topic Re: Sad Couple of Days in Community Chat

Sad Couple of Days

Jordan2 — Sat, 28 Jan 2023 02:07:43 GMT

Today would have been my mother's 95th birthday, January 31 will be 3 years since she passed. I don't cry everyday and can speak of her without crying, but I feel like I'm only treading water keeping afloat and should be further along in my grief. They say time heals all wounds, in the short term it's true, but in the long run the hole in your heart can never be filled you carry it with you. So I will think of my mother today, I may even shed a tear or two. Happy Birthday mom, I miss you.

Re: Sad Couple of Days

THETOT — Thu, 26 Jan 2023 12:41:24 GMT

@Jordan2 I know your heart is broken and I wish there was something I could say to make the pain go away. I lost my mom last year and every day is challenge for me, every day. I'm sorry.

Re: Sad Couple of Days

Carolina925 — Thu, 26 Jan 2023 12:46:47 GMT

@Jordan2 , sending happy thoughts to you on this day. Grief is highly personal and I think you should give yourself time to heal in your own way on your own terms. My mother lived to be only 73, my age later this year, and passed in 1996. I still have days where I miss her so much that I can feel physical pain. They never teach us to live without them, how blessed you were to have had her for so long.

Re: Sad Couple of Days

goldensrbest — Thu, 26 Jan 2023 12:52:40 GMT

Of course you miss her, but she had a long life ,many do not.

Re: Sad Couple of Days

amyb — Thu, 26 Jan 2023 12:55:58 GMT

@Jordan2 Sending a heartfelt, virtual hug.

Everything the others have said is how I feel too. Lost my mom in 2020, and it was due to the virus, and so all that went along with not being able to be there. She was a vibrant, 91, a few mos. from 92. I too feel so blessed I had her as long as I did. I think the whole Covid thing just came out of left field and was devastating in a totally unexpected way. But even at 90 something...we'll never be ready to lose our parents....and a mom...no one replaces her.

We were extremely close, I'm an only child; she was my mom, best friend, like a sister too. It rocked my world and the world is still off kilter to me, and likely always will be...you learn to live with that new normal. Don't be hard on yourself. As someone else said here...I hear so many people say, decades later, "I miss my mom everyday."

I think an ornament I bought that year says it well..."a piece of my heart lives in heaven." As you say...it's a hole in your heart still.

So my heart goes out to you today. I tend to "celebrate" my mom in some ways she loved on her birthday, or go to a restaurant we used to go to; sometimes we celebrate her that way. I bring her flowers etc. You do you...but just sending thoughts to you. ❤️

Re: Sad Couple of Days

MyShadowLove — Thu, 26 Jan 2023 12:56:28 GMT

@Jordan2 ...

A quote from a lovely small grief therapy book that I came across several years ago...

"There may always be a small place within your heart that remains hollow...Value it...A quiet abiding emptiness can be God's way of sustaining your connection to your loved one."

Use it as a sacred place where you can visit with and have conversations with your Dear Mom and pour out your feelings...and live your life in her memory.

(((((Hugs)))))

Re: Sad Couple of Days

catter70 — Thu, 26 Jan 2023 13:03:42 GMT

This year it will be 29 years that my dad passed and 9 years that my mom passed. Miss them both every day and still cry on occassion. Just writing this I am tearing up. I'm sorry you're still struggling, but remember she'll always be in your thoughts and your heart until you meet again.

Re: Sad Couple of Days

PhilaLady1 — Thu, 26 Jan 2023 18:17:09 GMT

I am sorry that you are feeling sad. Many of us can empathize. I believe that our parents are with us inside our hearts and in the way that we strive to conduct our lives. Personally, the older I get, the more I feel closer to my mom and dad, who both have been gone for a long time. My brother tells me he feels the same way. I guess, in a way, we are indeed closer to "seeing" our parents as we age.

Re: Sad Couple of Days

We rescue cats — Thu, 26 Jan 2023 13:05:21 GMT

I am so very sorry, I extend my deepest condolences on the loss of your mother. Losing a parent is one of the biggest losses that can be suffered by anyone. I hope you are granted peace.

Re: Sad Couple of Days

OKPrincess — Thu, 26 Jan 2023 13:09:05 GMT

Thinking of you today @Jordan2 and others who will continue to grieve the loss of our mothers no matter of how many years. It's been since 2009 for me.

Re: Sad Couple of Days

amyb — Thu, 26 Jan 2023 13:12:17 GMT

@MyShadowLove wrote:

@Jordan2 ...

A quote from a lovely small grief therapy book that I came across several years ago...

"There may always be a small place within your heart that remains hollow...Value it...A quiet abiding emptiness can be God's way of sustaining your connection to your loved one."

Use it as a sacred place where you can visit with and have conversations with your Dear Mom and pour out your feelings...and live your life in her memory.

(((((Hugs)))))

@MyShadowLove That's beautiful...I love that. Thanks for sharing.

Re: Sad Couple of Days

CalminHeart — Thu, 26 Jan 2023 13:12:59 GMT

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Mom died 5 years ago Thanksgiving. I talk to her all the time. Words can't describe how much I miss her.

My son is a MSW+ therapist who is also certified in EMDR and recommended I go to to a therapist certified in it.

EMDR changed my life! It was occasionally uncomfortable but I'm so glad I did it. I learned so many tools and still use them when stressed and worried.

Get some counseling from an EMDR therapist. You won't be sorry.

Re: Sad Couple of Days

SeaMaiden — Thu, 26 Jan 2023 13:13:34 GMT

@Jordan2 wrote:
Today would have been my mother's 95th birthday, January 31 will be 4 years since she passed. I don't cry everyday and can speak of her without crying, but I feel like I'm only treading water keeping afloat and should be further along in my grief. They say time heals all wounds, in the short term it's true, but in the long run the hole in your heart can never be filled you carry it with you. So I will think of my mother today, I may even shed a tear or two. Happy Birthday mom, I miss you.

@Jordan2 You had a beautiful relationship with your Mother. I missed out on that.

Know that you were so fortunate to have such a loving relationship and rejoice in that.

Try not to call your sweet Mum's passing a wound or a hole in your heart...Rather think of her caring, her kindness and know where she is now where there is great joy, abundant life and peaceful rest.

And know someday you will be United again.

A shift in your preceptions is all...serenity of mind body, spirt❤️

Re: Sad Couple of Days

San Antonio Gal — Thu, 26 Jan 2023 13:14:06 GMT

So sorry for your loss @Jordan2. I loss my mom in 2005 and I still dream about her to this day. Take care today.

Re: Sad Couple of Days

Jordan2 — Thu, 26 Jan 2023 13:20:47 GMT

Thanks so much to everyone here, I can always count on you to offer advice and some kind words. I know how blessed I was to have had such a wonderful mother.

Re: Sad Couple of Days

jubilant — Thu, 26 Jan 2023 13:27:56 GMT

@Jordan2 I said a prayer for you today. I lost my mom a year ago at Christmas time. She was 92. I'm trying to concentrate on the fact that she lived a lovely long life. While I do cry for what I and my siblings have lost and miss, I believe she is in a better place now...with Dad...and happy and that seems to help me.

Re: Sad Couple of Days

vermint — Thu, 26 Jan 2023 13:33:37 GMT

@Jordan2 My mom died 14 years ago, at 76, and for the first several years the hardest days for me were her birthday, and mine. We always talked on the phone on those days, even though the "official" celebration usually waited for the weekend. For her birthday, she always wanted to go out for Mexican food, on my birthday she always cooked my favorite fried chicken. Even when the grief had eased somewhat, it was years before I stopped thinking "I need to call Mama today", on her birthday--or waiting for the phone to ring on mine.

I'm sorry you're sad today, just know that a lot of us have been where you are...and it does get better over time. Slowly, sure, but it does!

Re: Sad Couple of Days

Another new name Sue — Thu, 26 Jan 2023 13:37:26 GMT

Sometimes we don't want to let go of grief because it's the last connection we have with a departed loved one. Accept your grief, keep the good memories close at heart and carry on. I understand, I am still grieving a loss two years ago.

Re: Sad Couple of Days

Greeneyedlady21 — Thu, 26 Jan 2023 13:42:10 GMT

Grief takes its own individual path, you have to allow yourself that. I do my best to live in the spirit of who my Mom was, it's the highest compliment when people tell me I am like her. She told me I was the best daughter any Mom could ever ask for, I bet your Mom felt that way about you too.

Ask her for help, I ask my Mom

Re: Sad Couple of Days

gidgetgh — Thu, 26 Jan 2023 14:06:51 GMT

@Jordan2 - I agree with this statement made by Rose Kennedy, regarding grief. I refer to it often.

There is no time timetable and you never get over grief, in my opinion. You just get through it.

I still grieve for my grandparents who died in the 60's and 80's.

I grieve (and still cry sometimes) for my mom and dad who died in 2011 and 2016.

I very much still grieve for my husband who died 2 1/2 years ago.

Just be gentle with yourself. Again, for me, it's a lifelong process. It gets easier to handle with time, but it's not like taking an aspirin for a headache and the headache goes away. Doesn't work that way.