topic Re: I Am A Fraud in Community Chat

I Am A Fraud

Jordan2 — Tue, 04 Apr 2023 12:33:20 GMT

I go to work everyday, I say hello to everyone, socialize, I am polite and think people have a favorable opinion of me. This is an act on my part, I put this "mask" on for the outside world, I am so not this person. I'm not good in large groups ( maybe I have social anxiety) but force myself to try and fit in. While I like people I would describe myself as a loner. I don't have this outgoing personality, but you would never know, I hide it well. I am a people pleaser, I guess if I showed people who I really am I think they wouldn't like me.

Re: I Am A Fraud

On It — Tue, 04 Apr 2023 12:45:38 GMT

@Jordan2 You are describing many of the attributes of an introvert. We can function in crowds, but they drain our energy. Being around people is not enjoyable, but an introvert can fake it. Being in a quiet place alone is where an introvert recharges and functions best.

Unfortunately today's workplace is designed for extroverts. They are energized by being with others and working in office settings. They enjoy being with others and seek out opportunities for group activities.

You are not a fraud. You are doing what you have to do to succeed in today's workplace.

Re: I Am A Fraud

catter70 — Tue, 04 Apr 2023 12:59:47 GMT

I'm with you. Would just rather be home. Not a socializer, if I can help it, but can play the game, if I have to. I feel your pain.

Re: I Am A Fraud

Carmie — Tue, 04 Apr 2023 13:00:36 GMT

@Jordan2 You sound very normal to me. I do well in crowds, but prefer my own company. My childhood friends still tease me for wanting to stay inside and read when they came to the door for me to go out with them.

If I go out, I like a small group of friends, not crowds. For this reason, I hate office parties, wedding receptions, banquets, etc.

I don't think I am a fraud, I am just good at fitting in if I need to....the same as you. We have good mental stability. I don't think we're alone. Many people are the same way.

Re: I Am A Fraud

Shanus — Tue, 04 Apr 2023 13:05:47 GMT

@Jordan2 So not true. I think many, myself included, have two "faces". I need to be "on" most of the time for clients, weddings, DH's dinners, etc. Even my few close friends (only 3) thought I was outgoing, but have seen the quiet introspective side.

There's nothing wrong with enjoying your own company and that's not being a loner IMO.

Re: I Am A Fraud

hckynutjohn — Tue, 04 Apr 2023 13:08:27 GMT

@Jordan2 wrote:
I go to work everyday, I say hello to everyone, socialize, I am polite and think people have a favorable opinion of me. This is an act on my part, I put this "mask" on for the outside world, I am so not this person. I'm not good in large groups ( maybe I have social anxiety) but force myself to try and fit in. While I like people I would describe myself as a loner. I don't have this outgoing personality, but you would never know, I hide it well. I am a people pleaser, I guess if I showed people who I really am I think they wouldn't like me.

@Jordan2

Doesn't fit my definition of a fraud. Said many times here, and other social media sites. I am who I am, no pretenses. Even my mother could not believe what I chose to do when I was a freshman in high school.

Won't go into the story, but she told me "just sign the paper from the teacher"! I said "I am not going sign a paper saying I won't do something again, when I did not do it, period". I paid a price for sure given by that teacher.

Been upfront with everyone regardless of status in the workplace, or life in general. I tell it like I see it, and that's who I am, and intend on being the few years I have left.

hckynut 🇺🇸

Re: I Am A Fraud

Thats Me — Tue, 04 Apr 2023 13:11:05 GMT

@Jordan2 @I was thinking about your post and then just now read @On It @'s reply.

I was thinking that at least some of what you wrote are things I feel too, and I've known I'm a major introvert for a long time. The pandemic made it more so and now I describe myself as a hermit!

I think On It is right that the workplace is designed for extroverts. When I worked I too would enter, say hi to everyone, always be polite. I was well liked too. And then when I got home at the end of the day I would be so happy to finally be by myself.

You're not a fraud! Exactly as On It says, you're doing what you need to do to make it in an extroverted workplace environment.

Im still thinking about your last comment that people wouldn't like you if they really knew you. I think THAT sentiment is something that many of us relate to but we just wouldn't express it. It would stay in our private thoughts.

Accept yourself and love who you are!

Re: I Am A Fraud

We rescue cats — Tue, 04 Apr 2023 13:17:45 GMT

@Jordan2 you are not a fraud, you are normal in my eyes. I have worked with the public for 99% of my career, that took its toll, it's tough work. When the opportunity to move my business home arose I took it and when my present employer asked me to work for him from home, I jumped on it. It did turn me into a home body, I learned that I love being in a less social position daily. Sort of like that Eleanor Rigby lyric, "wearing a face she keeps in a jar by the door". I enjoy small groups, dinner with friends, and if I need to attend a large event I want to be with people that I know and enjoy. I'm empathic and as I have aged it has become stronger than ever, when in a larger group it becomes confusing and 'noisy' in my mind, there are too many feelings and thoughts bombarding me.

As to you thought of being a fraud, I do not think you are a fraud. I think you are being honest, especially with yourself-and that is what is most important.

Re: I Am A Fraud

mimomof4 — Tue, 04 Apr 2023 13:22:21 GMT

You sound exactly like me. You are NOT a fraud. Society has put undue requirements on all of us to feel a certain way. A fraud would be going to work everyday and NOT doing your job.

In all honesty you don't know what is going on in others. Others at work may feel exactly like you.

Re: I Am A Fraud

hckynutjohn — Tue, 04 Apr 2023 13:28:29 GMT

@Thats Me wrote:
@Jordan2 @I was thinking about your post and then just now read @On It @'s reply.

I was thinking that at least some of what you wrote are things I feel too, and I've known I'm a major introvert for a long time. The pandemic made it more so and now I describe myself as a hermit!

I think On It is right that the workplace is designed for extroverts. When I worked I too would enter, say hi to everyone, always be polite. I was well liked too. And then when I got home at the end of the day I would be so happy to finally be by myself.

You're not a fraud! Exactly as On It says, you're doing what you need to do to make it in an extroverted workplace environment.

*****************************************************
Im still thinking about your last comment that people wouldn't like you if they really knew you. I think THAT sentiment is something that many of us relate to but we just wouldn't express it. It would stay in our private thoughts.
Accept yourself and love who you are!

@Thats Me

What you stated about "people wouldn't like you if they really knew you". I have never cared if "people liked me". Unless a person is close to me in my life why would I give a rat's behind if they liked me?

I didn't and I don't. Might have turned out better for me during my 33 years with a big company, but! I did my jobs well and if my bosses told me to do some things that weren't in my Job Description? That's exactly what I told them, right after saying "Nope"! Did I care if they liked me?

Could write a book about my many similar life experiences, will leave it at this. I am the real me, like me, don't like me, your choice not mine.

hckynut 🇺🇸

Re: I Am A Fraud

walker — Tue, 04 Apr 2023 13:39:08 GMT

@Jordan2 ..... you have received good responses here...and you are not a fraud....but, a good person who can adapt well to different situations. You prefer quiet, private life...nothing wrong with that. As I get older I find I enjoy being home more or in small groups....with close friends. I have always been more of an introvert but can be outgoing when in different situations too. It seems when we are younger we may all be in the "fraud" category sometimes as we try to fit in, make friends, etc. Then you grow up and realize what is important in life....as said by @Thats Me ...."Accept Yourself and Love Who You Are!" 👍

We all get down on ourselves sometimes....but, if you stop to think about what is important in life....you will realize you are ok as you are! Me, Myself and I get along well! 😊

Re: I Am A Fraud

QVCkitty1 — Tue, 04 Apr 2023 13:34:18 GMT

My job required constant communication and as an introvert I had to adjust. It was difficult , but you do what you have to do. After awhile I'm sure most wouldn't have guessed how hard it was for me. I tried to have lunch alone , which gave me a chance to recharge.

Re: I Am A Fraud

jubilant — Tue, 04 Apr 2023 13:41:30 GMT

If you are a "people pleaser" that is probably the reason you have problems being around others. Being a people pleaser is exhausting so it makes sense, the more people you are around and trying to please, the more people there are to please. One can lose themselves this way. They lose the person they were meant to be.

If this has been going on for years and if you really want to know who you are and gain back your self esteem, I highly recommend finding a good counselor to help you do that.

I think the first book I ever read on this subject was...When Pleasing You Is Killing Me. That was many years ago, but I'm pretty sure it is still in print.

I had this problem as a young woman in my 20's and early 30's. I started with books like the above mentioned and it opened my eyes up to a lot of things. I also believe that my faith helped get me through those days and knowing how much God loves us despite everything.

Re: I Am A Fraud

judy0330 — Tue, 04 Apr 2023 13:55:42 GMT

I have a friend who went to EVERY singles activity she could find. One group met every Friday night. She kept saying to me that I would never meet anyone sitting in my house. I finally agreed to go with her one Friday. Talk about painful. It was horrible. As it ended up -- I met my husband at work! 😂

Re: I Am A Fraud

Kitlynn — Tue, 04 Apr 2023 14:10:19 GMT

You are not a fraud. Most people have a different persona at work than they do in their private lives. This is not a really good example howeverI am not a morning person at all. I worked in an office for thirty years going in at 6:30 A.M. for people on the East coast that I dealt with. Everyone always commented on how nice I was on the phone etc. so early in the morning. Now, it was all mechanical as I don't like mornings!! LOL I am an avid reader and I do enjoy being with friends off and on but only when I am in the mood. I am not an introvert at all it is the exact opposite but I still like my personal time and not dealing with people also. You can be nice and interact with others even if it isn't your favorite thing to do without thinking you are a fraud.

Re: I Am A Fraud

qualitygal — Tue, 04 Apr 2023 14:24:53 GMT

You know you. You may be a loner. Many people are. Doesn't make you a Fraud. You can ONLY be YOU. Not to worry.

Re: I Am A Fraud

GoneButNotForgotten — Tue, 04 Apr 2023 15:53:46 GMT

to the OP: sounds like therrapy would do you good. Good luck.

Re: I Am A Fraud

zitawins — Tue, 04 Apr 2023 17:35:43 GMT

@Jordan2 Hey, my friend! I know you've received a lot of replies, but I'll say it again: You are NOT a fraud. A lot of us introverts operate the same way; it's not being fake, it's just a way to get along in the world. I hate big doings and crowds and noise, and my family kinows that's the way I am. I make no apologies for it.

Some of my children are extroverts who thrive on connections and other people. Me, I like my own company. I have no problem being alone. Neither approach is wrong. Be true to yourself and say NO occasionally to invitations that don't appeal to you.

Cheers!

Re: I Am A Fraud

Chessa35 — Tue, 04 Apr 2023 17:51:57 GMT

I sometimes wish Extroverts were Introverts!
Some of them only talk about themselves, which is boring !

Re: I Am A Fraud

Lucky Charm — Tue, 04 Apr 2023 18:29:38 GMT

I wonder if it is easier for you to post on a public forum because it's conversation, but not physical?

I guess what I'm asking is, is it easier to not be with people in person when you're an introvert?

I don't mind my own company, but I like to enjoy the company of others, too, very much.

It does have to do with the company I keep. I can be in groups that I do find draining (most of my in-laws come to mind). In those instances, I want out the door.

I like to be social, I like to socialize. But, I don't think that's saying that I'm an extrovert.

I have no problem talking with strangers, yet if I'm in a situation where I'm in a room with strangers like at a work function (husband's), it kind of drains me to keep an interesting conversation going.

There is an *art* to that, but if you are talking to a wall, it's uncomfortable, draining.