topic How Do You Handle a Friend Who Constantly Interrupts? in Community Chat

How Do You Handle a Friend Who Constantly Interrupts?

JeanLouiseFinch — Mon, 20 Feb 2023 21:34:07 GMT

A group of us "girls" get together for a long brunch every couple of months. These are really special times because we've known one another for over 50 yrs. and we all realize we aren't getting any younger. One friend in particular was in a terrible marriage, eventually divorced, and has been alone since. She repeatedly discusses her loneliness and all that entails. I've been married to my high school boyfriend all this time so I can't really relate. I don't have a clue how I would cope if he died first, and I pray I never have to find out. Anyway, this same friend is a terrible interrupter. Someone will begin a conversation or attempt to answer a question and none of us can finish a story or complete a thought without being interrupted over and over. Sometimes I feel ready to snap at her, and i don't want to do that. She really is a kind person, but seriously insecure. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I'm at a loss. Any suggestions?

Re: How Do You Handle a Friend Who Constantly Interrupts?

Trinity11 — Mon, 20 Feb 2023 22:25:56 GMT

@JeanLouiseFinch wrote:
A group of us "girls" get together for a long brunch every couple of months. These are really special times because we've known one another for over 50 yrs. and we all realize we aren't getting any younger. One friend in particular was in a terrible marriage, eventually divorced, and has been alone since. She repeatedly discusses her loneliness and all that entails. I've been married to my high school boyfriend all this time so I can't really relate. I don't have a clue how I would cope if he died first, and I pray I never have to find out. Anyway, this same friend is a terrible interrupter. Someone will begin a conversation or attempt to answer a question and none of us can finish a story or complete a thought without being interrupted over and over. Sometimes I feel ready to snap at her, and i don't want to do that. She really is a kind person, but seriously insecure. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I'm at a loss. Any suggestions?

People that do that are often just nervous. Maybe she needs some reassurance that she is being "heard." If you have been friends for over 50 years, maybe she needs a one on one conversation so you can better decipher why she is monopolizing the conversation @JeanLouiseFinch .

Re: How Do You Handle a Friend Who Constantly Interrupts?

Kachina624 — Mon, 20 Feb 2023 21:41:14 GMT

@JeanLouiseFinch I'd interrupt her and point out that she interrupted you and continue with what you were saying. If the rest of the group would also do this consistently, I'm sure shed get the message.

She lacks impulse control and can't patiently wait for someone else to finish speaking.

Re: How Do You Handle a Friend Who Constantly Interrupts?

colleena — Mon, 20 Feb 2023 21:43:47 GMT

@JeanLouiseFinch I'm not sure so just putting this out there but I'm wondering if she's having hearing issues so doesn't realize that she is interrupting when someone else is speaking?

Re: How Do You Handle a Friend Who Constantly Interrupts?

JeanLouiseFinch — Mon, 20 Feb 2023 21:49:48 GMT

@colleena wrote:
@JeanLouiseFinch I'm not sure so just putting this out there but I'm wondering if she's having hearing issues so doesn't realize that she is interrupting when someone else is speaking?

@colleena As someone with significant hearing loss, I've considered this. The way she interrupts most of the time is to anticipate where you're going and she tries to finish your thought or interject her own prematurely. I lean more to the lack of impulse control. AKA manners. 🤷‍♀️

Re: How Do You Handle a Friend Who Constantly Interrupts?

AuntG — Mon, 20 Feb 2023 21:54:40 GMT

Don't I know? I'm pretty kind so I listen, listen and listen some more. Even her husband tells her to take a breath, but then she gets mad. I think for all her bravado, she is terribly insecure so I just listen. Even worse than her stories is her desire to prove herself right, even whe she's wrong. As far as the OP's predicament, maybe talk to the other ladies privately and see if they'd want you to speak up.

Re: How Do You Handle a Friend Who Constantly Interrupts?

Sammycat1 — Mon, 20 Feb 2023 21:59:08 GMT

Depending on her age, it may be that she feels she has to do so in order not to forget the point she's trying to make. A common problem in getting older for many. This happened to my father when he hit his late 70s.

Re: How Do You Handle a Friend Who Constantly Interrupts?

Regal Bee — Mon, 20 Feb 2023 22:16:36 GMT

@JeanLouiseFinch Look at your friend with a big smile and say..."Let me finish what I was saying."

She probably doesn't realize she is doing this and your statement will help her to understand.

Re: How Do You Handle a Friend Who Constantly Interrupts?

Major Shopper — Mon, 20 Feb 2023 22:26:04 GMT

@JeanLouiseFinch First, congratulations on a 50 year friendship!

Many of the suggestions for interruption mentioned here are valid possibilities.

Has this particular friend always had issues with interrupting? It may be just the way she is, and after 50 years of friendship, you may want think of it as endearing.

I was just at a neighborhood breakfast this morning with someone who not only does this, but derails the conversation! My sister said to her, "I need you to get off of this hamster wheel you are continually on!"

That stopped her dead in her tracks!

Re: How Do You Handle a Friend Who Constantly Interrupts?

JeanLouiseFinch — Mon, 20 Feb 2023 22:28:43 GMT

@Major Shopper wrote:
@JeanLouiseFinch First, congratulations on a 50 year friendship!

Many of the suggestions for interruption mentioned here are valid possibilities.
Has this particular friend always had issues with interrupting? It may be just the way she is, and after 50 years of friendship, you may want think of it as endearing.

I was just at a neighborhood breakfast this morning with someone who not only does this, but derails the conversation! My sister said to her, "I need you to get off of this hamster wheel you are continually on!"

That stopped her dead in her tracks!

😆

Thank you, @Major Shopper. And yes, she's always been a chatterbox and would butt in.

Re: How Do You Handle a Friend Who Constantly Interrupts?

ThinkingOutLoud — Mon, 20 Feb 2023 22:32:10 GMT

@JeanLouiseFinch wrote:
A group of us "girls" get together for a long brunch every couple of months. These are really special times because we've known one another for over 50 yrs. and we all realize we aren't getting any younger. One friend in particular was in a terrible marriage, eventually divorced, and has been alone since. She repeatedly discusses her loneliness and all that entails. I've been married to my high school boyfriend all this time so I can't really relate. I don't have a clue how I would cope if he died first, and I pray I never have to find out. Anyway, this same friend is a terrible interrupter. Someone will begin a conversation or attempt to answer a question and none of us can finish a story or complete a thought without being interrupted over and over. Sometimes I feel ready to snap at her, and i don't want to do that. She really is a kind person, but seriously insecure. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I'm at a loss. Any suggestions?

Haven't read the replies but my first thoughts:

- call her a couple days beforehand just to let her get it all out

- let her do the talking at the beginning of brunch so her need to be heard is taken care of so she (hopefully) won't interrupt later

- compliment her on the positive ways she's handling her aloneness so she starts to see it differently

Re: How Do You Handle a Friend Who Constantly Interrupts?

GenXmuse — Mon, 20 Feb 2023 22:39:42 GMT

I've told interrupters "Let me finish this thought real quick otherwise I'll forget what I wanted to say," to just put it on myself and not an outright rebuke.

Re: How Do You Handle a Friend Who Constantly Interrupts?

spumoni99 — Mon, 20 Feb 2023 22:39:54 GMT

My husband does this to me a lot! He finishes my thought because after 41 years he knows what I am going to say I guess but I want to say it! I will say "so like I was saying!"

Re: How Do You Handle a Friend Who Constantly Interrupts?

spiderw — Mon, 20 Feb 2023 22:42:05 GMT

I am blessed to still have girlfriends I have known for 67 years, we met at grammar school. We meet for lunch and keep in touch through e-mails and phone calls. Sadly our one friend has alzheimer's and doesn't communicate but is always smiling and seems very comfortable with us. We are listeners and try not to interrupt each other. If we do, we say excuse me but......We have such fun and much laughter going on, most of our conversations are up beat. But whether happy or sad we always listen to what each one of us is saying. We were all taught not to be rude and I guess we continue that childhood lesson.

Re: How Do You Handle a Friend Who Constantly Interrupts?

Sooner — Mon, 20 Feb 2023 22:46:24 GMT

@JeanLouiseFinch

In a situation like that, why not ask the group what they find annoying about YOU and what they would like you to change.

See how that goes first. See how you feel and what you would like to have been said and how.

Re: How Do You Handle a Friend Who Constantly Interrupts?

JeanLouiseFinch — Mon, 20 Feb 2023 22:50:18 GMT

@Sooner wrote:
@JeanLouiseFinch

In a situation like that, why not ask the group what they find annoying about YOU and what they would like you to change.

See how that goes first. See how you feel and what you would like to have been said and how.

@Sooner We actually did that once when we were teenagers. It turned into a big bashing session and everyone ended up with hurt feelings. I wonder if we'd be better at it now? 🤷‍♀️

Re: How Do You Handle a Friend Who Constantly Interrupts?

Sooner — Mon, 20 Feb 2023 22:52:03 GMT

@JeanLouiseFinch wrote:
@Sooner wrote:
@JeanLouiseFinch

In a situation like that, why not ask the group what they find annoying about YOU and what they would like you to change.

See how that goes first. See how you feel and what you would like to have been said and how.
@Sooner We actually did that once when we were teenagers. It turned into a big bashing session and everyone ended up with hurt feelings. I wonder if we'd be better at it now? 🤷‍♀️

@JeanLouiseFinch Better at bashing? Well, that's a possibility.

Re: How Do You Handle a Friend Who Constantly Interrupts?

JeanLouiseFinch — Mon, 20 Feb 2023 22:52:32 GMT

@Sooner wrote:
@JeanLouiseFinch wrote:
@Sooner wrote:
@JeanLouiseFinch

In a situation like that, why not ask the group what they find annoying about YOU and what they would like you to change.

See how that goes first. See how you feel and what you would like to have been said and how.
@Sooner We actually did that once when we were teenagers. It turned into a big bashing session and everyone ended up with hurt feelings. I wonder if we'd be better at it now? 🤷‍♀️
@JeanLouiseFinch Better at bashing? Well, that's a possibility.

😆😆😆😆😆😆

Re: How Do You Handle a Friend Who Constantly Interrupts?

Effie54 — Mon, 20 Feb 2023 22:58:00 GMT

I heard Dr. Laura's radio program last week while driving and a caller had a similar situation. Dr. Laura was pretty adamant about the fact that some people are clueless, selfish, and just don't know how to be a friend. She may be very nice, but it is difficult to be around a chronic complainer who monopolize the conversation. Dr. Laura's advice was to pretty much eliminate her from the group. Emotional victims always make the conversations about them. It's exhausting to be around, especially when you ladies are trying to enjoy lunch. You can call her out on her interrupting, but I doubt it will stop her. People like that have been talk-aholics their entire life.

Re: How Do You Handle a Friend Who Constantly Interrupts?

paixmcdao — Mon, 20 Feb 2023 22:58:40 GMT

Having difficulty with conversations can be a symptom of ADHD. People of any age can have it, diagnosed or not. It could also be that she is lonely, and does not have regular conversations with others, and perhaps is unable to self-moderate.