" world. How much effort does that take?