topic Re: "Letting Go" Sentimentals,Values to generations? in Community Chat

"Letting Go" Sentimentals,Values to generations?

JoyFilled Warrior — Sat, 15 Apr 2023 18:55:30 GMT

Hi @Forum-ites

I'm convinced, by practicality, to pack up & move to Asst Living, PDQ is the plan. I keep increasingly, & more seriously falling, & no way can take care of myself "in the old way."

It's been for yrs, I've had this prized, gorgeous, Oak Roll Top Desk. Been in my late Dad's family for 5 generations, hand made by his German lineage.

Dad sent it to me. En route, it sustained awful damage. On the the dime of the packer, I was able to have it structurally refinished by a Master Tradesman, I happened to find, tucked away in some menial job.

I grew up, as a child, with my various kittens, playing under the long, thick, sturdy legs of this incredible desk.

Every 2 yrs, my Dad & I "wld put our heads together," to strategize it's next home. The answer conti'd . nobody.

I've read prior threads here that many of us have these same dilemmas with beloved family heirlooms, treasures (& memories) of our own. (incl generational pics!)

I'm likely to give this desk away to a Thrift Store that has been an incredible, gratis help to me. But breaks my heart, that this is the "end of the line" for this desk, & even of my expensive heirloom, historical jewelry.

It just seems current generational values are wayyyy different, now then they used to be, even when ours seem to coalesce, synergized with our parents, & parent's parents.

I'm not even sure what the generational values are any more, esp comparatively.

Are anything past familial genertions prized at all?

(Yet there are numerous youth in my life, for 1 reason or another. Many seem too young to even know, or express their values, regardless of age)

How about you?

Any of this speak to you, about you, yr situation?

Re: "Letting Go" Sentimentals,Values to generations?

Trailrun23 — Sat, 15 Apr 2023 19:08:50 GMT

I completely feel your concern and lack of understanding of why generations after myself have no interest in many of my heirlooms...is that even a term used anymore?
Adults now ages under 50 view almost everything as disposable. Many of them have no memory of using or buying quality furniture or other items like fine china, etc.They buy imported furniture, finance and use it about 5-10 years, then it goes out to the curb for pickup by bulk trash. Fine china, made in Europe, I have a big set from my grandmother and also great aunt. Absolutely no interest in either set from any of my children. We used to have a consignment shop here that dealt only with heirloom-quality items including furniture, jewelry, musical instruments, etc.it closed 15 years ago due to business just dwindling.
I have a grandmother clock that I would love to pass on, but none of my kids want it since they say they don't like having to set the pendulum daily..." too much of a hassle".
I guess value now is not monetary, only how many memories we attach to something.

Re: "Letting Go" Sentimentals,Values to generations?

kaydee50 — Sat, 15 Apr 2023 19:09:19 GMT

As far as your antique desk is concerned, I would have it appraised by a reputable furniture/antiques dealer. Would not be surprised if it were worth considerable money. If I didn't need the money, I would donate it to my favorite charity.

As far as "collectibles" are concerned, I bought them for my own personal enjoyment. What happens to them when I'm gone is unimportant to me.

Good luck!

Re: "Letting Go" Sentimentals,Values to generations?

Sooner — Sat, 15 Apr 2023 19:13:33 GMT

@JoyFilled Warrior wrote:
Hi @Forum-ites

I'm convinced, by practicality, to pack up & move to Asst Living, PDQ is the plan. I keep increasingly, & more seriously falling, & no way can take care of myself "in the old way."

It's been for yrs, I've had this prized, gorgeous, Oak Roll Top Desk. Been in my late Dad's family for 5 generations, hand made by his German lineage.

Dad sent it to me. En route, it sustained awful damage. On the the dime of the packer, I was able to have it structurally refinished by a Master Tradesman, I happened to find, tucked away in some menial job.

I grew up, as a child, with my various kittens, playing under the long, thick, sturdy legs of this incredible desk.

Every 2 yrs, my Dad & I "wld put our heads together," to strategize it's next home. The answer conti'd . nobody.

I've read prior threads here that many of us have these same dilemmas with beloved family heirlooms, treasures (& memories) of our own. (incl generational pics!)

I'm likely to give this desk away to a Thrift Store that has been an incredible, gratis help to me. But breaks my heart, that this is the "end of the line" for this desk, & even of my expensive heirloom, historical jewelry.

It just seems current generational values are wayyyy different, now then they used to be, even when ours seem to coalesce, synergized with our parents, & parent's parents.
I'm not even sure what the generational values are any more, esp comparatively.

Are anything past familial genertions prized at all?

(Yet there are numerous youth in my life, for 1 reason or another. Many seem too young to even know, or express their values, regardless of age)

How about you?
Any of this speak to you, about you, yr situation?

@JoyFilled Warrior I feel your pain, but have no other advice than it is just "stuff." And there comes a time when we need to and have to let go and size down for our own sake.

Stuff has no soul, no feelings, no longings. That is what heart and memories have--and that can't be taken away. Cherish them and move forward with a sense of renewal and anticipation and be open to blessings that come your way.

We have cleaned out five estates. I have learned that I am not a museum, and that what I said above it true!

Move forward and don't worry about the desk! It had a good run! My prayers and hopes for a bright move are with you!

Re: "Letting Go" Sentimentals,Values to generations?

deepwaterdotter — Sat, 15 Apr 2023 19:17:39 GMT

Our nieces and nephew have already told us that they desire nothing material from our estate. We are in the process of sifting through our belongings to rid ourselves of anything that has become of no use to us at this stage of our lives. We will then donate those items to charitable causes, and place the remainder in a dumpster. Should we move to a smaller residence, items of remaining value will be sold at auction.

Very nicely phrased Sooner.

Re: "Letting Go" Sentimentals,Values to generations?

Foxxee — Sat, 15 Apr 2023 19:16:19 GMT

"Been in my late Dad's family for 5 generations, hand made by his German lineage."

Your desk might be worth some money if it's that old.

Look on ebay to see if you can find something similar for the value.

You might try selling it yourself. Do you know of anyone who could help you put it on ebay or etsy?

You also could contact an auction house to see what they say.

Despite our youth being disinterested in these kinds of things, there still are a lot of others who are.

Re: "Letting Go" Sentimentals,Values to generations?

spiderw — Sat, 15 Apr 2023 19:22:34 GMT

I have my mother's antiques, china, figurines, a few side tables, lamps, art work. I also have many collectibles which I bought. The memories of my mother's antiques are more sentimental than the collectibles I have bought. However, I would like to pass these treasures to my great nieces and nephews but they aren't interested. As mentioned, in general the younger generations are minimalists and when the time comes probably will sell rather than keep my antiques and collectibles. In a way I think they are better off not having too much, less to move, less to clean, less clutter. I do have to say I do not regret having the things I have, they still bring me happiness and enjoyment..

Re: "Letting Go" Sentimentals,Values to generations?

Burnsite — Sat, 15 Apr 2023 19:29:36 GMT

Make-Up Maiden, I discovered recently that wooden furniture is now known as "brown" furniture, considered undesirable by those furnishing homes today.They will come back in fashion eventually, but who knows when?

I have a lot of family items---when she died, my mother left the furniture to my sister and me---that my brothers might want, but maybe not their spouses and certainly not their children. I'm pretty sure I could sell online one of her sofas---a graceful French antique that would look very pretty anywhere. As it's upholstered in white, not too much of a "brown" vibe, either. The thing is, I wouldn't give it to my worst enemy--the worst rack of pain a person could sit on! We have all joked about that sofa. She bought it to line all us kids up on it for family pictures, but a real live adult is going to squirm in about 3 seconds. No back support, and it's about 12" of seat room.

I will donate any pieces that are unwanted to a charity, putting the donation in my mother's name. She woudln't mind that. I've already picked the American Heart Assn, as heart disease is the ailment she died of so prematurely.

Re: "Letting Go" Sentimentals,Values to generations?

occasionalrain — Sat, 15 Apr 2023 19:27:56 GMT

Now spending is on experiences, travel, but I believe, in future there will be a return to gracious living.

Re: "Letting Go" Sentimentals,Values to generations?

KBEANS — Sat, 15 Apr 2023 19:32:02 GMT

@JoyFilled Warrior

Good Luck to you on your move. I think what @Sooner said is very poignant and good advice for all of us.

"Stuff has no soul, no feelings, no longings. That is what heart and memories have--and that can't be taken away. Cherish them and move forward with a sense of renewal and anticipation and be open to blessings that come your way."

I am keeping your quote @Sooner because I know I will need to see it again. It will help to reinforce what I know needs to be done. Thank you for this. 😊

Re: "Letting Go" Sentimentals,Values to generations?

RedTop — Sat, 15 Apr 2023 19:33:30 GMT

@JoyFilled Warrior

My answer is that there's an end of the line for everything, regardless of what it is.

From the time I was about 5-ish, my Mamaw would catch me eyeing the pretty glassware in her china cabinet and tell me all that would be mine someday. I was the only granddaughter and was thrilled to look at that cabinet, its fragile contents, and the dining room table that had been my great grandmothers, and know it was going to be all mine someday.

My grandmother lived to be 98; I was close to 50 and by then there was no thrill attached to the majority of what I inherited from her. When we moved her out of her unsafe house into a mobile home, the table and chairs were deemed too far gone to be of use, so they burned with the house. An antiques dealer said the china cabinet had no monetary value whatsoever, so I eventually burned it. Along with her rocking chair and a chest of drawers.

The one piece of glassware in that cabinet worth money ($125) had been broken and glued back together. I shared pieces with my daughters and my only nephew and trashed the rest.

After dealing with a ton of my aunts stuff, my grandmothers stuff, and my MILs stuff, I put my foot down and said my house is not the catch-all/dumping ground for everyone else's special ******. If it's not special to me, it's not in my house!

Re: "Letting Go" Sentimentals,Values to generations?

Imaoldhippie — Sat, 15 Apr 2023 19:35:00 GMT

I have my mothers cedar chest its well over 100 years old. My cedar chest is not old but was made for me by a high school classmate who has since passed. It is sentimental to me but my daughter does not want either of them. I havent had the chance to ask my granddaughter yet, but I am betting she wont want them either.

One reason my daughter does not want my mothers is because she was abusive to me and my brother when we were young.

Re: "Letting Go" Sentimentals,Values to generations?

Desert Lily — Sat, 15 Apr 2023 19:58:18 GMT

@JoyFilled WarriorIt has sometimes saddened me to think that some of the tangible treasures I've kept have little meaning to my child. I have things from my mother, my grandmother, & even a couple items that go further back to Denmark. And there are more valuables to me than those.

Idk what the youth have in mind. My child is a millennial and their significant other has taste similar to mine, even a similar career. But although we share many views, idk if they care about my treasures or the history behind them. My child hasn't asked for anything.

I think those tangibles do hold memories for us. I moved from the West coast to the East coast last year. I went through everything & let go of some things with tears.

Maybe we feel bad when younger generations don't care about our treasures because it makes us feel unimportant; like part of our legacy will disappear.

I admire you for knowing what you need & want now and for moving forward. I wish you a wonderful road ahead.

Re: "Letting Go" Sentimentals,Values to generations?

hckynutjohn — Sat, 15 Apr 2023 19:40:05 GMT

@JoyFilled Warrior

Some of what you wrote "speaks to me", but nothing when it comes to material things. When my mother died in 1969, my 3 older sisters chose what they wanted to keep of everything my mother kept.

Some was from her mother, other things that my sisters valued. I had no interest in keeping things, they had no value or meaning to me.

Only 1 of my 3 older sisters is still alive. Where the things my other 2 sisters chose back in 1969 are now? I have no idea, maybe my surviving sister does, I have never asked.

As for the difference in generations! Each couple decades the younger generations, to me, seem to be moving further away from having or seeing sentimental value, in things.

Since we have no human kids, anything of value or memorable about me or my family history! It doesn't exist in any of my possessions.

I understand what you are saying about your position, or situation. Fortunately a similar position for me was over almost 55 years ago.

hckynut 🇺🇸

Re: "Letting Go" Sentimentals,Values to generations?

drizzellla — Sat, 15 Apr 2023 19:52:51 GMT

@JoyFilled Warrior Do you know what the layout of the Assisted Living apartment is?

I know the Assisted Living apartment where my Mother lived could easily handle a Roll Top Desk. I think having the desk move on with you would make you smile, just by looking at it. You want to bring something from your life. It is a large piece of furniture but you will still need a desk to handle paperwork while you are in Assisted Living.

It seems such a shame that you wouldn't have any of your own furniture in the apartment.

But that is me. I wanted to keep SO MANY things from my parent's house. I still have tubs and tubs of stuff, I can't seem to part with. Plus my own stuff. I know my son has zero interest in any of it. It means alot to me and nothing to him.

I see what is put out for trash every trash day. And think if I was just starting out, I could easily furnish a place for next to nothing. When my neighbor died all her furniture was put out for trash. Many things were in pristine condition. And baby stuff. I see car seats, bassinets, riding toys, baby furniture, strollers, high chairs, you name it. All at the curb. You hope someone will take it. But it is still there for the trashmen.

It has gotten to the point that the local Thrift Store isn't accepting donations. And even Goodwill has signs saying they are not accepting donations.

As I look around my dining room, I think how sad. What a waste. This furniture, china and crystal will probably end up in the trash. my son will never have big family dinners for all the holidays.

Re: "Letting Go" Sentimentals,Values to generations?

Pink123 — Sat, 15 Apr 2023 19:57:10 GMT

@JoyFilled Warrior I understand your attachment and memories to your beloved belongings.

Last year I had to make a big decision. I was widowed at 46 after a 23 year marriage. I had 2 long term relationships after that.

I unexpectedly got really sick in june of 2021 and it continued on until march of 2022.

I lived in the condo my late husband and I shared for over 20 years with on and off relationships. I came to a crossroads beginning 2022. I had been dating-semi living together for 4 years with a gentleman. After I got well I had to make the decision for my future and so I sold my nice condominium on the water. I left my pretty furnishings with some very nice pieces that had sentiment to me.

However, all I took was my fine crytal like lalique, baccarat, etc and some vases along with my clothing. I moved in with him.

Was it hard to let go and walk away? Yes and no. I have a feeling of freedom now. The big purge was done as difficult and hard that it was.

It is now over a year later and I am ok with all of it. I take it all "one day at a time". I do feel free I must say.

Good luck on whatever you decide. There are many good decisions from posters here for you to think about.

My saying is "let go and let God".

Re: "Letting Go" Sentimentals,Values to generations?

Carmie — Sat, 15 Apr 2023 20:08:15 GMT

You might want to write a letter to the new future owner of the desk telling where it came from and how much it meant to you. Put it in an envelope and tape it to the bottom drawer.

My younger sister bought a used secretary desk years ago.....she found such a letter. It made her appreciate the desk even more. Just because you can no longer keep wonderful items with many memories attached doesn't mean more memories can't be made by future generations.

Your desk has a life and it isn't over yet.

Re: "Letting Go" Sentimentals,Values to generations?

Snowpuppy — Sat, 15 Apr 2023 20:10:37 GMT

So a few days ago the OP posted in Beauty she had 2 days to pack up and move to assisted living.

She had ordered her PODS container and hired her movers. Why oder PODS if you're not returning?

Now she hasn't moved? The endless drama continues.

Re: "Letting Go" Sentimentals,Values to generations?

Pink123 — Sat, 15 Apr 2023 20:23:02 GMT

I don't know much about assisted living @Snowpuppy but I thought you get a room and can bring your furniture with you.

Not a lot as it's basically one large room. I saw this in movies about seniors bring their personal effects with them.

Re: "Letting Go" Sentimentals,Values to generations?

kate2357 — Sat, 15 Apr 2023 20:29:51 GMT

@Carmie wrote:
You might want to write a letter to the new future owner of the desk telling where it came from and how much it meant to you. Put it in an envelope and tape it to the bottom drawer.

My younger sister bought a used secretary desk years ago.....she found such a letter. It made her appreciate the desk even more. Just because you can no longer keep wonderful items with many memories attached doesn't mean more memories can't be made by future generations.

Your desk has a life and it isn't over yet.

@Carmie

What a wonderful idea. I know if I bought a pc of furniture that was old, I would be thrilled to find such a letter. It makes me want to do that w the furniture my husband's family have passed down.